RE: Spotting a sub

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ExSteelAgain -> RE: Spotting a sub (5/11/2007 11:54:14 AM)
Outside of the bedroom, I think it is impossible to tell a submissive. Too many intelligent women who are in high powered positions of leadership that they handle skillfully are submissive in private. Ya never know.

SimplyMichael -> RE: Spotting a sub (5/11/2007 11:54:47 AM)
Raven, Same shock here! quote: We don't often find ourselves on the same side of many discussions Focus... but you nailed that one![:D]

aurora31 -> RE: Spotting a sub (5/11/2007 12:21:25 PM)
Here is another take too...perhaps she totally enjoyed it but was shocked or even horrified by the fact. I know the first time I got spanked I loved it beyond belief yet I was totally horrified by the fact and came very close to ending that relationship because of it. This was many yrs ago and among my first consensual sexual experiences. It took me another ten plus yrs to totally accept that I was submissive and to be totally okay with kinky sex, to not feel guilty and wrong for being that way. aurora

DomMeinCT -> RE: Spotting a sub (5/11/2007 12:25:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain Outside of the bedroom, I think it is impossible to tell a submissive. Too many intelligent women who are in high powered positions of leadership that they handle skillfully are submissive in private. Ya never know. I agree completely.

AquaticSub -> RE: Spotting a sub (5/11/2007 12:34:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain Outside of the bedroom, I think it is impossible to tell a submissive. Too many intelligent women who are in high powered positions of leadership that they handle skillfully are submissive in private. Ya never know. Definately! And I've met a lot of quiet, better listeners then talkers kinda folk who were quite happy taking control in private. You simply never know.

Archer -> RE: Spotting a sub (5/11/2007 12:58:06 PM)
Much less risky thing to determine if the girl/ guy you are getting to know is submissive. Make a series of requests and watch the reactions you get. Examples look at them accross the table, tell them "Come here" with a waggle of the finger gesture. Watch the way they do or do not comply with the direction. "I would like you to (insert a pose or display that you like to see) for me." Evaluate response The way you tell a submissive is by how eager they are to comply with requests/ directions. (Note make sure the requests are on level with how well you know each other)

gentlethistle -> RE: Spotting a sub (5/11/2007 1:10:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RavenMuse Once I found the scene again I didn't bother looking in vanilla environs.... you don't go duck hunting in a hen house, you stand a better chance down the duck pond[:D] I know of a flock of free range chickens and ducks that share a house. One morning a white chicken was found dead, squatting on the floor with its neck broken. The only conclusion we could draw was that the drake had mistaken it for one of the ducks and discovered the hard way that a chicken's neck isn't as strong as a duck's when he grabbed it with his bill to hold it to the ground and have his way with her. I'm not sure in exactly what way this (true story) links in with RavenMuse's metaphor....maybe it's just that sometimes chickens and ducks co-habit and even go further than that. I guess sometimes it works, and sometimes it goes disasterously wrong. Laura

MagiksSlave -> RE: Spotting a sub (5/11/2007 2:02:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RavenMuse quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 *Here's a tip....* Instead of creating an atmosphere where she gets lost, confused and of even having to read your freakin' mind, how about discussing your kink intentions openly and honestly BEFORE acting them out! You afraid she'd decline? *We call it COMMUNICATION.* *To answer your question, it hasn't happened to me since I was about 18 = young, dumb and fulla cum.* *Focus.* [:D] We don't often find ourselves on the same side of many discussions Focus... but you nailed that one![:D] on this same note, if you dont tell them your kink and you just do it where is the consent??? Magik's slave

MagiksSlave -> RE: Spotting a sub (5/11/2007 2:08:51 PM)
Oh and there is no way to really know if someone wants to be YOUR submissive unless you ask them. Some people can act rather submissive many who just dont want confrontations or its just natral for them to comply it doesnt make them a submissive in the sence of BDSM D/s or M/s it just means their personality is on the submissive side, this does not however mean they want you to spank them tie them up or even take controll of them in any way!!! TALK damn it, if you are interested come out and ask I dont find it very Domly to be sneeky in trying to get what you want or beating around the bushes about it, that seems more childish then anything els!! Magik's slave

Celeste43 -> RE: Spotting a sub (5/11/2007 2:38:31 PM)
The fact that she didn't respond to spanking doesn't mean she isn't submissive. It may mean that spanking has a bad connotation to her because of family of origin issues, or that she has no masochistic tendencies. It may also be that with the right man she would submit and learn to enjoy rough sex but that you had not earned sufficient trust to be the right man. My line is always that I am submissive but not to you. I do not choose to act submissively to someone who has not earned my trust and respect. They doubtlessly conclude that I'm not a 'real' sub, but the truth is that they aren't my idea of a 'real' dominant.

Focus50 -> RE: Spotting a sub (5/11/2007 3:21:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain Outside of the bedroom, I think it is impossible to tell a submissive. Too many intelligent women who are in high powered positions of leadership that they handle skillfully are submissive in private. Ya never know. **It's still a dynamic of two* and I would contend that that everyday "high powered" submissive would respond in some way (even if very subtly) to someone of complementing dominant qualities.*** I'm not publically open about my D/s sexuality, but I flirt with it all the time to gauge reactions. Only the other day I "pounced" on the new office girl (about 20 yo) because she'd written something on the back of her hand. I gave her the full disapproving headmaster treatment, albeit in a lighthearted manner. I came back in about 30 mins later and she proudly displayed her recently cleaned hand for inspection. And then there was her eyes with it.... Submissive? Possibly, but that's up to her to explore about herself. I find lots of young women respond to my "outrageous" commands when I'm in full flirt mode. "Sit up straight girl, NO slouching", for eg, and as many snap to attention as the ones who just give me the "fuck off geezer" look in response. I enjoy both but I remember the former more readily. Having "sub" emblazened across the forehead would make life a lot easier, but life never works like that. Ya gotta start somewhere and work with the responses rather than your own selfish wishful desires. And if it does end up in bed together, surely an intimate partner is someone you can openly communicate with re sexual kink desires. *Focus.*

Focus50 -> RE: Spotting a sub (5/11/2007 3:25:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Raven, Same shock here! quote: We don't often find ourselves on the same side of many discussions Focus... but you nailed that one![:D] *Whoa! High praise indeed.... <gasp>* *Focus.*

OTKkindaGirl -> RE: Spotting a sub (5/11/2007 3:44:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subsfaith At a dinner party of mixed company (vanilla and lifestylers) the conversation turned to D/s. We were discussing the very same topic, how can you spot submissives. A vanilla lady said, "I wouldn't know a submissive if I fell over her" The Domme lady said, "Yes you would, she would be the one apologising!" Well it made me laugh :: smiles :: Thank you so much for sharing this it made me laugh too, it just sounds so familiar!

slaveish -> RE: Spotting a sub (5/11/2007 3:46:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong If you want to see if a male/female is submissive, get on top and gently take their wrists in your hands a pin them above their head.. then watch their reaction. Take it from there. EwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyGAWD. ~delicious shiver~ Err ... yeah, Lotus. That might work.

OhBeMyMind -> RE: Spotting a sub (5/11/2007 4:16:02 PM)
~quickie~ Perhaps the look of confusion was her wondering why you were spanking her instead of her spanking you......hey, it could be a possibility! [sm=brush.gif]

adoracat -> RE: Spotting a sub (5/11/2007 8:25:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 Submissive? Possibly, but that's up to her to explore about herself. I find lots of young women respond to my "outrageous" commands when I'm in full flirt mode. "Sit up straight girl, NO slouching", for eg, and as many snap to attention as the ones who just give me the "fuck off geezer" look in response. I enjoy both but I remember the former more readily. *Focus.* GAH! i sat up straight when i read this. shakes head at self well i guess its pretty obvious which way i bend... and yes, i know in me, anyone who is aware of their own Dominant nature would be able to tell which way i bend fairly easily. but that's me and i dont claim to speak for anyone else. kitten, who is easily amused at herself....

stella40 -> RE: Spotting a sub (5/11/2007 8:52:24 PM)
Well here we go again trying to label people. Why don't we make it easier for each other and wear signs on our foreheads - such as 'SUBMISSIVE', 'DOMINANT', 'INTELLECTUAL', 'PERVERT', 'IDIOT', etc? This isn't addressed to the OP who apparently knew the person he was writing about, but why don't we bother to get to know the person before we start moving onto D/s?

marfre -> RE: Spotting a sub (5/11/2007 8:59:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 **It's still a dynamic of two* and I would contend that that everyday "high powered" submissive would respond in some way (even if very subtly) to someone of complementing dominant qualities.*** Complimentary qualities are the key here. I would say that everyday “high powered” submissive would describe me. I have found myself reacting to overtly dominate people. Occasionally, I didn’t realize I had reacted until later reflection. Once, not so subtly. ~m

Stazia -> RE: Spotting a sub (5/11/2007 9:55:07 PM)
you know i was talking to a dom friend of mine the other night, and he told me that if he met me in a bar, or got set up with me on a blind "vanilla" date that he wouldn't think i was submissive at first. it isn't a side of me that i show the general public. however, he said that the more he talks to me gets to know me and the way my mind actually works he totally sees my submissive side now. i am an extreemly privet person, and it takes a while to get to know the "real" me vs the mask that i wear for the general public.

farieanne -> RE: Spotting a sub (5/11/2007 10:28:23 PM)
quote: stella40 Why don't we make it easier for each other and wear signs on our foreheads - such as 'SUBMISSIVE', 'DOMINANT', 'INTELLECTUAL', 'PERVERT', 'IDIOT', etc? ok. i have dibs on PERVERT!

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