RE: What standards do we want or is it no standards at all. (Full Version)

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PeggyO -> RE: What standards do we want or is it no standards at all. (5/13/2007 4:42:16 AM)

Hello,

Well, people don't seem to care if someone posts sarcastic or cuastic posts - and there definitely seems to be no particular differentiation of who posts them.  Simply put, most people don't mind a bit of sarcasm and they certainly don't care if it comes from a sub/slave as opposed to a dominant.  There is no universal expectation that subs/slaves can't be sarcastic or caustic.  You seem to be the only person who has an issue about it - again because you seem to have an expectation that subs/slaves shouldn't be acting that way.  This is because you expect them to conform to your expectation of behavior that you have attached to tthose labels.  As I have pointed out before, these expectations are inappropriate and misplaced.I would suggest that you try viewing them as humans instead and judge their behavior accordingly. 

Be well,

Peggy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Totalmaster4you

Hi RL
No I'm not a masochist.Sometimes I'll write just to watch the response but this one I wanted to see how many other were tired of the sarcasm and caustic postings from supposed slaves and subs. Unfortunately not enough seem to care so it will go on and get worse until we do care.



julietsierra -> RE: What standards do we want or is it no standards at all. (5/13/2007 9:35:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Totalmaster4you

Greeting to all the Masters, Dominants, Dommes and Tops. I've been reading on this site as well as others and in my humble opinion I've been aware of a growing level of bitchiness from those that self identify as slaves and submissives. We all participate for different reasons, me to add facts if they are lacking and positive outcomes.
Diversity of ideas is not welcomed, rampant bitchiness, a lack of discussion is this the standard that we want as our means of exchanging information and maybe making new friends. So what do we say?


But...

well...

I AM a bitch. I know I am. I know this because my name gets written on bathroom stall walls all the time.. "MsS is a BITCH!!!"

And each time I see it there, I smile to myself and understand that I'm making an impact. And then, I recognize the handwriting, go get the offender, make her wash the bathroom walls where she's temporarily immortalized my name and then suspend her for defacing property.

And when the girls' adult family members pick them up and they demand to know WHY they'd write that on the wall, invariably the girls answer "SHE GIVES ME TOO MUCH HOMEWORK" (they usually get more to give them something to do on their day off too. I'm caring like that.)

You see, the reason some of are a bitch is because what we have to say - in essence, the lesson we teach - is more important than what you think of us.

*smiling her teacher-ish smile*

I think that answer pretty much works here too.

juliet



SimplyMichael -> RE: What standards do we want or is it no standards at all. (5/13/2007 10:08:13 AM)

The only man my woman bends her knee to is me, anyone who tries to change that will have to do it over my cold dead body.  Here I use a silver tongue, in real life I shoot better with a handgun than most people do with a rifle and I wield a very efficient broadsword as well.  It just ain't likely it is gonna be MY cold body lying there.

Chest thumping aside, the caustic comments you are receiving are coming from all sides of the whip, that just might tell you something.  I get a great deal of deference here from all sides of the whip as do many others but NOT because we expect it, but because we have EARNED it.  Instead of demonstrating our arrogance, we demonstrate our modesty, we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and real.  If you want to be embraced for your philosophy and not be questioned on its validity, I highly suggest you enter the Gor forums and stay there, such preference for words over deeds is highly encouraged there



slaveluci -> RE: What standards do we want or is it no standards at all. (5/13/2007 1:09:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
Since this is precisely the teachings my Master insists I follow, you are basically requesting I disobey him to suit you. Some submissives and slaves are trained to be submissive to all dominats.  Some, like me, are trained to live as an equal human being amongst our fellow human beings, while submitting completely and totally to our Masters. 

1) He enjoys knowing I can and will hold my own in the world, be it at work, socially, with family & friends, in various communities, wherever.  He holds a higher value to that which is reserved and pure, only for him. It gives him great pride to see me behave confident and strong, intolerant of anyone crossing any of the boundaries set out for me, yet to splay myself open to him for the taking, be it physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually.

And so I ask, deference?  Deference to whom?  To what?  When? How?   No my dear, I think I shall continue to follow orders as laid out by he who owns me.  My conduct with others doesn't seem to be a problem to him, and if it ever is, that is when it will change.
ownedgirlie,
i cannot agree enough with the above parts of your post.  WOW - this is exactly how things are with U/us as well.  Very well stated........slave luci 



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: What standards do we want or is it no standards at all. (5/13/2007 1:26:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Totalmaster4you

Plz don't use the sub/slave line well they're not my Dom.

am i your submissve? was i chained, owned and collared by you?  well if you answer both questions no, then you're not my Dom - plain and simple.

just because your name includes "master" in it doesn't mean i have to respect that title you placed on yourself.  you're not my dom/sir/daddy, etc - only Daddy is and i solely belong to Him.



AquaticSub -> RE: What standards do we want or is it no standards at all. (5/13/2007 1:28:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: Totalmaster4you
But this a BDSM site with slaves and submissive interacting with Dominants and Masters where I would expect a certain amount of decorum and defrence. Plz don't use the sub/slave line well they're not my Dom.
To me, it's not a sub/slave "line," it's a fact.  No one here is my dominant.  My Master doesn't expect or desire that i submit or "defer" to anyone simply because they say they are a dom/master.  As i stated before, there are areas where every sub/slave is expected to defer but the general boards is not one of them.  i exhibit decorum but i don't defer to someone simply because they identify as dominant.......slave luci



Ditto.



AquaticSub -> RE: What standards do we want or is it no standards at all. (5/13/2007 1:30:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Totalmaster4you

PeggyO,
Well said. My reason for writing was how do we address a vague word such as standard. My thought was if the group was tired of the caustic comments this would provide an opportunity to say so.


I might have agreed with you - except that you only concerned with the comments of subs and slaves. Being a dominant or a master does not excuse bad behavior.



SimplyMichael -> RE: What standards do we want or is it no standards at all. (5/13/2007 2:03:27 PM)

quote:

I dare you to introspect and agree with me.


How about I think about it and come to the conclusion you are wrong?

If people only want the answer they wanted to get in the first place, they should buy a mirror and a tape recorder.  The best advice is often that which you least want to hear.

Just because you cannot see what many of us can doesn't mean you are right or we are wrong.  Some of us have a great wealth of experience from which to draw our advice and at least for me, I offer that advice back in terms of how the person presented themselves and I think most are better off for that.  When a man comes in and complains how hard it is to find a sub who will deal with the fact he is married or a woman complains that every single dom she plays with fucks her over, I am sorry they are not going to be hearing the advice they want to hear from me, both are full of shit although in very different ways.  I also share deeply of myself if someone is really trying to be open and honest and has done their homework, they will get a "better" answer from me.

YMMV



Valyraen -> RE: What standards do we want or is it no standards at all. (5/13/2007 2:50:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Totalmaster4you

<snip> Over the past year or so I've noticed that responses to OP's were becoming more caustic with many put downs and rude remarks. <snip> But this a BDSM site with slaves and submissive interacting with Dominants and Masters where I would expect a certain amount of decorum and defrence. Plz don't use the sub/slave line well they're not my Dom. I addressed this to all the Tops, Owners, Dominants and Dommes on the ask a Master board to see if they are pleased with the direction "the conversations" are taking on their board.
 To those few who understood what my intent was, thank you for your time, your words and your observations.


Just because we're dominants/tops/masters/mistresses, that doesn't mean these are "our" boards. Far from it... these boards are a no-holds-barred space for everyone to participate and share their views on any discussion they choose to. The only person whose input on this board that I can control is me, and to a lesser extent, Aqua. If I don't like the way that someone responded to a post of mine, I can raise issue with that person, but I can't force them to change their opinion, attitude, or post.

That said... if you've got an issue with the way that a submissive is behaving, talk to his/her dominant. My rule of thumb is, if the person in question isn't my submissive, I apply the "treat as you would wish to be treated" adage. I can't personally understand why we're expected to be "better" people because we're involved in BDSM... there's more to my life than BDSM, and I don't leave the rest of my experiences at the door when bondage comes into the discussion. We see the same sorts of drama that any other online message board system does, because we're all people.

To personify the sort of snarkiness that you seem to have taken an issue with, it's boring to be respectful and polite all the time. If I had to go through life without ever telling another dirty joke or flipping the bird at someone who just scored points on me, I'd be utterly miserable. 'sides... some people need a good flaming now and then to keep their head from getting too big to fit into their hats.



Sinergy -> RE: What standards do we want or is it no standards at all. (5/13/2007 6:23:08 PM)

 
Ya know, a woman who is assertive and intelligent and powerful, yet submissive to me, is the most profoundly sexually attractive person on the planet.

I wonder if the person is not a powerful enough or intelligent enough personality to create a submissive desire in somebody who is not a Stepford submissive.

Sinergy

p.s.  I simply laugh at people who try to boss around submissives and slaves who are not their own;  I say Dude/Dudette, get yer own.



sweetnurseBBW -> RE: What standards do we want or is it no standards at all. (5/13/2007 6:35:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy


Ya know, a woman who is assertive and intelligent and powerful, yet submissive to me, is the most profoundly sexually attractive person on the planet.

I wonder if the person is not a powerful enough or intelligent enough personality to create a submissive desire in somebody who is not a Stepford submissive.

Sinergy

p.s.  I simply laugh at people who try to boss around submissives and slaves who are not their own;  I say Dude/Dudette, get yer own.


Thank you and I quite agree. Some people just can't handle a woman that can carry on a conversation of her own. If that makes me bitchy because I can then so be it. [:)]



ErusUxor -> RE: What standards do we want or is it no standards at all. (5/14/2007 10:19:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: maybemaybenot

quote:

ORIGINAL: Totalmaster4you

I've been aware of a growing level of bitchiness from those that self identify as slaves and submissives.


** enters quietly with head bowed and speaks in a hushed tone*

You nailed it right there !!  They " identify " themselves as slaves and submissives.
Don't let them fool you, they are not twue or real submissives.

** exits on tiptoes, making not a sound, kneels at the door, awaiting permission to leave**

                           mbmbn 



and then I speak clearly in the  room and express my opinion...in  its stunning bitchy glory...all the while...kneeling at my Masters feet...LOL



PrincessEllie -> RE: What standards do we want or is it no standards at all. (5/15/2007 8:35:21 AM)

Oh I'mma sorry massuh, I'll do better next time...

Holy bejezus! You've sure got a stick up your ass. You do realize that just because we're submissivies that it doesn't mean we don't have opinions and personalities. Just because you got denied by a couple of gals doesn't mean you have the right to complain. A real Dom wouldn't sit around on his ass whining about it, he'd speak with the people he was having problems with.

You're acting like a two year old, but I guess it makes sense since you like cartoons so much.



celticlord2112 -> RE: What standards do we want or is it no standards at all. (5/15/2007 9:25:10 AM)

Say nothing....please.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Totalmaster4you
So what do we say?



juliaoceania -> RE: What standards do we want or is it no standards at all. (5/15/2007 9:46:47 AM)

You know, I have been following this thread and the ensuing roast of you for the last few days. There have been times I have disagreed with your posts, and once or twice you emailed me privately about your disagreement with what I had said on the board. I sensed that you thought me somewhat bitchy for having my own opinion at the time that you privately emailed me, so I gave a very short reply at the time to those emails. I am allowed, according to my Daddy, to disagree not only with other dominants, but (oh my god say it isn't so) him. Now I am not to call anyone a "fake dom", or name call. That is not in my nature to do anyways, but I am allowed to vehemently disagree and debate whomever I please, unless he tells me otherwise.

Now what you take for "bitchiness" could be just another person's communication style. I am a slightly arrogant person, my Daddy does not mind this trait, in fact he prizes my high opinion of myself, and hones me to his specifications when necessary... I am his submissive, it is his choice to hone me anyway he likes... even in ways that others might find "bitchy".  You state that you have a slave, and it is wonderful that you can hone her to your specifications.

All sorts of people have a different opinion about how a submissive should act, and they are welcomed to their opinion. It is like people telling others how their children should act, not act... I never understood that concept, why should people raise their kids/animals/submissives to the specifications of others? It makes no sense to me.

In the long run, I think that bitchy behavior has its place in both s-types and top types. Bitchiness helps us keep our boundaries in place at times... and even s-types need their boundaries.



spankmepink11 -> RE: What standards do we want or is it no standards at all. (5/15/2007 10:06:01 AM)

 To the OP,  the only "standard" that  you should expect from others here,  are those established by the TOS.  To put expectations on anyone above and beyond that is unrealistic.   You can only control the standards you uphold for yourself, (and/or as the dominant partner in a relationship, those of your owned submissive.)



softness -> RE: What standards do we want or is it no standards at all. (5/15/2007 10:13:20 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

You see, the reason some of are a bitch is because what we have to say - in essence, the lesson we teach - is more important than what you think of us.

*smiling her teacher-ish smile*



claps quietly away to myself  ..... i usually reply ... "Yes dear I may be a bitch, but that doesn't make me wrong"



LadyHugs -> RE: What standards do we want or is it no standards at all. (5/15/2007 3:45:59 PM)

Dear Totalmaster4you, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
In my mind's eyes I see, each person is created as differently as one of a kind form of art and or treasure.  Each person is created differently and have life to draw from which creates their standards as much as mine, yours and others here and there.
 
As far as attitudes being less than pleasant--I rather look at how many individuals have become frustrated in their searches for their 'partner' in a relationship.  Its why most individuals are here, as to find some one to connect with and to open up enough as to create a relationship.
 
Dominants, men and women; slaves and submissive, men and women, Gays, Lesbians, Heterosexuals, Bi-Sexuals; Black, Brown, Yellow, Red and White and those who are a blend of such--all seek happiness.
 
All I can suggest is to attempt to see it more as frustration and not directed at you or others but, at the situation they must contend with.
 
It is a flawed thought that all sizes fit.  We all don't fit one another.
However, we can respect more the unique qualities.  There are issues that can be discussed without becoming personal.  In my mind's eyes I see, it often goes personal when it really doesn't have to be.  Its a choice individuals must make for themselves and from that choice people will judge.
 
That said; standards will be individualized.  Although there are general standards; entitlements associated with roles are often assumed and not factual these days.  The Internet has openned the knowledge and access to others in the lifestyle so, it is no longer like a local sewing circle or exclusive club memberships.  Until you create your own House or Castle system per se; a Nation -- a Group and or Organization; will you have any sense of any 'standards.'  Even with standards, there will always be exceptions.
 
The only standards that can ever be enjoyed and or enforced are those one has within themselves.  Until someone has shared standards and matches well with them; it is flawed thought that any one's set of standards will be realized without explaination, origins and 'the spirit of intent behind the setting of standards,' will anybody to willing to submit easily to them.
 
Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs



VeryMercurial -> RE: What standards do we want or is it no standards at all. (5/15/2007 3:48:46 PM)

It's okay for a submissive to complain or bitch online.
But I avoid those that call themselves {a submissive or slave}and attempt to nag, complain or bitch
me to death.
In fact not only do I avoid them, I run like hell.
Don't deal with them, problem solved.
That will be $100 for the advice.



zumala -> RE: What standards do we want or is it no standards at all. (5/15/2007 6:25:53 PM)

I find myself with this incredible urge to giggle...



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