RE: Spotting a sub

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MagiksSlave -> RE: Spotting a sub (5/12/2007 7:04:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross I find it a bit distressing that all these doms think that nearly all submissives will respond positively to specific tests. Yes, these tests are innocuous for the most part and I don't doubt there is some rate of success- but I still think the premise as a whole is BS. Just because someone decides to do something NICE for another person doesn't entail much about their personal relationship orientation. They could be confused, they could just not wish to make a fuss, they could think there's some larger gain here if they just go along with it for the moment. And heaven forbid they don't respond positively at all. How often are subs told here they "aren't really a sub if they don't (insert ridiculous irrelevant thing the dom wants the sub to do)"? How is this any different from that? Even if they are a sub, what if they don't respond to your little test on that particular day? What if they just think you're weird? Are you suddenly going to relegate them to the "not a sub" list forever? I don't judge someone as a sub because they do nice things and can be gently coaxed into things, and I don't judge someone as a dom because they try and force their way into everything and can never let someone else help them out with something. So well stated!!!!! Magik's slave

Focus50 -> RE: Spotting a sub (5/13/2007 3:38:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaveish But Focus, whatcha gon' do when said mate's wife climbs in your lap and humps you at the table? Lol, no chance! I'm the humperrrr, NOT the humpeeee; I decide - am a twue Dom. [8D] What I don't do is threaten to spank them - too many just say "Ooooh, yes please!" (in front of EVERYONE), thus stealing my thunder, dammit. Focus.

roughleather -> RE: Spotting a sub (5/13/2007 12:22:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bigskycountry You will get a better response if you post this on nerve.com. Are they still around? I had a Nerve account five years ago, when it was cool, but now?

catize -> RE: Spotting a sub (5/13/2007 12:34:28 PM)
How to spot a submissive: 1. Carry a can of latex paint and a sponge brush with you at all times 2. When you see someone of particular interest chase them down 3. Once you catch them, daub the paint on various parts of their body 4. Ask them if they are submissive; if they say yes, you have ‘spotted’ a sub

MadameDahlia -> RE: Spotting a sub (5/13/2007 1:12:14 PM)
Snickers Catize... Excellent answer! Too funny.

WiseCracknSadist -> RE: Spotting a sub (5/13/2007 4:58:40 PM)
I've found that spotting submissive women isn't hard at all. It's when you start using labels like submissive, Dominant, Master, things of that nature that generally scares off vanilla submissive women. Much of what we do when coming to terms with ourselves and the lifestyle is fight social teachings that have been force fed us to this point. So even if a vanilla submissive enjoys everything a lifestyle submissive does, teaching her about the lifestyle could push her away because of what she percieves those labels to mean. How do I know? You might ask. I've traveled that road a lot more than I'd have liked to admit before understanding that I could find people who had already come to terms with themselves and were happy with who they are. In the end converting a vanilla submissive into a lifestyle submissive is like everything else in life. A crap shoot.

slaverosebeauty -> RE: Spotting a sub (5/13/2007 8:41:15 PM)
If you saw me in my work environemnt you would almost swear I was a Domme or a Mistress; yet, get to know me you can see I am ALL slave. Watch me at a photoshoot and depending on what is going on, you may see my submissive side or my assertive side when neccessary. Watch me with my son and you will see a VERY assertive mommy when need be. Heck the current guy I am with does NOT know about this side of me, he has an idea, he stopped himself the other day from saying something he said 'forget you you might like that.' It took all my effort to NOT laugh, I just said 'never know, try me.' Looks can be decieveing. I date nilla guys and some of them get that look of 'would she like it if..' and I wait to see what they do in a given situation, most will figure they can go for it, if not, I find ways of 'encourgaing' them to do the other more 'fun stuff.'

worshippingyou -> RE: Spotting a sub (5/13/2007 10:08:54 PM)
Those of you who suggest honesty and communication - I agree with you completely: I had just started casually dating a vanilla girl and found her to be interesting - and she seemed non-judgmental - so I told her about my submissive tendencies. She replied that she couldn't respond to me sexually that but that she still wanted to get to know me better. That was three years ago. She has turned-out to be an amazing friend, and we've been able to share our deepest thoughts and feelings with each other. Now, don't take that to mean that I go up to women and tell them about myself... I already had a feeling she was an exceptional person. But I've come to understand that mature, open-minded individuals will truly appreciate honesty.

Archer -> RE: Spotting a sub (5/14/2007 6:13:23 AM)
True enough it tells you only that they comply with instructions readily or not so readily. (But wait a second isn't that submission, not masochism but submission?) Does it tell you their motivation? no but it does give you an indication of their openess to complying with instructions. Is it an acid test? does it mean they are the perfect submissive for me or you or anyone else? Nope never said it did. It performs one basic function and makes it an enjoyable process. It tells you how they respond to simple requests from you under a set situation. It provides a baseline for them. From there how you I or anyone else proceeds to further test for compatability through conversation and interaction is entirely up to them. But the exercise certainly does tell you how suceptable to instruction they are at that time and place. BTW I certainly didn't say if they didn't comply they were not submissive. In fact I left it very open as to their reactions, I mearly said you guage their reaction to the requests. Begrudging compliance would tell you one thing, eager compliance another, refusal something else, and a blank stare still something else. The main point was to differenciate between a "testing" for submission and testing for masochism.

WorldTraveller7 -> RE: Spotting a sub (5/14/2007 11:24:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WiseCracknSadist I've found that spotting submissive women isn't hard at all. It's when you start using labels like submissive, Dominant, Master, things of that nature that generally scares off vanilla submissive women. Much of what we do when coming to terms with ourselves and the lifestyle is fight social teachings that have been force fed us to this point. So even if a vanilla submissive enjoys everything a lifestyle submissive does, teaching her about the lifestyle could push her away because of what she percieves those labels to mean. How do I know? You might ask. I've traveled that road a lot more than I'd have liked to admit before understanding that I could find people who had already come to terms with themselves and were happy with who they are. In the end converting a vanilla submissive into a lifestyle submissive is like everything else in life. A crap shoot. Thanks WiseCracknSadist. I would agree with your views a lot. Submissive women tend to shy away from being called a submissive or being expected to be a submissive. They are just what they are without any expectations or milestones.

Lordandmaster -> RE: Spotting a sub (5/14/2007 11:43:00 AM)
Sounds like that's exactly what DIDN'T happen to you. Seems like someone supposedly vanilla turned out to be...vanilla. Anyway, I can't say that what you're talking about happens too often to me, because I don't fuck vanilla women on the off chance that they might turn out to be submissive. quote: ORIGINAL: WorldTraveller7 How often does it happen to you, that someone supposedly vanilla is actually a submissive, just waiting to be discovered?

LightHeartedMaam -> RE: Spotting a sub (5/14/2007 11:56:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain Outside of the bedroom, I think it is impossible to tell a submissive. Too many intelligent women who are in high powered positions of leadership that they handle skillfully are submissive in private. Ya never know. (oops, hit the enter too soon by mistake) ExSteelAgain, This is also where I find male submissives. The bigger they are, the deeper they submit :) (so to speak) The 'wrist" test works for me.

LightHeartedMaam -> RE: Spotting a sub (5/14/2007 12:12:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: farieanne quote: Archer Examples look at them accross the table, tell them "Come here" with a waggle of the finger gesture. "I would like you to (insert a pose or display that you like to see) for me." I think that would get you a personal "finger gesture" of my own. LOL (sorry, just couldn't resist :)

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