RE: Question for the women ..

RE: Question for the women .. (Full Version)

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slaverosebeauty -> RE: Question for the women .. (5/13/2007 10:30:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsCara Has the way you "look", "feel", "relate" to men in this way of living affected the way you "look" at vanilla men? I don't necessarily mean in a relationship .. just in general .. C. I decided a while back to ONLY date vanilla men, few ever find out this site of me. I model for vanilla men, occassionally lifestyle photogs. As for how I look and fell and relate, its not much different, regardless of what 'side' of the fence they are on. My slave/submissive side is around, somewhere, normally she is taking a nap when I am around vanilla men, until I can know how dominate they are, if I see that sexy dominate streak, my slave/submisive side comes out and things go from there. I look at vanilla men, like I look at a lifestyle men, as my equal until we change the rules. Men are men, regardless. How I look, feel or relate depends on the man, not his 'side of the fence' or anything else. It depends on him. Some vanilla men are VERY dominate, yet, they are vanillas. They look at me as me, and so do I. I am me, regardless of who I am around. I may change my 'personality' or how I dress depending on a given situation, that is more to aclimate to my surroundings though; thats normal, we all do that.

Missokyst -> RE: Question for the women .. (5/13/2007 10:32:18 AM)
Oh heck. I flirt with most males. It isn't a sexual come'on for me, it is just how I relate to men. I find males are charming almost from birth. It is natural for me to smile more, be playful, ect, with most of the male sex, regardless of age, or sexuality. I plain out love them. Nilla, young, old, twisted, means nothing to me unless I am in a relationship with them. As far as I am concerned, men are just marvelous! Kyst

softness -> RE: Question for the women .. (5/13/2007 11:53:03 AM)
i found that entering the lifestyle gave me a massive injection of sexual self confidence ... i had very low self esteem and gave myself a hard time about how i looked ... since then i have found that i have a lot more confidence around men .. and this makes me more attractive ... i am flirty and cute with men i meet and really enjoy creating sexual tension even if i am not going to act on it though i am happy in a relationship with a vanilla girl ..having been with and served Dominant men ... i dont think i could now be satisfied at all with a vanilla man unless he had a very D personality and even then .. it somehow wouldn't fit right for me

AquaticSub -> RE: Question for the women .. (5/13/2007 1:13:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsCara Just a question .. I am curious .. I know, it killed the cat. I pose this question to the women on the board. Has the way you "look", "feel", "relate" to men in this way of living affected the way you "look" at vanilla men? I don't necessarily mean in a relationship .. just in general .. C. No. They live the way they want and that makes them happy. The men in the lifestyle live the way they want and that makes them happy.

AquaticSub -> RE: Question for the women .. (5/13/2007 1:16:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsCara good point and now that I think about it I do as well .. I find vanilla men to be "weak" .. even as I say it I am telling myself that can't be normal. <grins> Heck, whats normal anyway? Thank you all for your input. I don't find them weak at all. It takes strength to be yourself and around my area, in my social circle, there is a bit of sexual peer pressure to be kinky and one-up each other. I think it takes personal strength go "Fuck that, it doesn't turn me on, I'm going to stick with what does!"

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Question for the women .. (5/13/2007 2:12:44 PM)
I feel that dealing with a Dominant male and then dealing with a vanilla male with maybe a slight Dominant nature, a relaxing walk in the park now..[;)]..Tempting

shedreamz -> RE: Question for the women .. (5/13/2007 2:14:46 PM)
quote: Just a question .. I am curious .. I know, it killed the cat. I pose this question to the women on the board. Has the way you "look", "feel", "relate" to men in this way of living affected the way you "look" at vanilla men? I don't necessarily mean in a relationship .. just in general .. quote: ORIGINAL: MsCara Just a question .. I am curious .. I know, it killed the cat. I pose this question to the women on the board. Has the way you "look", "feel", "relate" to men in this way of living affected the way you "look" at vanilla men? I don't necessarily mean in a relationship .. just in general .. C. I think this lifestyle has made me much more aware of "power" dynamics out there in general -- whether at work, in friendships, with people I just interact with. I also am more aware of "service" orientations in people toward "superiors" -- and just more attune to that in the general community. I have to be honest I was quite shocked as to the concept that many women seem to find vanilla men offensive once in this lifestyle. It has had no such affect on me. If anything it has made me more confortable around men of all types.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Question for the women .. (5/13/2007 2:47:36 PM)
I admire the honesty at least that you don't respect someone because of their relationship orientation. It means when someone says they don't respect you because of yours that you'll be understanding and not have an issue with it either. But when it comes to checking someone out or feeling aroused, I can go on immediate carnal stimulation as much as the enxt person. :)

AquaticSub -> RE: Question for the women .. (5/13/2007 3:01:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross I admire the honesty at least that you don't respect someone because of their relationship orientation. It means when someone says they don't respect you because of yours that you'll be understanding and not have an issue with it either. But when it comes to checking someone out or feeling aroused, I can go on immediate carnal stimulation as much as the enxt person. :) snicker That made my day. Thanks.

KeirasSecret -> RE: Question for the women .. (5/13/2007 6:18:33 PM)
Maybe I should explain a little? I know not all vanilla males are bad, just like I know not all dominant males are good. I am fine with anyone who is what they claim to be; if someone says to me “I’m just a big kid and behaves that way, I’m ok. If someone says they are chief to the tribe and isn’t anymore mature then the youngest of the Indians, I have a problem. The OPS manager where I work is one of those later types. He will call for me, tell me we, (which usually means me), need to do something; if he either stands there and watches me while I do the job, or I find him reading a magazine when I’m done, (all things that have happened), I’m not going to be happy camper. I feel this way about anyone, male, female, vanilla, lifestyle. I just find it more in vanilla men then any other group. I believe a lot of it has to do with my expectations of said person or group, and what they lead me to believe I can expect. Too many offenses and I loose respect. I have been disappointed by a lot of vanilla men. I do look, and even find some vanilla men attractive, but since I’ve been in a D/s relationship, I have realized what was missing to keep the fire burning. D/s is what does it for me; the vanilla men I know think D/s is force and kinky sex, that's not how i see it. Another manager where I work, who knows of my interests, often tries to “play” Dom, he’s just flirting, which I think is cute, but I just shake my head, thinking, you just don’t get it. Then again, the reason he knows, is because I felt I had to say something when he kept asking me if I wanted to spank him. k

MsCara -> RE: Question for the women .. (5/14/2007 2:57:47 AM)
I am not saying there are not "good" vanilla men .. I am sure there are. There are many that are dominant in nature .. thats the way life is. I am saying for me I cannot take them seriously in personal interactions. I have no interest in sex for the "sake" of vanilla sex. I am about control .. control that I do not see in nillas. Control without follow up is a sad attempt in my book. So when I say I have so respect I mean in the D/s way. I find nilla men easy to manipulate .. even in the business world. Perhaps it is because I too have a lot of confidence around them. If a man says, "maybe we should go for dinner" my response would be, "why?" I have had nilla men tell me .. "there is something diferent about you and I can't figure it out", <grins> ... you don't want to know ... there is more to D/s than bdsm ... anyone can (if they want) fling around a flogger ... it is about (to coin a cliche') ... heart, body and soul. I find nilla men just do not follow that. Okay ... some D/s men don't either .. but at least with them I know where the field is. <whew> off to work I go !! Take care today everyone ... smiles.

hiddendesires2 -> RE: Question for the women .. (5/14/2007 3:17:50 AM)
I aslo tend to look at vanilla men as weak. I don't date vanilla at all anymore. Simply dosen't excite me.

Master96 -> RE: Question for the women .. (5/14/2007 4:37:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Missokyst Oh heck. I flirt with most males. It isn't a sexual come'on for me, it is just how I relate to men. I find males are charming almost from birth. It is natural for me to smile more, be playful, ect, with most of the male sex, regardless of age, or sexuality. I plain out love them. Nilla, young, old, twisted, means nothing to me unless I am in a relationship with them. As far as I am concerned, men are just marvelous! Kyst This is beautiful. I fell the same about Women :)

canupleaseme -> RE: Question for the women .. (5/14/2007 4:48:52 AM)
I dont see vanilla men as weak and will flirt with them if I am bored or think they are cute but its just a game. I have enjoyed dating vanilla men but I often found myself disapointed because they usually put themselves 1st and I dont like that. That said a couple of them were real gentlemen. I dont think they are weak they just dont dance to my beat and that makes me uninterested. Its fun on a night out though to tease vanilla men and then scare them when you whisper in their ear you have a 6inch strap on at home with their name on and watching them run[:D]

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Question for the women .. (5/14/2007 7:37:30 AM)
It's amusing that you think dominants aren't easy to manipulate. Most of them are quite.

canupleaseme -> RE: Question for the women .. (5/14/2007 7:55:44 AM)
Oh I didnt mean that L.A [&:] I'm pretty sure most people are easy to manipulate my um does it to me evry day lol

LaTigresse -> RE: Question for the women .. (5/14/2007 8:10:22 AM)
Interesting thread though really narrow with gender and sexuality. I guess I see almost all men and fairly weak and easily manipulated, their penises generally lead them. Regardless of vanilla or not. All one has to do to see it in online action is watch the "Introduce yourself" thread when a new pretty young girl appears or know one that creates a new profile on this site. I am not saying there are not alot of women, vanilla or otherwise, that are just as two dimensional and boring to ME.......just that, in my experience, men are moreso. Fun to toy with briefly, then boredom soon strikes. I will end up thinking to myself "Is that all you've got?!?!?"

LadyPact -> RE: Question for the women .. (5/14/2007 8:15:17 AM)
Just the fast reply. I didn't read the whole thread. I think it has changed the way I look at (most) vanilla men. Somehow, I view them as weaker. There is an intesity in males involved in BDSM that I just don't see in people who are not a part of the lifestyle. I think it takes a very strong personality to handle being a submissive male. Vanilla men just don't hit that high of a standard.

sunfleur -> RE: Question for the women .. (5/14/2007 9:58:42 AM)
yes it has, in a number of ways. first, i can spot a user/faker much faster now than before. that's probably due to experiences online, not so much just in the bdsm community. i look for Dominant qualities and have been pleasantly surprised when i've found them, and reached the point where i could say "you're talking like a Dominant".. and they reply, "yes girl, you're right" (love it when that happens!)

thetammyjo -> RE: Question for the women .. (5/14/2007 10:45:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsCara Just a question .. I am curious .. I know, it killed the cat. I pose this question to the women on the board. Has the way you "look", "feel", "relate" to men in this way of living affected the way you "look" at vanilla men? I don't necessarily mean in a relationship .. just in general .. C. Not just men but also women and folks who do not neatly fall into those two groups. I'm a lot less tolerant of BS and power games now than I was before I "discovered" BDSM for myself. I see power dynamics everywhere and I alway wonder about consent.

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