RE: Is romance desired or just dominance?

RE: Is romance desired or just dominance? (Full Version)

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gypsygrl -> RE: Is romance desired or just dominance? (5/13/2007 6:38:01 AM)
quote: Would a Master trust me enough to be vulernable without Love? i don't think so. This is a great question for anyone, D-side or s-side, though I can only speak for myself. For a long time, I blamed my inability to explore my kinky side (the twisted shit) and other vulnerabilities on other people (my ex-husband, mostly) and the fact that they didn't create the conditions where I could do that: they weren't affirming enough, they didn't validate my every cell, they didn't love me enough etc... I've changed my mind about that. It wasn't them. It was me. I wasn't trusting enough, and I wasn't secure enough and I didn't accept myself. I look at my own ability to be vulnerable and admit my kinks as a matter of self acceptance and trusting myself so I don't make 'love' a precondition. To me, it feels like an unfair demand: "I can only be myself, in all my fragile vulnerability, if you love me no matter what." That seems like I'm making the other person responsible for my ability to be vulnerable. I dunno. I guess what I'm thinking is more like, "Ok, I'm gonna be vulnerable 'cause I am vulnerable and you can decide what to think about it." (sorry if I'm hijacking)

slaveish -> RE: Is romance desired or just dominance? (5/13/2007 6:42:56 AM)
I love romance. I love to be Mastered. Depending on the day and the mood, our relationship changes. We (as in everyone in Masters house) have to be flexible, aware, and open to each other's needs and wants. It can be difficult, and there are some misfires, but I think there is a good mix of both, and both are important to me. I find it hard to want to submit to someone who does not love me sweetly.

cjenny -> RE: Is romance desired or just dominance? (5/13/2007 6:50:43 AM)
I don't need romantic love but I do need to be loved.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Is romance desired or just dominance? (5/13/2007 8:07:44 AM)
It depends on the type of relationship. Romance does not have to be a part of every type of relationship. If it just a physical, casual type thing romance may not be wanted at all. Not everyone wants on desires romance. With Master and I it depends on the mood. He can be very romantic and sometimes just rough and harsh. I think it depends on what everyone wants and needs out of the relationship. Every relationship is different and not one quality applies to all.

juliaoceania -> RE: Is romance desired or just dominance? (5/13/2007 12:02:34 PM)
It is not only desired that my dominant be romantic, tender, and loving... it is a requirement I have in order to submit... I never needed a strict person, I needed an inspiring one, and I have found that. I have to tell you, there is nothing more than the look of lovingness and tenderness in his eyes that makes me feel more submissive. All of us are different though, some do not feel submissive to someone that is affectionate too... I think that is why it is important for a dominant to make his dominance style clear to a submissive so that she may know if he would suit her. He should not have to change himself from being a romantic sort to suit her or vice versa

AquaticSub -> RE: Is romance desired or just dominance? (5/13/2007 1:23:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MellowSir I'm interested in what degree of romantic love and bdsm is preferred when you are in a sub/slave role, and how important is respect for feelings in regards to it. I try to mix it in equal measure and was wondering if I tend to not punish enough because of feelings, or too hard because of dominance. Something as simple as holding hands is equitable to a controlling scene, for me, just wondering........ I will not accept the collar of a man who does not love me. That is all there is to it.

GeekyGirl -> RE: Is romance desired or just dominance? (5/13/2007 1:41:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: EvaLass quote: ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl "It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me. So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always." Hi, GeekyGirl, I am in your court. I really want romance and love, the whole package. I like the signature quote that goes with your text. Did you write it or, if not, can you tell me where it came from? It's from a song by Jewel. I think it's called "near you". I was listening to it one day and thought WOW, what a submissive lyric!

littleone35 -> RE: Is romance desired or just dominance? (5/13/2007 1:58:13 PM)
My Master is a sensual not a sadistic Dom. We love each other so much, so romantic is an integral part of out relationship. I tried submit without love (my late Master) just caring thing but it was not a good scene. So with Master i know how good it can be when you have the whole pacakge romance and dominance. Matt's littleone

EvaLass -> RE: Is romance desired or just dominance? (5/13/2007 2:24:06 PM)
quote: ut, if they use their control to uncover the really twisted stuff and the stuff I want to hide from because I have a hard time dealing with it and owing up to, I can be confident that they're at least willing to explore the really twisted shit. Its risky because I'm not even sure what all's there and sometimes I freak myself out. In the same token, I wanna see the dominant side of a person, all of it, so I can decide if I can accept it fully. What are their fantasies and complexes, the twisted shit they keep under wraps? What do they do when they got the power? I foumd your comments on this topic to be very interesting. I think it is a form of love and compassion to be willing to get in there with someone and accept what they are hiding if it is hurting them to keep it hidden. Some people (Doms and submissives both) use the power to heal each other's broken parts. Some "twisted shit" is best left under wraps. My father was a psychologist and he always told me that "denial" was a healthy aspect of the human personality. So, it is a balance between deciding what you need to reveal to someone in order to know that they accept you fully and deciding what probably should stay hidden because it's really healthier not to let everything hang out.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Is romance desired or just dominance? (5/13/2007 2:57:36 PM)
Most want both. Most require there to be love as the foundation for the relationship in order for Ms to exist at all. Some do not.

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Is romance desired or just dominance? (5/13/2007 3:00:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Evilfx Love is the most powerful form of domination possible. Not only to enslave the body and the mind, but the heart as well. Romance can very often be the key to that dominance. However HOW you go about "romancing" will varry from person to person depending on what does it for them. I think I may agree with you..however..do you mean love on the Dominants part as well?..For to inspire love one must IMO feel it and give or return it........Tempting

Evilfx -> RE: Is romance desired or just dominance? (5/13/2007 4:30:36 PM)
There is always the possibility of unrequited love. I however feel that it should be given as well as received (sub or dom) and is mandatory for me to truly devote myself to anyone completely. I detest the thought of control by fear or other such methods. IMO that is not domination but a sign of weakness on the part of the dominant. If the actions do not stem from the heart, giving submission or taking dominance, then the actions are merely superficial and cannot ever have any true meaning or survive the test of time.

julietsierra -> RE: Is romance desired or just dominance? (5/13/2007 6:00:28 PM)
Dominance and submission IS our romantic love. I don't need hearts and flowers and declarations of undying love. I need what he provides. We love quietly but deeply. There are no heartfelt "I LOVE YOU's" through the telephone, but it's always there, and it's always felt and I learned a long time ago that when it gets said often but never acted upon, it means not one damn thing. He loves in his fashion and I love in mine and thankfully, it works well. juliet

givemyall -> RE: Is romance desired or just dominance? (5/14/2007 5:25:57 AM)
I want it all - and the unlimited credit card aswell [:D] ... not forgetting flowers, choccy, cards, spa holidays, perfumes, roses on the pillow, expensive wines, new car every birthday tied up in a big red bow, diamonds and pearls, breakfast in bed, lingerie, beautiful outfits, my own hairdresser, expensive makeup, love trinkets etc etc ..... just the normal things I guess with a bit of dominance and control thrown in [:D] Seriously, I think romance is important too

starshineowned -> RE: Is romance desired or just dominance? (5/14/2007 6:03:18 AM)
Greetings..~smiles~ Romance isn't required or wanted. Affection, and at times a sympathetic approach is very nice when life whacks you around. Will say that Men seem to like affection, and real intimacy beyond just sexual just as much as this girl does. The place where the meeting of the souls occurs. Well Wishes starshine Happy slave of Master Delvin

Ericus1 -> RE: Is romance desired or just dominance? (5/14/2007 7:08:48 PM)
I can't really serve a Mistress i don't care about long term. I have served short term, because i was ordered too. But to serve a Domme long term, i have to care greatly about her and know that she cares as much about me. ericus

JennyWench -> RE: Is romance desired or just dominance? (5/14/2007 10:11:22 PM)
hmmm...great thread, lots of interesting perspective. i never really thought about it though, romance and submission are just different manifestations of the same reality. i don't think i could be with Dom where there wasn't some degree of romance. now that said, i should point out that my first two Doms were of the "friends with benefits" variety so it was that heart pounding true love thing going on. i should point out that i'm into BDSM-lite and not hardcore, so my perspective may not be applicable to the experience of others.

IrishMist -> RE: Is romance desired or just dominance? (5/15/2007 12:50:27 AM)
Love; is not a necessity Romance; is not a necessity since I don't need either to be happy, I would not need another to acknowledge them in any way shape or form.

maledave7 -> RE: Is romance desired or just dominance? (5/15/2007 4:14:22 AM)
My desire is to find a dominant woman where both are involved. I am seeking a long-term relationship with a dominant woman. I would love to care for and obey my Mistress. I feel as we develop our relationship over time I would trust her more to dominate me. I really want romance and love and not just dominance.

Lordskitten -> RE: Is romance desired or just dominance? (5/15/2007 5:10:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaveish I love romance. I love to be Mastered. Depending on the day and the mood, our relationship changes. I completely agree with this statement. My Master and i were talking the other day (we're slowly exploring the D/s aspect of our relationship..Him being a corrupted vanilla ..Bad me![:)]) and he asked me how often i would want to incorporate BDSM into our sex life..and before i could even respond he said he'd like it to be 4 outta 5 times. I was thrilled not only because he wanted more of the D/s aspect but also because he still craves that intimate love making. Edit.... Just wanted to add that romance is part of Master's and my everyday life as well. We are very affectionate and he has no problem with me 'attacking him with kisses' when he climbs into bed..holding my hand in public or cuddling me while we wait in line at the check out. It makes me feel loved, special, and Dominated.

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