Why isn't there a commonly used dom/me Master/Mistress equivalent for slaves and subs

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Why isn't there a commonly used dom/me Master/Mistress ... - 5/12/2007 11:45:40 PM

daniL

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Okay so this is a conversation that I had with my girl this evening, because I am big on gender neutral terms [if I offend, that is not my intention. The point here is to start a discussion on why these terms are used. Also, we analyze language like this frequently. Just because we attempt to look at the root of how a certain phrase/word was used doesn't mean we subscribe to that particular thought process]:

ME: i dislike there being a distinguishing word for domme but not malesub equvilent
MYGIRL: some people say sub and subbe
ME: but it is very not used [it is not used very often is what I meant to say]... i do not understand why there are such differentiations, UNLESS of course, someone attempted the thin [in my opinion] argument of there being a dehumanizaing aspect to sub/slave [therefore no distinction is needed], but not everyone looks at those roles as dehumanizing
MYGiRL: i don't know...look at it from the POV of male-dominated language...coz some men fetishize dominant women, so they needed a word for that...but subs are women of course, no need for gender differentiation...being a sub man is shamefully emasculating and better not to speak of such a thing in a way that would require something finicky as gender differentiation...men don't feel like speaking of other men in that way, and maybe the sub men didn't want to be ensconced in language

What do others think? Is there a level of gender neutrality to being a sub/slave that there isn't necessarily to being a dom/me [Master/Mistress]? Or is it a bit more patriarchical? Or is it something else entirely?

***edited for spelling and formatting...and I can't BELIEVE I spelled equivalent wrong in the title of this thread...I'm usually better at that sort of thing***

< Message edited by daniL -- 5/12/2007 11:51:41 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Why isn't there a commonly used dom/me Master/Mistr... - 5/12/2007 11:51:16 PM

MzMia

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Well, I tend to refer to myself as a Dominant, so that can be gender neutral if I use the
phrase Dominant person.
I rarely call myself Mistress or Domina, I just prefer to call myself a Dominant.
If you stick with Dominant and submissive, those terms are totally gender neutral and androgynous.
nuff said, lol

< Message edited by MzMia -- 5/12/2007 11:55:55 PM >

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(in reply to daniL)

Post #: 2

RE: Why isn't there a commonly used dom/me Master/Mistr... - 5/13/2007 12:02:43 AM

chiaThePet

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[being a sub man is shamefully emasculating]

Ahhhh what? i really don't feel either "just because" i'm a submale.
There are certain specific surrenders and requirements which
individual Dominants may wish to exact from me which would
cause such feelings, but they are not "automatic" within me. Also,
my Dommes and a few Doms, have always referred to me as boy,
or boi, a term i accept with love and devotion. Though i realize
this would not be suitable for a femsub, so really can't help you there.
Of course, i am also personally referred to as "pet" by those whom
choose to do so, again, lovingly cherished.

With Love and Respect, chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to daniL)

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RE: Why isn't there a commonly used dom/me Master/Mistr... - 5/13/2007 12:06:00 AM

daniL

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Joined: 4/12/2007
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The emasculation bit was not actually a sentiment that she was supporting, in this context. We were discussing a male-dominated society where, well, male dominance was/is considered the norm and the ideal.

(in reply to chiaThePet)

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RE: Why isn't there a commonly used dom/me Master/Mistr... - 5/13/2007 12:44:24 AM

chiaThePet

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[The emasculation bit was not actually a sentiment that she was supporting, in this context. We were discussing a male-dominated society where, well, male dominance was/is considered the norm and the ideal.]

In that context then, among all those brutus, vein bulging, ego driven
testosterone twirling neanderthals, i might be considered shamed to
be submissive, but i tend not to wear such on my sleeve when in the
midst of the great warriors on the outside. (though i love the look)
i assumed the question was put forth in the context as it applies here.
As it would pertain in circumstances here, the term "boy" works for me.

With Love and Respect, chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to daniL)

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RE: Why isn't there a commonly used dom/me Master/Mistr... - 5/13/2007 2:39:16 AM

earthycouple

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I personally think Domme is silly, though I use it because if I call myself a Dom people will be confused.

I kinda feel, and this is only a feeling, I have NO facts to back it...that someone somewhere got a bug up their arse and decided female and male Dominants needed to be distinguised in some way so here we are.

What really bugs me is when someone pronounces "Domme" Dom A or says "subbie" don't know why, but I hate the word subbie. Ewwwww

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RE: Why isn't there a commonly used dom/me Master/Mistr... - 5/13/2007 6:37:15 AM

chiaThePet

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Joined: 2/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple

I personally think Domme is silly, though I use it because if I call myself a Dom people will be confused.

I kinda feel, and this is only a feeling, I have NO facts to back it...that someone somewhere got a bug up their arse and decided female and male Dominants needed to be distinguised in some way so here we are.

What really bugs me is when someone pronounces "Domme" Dom A or says "subbie" don't know why, but I hate the word subbie. Ewwwww

Yeah i know what You mean, when i hear someone shout "i want a subbie",
i am compelled to lather myself in mayonaisse, roll in some ham and turkey
slices, then stick pieces of pumpernickel all about me. "Coming Mistress,
just getting ready for this evenings munch."

With Love and Respect, chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to earthycouple)

Post #: 7

RE: Why isn't there a commonly used dom/me Master/Mistr... - 5/13/2007 7:39:59 AM

LightHeartedMaam

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Joined: 5/12/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: chiaThePet

Yeah i know what You mean, when i hear someone shout "i want a subbie",
i am compelled to lather myself in mayonaisse, roll in some ham and turkey
slices, then stick pieces of pumpernickel all about me. "Coming Mistress,
just getting ready for this evenings munch."

With Love and Respect, chia* (the pet)

Oh you are Delicious! and funny! thanks.

(I shall never use the word subbie again- not without thinking of your post)

_____________________________

Now that I'm older, I thought it was great that it seems I have more patience. Turns out, that I just don't give a sh*t.

(in reply to chiaThePet)

Post #: 8

RE: Why isn't there a commonly used dom/me Master/Mistr... - 5/13/2007 9:09:54 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

Hm. Now I'm hungry.

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~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to chiaThePet)

Post #: 9

RE: Why isn't there a commonly used dom/me Master/Mistr... - 5/13/2007 2:12:49 PM

MadameDahlia

Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

Hm. Now I'm hungry.

*Dives Into the Thread* Cannibal!! Er... wait... I meant cannonball.

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--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 10

RE: Why isn't there a commonly used dom/me Master/Mistr... - 5/13/2007 2:32:28 PM

chiaThePet

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Joined: 2/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadameDahlia

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

Hm. Now I'm hungry.

*Dives Into the Thread* Cannibal!! Er... wait... I meant cannonball.

Did somebody say "cannibal"!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Quick boys, form a circle!

i do apologize daniL, this all suddenly found it's way to the Mother's
Day Buffet line, Dommes picking boy bits out of Their teeth and such,
my bad.

With Love and Respect, chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to MadameDahlia)

Post #: 11

RE: Why isn't there a commonly used dom/me Master/Mistr... - 5/13/2007 2:55:16 PM

daniL

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That's alright, chia...if I didn't have an aversion to mayo, I'd be joining in!

(in reply to chiaThePet)

Post #: 12

RE: Why isn't there a commonly used dom/me Master/Mistr... - 5/13/2007 4:14:45 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

Eh I try not to let things I cant controll get to me and language is definetly one of those things.

Magik's slave

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If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to daniL)

Post #: 13

RE: Why isn't there a commonly used dom/me Master/Mistr... - 5/13/2007 5:09:15 PM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

Pffft a lady would not pick her teeth at the table. A good subbie would already be pre cut into bite sized pieces so we would not have the need.

OK to not completely derail this topic, I have no idea why it is. But I often say things like "my boy" as opposed to the generic submissive that can denote either gender. If I need to distinguish I usually just use male and female submissive.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to chiaThePet)

Post #: 14

RE: Why isn't there a commonly used dom/me Master/Mistr... - 5/13/2007 6:29:38 PM

Damocles809

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Well I for one am glad we don't have more terms for it.

Last thing the lifestyle needs is more labels.

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 15

RE: Why isn't there a commonly used dom/me Master/Mistr... - 5/13/2007 6:32:24 PM

PainKing

Posts: 6
Joined: 8/6/2006
Status: offline

Solyent Green is people! now with 50% more girls!

Dom, Domme, sub, subbie, I don't think I'm experienced enough to make a call on all that being correct or incorrect. but what about Master/Mistress for doms and I think the Goreans have distinctions between male and female slaves..kajira for fems kajirus for males. I know not all subs are slaves but I think the terms could be bent to suit.
what gets me is that I use the honorific Sir and Ma'am for almost anyone I meet..to me its the most basic amount of honor someone is due..I feel as if I'm marking myself as inferior in the BDSM community doing this, as it is a common term of respect for subs to Doms.
PK

(in reply to daniL)

Post #: 16

RE: Why isn't there a commonly used dom/me Master/Mistr... - 5/13/2007 6:43:06 PM

MstrssPassion

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From: West Palm Beach, FL
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Is it just me or is anyone else hoping Damocles becomes a regular poster?

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MstrssPassion

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RE: Why isn't there a commonly used dom/me Master/Mistr... - 5/13/2007 6:52:26 PM

hawkwolf7

Posts: 85
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline

Actually, chia brought up an example of that differentiation.

In the Leather groups I hang out with, "boy" refers to a male submissive, and "boi" refers to a female submissive. But the bois I know are usually not fems, (i.e., not into being feminine), so "boi" wouldn't be appropriate to describe every female submissive.

But, in general, I am always amazed at how seriously people take what they are called. I recognize that words can collect both negative and positive connotations, and often without merit.

When if first went public, I figured that a "subbie" was the feminine version of the male or gender neutral "sub". Needless to say, I got my head handed to me in a hurry by those who felt that "subbie" was demeaning. That viewpoint appears to be very common for some reason. And, I think it has bled over into Domme. I am surprised at the number of Fem Doms who find that term demeaning.

My suspicion is that for some, any differentiation made due to gender is demeaning. As if they are somehow "less real" because they are female??? I certainly don't see that. To me, these are labels of convenience, to denote a gender, not to connote a judgement on their abilities.

So, back to the topic. Perhaps it is a good thing that "submissive" or "sub", does not have a gender denotation. At least it prevents me from offending someone inadvertantly.

HW

< Message edited by hawkwolf7 -- 5/13/2007 6:55:48 PM >

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p.s. Everything I write is simply one person's opinion: mine. Feel free to take what is useful and blow off the rest.

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost.

(in reply to chiaThePet)

Post #: 18

RE: Why isn't there a commonly used dom/me Master/Mistr... - 5/13/2007 7:35:18 PM

chiaThePet

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Joined: 2/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

Is it just me or is anyone else hoping Damocles becomes a regular poster?

Oh sure, throw the sub sandwich out the window
as soon as the dessert cart arrives!

With Love and Respect, chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to MstrssPassion)

Post #: 19

RE: Why isn't there a commonly used dom/me Master/Mistr... - 5/13/2007 8:03:07 PM

MistressNoName

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In my local community when folks use the words Dom and Domme, they are pronounced the same way. I think when women get offended by the word "Domme" it's usually because it's being used somewhat disparagingly and being pronounced as <dah-may>, in a sort-of tongue-in-cheek manner. Nothing pisses someone off faster than not being taken seriously, in one way or other.

As for the whole Dom/me, Master/Mistress thing...someone many, many moons ago decided that women, for some reason, needed to have extra letters added onto a title...that's why we have actresses, instead of just actors, seamstresses, instead of just tailors and why women had to have their own separate army corps (remember the WACs?)...And even though I prefer calling anyone who is one, an actor, with no gender differential, personally I prefer to identify as Mistress and I prefer any boy in my service to refer to me as such.

And, yes, I too would like to see more of Damocles...I mean, yes, it would be lovely if he were to become a regular poster here and share all of his wonderfully, muscle-clad ideas here.......

MNN

(in reply to hawkwolf7)

Post #: 20

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