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Question regarding Beauty - 5/15/2007 2:18:24 PM

Pheonyxx

Posts: 16
Joined: 8/12/2005
Status: offline

Thanks to Softness for starting the other thread about looking good while naked. It really made me step back and think about things. After thinking, I have a second question, again mostly for the girls, but anyone is welcome to answer.

If one is supposed to first find beauty on the inside, but you don't, how do you change that negative niggling voice in order to better accept your own personal beauty?

_____________________________

For better than impulsive Tigger…or gloomy Eeyore…or intellectual Owl… or even loveable Pooh…
Piglet herein demonstrates a very important virtue of Taoism: the Te - a Chinese word meaning Virtue – of the Small.

Post #: 1

RE: Question regarding Beauty - 5/15/2007 2:46:43 PM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

i smacked it upside the head ..

in all seriousness ... i have been carrying more than a few extra pounds ... make that extra stone .. since my mid teens. I have never been considered sexy by my peers, no one outside my family ever gave me a compliment about how i looked. due to the way i looked - add to the extra weight the piles of frizzy curly hair, braces, and being 5'9 by the age of 14 - i got bullied at school. i have a pair of stunning older sisters who are tiny and petite and doll like... so all in all the lil voice inside of me was not a kind one.

i have plenty of self confidence about myself in other ways ..i have never had a momets insecurity about anything other than how i look, probably because of how i felt about my looks i learned to walk into a room and command it in other ways, by force of personality

wheni went to uni i got myself a big group of friends because i was warm and friendly and outgoing .. not because i was pretty or attractive. but i remember catching men looking at me, eyes lingering on me, my first thought was always "shit my fly is undone!" or " bugger i have a stain on me!" ..

eventually i saw that the only thing stopping me from being beautiful inside was the damn voice, so i ordered it out of my head, some days its easier to ignore those thoughts than others ... but all i need to blot them out is to hold my shoulders back, sway my hips .. and even my BBW's ass gets appreciative looks!

transfer the idea - imagine you have a person in your life who always puts you down, who makes only negative comments, is critical, unsupportive, unhelpful, nasty, underhand - would you even give that person time of day? would you seek their company? would you even for a second consider taking their advice?

no .. so why should you listen to that voice just because it is coming from inside you?

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to Pheonyxx)

Post #: 2

RE: Question regarding Beauty - 5/15/2007 2:52:50 PM

drawntothedark

Posts: 572
Joined: 10/19/2006
From: Arkansas
Status: offline

Hmmmmmmmm........

Well, I would have to say that you need to start with what makes them happy. I personally love the beach. The waves, the sand, the smell. So I go there every year to recharge and take stock of my life. I can think more clearly sitting by that water than any where else. I find peace there. I look forward to going all year and when life starts hurting too much I simply say "I will be back at the beach soon" and it honestly helps. So there is my little happy place. I think everyone needs one. (Am I sounding too pollyannaish?).

After you find and nuture what makes you happy you need to fill up your "soul" with good things, You need to give back and help people. There is not a better feeling in this world, than what comes from a smiling face and a warm honest thankyou. I adore volenteering. Not just because I get to give back, but because it's the way it makes me feel. Selfish .......possiably.

You need to remember to love yourself, and to take time for yourself. You need to remember you love your family and friends and spend time with them. Laugh as often as possiable. Cry when you want to cry. Show who you truely are to someone.

After all of that inside make over is done. You should feel better about your insides. If not....maybe therapy?

(in reply to Pheonyxx)

Post #: 3

RE: Question regarding Beauty - 5/15/2007 3:09:07 PM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

You cover up the mirrors in yuor house and forget what you see, and go with how you feel on the inside, beauty does start from the inside out.

I took a class with a few girl friends and the instructor, told us to choose a partner in the class we knew and to list the other persons 'good traits' NOT physical and for us to list our good traits. It as so much fun and insightfull. My best friend and I saw things in eachother that we didn't see in ourselves.

How do I get that 'little voice' to shut up, I ask my son what he sees when he looks at me, or I ask my best friends or my mother or my sister or the new man in my life. That little negative voice gets shut out by positive thinking, negativity will die if you flood yourself and your head with positive thinking.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to drawntothedark)

Post #: 4

RE: Question regarding Beauty - 5/15/2007 3:46:12 PM

Pheonyxx

Posts: 16
Joined: 8/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

i smacked it upside the head ..

in all seriousness ... i have been carrying more than a few extra pounds ... make that extra stone .. since my mid teens. I have never been considered sexy by my peers, no one outside my family ever gave me a compliment about how i looked. due to the way i looked - add to the extra weight the piles of frizzy curly hair, braces, and being 5'9 by the age of 14 - i got bullied at school. i have a pair of stunning older sisters who are tiny and petite and doll like... so all in all the lil voice inside of me was not a kind one.

i have plenty of self confidence about myself in other ways ..i have never had a momets insecurity about anything other than how i look, probably because of how i felt about my looks i learned to walk into a room and command it in other ways, by force of personality

wheni went to uni i got myself a big group of friends because i was warm and friendly and outgoing .. not because i was pretty or attractive. but i remember catching men looking at me, eyes lingering on me, my first thought was always "shit my fly is undone!" or " bugger i have a stain on me!" ..

eventually i saw that the only thing stopping me from being beautiful inside was the damn voice, so i ordered it out of my head, some days its easier to ignore those thoughts than others ... but all i need to blot them out is to hold my shoulders back, sway my hips .. and even my BBW's ass gets appreciative looks!

transfer the idea - imagine you have a person in your life who always puts you down, who makes only negative comments, is critical, unsupportive, unhelpful, nasty, underhand - would you even give that person time of day? would you seek their company? would you even for a second consider taking their advice?

no .. so why should you listen to that voice just because it is coming from inside you?

Greetings Softness,

Thank you very much for your honest and open response to the question. I look at your picture, and see a lovely lady of character, grace, and beauty, and wonder how it is that people are so mean to themselves inside, when in reality they are truly beautiful (even if it's not in a conventional stick figure way). Growing up as the youngest of 10, (with everyone else being smaller and thinner than I) I felt like the jolly green giant on steriods.. by the time I was 15, I was taller than my brother George who up to that point was the tallest member of the family. Add on top of that, being rather heavy set and having a chest that goes around corners about 30 seconds before the rest of me does.. well I was just a bully's dream. I've always heard the statement "You have such a pretty face, if only you'd lose some weight, you'd be really pretty", and if I EVER hear it again, it will most definately be too soon.

I've realized that for me, I AM beautiful, but my assets aren't in physical beauty.. I'm intelligent, loving, caring, giving (I too volunteer as much as I can), and I'm extremely loyal.. sounds rather like an irish setter, no? All kidding aside, it's nice to hear other women talk about how they ousted that little idiot that cuts us to shreds inside our own bodies.. For me it was my best friend helping me out along the way. Every time I said something that was hurtful or unkind, she'd punch me in the arm and tell me that someone was being unkind to her best friend, so tell that person to knock it off. After about 3 months of a constantly bruised arm, I realized that I needed to be more gentle with myself and allow for me to be beautiful within my own rights.

_____________________________

For better than impulsive Tigger…or gloomy Eeyore…or intellectual Owl… or even loveable Pooh…
Piglet herein demonstrates a very important virtue of Taoism: the Te - a Chinese word meaning Virtue – of the Small.

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 5

RE: Question regarding Beauty - 5/15/2007 4:18:06 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

You have to realize that the body and personality we have are simply filters through which the Self we REALLY are must present itself. Once you do that, you can start to have compassion for yourself. With compassion, there must be love.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Pheonyxx)

Post #: 6

RE: Question regarding Beauty - 5/15/2007 5:41:00 PM

SDFemDom4cuck

Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline

One finds the beauty within by believing in it, embracing it, reveling in it. I thought I would share some of my favorite quotes on beauty perhaps one of them can replace that little voice within with a much larger and louder one.

Unknown
Beauty is not real. Beauty only exists in perception.

Khalil Gibran, (1883 - 1931)
Beauty is not in the face;
beauty is a light in the heart.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
People are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light within.

Sophia Loren
Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical.

Ralph Waldo Emerson
Things are pretty, graceful, rich, elegant, handsome, but, until they speak to the imagination, not yet beautiful.

Ernest Renan
Man makes holy what he believes, as he makes beautiful what he loves.

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to Pheonyxx)

Post #: 7

RE: Question regarding Beauty - 5/15/2007 9:14:41 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

You know I just got back from my Daddy's, we have been seeing each other for a year. He caresses my face, and looks into my eyes, examines every part of it as if he is drinking it in... he tells me "You are just so lovely"... and that makes me feel beautiful because I sincerely think it is based upon what is inside of me that makes him think that I am more lovely today to him than I was a year ago. How lucky I am to see that part of myself reflected back at me in his eyes

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Pheonyxx)

Post #: 8

RE: Question regarding Beauty - 5/15/2007 10:01:19 PM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck

One finds the beauty within by believing in it, embracing it, reveling in it. I thought I would share some of my favorite quotes on beauty perhaps one of them can replace that little voice within with a much larger and louder one.

Khalil Gibran, (1883 - 1931)
Beauty is not in the face;
beauty is a light in the heart.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
People are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light within.

Thankyou for posting these quotes SDFemDom4cuck. These two particularly resonate with me :-)

Beautiful thread Pheonyxx~

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to SDFemDom4cuck)

Post #: 9

RE: Question regarding Beauty - 5/16/2007 8:56:14 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

Well it certainly nice to get all of this wonderful advice from these women out here.....There is one great "cure all" for looks that are not perfect....Alcohol!...How does that saying go? ....Getting ugly people laid for thousands of years?

_____________________________

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 10

RE: Question regarding Beauty - 5/16/2007 9:36:39 AM

phoenixinchains

Posts: 2534
Joined: 4/5/2007
From: i live here
Status: offline

finding beauty on the inside? hmm, tough part of self-realazation. i think too many people think we are the same "thing" inside, and this is why everyone thinks everyone has an inner-child. sooo, women try to scrub away wrinkles so this "child" will show through... because we must all be youthful looking to be beautiful. i rather believe my inner-child ran away from home some time ago. but then, that's when the inner-cat moved in. each person's beauty comes from something theirown, but this is how i see things. some people have an angel and a deamon on their shoulder, i have a cat and a faery : )

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 11

RE: Question regarding Beauty - 5/16/2007 3:14:07 PM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

my mum used to tell me that if you couldn't find yourself beautiful then nobody else would ... not sure if that is a little harsh ... but knows i have certainly been found more attractive by others since i stopped beating myself up about being .. well rounded

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to phoenixinchains)

Post #: 12

RE: Question regarding Beauty - 5/16/2007 5:36:16 PM

pianogirl

Posts: 1329
Joined: 10/13/2006
From: Alberta Canada
Status: offline

I would like to thank all of you beautiful women for your words. I have never been considered one of the pretty girls, very much a loner through life, gained some weight, lost some weight, gained some more ..... and so on and so on and so on (sorry for the shampoo commercial - had to throw it in!) - oh not to mention having babies.

5 years ago I lost my mother to cancer, and my husband said that's when I started to bloom. Two years ago I turned 40 and had a midlife crises ..... couldn't afford the sportscar so did something else instead

. I started to feel good about myself. Started a new nursing job that I love. Looked in the mirror one day and saw someone I didn't know look back at me. I l ike her. I really really like her. She's beautiful, vibrant, talented. My little voice still comes back once in a while, but last June I met a wonderful man here who happily knocks the bugger of my shoulder as often as needed.

I am proud to sleep in his arms at night.

_____________________________

pg

"Why is it that the rum is always gone?" Captain Jack Sparrow

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 13

RE: Question regarding Beauty - 5/16/2007 5:50:27 PM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

I think you do radiate confidence and sexiness to others from how you feel about yourself. I have found that when I feel good about myself and walk with my head held high, I get several looks when I am out and about.

It won't make you attractive to everyone (no one is), but it really does show the world that you are comfortable in your own skin, and from what I have heard from several men, that means a hell of a lot.

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to pianogirl)

Post #: 14

RE: Question regarding Beauty - 5/16/2007 6:29:10 PM

unlearntbeauty

Posts: 12
Joined: 6/21/2006
Status: offline

I have found no other group quite like the BDSM community. I may not be physically beautiful, but the entire community has been very accepting of me as i am since day one. I thrive off of being around my kinky peers. I finally feel like i dont have to hide in a corner because im the ugly vulernable chick in the room. Im sure that i will never find myself physically attractive and i will always have that voice in my head that reminds me of how the vanilla folks see me, but a glimpse into being beautiful isnt such a bad thing.

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 15

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