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Is anyone just a "regular" person? - 5/11/2007 6:56:51 PM

bandit25

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I read a lot of the dominant (male) profiles listed here. Now, I'm not knocking them but (you all knew that was coming), I find it fascinating how many of them list the number of years they have lived or been involved in this "lifestyle". And the number of years they claim is incredible! Didn't anyone (besides me) live a vanilla life the majority of their years?

< Message edited by bandit25 -- 5/11/2007 6:57:14 PM >

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RE: Is anyone just a "regular" person? - 5/11/2007 7:23:49 PM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
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you're not the only one who has noticed this especially with younger doms. the serveral years and/or have experience with prior girlfriends is a major red flag for me. i've lived a vanilla life (and still do) all my life - that being said, this is not primarily a kink for me. i'm a submissive however i don't live the life outward 24/7/365 for others to see.

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(in reply to bandit25)

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RE: Is anyone just a "regular" person? - 5/11/2007 7:29:23 PM

bandit25

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Yeah, I think you've expressed just what I meant. It floors me to see a 30+ year-old dom that states he has 15+ years experience. I always want to write and ask exactly when he became a dom. He's not saying he was born dominant, but that he has X years of experience. It makes me wonder what the hell his parents were doing during that time.

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

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RE: Is anyone just a "regular" person? - 5/11/2007 7:49:46 PM

minnetar

Posts: 1272
Joined: 4/11/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25

I read a lot of the dominant (male) profiles listed here. Now, I'm not knocking them but (you all knew that was coming), I find it fascinating how many of them list the number of years they have lived or been involved in this "lifestyle". And the number of years they claim is incredible! Didn't anyone (besides me) live a vanilla life the majority of their years?

lol i am 47 but been a sub for only 9 years - whew i think my math is okay

minnetar

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 4

RE: Is anyone just a "regular" person? - 5/11/2007 8:01:38 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I think it's because many people equate being able to do an act with being able to fulfill a part in a relationship. But, we know this isn't true. I know a guy who can, apparently, fuck like no one's business...but he's never had a girlfriend longer than six months. Physical skill does not a relationship (or a mature adult) make.

The bad part of this is that those looking for relationships have to weed these people out. The good part of this is those looking for play partners have a much broader base to choose from!

Master Fire

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(in reply to bandit25)

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RE: Is anyone just a "regular" person? - 5/11/2007 8:15:30 PM

mstrjx

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Joined: 11/27/2005
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Other than my own self-imposed exile this last time, my affairs have only been separated by weeks at a time, maybe 2 or 3 months at the most.

I would say the first dozen years were pretty much straight-through.

Not that it matters, eh?

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to bandit25)

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RE: Is anyone just a "regular" person? - 5/11/2007 8:56:44 PM

RobertCloud

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Joined: 6/28/2006
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There are many of us that have lived the dual life as well. We live the vanilla life in our everyday life, and in our private lives we live the lifestyle. Sometimes we even in our private lives have it separated into two parts, the part that those closest to us see is vanilla, and the part that we enjoy but only on rare occasions with someone is in the lifestyle.

I have been active in the lifestyle for 8 years going on 9, but most of that has still been mainly vanilla. The lifestyle relationships have been few and far between and yet when they were active they were full and fulfilling. My latest is a true dream and looks like it will be the longest lasting real time relationship. I am truly blessed.

This does not make me a liar or that I exagerrated. It is the truth. I have researched, I have explored, and I have had play partners that were not serious relationships most of that time. I know what I am doing, how to do it, and am not afraid of what I can do. There are many things I will not do for I have yet to explore them and when I go to practice them I will do so slowly and carefully as I learn those things.

I have not yet lived a 24/7/365 relationship with someone. I did live it 24/7 for 3 weeks recently and she and I are looking to be united for a lifetime within only a few months. So we both are looking for the 365 very soon. Yet even then there will be times that the outward appearance of that will be more vanilla to the world even if on the inside it is lifestyle.

For those that claim the long term experience. Most often it is research from the moment of discovery.

I can claim I was born dominant, I have lots of proof to that fact, yet to say I have been active in the lifestyle for more than 9 years would be a lie so I cannot claim that and will not. To claim I became active when I found it online, I think can be honest because that is when the research began, but I date it from my first active relationship and not my first active research into the lifestyle.

Those that do claim it from the day they began researching are not lying, but I do not feel it is fully honest either. They are not truly ACTIVE in it. They are researching it to become active in it and that is a big difference.

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(in reply to mstrjx)

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RE: Is anyone just a "regular" person? - 5/11/2007 9:04:22 PM

dawntreader

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i have 43 years of vanilla experience and just barely a year in WIIWD. i wish i had more experience...there are so many things out there!

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(in reply to mstrjx)

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RE: Is anyone just a "regular" person? - 5/12/2007 2:12:15 AM

bandit25

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What does it matter? Other than the fact that you prolly don't want a complete novice deciding that s/he can weild a bullwhip? Is experience all that necessary?

(in reply to mstrjx)

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RE: Is anyone just a "regular" person? - 5/12/2007 3:45:33 AM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
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I'm still regular. Always will be.
I think alot of what we read here is like when searching for an employee, we read the resumes.
Considering we are the targeted audience (sp?) we recieve what the writer thinks we need to hear.
I rarely mention years of experiance in many things, so I'm always going to be ~regular~.

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RE: Is anyone just a "regular" person? - 5/12/2007 5:53:36 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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How do you feel when they brag about how many subs they've "trained"? For me that is as good as letting me know that they can't form lasting relationships and run from one girl to another. No thanks.

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(in reply to bandit25)

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RE: Is anyone just a "regular" person? - 5/12/2007 5:59:56 AM

NakedGirlScout

Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline

whew, talk about doing math?? I just met a female sub who claimed to be 26 years old, and also to have two children: one 11 and the other 15 years old. When I asked her whether she'd really had a kid at age 11 she claimed she didn't know what I was talking about. LOL! then deleted her profile straight away. By the way she was from Nigeria, heheh.

(in reply to KatyLied)

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RE: Is anyone just a "regular" person? - 5/12/2007 7:14:25 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25

I read a lot of the dominant (male) profiles listed here. Now, I'm not knocking them but (you all knew that was coming), I find it fascinating how many of them list the number of years they have lived or been involved in this "lifestyle". And the number of years they claim is incredible! Didn't anyone (besides me) live a vanilla life the majority of their years?

I'm very regular; magnesium, and drinking plenty of water see to that.

Oh, wait..... misunderstood, bandit...... ...... yep, I'm just a regular guy. I've done B&D things, and had a submissive, but my vanilla time dwarfs the kink time. And that's okay.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 13

RE: Is anyone just a "regular" person? - 5/12/2007 7:24:10 AM

MellowSir

Posts: 260
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline

I've enjoyed bdsm and d/s for a few years, yet even still a lot in my life is vanilla. And the kink in that regard is optional, not something I absolutely require, just am capable of. Most women even when the've had little to no experience, can be persuaded to try it out, depending on how open their mind is. No, you don't want an inexperienced dom wielding some toys, but any dom who claims they've been in the lifestyle since being a teenager is usually just full of b.s. lol, what were they doing, beating up kids? lol

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 14

RE: Is anyone just a "regular" person? - 5/12/2007 10:13:14 AM

Enyo

Posts: 35
Joined: 4/27/2007
Status: offline

During college I was lucky enough to find (and eventually fall in love with) a Domme who dragged me kicking and screaming into the lifestyle as a submissive. I'd always been naturally dominant in life, with friends, co-workers and with my lovers and it didn't take long for me to figure out that I had a much better time being the Domme. It didn't take long for me to embrace it, I had plenty of time and resources and I started taking classes and trying to learn as much as possible....because I didn't want to hurt anyone, because I didn't know how to tie knots, because I love to learn new things. When I finally got into a relationship with my own submissive, we really talked and I listened to his ideas and fantasies...and then it was back to the books...not all of his kinks were things I would have considered but as I learned more...and started to practice many of them my limits evolved. As time went on I was also exposed to other Doms and subs, all with their own unique kinks, I asked a lot of questions...learned as much as I could about the ones that interested me and put my own spin on them to involve them in my relationship(s). Just because I consider myself an expert in some areas doesn't mean I can't learn anything new, it also doesn't mean that I've had hundreds of subs that I've practiced on, it does mean that I feel I can execute scenes (or parts of scenes) containing those elements flawlessly...

I guess what I want to say is, just because someone is younger doesn't necessarily mean that they are inexperienced, if you have questions, then ask them...there might be a logical explanation. If you are considering a relationship but doubtful, also consider asking them to prove their experience. I'd love to tie someone up fully clothed (and have done it before) just to prove that I can...and that they won't be able to get out. Of course caning and flogging is a little harder to prove and can cause more damage...so my advice is to learn as much as you can and then ask questions until you feel comfortable they know what they are talking about or leave and keep looking or if you are definitely interested suggest maybe going to a class together or getting a Dom that you know is experienced to run a training or refresher course.

Hell, if you are talking to someone from your local scene ask for references, someone probably knows them and can tell you the rumors or has seen them at a party and can tell you if it was a positive or negative experience.

(in reply to MellowSir)

Post #: 15

RE: Is anyone just a "regular" person? - 5/12/2007 10:16:56 AM

bandit25

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'Zackly

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Post #: 16

RE: Is anyone just a "regular" person? - 5/12/2007 10:18:27 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
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Yup...that's another one. I usually think...like that's an endorsement?

(in reply to KatyLied)

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RE: Is anyone just a "regular" person? - 5/12/2007 10:20:48 AM

cjenny

Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline

Maybe I am a freak?
I'm 41 and have been actively & sexually submissive for *counts slowly on fingers, math is not her strength* sighs *counts one more time* 26 years. But I have never been active in the 'community' so um, does that even count?

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RE: Is anyone just a "regular" person? - 5/12/2007 10:21:18 AM

bandit25

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Joined: 6/18/2005
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OK, but at 27, if you claimed to have 10+ years of experience, I'd really wonder about you. I just don't see the point of mentioning it. Other than to remark that you aren't a total newbie (something we ALL were at one time) who the hell cares?

And Level, you're good no matter what

(in reply to Enyo)

Post #: 19

RE: Is anyone just a "regular" person? - 5/12/2007 10:31:21 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
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*sends a hug the size of Canada to the sweet lady*

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 20

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