curious fem sub...

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

curious fem sub...

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> curious fem sub...

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

curious fem sub... - 5/11/2007 6:13:09 PM

realophelia

Posts: 168
Status: offline

Hi :) I am a 44 year old fem sub involved with a married Dom (open dom-dom relationship). I am bi (not bi-curious, but not tremendously experienced either) and I have been thinking about getting to know and ultimately being topped by another woman. I am free to play with other bi or lesbian women one on one, but I seem to need the BDSM dynamic to respond fully. So far, I have had my best experiences with another sub as part of a scene.

Anyway I was curious if anyone had any experience in dealing with a sub who has always had male doms but is now interested in being topped by a woman? Do these kind of scenes usually go well? Is it a plus or a minus to have the male dom present? My partner thinks it might cause conflict. I'm curious if that's the experience of others? I was also wondering how long others consider a reasonable period of (real) time to get to know a sub well enough to scene? Or are you all so deluged with male subs that you just don't have the time? :) Thanks in advance for any advice. Yours truly, Ophelia

_____________________________

"And every one of them words rang true And glowed like burning coal Pouring off of every page Like it was written in my soul..."

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: curious fem sub... - 5/12/2007 12:39:47 AM

MadameDahlia

Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline

Your partner is partially correct. Some people may want to play with you and only you. It differs from Dom to Dom. Some people find it fun... perhaps even thrilling... to co-Top with another. Of course the chemistry has to be there for things to go swimmingly.

I think a good question for you might be... Would you feel more comfortable with your Dom present? Or do you feel that it might make things more difficult for you in some regard? Go with your gut. Trite, perhaps. But only you can determine whether or not a person is going to click... is going to work out.

As for how long it takes to get to know someone I'd guess that's a personal decision. Does it feel right? Does the person feel genuine? Are they giving off strange vibes? Are they a little too interested in types of play that feel 'extreme' to you?

Look for warning signs without being overly paranoid. Give a nod to whatever spidey senses might tingle as you get to better know the person you're interested in. And once you've set up a play date make sure your partner knows where you are. Let him know approximately how long things will run. If things happen to go over the approximation give him a call.

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to realophelia)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: curious fem sub... - 5/14/2007 4:45:47 PM

realophelia

Posts: 168
Status: offline

Thanks for your response : ) Some of your queston really made me think. Especially about the idea of co-domming. When I am with girls in a vanilla sense I don't want any man present. BDSM might be different for me. And I do like the idea of mean dommed by both a man and a women.

As far getting to know someone, I agree. You can't be too careful!

Thanks again :)
O

_____________________________

"And every one of them words rang true And glowed like burning coal Pouring off of every page Like it was written in my soul..."

(in reply to MadameDahlia)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: curious fem sub... - 5/15/2007 6:11:24 AM

Elorin

Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

I get contacted by male Doms wanting me to work with their fem subs all the time, but most of the time they want me to be a puppet doing ONLY what they want, with no chance to find out if there is a connection on our own or not. I reject those offers out of hand.

I have had a few situations where a fem sub contacted me, looking for a chance to work with a femDom. I am willing to get to know the sub, and willing to play with the partner present or absent. If the couple is a complete stranger to me, I would request that the maleDom be silent and watch, only speaking up if I was going to be breaking a limit or committing a massive faux pas (something the sub hates, or something that triggers flashbacks or panic attacks) OR I suggest that the maleDom get to know me independently so that we can actively coTop his girl. What I don't want is a backseat Dom telling me what to do or not do throughout an entire scene - if I have the experience the two of you want, I need you to trust me to use it and to use my own imagination and initiative. This is supposed to be learning what a femDom is like, not what your current owner is like filtered through someone else's body.

As far as I'm concerned, once I meet someone once in a vanilla setting, I'm happy to set up a play session. If I meet you for the first time at a play party I'd be happy to play that day, sometimes.

If I had my druthers, I'd have the maleDom partner there for the first play meeting, and then have a second play meeting alone - then let the sub and I decide which dynamic we liked best. I think having your current owner there first helps you relax and feel safer.

~E

_____________________________

'cause when i look down /i just miss all the good stuff / when i look up / i just trip over things

(in reply to realophelia)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: curious fem sub... - 5/15/2007 8:31:34 AM

realophelia

Posts: 168
Status: offline

Thanks for all the information Elorin : ) I thnk that the two doms getting to know each other prior is a great idea, no matter what. If they are going to co-dom they really need to be on the same page. And if I am going to play with someone else on my own, it would be good for my partner to meet the person frst. I agree with you -- the idea of a backseat dom is silly. There would really be very little point in me having a fem dom experience, at all, if the whole scene was dictated my partner.

I loved your profile and pics BTW. Have a great day : ) O

_____________________________

"And every one of them words rang true And glowed like burning coal Pouring off of every page Like it was written in my soul..."

(in reply to Elorin)

Profile

Post #: 5