RE: Need Input Please

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Need Input Please

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Need Input Please

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Need Input Please - 5/14/2007 4:35:16 AM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

And purely because I'm the local agent provocateur I would LOVE to see this posted on the Gor bored... forgive me, board, just to sit back and enjoy the flames ;-)

_____________________________

(in reply to MstrssPassion)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: Need Input Please - 5/14/2007 4:43:05 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

That was exactly my thoughts.... I really think it would be an eye-opener for her.

To the OP: Just be sure to let them know that you are not a gorean slave or they will gang up on you. Go in & ask in the most polite way possible that you are very confused by his actions & choices & you need to find out from those who know what to make of it.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to kittinSol)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: Need Input Please - 5/14/2007 4:49:08 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

It sounds to me like this guy has slipped from reality into the realm of Gordom. Once she is his slave she cannot tell him not to have sex with her, so don't even kid yourself. Very few slaves are total service (as in chores) slaves. She has to obey him and you know he is most likely going to want sex with her. Now the question is can you deal with that? If not you may want to reconsider this relationship.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to Rrobinlarkway)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: Need Input Please - 5/14/2007 4:50:21 AM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

MstrssPassion... we could do it regardless. Couldn't we? Post it up and see what they say? Or would that be against the forum rules?

_____________________________

(in reply to MstrssPassion)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: Need Input Please - 5/14/2007 4:55:29 AM

givemyall

Posts: 620
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline

It sounds to me that he has just found something he would rather be doing than spend time with you. The same happens in alot of marriages I guess, but if I was you I would cure the problem at source and get shut of him, or if thats not an option then I would find something or someone to do whilst he was busy on the phone/PC

Personally, I would wipe the floor with him but I would at least start by standing up for myself.

Good luck

(in reply to Rrobinlarkway)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: Need Input Please - 5/14/2007 5:00:23 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

From the goreans I know, none would have acted in the way that your husband has without prior full-on discussion.

A gorean just doesn't take on a slave - even if you are already married - and act the way he did.

To me, it sounds more like a man who has discovered the fantasy of Gor - even the fantasy of BDSM - and really has little grasp of the concept, and is using it as an escapism.

Your writings seem to indicate that the thought of BDSM was interesting - and so please remember that the way your husband has acted is not the way the majority exist and that BDSM can be fulfilling for you if you are interested in persuing it further. Please don't be frightened off by someone elses lack of empathy or bad dominance.

It also indicates that you are not happy with the situation. In which case, you should tell your husband and see his reaction. If Gor is what he wants - then your marriage(harsh as this is going to sound) is already over. You can either accept this and stay married and let him have his cake and eat it, or you can be strong and make the decision to leave. The third option is that you stay together and you have another lover - and see how he likes the tables reversed(I am not saying for a moment a tit-for-tat exchange, but he cannot expect you to just deal with his indescretions unless you accept that for yourself). End of the day, if you feel his treatment of you is wrong, then it is wrong - and you need to find your place and take the steps to move your life forward - either with or without him.

Peace and Rapture

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to Rrobinlarkway)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: Need Input Please - 5/14/2007 5:14:30 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

this is her story, her situation & it is she that should present it for review

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to kittinSol)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: Need Input Please - 5/14/2007 5:27:31 AM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

You are right, of course... oh, what I would give to be wise *sigh*.

_____________________________

(in reply to MstrssPassion)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: Need Input Please - 5/14/2007 5:33:53 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

this is her story, her situation & it is she that should present it for review

i agree, she should present it for herself...i don't think the reaction will be much different than here on this side though; the antagonists will flame, the concerned will offer advice, and the disinterested will simply ignore~

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to MstrssPassion)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: Need Input Please - 5/14/2007 7:55:35 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

Just in case this thread gets moved I would like to once again emphasize that I equate those who follow Gor to Trekkies....Both of these groups attract some of the most socially deranged people on the planet outside of a psych ward.

_____________________________

(in reply to dawntreader)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: Need Input Please - 5/14/2007 8:02:34 AM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

domiguy, I'll kiss you if you let me... come on *stomps foot*

_____________________________

(in reply to domiguy)

Profile

Post #: 31

RE: Need Input Please - 5/14/2007 8:28:04 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Just in case this thread gets moved I would like to once again emphasize that I equate those who follow Gor to Trekkies....Both of these groups attract some of the most socially deranged people on the planet outside of a psych ward.

Dearest domiguy :-)
why limit it to Gor and Trekkies?

BDSM in general attracts quite a few socially deranged people! For example, i don't understand the following and they squirk me a hell of alot more than Gor and Trekkies: men that wear diapers ( and use them) and want to be treated as babies, toilet slaves of any gender, hardcore S&M, slaves that sleep in cages and are required to eat and drink from pet bowls, total bondage suits with tubes for waste and nutrition, and the list grows with every outlandish fetish i learn about! Gor and Trekkies seem mild in comparison...

why is there so little tolerance in the realm of alternative lifestyles?

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to domiguy)

Profile

Post #: 32

RE: Need Input Please - 5/14/2007 8:44:33 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

Because people in BDSM come from a world outside of BDSM - and people are people - (damn Depeche Mode!) - There are goreans, D&Ders, roleplayers, SecondLifers, Trekkers, Trekkies, wombles, redarmies, Star Wars Fanatics, Religions, ... dt - you know that just because we on a BDSM board, doesn't mean that people are any nicer or more understanding. One often see less tolerence usually...

Peace

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to dawntreader)

Profile

Post #: 33

RE: Need Input Please - 5/14/2007 8:50:05 AM

addicted2it

Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rrobinlarkway

Hi! My name is Robin and I am new to the boards. I have a problem of a sort that hopefully ya'llcan help me with.
I am married and have been for about 16 years. As of just over a year ago, my husband discovered that he was a Master in the BDSM/Gorean lifestyle. I was kinda taken aback when he announced this to me, but I thought, "ok," and continued on with life. He approached me about becoming his slave. So, I thought, "Ok, this might spice things up for us." Cuz things for about a year things had quieted down. Boy, was I in for a surprise!!!
I had no idea what was in store for me, but I agreed and ventured into the slave thing with no ideas. What I lived in that period of time wasn't pleasant by any means of the word!!! I could do NOTHING right, no matter how hard I tried. My dog was more favored than me!! But I had agreed and went along with it. The breaking point was when he "cropped me" for something very small. I can't remember the reason, but I do remember the beating he gave me. It was when I begged him to let me be his wife again (and I mean BEGGED) that he let me out of the slave thing.
Mind you, I have respect for everyone, but I couldn't see me living with him serving out the harsh punishments that he did.
Well, he decided to go online to find a new slave and he did. He fell in love with her and became obsessed with her. He had made arraignments to go see her without my knowledge. (I found this out afterward...) She figured out that something was a miss when he would not leave her alone. He was constantly "up her tail".She had enough when he started to interfere with her family life (she was married at the time) and she made an excuse of "moving" just so he would release her and leave her alone.
Now, he has met another young lady who lives in our state and has decided to "collar her" as his slave.She knows he is married and SAYS she will not allow a sexual relationship to evolve from this. He says that he would "never allow this lifestyle to tear our marriage apart". He is either online with her or on the phone with her at least 5-6 hours a day. (he talks to her on the phone during his work time cuz he works at night.) He, too, has made plans to meet her, but he told me about it this time.
I know how human nature works and I am kinda concerned that, even tho he says there will be a "Bi-girl" there for after the playing, that he will still have sex with her. He insists that he will not and that I should trust him. She supposedly has nothing but admoration for me, cuz I understand my husband's ways and that I am "a better person than she to be so understanding".
Am I crazy? He treats me so much better now that I am no longer his slave. But like I asked, am I crazy?What is your input on all this?
I would appreciate anything you would have to tell me. Sometimes I feel so alone cuz I don't have anyone to talk to about any of this.
Thank you so much!!!

In my opinion, there is no excuse for him to dump you into this type of relationship without fully-explaining what it is.

Please...if you think that your safety is at risk, get out!!!

If not, and you still want to be in this marriage, find a kink-aware therapist and work it out.

There will be many who respond to your post. Please listen to them and learn.

Take good care. *smile*

_____________________________

"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."

(in reply to Rrobinlarkway)

Profile

Post #: 34

RE: Need Input Please - 5/14/2007 8:51:05 AM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

Personally my problem with Gor stems from the extremely didactic attitudes I have encountered from Gor people on numerous forum boards.

It is usually them that have problems with me, simply because I dare question their chosen way of life. I have grown weary of them, yes, but simply because a multitude of them (be it the power holders or their 'slaves') are so pigheaded and stuck up about Gor.

Should somebody choose to question my choices, I wouldn't immediately leap at their throats and threaten/bully/insult them. Alas, that is what a lot of Gor followers seem to do. So now, I choose to laugh at them: if they feel threatened by that, all the more compassion they deserve. I fear Gor BDSMers are socially inadequate.

Clear enough?

_____________________________

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Profile

Post #: 35

RE: Need Input Please - 5/14/2007 8:58:21 AM

LightHeartedMaam

Posts: 296
Joined: 5/12/2007
Status: offline

For some it's a lifestyle, for others it's an excuse. If this were I, I'd suggest getting him to time-out and go to (a kink-friendly) couples counseling.

But being Gorean, I'm sure he is all in the "natural order" mindset. I don't envy you right now.

_____________________________

Now that I'm older, I thought it was great that it seems I have more patience. Turns out, that I just don't give a sh*t.

(in reply to Rrobinlarkway)

Profile

Post #: 36

RE: Need Input Please - 5/14/2007 9:04:59 AM

addicted2it

Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Just in case this thread gets moved I would like to once again emphasize that I equate those who follow Gor to Trekkies....Both of these groups attract some of the most socially deranged people on the planet outside of a psych ward.

Dearest domiguy :-)
why limit it to Gor and Trekkies?

BDSM in general attracts quite a few socially deranged people! For example, i don't understand the following and they squirk me a hell of alot more than Gor and Trekkies: men that wear diapers ( and use them) and want to be treated as babies, toilet slaves of any gender, hardcore S&M, slaves that sleep in cages and are required to eat and drink from pet bowls, total bondage suits with tubes for waste and nutrition, and the list grows with every outlandish fetish i learn about! Gor and Trekkies seem mild in comparison...

why is there so little tolerance in the realm of alternative lifestyles?

I have always wondered why there is no sequel to Gor within the realm of FemmeDomme. Maybe there is...but I have never found it.

_____________________________

"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."

(in reply to dawntreader)

Profile

Post #: 37

RE: Need Input Please - 5/14/2007 9:10:12 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

Clear as mud.

As a side note - I know many, goreans who would dispute that gor has anything to do with BDSM and visa versa - but that's another thread entirely...

Maybe you should forget the online forum boards and meet some goreans in real life?

Why question their way of life? Why not learn and be open to it instead? Do you like people questioning your chosen path? It's not for you, then do not participate -

You say that you would not bully/threaten etc.. yet supporting the derision of it because they are 'goreans' instead of seeing them as individuals who express a chosen preference is no different?

You can laugh at them and they will laugh at you back.

.Pot.Kettle.Black.

Clear enough?

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to kittinSol)

Profile

Post #: 38

RE: Need Input Please - 5/14/2007 9:27:28 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

I HAVE met gorians in real life and to a man they looked more like jabba the hut than tarzan and the only thing they were really interested in defending were doughnuts.

We can't go in there and call them on their bs when they talk about how "we" as bdsmers live in a fantasy world but at least here, we can speak our own truths without having their babysitters bitch and whine about trolling.

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Profile

Post #: 39

RE: Need Input Please - 5/14/2007 9:31:01 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I HAVE met gorians in real life and to a man they looked more like jabba the hut than tarzan and the only thing they were really interested in defending were doughnuts.

They were't policemen by any chance?

Peace

_____________________________

.dark.