quote:

ORIGINAL: ruffnecksbabygir

But isn't selfish & caring an oxymoron of some sort? how can a dom have his subs best interest at heart if he is placing his above and beyond everything else?

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i had this problem with my first Master, he was the definition of a narcissist...his major priority in life was himself and how he appeared to others etc... i would find myself questioning his motives because i'd wonder, how can i be certain to trust this person with my life if the only thing that matters to him is himself.

It's only a thought.

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But isn't selfish & caring an oxymoron of some sort? how can a dom have his subs best interest at heart if he is placing his above and beyond everything else?

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This suggests that someone is wholly narcissistic and truly only DOES care about himself. Most people are not that extreme and have some mix of things.

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ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

are we talking narcissist or sociopath? perhaps the dom in question is having BOTH their best interests at heart. perhaps He doesn't see His sub as a seperate entity, but as a part of Himself.....just a suggestion.

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A person should trust their gut (themselves) or a Master more?

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ORIGINAL: SirKenin

My question, a little off topic, is that if women (or men for that matter) are continuously attracting these types of people, that says that there is something left to be desired about them that needs attention.

Apart from that, I think that a good Dom/me is many things, but a true narcissist is not one of them. They HAVE to have Their sub/slave's best interests at heart in My opinion. Their responsibility is to teach, nuture, protect and care for Their charges. They are to help them blossom like a flower. This is not about strictly satisfying Your own selfish desires. If you want to do that, go buy a dog. There is someone else in Your life now that You are wholly responsible for. they have given themselves over to You. That charge becomes a part of Your being. If You do not look out for them, who is going to?

Sure, it is ok to want the sub or slave to serve You. It is ok to want them to please You. However it has to be a two way street.

So, a good Dom/me can NOT be a true narcissist. They can pretend I suppose, but They can not truly fulfill the role.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ruffnecksbabygir
i'll be honest, at times i catch myself having a warped concept of men in general, i wish i could change that and be this trusting female type that believe in ever lasting love and have absolutely no doubts or ever question motives .... but.... unfortunately, the men in my life haven't exactly left much to say about men in general for me....i realize intellectually that not all men are that way, yet deep down i feel that i can't trust a man 100% without some how questioning their motives..... this has been bothering me lately.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ruffnecksbabygir

Judging by many of the doms i have known, i find a lot of their traits similar with those of a typical narcissist .... how can one determine whether a person is indeed just a very narcissistic individual who uses the role of Master as another form of gratifying their insatiable need to boost their own ego.

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ORIGINAL: BeachMystress

quote:

ORIGINAL: ruffnecksbabygir
i'll be honest, at times i catch myself having a warped concept of men in general, i wish i could change that and be this trusting female type that believe in ever lasting love and have absolutely no doubts or ever question motives .... but.... unfortunately, the men in my life haven't exactly left much to say about men in general for me....i realize intellectually that not all men are that way, yet deep down i feel that i can't trust a man 100% without some how questioning their motives..... this has been bothering me lately.

[tiptoe] There is a fine line between a healthy caution regarding others and their motives and feeling that every motive of men must be questioned. From what I've read over time on the board, you're an intelligent, well spoken woman with a good dose of common sense. *tiptoes even softer* You shouldn't be having all of your relationships leaving you so paranoid about men. Sometimes, something in our past or something about us causes us to choose a certain type of person or attract a certain type of person. This seems like it may be true of you, and the type of person you're attracting/choosing isn't always healthy. While you may be able to look into your past and figure out where the problem lies, it is always easier to do this type of thing with help. It can be hard to look into the mirror of why we act the way we do, and a therapist can help us. There are therapists who are what they call kink friendly and you can find one in your area via KAP (Kink Aware Professionals.) http://www.bannon.com/kap/ While you'd benefit from a vanilla therapist, it is easier and you get more benefit from one with whom you can discuss all aspects of yourself. You're worth a hell of a lot more than the users it sounds like you often attract/choose. [/tiptoe]

i just love ya BeachMystress!
You're right, a therapist would be very helpful, if only i could find one worth going to! i will search the site you gave me tho, thank you : )
i have gone to therapists before and it's been completely useless, they just did not "get" me. i'm really not even that complicated really lol... i find venting to friends, and of course on message boards, etc...does help many times sort things out and see things in perspective...once you say or write something it takes on a life of it's own, so to speak, and it's no longer this dark heavy burden swimming around in your mind.

i realize that these ideas i have of men is completely brought on by two things, one being some past experiences, and the other being my own self esteem/insecurities....i can say that not all men are bastards....but i think deep down there is always a belief or a notion that yes, they all really are bastards and when things just go bad in a relationship and i feel like i have been done wrong i then automatically say, "Ah Ha!! See? i have been right all along, men are s.o.b.'s!!!" So, maybe it's what they call some kind of defense mechanism, maybe i just do this inorder to keep some sort of guard up and it makes it easier to deal with the emotions later.

i honestly can't say that i feel this way because of all the rotten relationships i have been in, i had a pretty love less marriage but it was over with in 7 years and i don't think that scarred me too much... i think my issues stem from childhood, father was abusive etc... i am not trying to play the whining victim "blame" game but i am just trying to figure out why i have these issues and how i can get passed it....i have made progress, i must admit, but i want to get to a point where i can just accept a mans love and not have to question his motives, not have to wonder when the knife will be shoved in my back, or when he will show his true colors....and like i said, for the most part i am able to control these ideas of mine, i am able to be happy, happier than i have ever been, but every now and then these thought surface.




< Message edited by ruffnecksbabygir -- 5/11/2005 7:31:59 AM >

_____________________________

~hugs~
Babygirl

:Disclaimer: The above is only this slave's opinion:

"And Those Who Danced Were Thought To Be Quite Insane By Those Who Could Not Hear The Music" -- Angela Monet

(in reply to BeachMystress)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ruffnecksbabygirl
....i have made progress, i must admit, but i want to get to a point where i can just accept a mans love and not have to question his motives, not have to wonder when the knife will be shoved in my back, or when he will show his true colors....and like i said, for the most part i am able to control these ideas of mine, i am able to be happy, happier than i have ever been, but every now and then these thought surface.