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RE: psychology of submission - 6/15/2005 7:38:09 PM   
asissyforher


Posts: 228
Joined: 5/20/2005
From: iowa now..maybe move soon.
Status: offline 		quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
And it's certainly not something Ds has a monopoly on. Everyone wants to be intimate with someone they feel comfortable and secure with, someone they feel they can simply be who they are with, someone who can care for them and make it all better.


Truer words were never spoken.

lasub4real
-------------------

i know..i sound like a real pain...and not onpurpose......
but i disagree. i am not in this......to be cared for or make something all better. i carry my own cross and bear my own burdens. and i am not the intimate type.

but yeah..its just me here.......i am usually the exception to about anything you can come up with.

a sissy


< Message edited by asissyforher -- 6/15/2005 7:43:09 PM >

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(in reply to LASub4Real)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: psychology of submission - 6/15/2005 7:38:36 PM   
LASub4Real


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

Life is not safe. People who love eachother will hurt eachother.

But life can be more secure, more stable, and you can have someone who you know will help you and you can help them and together form a better team than you can alone.



OK, truer words were spoken!
You're on an insightfullness roll Emerald!

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: psychology of submission - 6/15/2005 7:40:51 PM   
BeautifulDoll


Posts: 107
Joined: 4/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ruffnecksbabygir

Great thread!
i am certain that much of my childhood and adolescence and even adulthood has influenced me being a slave. My father was extremely dominating, yet i never felt safe with him, i feared him very much...my mother was the typical abused wife victim type, very submissive to my dad. i was molested as a child, which i speak openly about now because i spent too many years keeping it a "secret" and decided some years ago that i shouldn't burden myself with that secret since i wasn't at fault...anyhow...i later spent my young adult life searching for that man that could see me for who i truly was...that could take control of my chaos, that could guide me...etc... i married a man that was the opposite, realized even more so what it was i needed...then i discovered the lifestyle, the rest of course is history : )

i agree that this journey leads to self discovery in many aspects. i love disecting what it is that makes us who we are...it's fascinating.



Your life sounds a lot like mine growing up. Nice to see that you can speak about it so openly. i too myself was molested as a child, my father was an abusive/alcoholic, and my mother was pretty much non-existent.

my Master also thinks i look too deeply into everything, i do not believe that to be true entirely.

< Message edited by BeautifulDoll -- 6/15/2005 7:42:36 PM >

(in reply to ruffnecksbabygir)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: psychology of submission - 6/15/2005 7:43:49 PM   
LASub4Real


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: asissyforher


quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
And it's certainly not something Ds has a monopoly on. Everyone wants to be intimate with someone they feel comfortable and secure with, someone they feel they can simply be who they are with, someone who can care for them and make it all better.


Truer words were never spoken.

lasub4real
-------------------

i know..i sound like a real pain...and not onpurpose......
but i disagree. i am not in this......to be acred for or make something all better. i carry my own cross and bear my own burdens. and i am not the intimate type.

but yeah..its just me here.......i am usually the exception to about anything you can come up with.

a sissy



But you are human. And in the highest sense of the word that's what humans do...we take care of each other andwe allow ourselves to be taken care of.

...that is, when we're not destroying each other, but it'sall just a matter of degree, yes?

(in reply to asissyforher)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: psychology of submission - 6/15/2005 8:31:50 PM   
asissyforher


Posts: 228
Joined: 5/20/2005
From: iowa now..maybe move soon.
Status: offline 		andwe allow ourselves to be taken care of.=lasub4real
==========
never was one to let anyone take care of me. i have been independant all my natural life..from early on. and my 1st Mistress told-me.....no domme wants a slave She has to take care of, they all want someone to take care of THEM.

SO......."i" DO. no domme yet has had-to take care of me..nor my ex wives..
i do well by myself...i take care of me. i watch my own back, and make sure i am as safe as i can be at any given moment.

i have yet, to find 'a' female that is willing to undertake this kind of task. so far? hands out purse open.

but it is just MY experience, ok?

thanks a sissy


_____________________________

"still looking for a real life domme..no more plastic wannabes for me"

(in reply to LASub4Real)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: psychology of submission - 6/15/2005 8:59:08 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: asissyforher

andwe allow ourselves to be taken care of.=lasub4real
==========
never was one to let anyone take care of me. i have been independant all my natural life..from early on. and my 1st Mistress told-me.....no domme wants a slave She has to take care of, they all want someone to take care of THEM.

SO......."i" DO. no domme yet has had-to take care of me..nor my ex wives..
i do well by myself...i take care of me. i watch my own back, and make sure i am as safe as i can be at any given moment.

i have yet, to find 'a' female that is willing to undertake this kind of task. so far? hands out purse open.

but it is just MY experience, ok?

thanks a sissy



There are plenty of women -- and plenty of femdoms -- that do not "hold their purse out open". I know I am not the only femdom here that is not only in a relationship with a man where I am the breadwinner, and he doesn't even have a job -- by my choice. He takes care of me -- that's his job.

Whatever your exwife(wives) did to you does not represent women as a whole.

A loving relationship takes two people. Two people take care of each other, and appreciate each other.

I know you like to trumpet that you don't want that, don't need that, don't seek that. You only want to serve, and to be left alone, and don't want anything in return. Yes, I've heard that a million times. Again, I say if the sexual relationship doesn't matter, you don't NEED appreciation or attention/affection from the woman, you get ALL your pleasure from serving -- why not go volunteer to help the elderly? Clean houses for women that cannot do it on their own?

Akasha

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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to asissyforher)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: psychology of submission - 6/15/2005 10:35:14 PM   
asissyforher


Posts: 228
Joined: 5/20/2005
From: iowa now..maybe move soon.
Status: offline 		-- why not go volunteer to help the elderly? Clean houses for women that cannot do it on their own?

Akasha
==========
a
because i do not like joe public
b
i want to dedicate myself to ONE person...in vanilla no woman wants a good guy.
i was TOLD......there WERE those in the lifestyle that did.
i am beginning to think it is a blatant lie.....?

a slave

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"still looking for a real life domme..no more plastic wannabes for me"

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: psychology of submission - 6/16/2005 1:06:23 AM   
LASub4Real


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: asissyforher
never was one to let anyone take care of me. i have been independant all my natural life..from early on. and my 1st Mistress told-me.....no domme wants a slave She has to take care of, they all want someone to take care of THEM.

SO......."i" DO. no domme yet has had-to take care of me..nor my ex wives..
i do well by myself...i take care of me. i watch my own back, and make sure i am as safe as i can be at any given moment.



But there are so many ways to "take care" or "be taken care of" that go beyond money. Is there no better currency in our pockets than that? I do admire financial independence, as far as it goes, but to depend on the love of another person is more than admirable.

LAsub

(in reply to asissyforher)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: psychology of submission - 6/16/2005 2:11:23 AM   
asissyforher


Posts: 228
Joined: 5/20/2005
From: iowa now..maybe move soon.
Status: offline 		LAsub4Real''but to depend on the love of another person is more than admirable.
===

maybe.....but until i find a single domme, i cannot..never will..know.
most i find are married/have a #1 etc etc.
i cannot be involved emotionally with someone's else's lover/wife/gf...

depend? ok..look..not being a smartass. i know..what happened when is gone etc etc.
but i be damned i see anyone yet, in MY eyes,....is willing to even take a service slave unconditionally,.....how would i expect to depend on some romantic love thingy?

no. i apologize. YOU are being very nice to me here. i can feel it. i am appreciative.
but i do not see me ever being in-love again. and its okay coz "i" am not ready to be hurt again.
enough to have dommes slam the door in your face after you spend a weekend cleaning and get sent home....its happened 3 times now./ i dont like being used.

but hey....i'll think over your kindness. at least YOU havent talked down to me like some others i wont mention.

thank you
a slave




_____________________________

"still looking for a real life domme..no more plastic wannabes for me"

(in reply to LASub4Real)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: psychology of submission - 6/16/2005 7:32:57 AM   
LASub4Real


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: asissyforher

maybe.....but until i find a single domme, i cannot..never will..know.
most i find are married/have a #1 etc etc.
i cannot be involved emotionally with someone's else's lover/wife/gf...

You seek a monogomous relationship, as do many... nothing wrong with that.
quote:


depend? ok..look..not being a smartass. i know..what happened when is gone etc etc.

So you are speaking, more to the pain of your past experiences than to anything else... understandable, yes.
quote:


no. i apologize. YOU are being very nice to me here. i can feel it. i am appreciative.
but i do not see me ever being in-love again. and its okay coz "i" am not ready to be hurt again.
enough to have dommes slam the door in your face after you spend a weekend cleaning and get sent home....its happened 3 times now./ i dont like being used.

No need to apologize, I am not offended. I'm very sorry about those experiences---you'll live to see better ones. Consider that we all react through the prism of our experience. Consider that Dommes get used all the time by fakesubs seeking the short-term fulfillment of their own sexual fantasies. I suspect that your Domme was as unready to be "taken care of" in one way, by you (due to her own experiences) as you are now unready to be "taken care of" by a new Domme, in another way.

But take heart. You have called me kind although we have not met. I might say that, in a very insignificant way, I have "taken care of" you, though we are strangers. If that is possible, than a greater example of this must also be possible. You will find it, when you meet the right person, and when you are the right person. Courage friend.

LAsub



(in reply to asissyforher)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: psychology of submission - 6/16/2005 8:51:10 PM   
nonuts4thshoney


Posts: 550
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wetsub000


I think for me it may be linked to my childhood which was pretty awful and where I didn’t feel very secure or cared for (long story I don’t want to bore anyone with). I was just wondering if anyone else can relate to that. That being submissive and giving up control is in a way a step back into my ideal childhood and I don’t mean in an age play sense, but as an ideal that as a child you have your parents to love you, care for you and guide you.



quote:

ORIGINAL: BobcatsLilMinx



I've often wondered how much of my desire to submit and serve a Master stems from my childhood experiences. I was the eldest child to my frighteningly unstable parents, and despite my best efforts, I was never able to "win" their approval or their love, as the goalposts kept changing (still do!). So yeha, I've often wondered if my need to please a man and to know that he loves me and approves of my behaviour comes from that same need I had as a child, whether or not it's healthy, etc, etc...




As a child I was constantly seeking approval for many things (long list) . No matter what I did, good or bad, it was never really noticed. So, when I left home and married, I seeked approval from my husband in everything I did. I wanted to know that he appreciated everything I did for him and that all I did made him happy. Nothing ever did. So long story short..10 years later we divorced. And I have always felt that I wasn't good enough. I never pleased my family or my ex-husband. So I myself wonder if my lifestyle stems from my childhood and past relationships.

(in reply to wetsub000)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: psychology of submission - 6/17/2005 3:27:22 PM   
unsurebutlookin


Posts: 2
Joined: 6/16/2005
Status: offline 		I am very new to this lifestyle. Actualy I just became serious about it 2-3 months ago!

But I completely agree with wetsub000 when they said "... it’s certainly a big part of why I like being submissive. It’s the perfect calm of feeling safe and warm and cared for, of having someone else in control, shouldering the responsibility..."

I am researching what I like/don't like and when I read this I was taken aback that is exactly how I feel. I guess I'm in the right place!


(in reply to wetsub000)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: psychology of submission - 6/19/2005 1:41:20 PM   
nonuts4thshoney


Posts: 550
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: unsurebutlookin

I am very new to this lifestyle. Actualy I just became serious about it 2-3 months ago!

But I completely agree with wetsub000 when they said "... it’s certainly a big part of why I like being submissive. It’s the perfect calm of feeling safe and warm and cared for, of having someone else in control, shouldering the responsibility..."

I am researching what I like/don't like and when I read this I was taken aback that is exactly how I feel. I guess I'm in the right place!




This is exactly why I love being submissive. I myself am getting intouch with my likes and dislikes as well. Yes you have come to the right place.

(in reply to unsurebutlookin)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: psychology of submission - 6/19/2005 3:12:49 PM   
asissyforher


Posts: 228
Joined: 5/20/2005
From: iowa now..maybe move soon.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LASub4Real


quote:

ORIGINAL: asissyforher

maybe.....but until i find a single domme, i cannot..never will..know.
most i find are married/have a #1 etc etc.
i cannot be involved emotionally with someone's else's lover/wife/gf...

You seek a monogomous relationship, as do many... nothing wrong with that.
quote:


depend? ok..look..not being a smartass. i know..what happened when is gone etc etc.

So you are speaking, more to the pain of your past experiences than to anything else... understandable, yes.
quote:


no. i apologize. YOU are being very nice to me here. i can feel it. i am appreciative.
but i do not see me ever being in-love again. and its okay coz "i" am not ready to be hurt again.
enough to have dommes slam the door in your face after you spend a weekend cleaning and get sent home....its happened 3 times now./ i dont like being used.

No need to apologize, I am not offended. I'm very sorry about those experiences---you'll live to see better ones. Consider that we all react through the prism of our experience. Consider that Dommes get used all the time by fakesubs seeking the short-term fulfillment of their own sexual fantasies. I suspect that your Domme was as unready to be "taken care of" in one way, by you (due to her own experiences) as you are now unready to be "taken care of" by a new Domme, in another way.

But take heart. You have called me kind although we have not met. I might say that, in a very insignificant way, I have "taken care of" you, though we are strangers. If that is possible, than a greater example of this must also be possible. You will find it, when you meet the right person, and when you are the right person. Courage friend.

LAsub




quote:

as you are now unready to be "taken care of" by a new Domme, in another way.



"i" hear an awful lot about, about love and all that. now just for a moment, please---
since "i" came into this, strictly as a service slave, and so far,..so far---i have not found 1 domme interested in this love thing. i hear, "i have a hubby/i have a #1 slave--takes care of me." "i only want my housework done."
ok..where ARE these dommes that will accept you as part of the "family" of the house and show you this supposed to be loving tender care? and i came into this as platonic because i was TOLD ..it is how it is supposed to be......and.....and i have not found 'a' "single" domme. everyone has someone..already.


thank you


thank you.




_____________________________

"still looking for a real life domme..no more plastic wannabes for me"

(in reply to LASub4Real)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: psychology of submission - 6/20/2005 11:46:06 PM   
LASub4Real


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: asissyforher
"i" hear an awful lot about, about love and all that. now just for a moment, please---
since "i" came into this, strictly as a service slave, and so far,..so far---i have not found 1 domme interested in this love thing. i hear, "i have a hubby/i have a #1 slave--takes care of me." "i only want my housework done."
ok..where ARE these dommes that will accept you as part of the "family" of the house and show you this supposed to be loving tender care? and i came into this as platonic because i was TOLD ..it is how it is supposed to be......and.....and i have not found 'a' "single" domme. everyone has someone..already.


My suggestion? Online is a nice place to visit but nobody lives here. Defenitely get involved in the community get togethers, munches, and etc. If possible, find a Dominant Women's organization and establish a pattern of service and support. If you can do this, you will be both noticed and appreciated for not being a flake. And, of course, patience... it really does take time, but it will come.

LAsub

(in reply to asissyforher)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: psychology of submission - 6/20/2005 11:51:49 PM   
asissyforher


Posts: 228
Joined: 5/20/2005
From: iowa now..maybe move soon.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LASub4Real


quote:

ORIGINAL: asissyforher
"i" hear an awful lot about, about love and all that. now just for a moment, please---
since "i" came into this, strictly as a service slave, and so far,..so far---i have not found 1 domme interested in this love thing. i hear, "i have a hubby/i have a #1 slave--takes care of me." "i only want my housework done."
ok..where ARE these dommes that will accept you as part of the "family" of the house and show you this supposed to be loving tender care? and i came into this as platonic because i was TOLD ..it is how it is supposed to be......and.....and i have not found 'a' "single" domme. everyone has someone..already.


My suggestion? Online is a nice place to visit but nobody lives here. Defenitely get involved in the community get togethers, munches, and etc. If possible, find a Dominant Women's organization and establish a pattern of service and support. If you can do this, you will be both noticed and appreciated for not being a flake. And, of course, patience... it really does take time, but it will come.

LAsub

quote:

My suggestion? Online is a nice place to visit but nobody lives here. Defenitely get involved in the community get togethers, munches, and etc. If possible, find a Dominant Women's organization and establish a pattern of service and support. If you can do this, you will be both noticed and appreciated for not being a flake. And, of course, patience... it really does take time, but it will come.

LAsub




all i can do is try it. but so far all i find local are 98% male doms. other than the local women's league of voters and the catholic coalition running this town.......



_____________________________

"still looking for a real life domme..no more plastic wannabes for me"

(in reply to LASub4Real)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: psychology of submission - 6/21/2005 7:04:57 PM   
leomaster2


Posts: 18
Joined: 3/5/2004
Status: offline 		Can I ask several follow-on questions here?

Many have said that there is a connection between the Dom/me's control and the sub/slave experience of freedom, safety and security. Given this possible connection, what are your thoughts on the following areas:

1. Why do you enjoy humiliation?

2. If you don't enjoy humiliation, is it the helplessness of bondage, or the freedom to be your true inner self that stimulates you more?

3. Is it the unkown that stimulates? Do you want a Dom/me to be surprising, or do you prefer rigid rules, structured punishments, etc. In the end, is it the familiar old friends that turn you on more, or the ever new that excites?

4. When being treated as an object used for pleasure, it is the objectification that excites you, or the fact that your use gives him/her pleasure? Or is it more complex for you?

I know in advance that none of these are absolutes the entire group would accept, but how do YOU feel? Why do you feel that way? And has it changed as your relationship changes?

(in reply to LASub4Real)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: psychology of submission - 6/21/2005 8:17:25 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		This is something I posted awhile ago.

Part of it is BECAUSE of my academic background, I'm very smart and very well educated. I think a LOT, I work a LOT, I am a control freak, I have moderate OCD, I am the social planner for my group of friends.

Being an object means you don't have to think, you don't have to stress, you just have to BE that object. You are there, purely and passively, for service and use. There's no need for you to interpret anything, no need for you to react, only simply to BE there.

That's a pretty awesome state of being for me.

Another part, the shown off part, is because I am an exhibitionist, I get a huge charge out of people's energy when they enjoy looking and playing with me. They are giving ME lots of attention, they want to touch ME, they want to use ME for pleasure, I can provide them with a release, with a good time, a good memory.

The sexual usage part is just part of my universal sex fantasy life- it's just hot to be used, hot to be a hole to go in, do your thing and get out. I don't really know much about that other than what I've already stated. I can't tell you why it gets me so deep any more than I can tell you why bondage does.

Something most subs and slaves can understand- it takes away choice. You don't have to think, you don't get to say no, you are there to always say YES, an object, a trophy doesn't get to say stop or get to dictate how it is used.

I am somewhat materialistic in that I like to use my money and gifts to show people I care for them. It's a physical thing I can give to show I've been thinking of them and want to add to their lives. While I understand they don't NEED those things, it's a very powerful idea to me. So, to BE the object itself, to be given to someone else, has a distinct personal flavor to it.

You'll notice- all of these reasons are about ME, what I enjoy, what I get out of it.

The Owner will pass me around and use me in ways I don't necessarily enjoy directly. He will send me to people I don't have an affinity for, partly because he KNOWS I don't have an affinity for them. So I don't necessarily always love it, with anyone, anywhere. There are definitely circumstances in which I really hate it.

While I love attention, I am actually quite uncomfortable ASKING for attention, I am very uneasy when people actually look at me and say "Now, I'm going to give you all this attention, just for you, just to enjoy, and there's nothing you can do about it."

Part of it is because not too many people are actually really GOOD at giving me happy pleasure, part of it is that I've trained myself to adapt and become what the OTHER person needs for that session, which, if it's a good match, will also be what I need.

And part of it is just my innate shyness and discomfort with being a focal point of attention. I don't know what to do with it, I feel very exposed. Perhaps a paradox for someone who LOVES being exposed, but that's why I call humiliation a "burning."

So, the humiliation and objectification is a keen way for me to receive attention, which I love, while being passive about asking for it and simply being a pretty little butterfly that people are attracted to, rather than dealing with the harder ordeal for me of directly asking and directly being told to sit back and enjoy.

(in reply to leomaster2)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: psychology of submission - 6/21/2005 8:56:03 PM   
asissyforher


Posts: 228
Joined: 5/20/2005
From: iowa now..maybe move soon.
Status: offline

quote:

a keen way for me to receive attention,


interesting. i have heard of people that need constant attention but never met one til now.

this is where i lose track of the lifestyle because i do not subscribe to these kind of things. being a recluse loner i never did understand''attention''. my elders told me i am to be seen and not heard so i was left alone, and being an only child, i learned to amuse myself.

very interesting.

thanks


_____________________________

"still looking for a real life domme..no more plastic wannabes for me"

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: psychology of submission - 6/21/2005 8:59:14 PM   
asissyforher


Posts: 228
Joined: 5/20/2005
From: iowa now..maybe move soon.
Status: offline 		leomaster 2;;

these are the other kind of things i am curious about, psychologically because i have no idea what they are. i know the terms,...i do not know the feelings. i often times wished i did.
there is so so much of this "lifestyle" that escapes me logically.

thanks


_____________________________

"still looking for a real life domme..no more plastic wannabes for me"

(in reply to leomaster2)
Profile   Post #: 40
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