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Am I being unreasonable? - 5/12/2007 7:22:44 PM   
littlespicyone


Posts: 28
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline 		I think that it's kind of assumed that a submisive will ask to belong to a Dominant, but is it unreasonable for me to hope that someday a Dominant will ask me to be His?
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RE: Am I being unreasonable? - 5/12/2007 7:25:09 PM   
minnetar


Posts: 1272
Joined: 4/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlespicyone

I think that it's kind of assumed that a submisive will ask to belong to a Dominant, but is it unreasonable for me to hope that someday a Dominant will ask me to be His?


Can you specify what you mean by that?  Do you mean a collar?

minnetar

(in reply to littlespicyone)
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RE: Am I being unreasonable? - 5/12/2007 7:29:27 PM   
MellowSir


Posts: 260
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline 		"Hope is that thing with feathers, that perches in the soul"~Emily Dickinson

(in reply to minnetar)
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RE: Am I being unreasonable? - 5/12/2007 7:30:55 PM   
playfulotter


Posts: 2195
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		i think you will do that if you think if is the totally right thing to do..hopefully after you have met in person!

_____________________________

We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.” ― Benjamin Franklin

"Some people are otters, some people are rocks." ~Sheldon Cooper

(in reply to littlespicyone)
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RE: Am I being unreasonable? - 5/12/2007 7:33:39 PM   
subinsouth


Posts: 55
Joined: 6/20/2006
Status: offline 		i am lost ~ Op states "assumed that a submissive will ask to belong to a Dominant?"   i thought the Dominant would ask, if They so desired, to have a submissive as Theirs?  Did i miss something???

_____________________________

may it be for me as You will

(in reply to minnetar)
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RE: Am I being unreasonable? - 5/12/2007 7:40:56 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		I should think it's like getting married.  At some point, 'someone' has to ask, and it probably doesn't matter who.

I understand your point, though.  If you ask for a collar, you are taking the risk of rejection and making your feelings known.  If you are asked, then you know you are desired.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to littlespicyone)
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RE: Am I being unreasonable? - 5/12/2007 9:16:46 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Who asks whom is a matter of preference. If the relationship is going well, who should ask should probably be discussed. While I might offer a token, I expect the slave to ask for a collar. Just my preference.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to littlespicyone)
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RE: Am I being unreasonable? - 5/12/2007 10:35:10 PM   
robertolapiedra


Posts: 520
Joined: 5/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlespicyone

I think that it's kind of assumed that a submisive will ask to belong to a Dominant, but is it unreasonable for me to hope that someday a Dominant will ask me to be His?


Hello littlespicyone. Try this, ''Would you please consider me as your collared slave? It helps if your a not complete stranger. A big smile works wonders (happy slave). After ''consideration'' the dominant will ask or not ask. Keep it simple (unmanipulative) and to the point (honest and respectful). RL.

< Message edited by robertolapiedra -- 5/12/2007 10:36:17 PM >

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RE: Am I being unreasonable? - 5/13/2007 12:11:47 AM   
aldompdx


Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline 		Unless you are an ice queen, or your partner is a brick wall, then your feelings of closeness are probably known. There are cultures where asking literally demands that the request be satisfied. I find it more respectful and a demonstration of deeper submission to wait to be asked. Taking control and asking is not a strong showing of submission or surrender. Do you want to take, or give, or share what is offered?

Hope is not unreasonable.

< Message edited by aldompdx -- 5/13/2007 12:12:37 AM >

(in reply to robertolapiedra)
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RE: Am I being unreasonable? - 5/13/2007 2:48:52 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		My girl didn't ask initialy, but I was reasonably confident that IF I asked I knew what her answer would have been... so I didn't ask, I told! Only once was she ASKED and that was to confirm she was ready to FULLY submit, to make it absolutely clear I had consent.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to aldompdx)
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RE: Am I being unreasonable? - 5/13/2007 5:52:13 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlespicyone

I think that it's kind of assumed that a submisive will ask to belong to a Dominant, but is it unreasonable for me to hope that someday a Dominant will ask me to be His?


 I asked to be his but I had no idea that it was an assumed thing. He didn't and doesn't need me; the desire was mine, so I asked. There was certainly a reasonable chance that he'd say *no*.

I don't think it's unreasonable to hope that a dominant will ask you.......but why does it matter? Is it a rejection thing? Is it because if you are asked, you have the certainty that you're wanted?

agirl

(in reply to littlespicyone)
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RE: Am I being unreasonable? - 5/13/2007 6:08:13 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

I think that it's kind of assumed that a submisive will ask to belong to a Dominant, but is it unreasonable for me to hope that someday a Dominant will ask me to be His?


I would never ask, that's how my personality is.  I've always been about having an investment in knowing that I was wanted by the other person.  A one-sided ask would not work for me.  In some cultures - Gorean, the girl is expected to beg.  Again, that's not me, I feel that both people should be approaching the relationship.  Instead of worrying about some unknown time or situation in the future, just let things develop as they will or won't, there's nothing much more you can do anyway.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to agirl)
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RE: Am I being unreasonable? - 5/13/2007 6:11:27 AM   
littlespicyone


Posts: 28
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline 		Maybe I'm wrong and it's not as assumed as I think ... but I would just like to be asked because I'm a closet romantic and although I know a Dominant man wouldn't say yes if He didn't want to, it would be reassuring if I was asked.

_____________________________

I touched the soil, and he loved me back.

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Am I being unreasonable? - 5/13/2007 6:14:04 AM   
littlespicyone


Posts: 28
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlespicyone

I think that it's kind of assumed that a submisive will ask to belong to a Dominant, but is it unreasonable for me to hope that someday a Dominant will ask me to be His?


 I asked to be his but I had no idea that it was an assumed thing. He didn't and doesn't need me; the desire was mine, so I asked. There was certainly a reasonable chance that he'd say *no*.

I don't think it's unreasonable to hope that a dominant will ask you.......but why does it matter? Is it a rejection thing? Is it because if you are asked, you have the certainty that you're wanted?

agirl



Which begs another question. Is it unreasonable to want the One I give myself to to need me? Certainly not in the way that I need Him, but still need what I can offer Him.

_____________________________

I touched the soil, and he loved me back.

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Am I being unreasonable? - 5/13/2007 6:29:34 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		There isn't a cookie-cutter one-size-fits-all D/s or M/s relationship.  It would be unreasonable for you to ignore who you are and what you need to feel in your submission.  For me, i absolutely need to feel not just needed but necessary.  i have never felt any real satisfaction in being just the most convenient girl at hand at the time.  i want to know that there is something special and unique about me as a person and that my service has some meaning to the  Dom that is different from all the others who serve Him.  That's just me.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to littlespicyone)
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RE: Am I being unreasonable? - 5/13/2007 7:33:27 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlespicyone

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlespicyone

I think that it's kind of assumed that a submisive will ask to belong to a Dominant, but is it unreasonable for me to hope that someday a Dominant will ask me to be His?


 I asked to be his but I had no idea that it was an assumed thing. He didn't and doesn't need me; the desire was mine, so I asked. There was certainly a reasonable chance that he'd say *no*.

I don't think it's unreasonable to hope that a dominant will ask you.......but why does it matter? Is it a rejection thing? Is it because if you are asked, you have the certainty that you're wanted?

agirl



Which begs another question. Is it unreasonable to want the One I give myself to to need me? Certainly not in the way that I need Him, but still need what I can offer Him.


I don't know if it's unreasonable. These aren't questions that address *reasonable*, but desire.

I think wanting to be needed gives a sense of security ......*I NEED them, but it's ok, they NEED me, too*  It can appear *safer* to need someone that needs you, or something that you offer.

I believe I am wanted, not needed. There's a security in that, too. I'd rather someone owned me out of want, rather than need. I rely on M, he does not rely on me.  There's no way that I can measure his want against my need and gain a sense of security.

agirl









(in reply to littlespicyone)
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RE: Am I being unreasonable? - 5/13/2007 8:04:46 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlespicyone

I think that it's kind of assumed that a submisive will ask to belong to a Dominant, but is it unreasonable for me to hope that someday a Dominant will ask me to be His?


Neither should be assumed, and no, your hope is not unreasonable.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to littlespicyone)
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RE: Am I being unreasonable? - 5/13/2007 8:21:44 AM   
NakedGirlScout


Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		My opinion - the question sounds like there's an underground power struggle brewing (who wants/needs whom more?)

I think long-term powerful relationships are built when both people want and need one another wholeheartedly. Believing that one person could do very well without the other, while the opposite isn't true, breeds unhealthy insecurities.

By the time a level is reached in a relationship where ownership ought to be considered seriously it should not matter who brings it up, since both people will be thinking the same thing.

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Am I being unreasonable? - 5/13/2007 8:25:49 AM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline 		I think it depends on the individual dynamic, with Master and I - I asked His collar but I knew that was what He wanted also

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Am I being unreasonable? - 5/13/2007 9:00:12 AM   
shyinini


Posts: 550
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlespicyone

I think that it's kind of assumed that a submisive will ask to belong to a Dominant, but is it unreasonable for me to hope that someday a Dominant will ask me to be His?


take heart.......yes ............. it DOES happen !  

quote:


Which begs another question. Is it unreasonable to want the One I give myself to to need me? Certainly not in the way that I need Him, but still need what I can offer Him.


Need and want are different to me spicyone.  I cannot exactly tell you the difference...they just are.
When Sir told me, "you are wanted"  everything inside of me surrendered to him.  He doesnt need me, but of all the others he could have had, he choose and wants me.
I hope that makes sense.

< Message edited by shyinini -- 5/13/2007 9:11:53 AM >

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.


(in reply to littlespicyone)
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