Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Vanilla = Weak?!


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Vanilla = Weak?! Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Vanilla = Weak?! - 5/16/2007 5:41:28 AM   
Elorin


Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
I must agree with Faramir. I've seriously contemplated becoming a satanist, but I've never seriously considered becoming catholic.  I've seriously contemplated becoming Jewish, but I've never seriously considered becoming wiccan- does that mean I'm weak? 

You don't have to seriously consider and reject every option out there in order to be strong in your own way.

However, you should make something your beliefs for more than simply "It's what was handed to me." Although ironically, that's pretty much what all faith boils down to.

LA
Your point is exactly the same as my point, honestly. Making choices based upon your logic and reason, not just because it was handed to you. I think some of those who have never considered their faith with their brain to be weak - no matter what strength they have in areas, they are weak in others.

I don't think that form of weakness makes people bad or wrong, but I do think that accepting the status quo and never looking up from the rut society hands us is a form of weakness. My opinion.

Some people have never considered kink because it never occured to them. They aren't weak. Some people have never considered kink because they feel it is all about sex, and their monogamous marriage satisfies them sexually and they think it's wrong to pursue sex outside of that marriage. That's fine. There are a lot of reasons for not contemplating other actions, and some of those reasons indicate to me a form of weakness. Others don't.

Again, my opinion.

~E

_____________________________

'cause when i look down /i just miss all the good stuff / when i look up / i just trip over things

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Vanilla = Weak?! - 5/16/2007 5:50:38 AM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline 		"Like I have said over and over, I am ONLY dating vanilla men" "heck, give me a few days alone with him an I may have a new convert to this lifestyle, lol."

Wouldn't you be compeled to stop dating him if he were not "vanilla" anymore?
I also would echo what others have said here, and say that vanilla is not weak in and of its self. 

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Vanilla = Weak?! - 5/16/2007 7:08:17 AM   
MsCara


Posts: 31
Joined: 6/26/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you everyone for the feedback and thoughts.  Thats what I like about the message boards .. we can disagree and still chat.   I didn't choose this way of living .. it just was and is.   To me D/s isn't about sex .. it isn't about getting "turned on" .. it's about control. The turn-on is the control.    I am not saying my life is sexless .. heavens no!   But D/s is a structured way of living in which one person is Dominant and one or more submissive. (no crap huh?)  I also do not believe in so called safe words ... or contracts ... or discussions ... or ...    grins .. oh cripes I am so getting off the subject line .. sorry.   Everything is cool .. (thats a Fonzy saying .. <<grins again>> .. )   So when I say I do not relate or respect vanilla men I also do not have vanilla female friends .. I think it is just a different way of thinking.    I wonder is anyone else on the board was raised this way? .. Hmmmmmmmm ... a new thread??   I don't think I am cooler than anyone else .. you guys are the lucky ones .. you had the choice ~~Hugs all around friends !   

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Vanilla = Weak?! - 5/16/2007 7:19:46 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		When you are on the outside looking at any group or when you first enter a group of any kind, the luster appears so special and different. You identify with the positive attributes of the team, tribe, martial arts club or lifestyle, but after awhile you start to glimpse the same weaknesses in members of the group that you see in those outside the group.

The person who worked hard to be a member of the Super Duper Clan may decide it is not all that special and give it up eventually if those in the group don’t give him/her the positive feelings that everyone needs no matter the name of the group. The make-up of the group determines the final benefit to us, not the external trappings of the group.

Members may have adhered to the parameters of the group, but their jealousies, insecurities, strong points and desires have not changed one bit. Pick any orientation and you will EVENTUALLY find weak and strong comparable to life in general.

Plus, a few have made this point and I’ll say it again. I can lead some women into this lifestyle, no matter their view by starting with easy spanking, flogging and so on. I can teach them to like the BDSM play and they will search out and identify with the lifestyle.

< Message edited by ExSteelAgain -- 5/16/2007 7:20:14 AM >

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Vanilla = Weak?! - 5/16/2007 7:31:15 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCara

Thank you everyone for the feedback and thoughts.  Thats what I like about the message boards .. we can disagree and still chat.   I didn't choose this way of living .. it just was and is.   To me D/s isn't about sex .. it isn't about getting "turned on" .. it's about control. The turn-on is the control.    I am not saying my life is sexless .. heavens no!   But D/s is a structured way of living in which one person is Dominant and one or more submissive. (no crap huh?)  I also do not believe in so called safe words ... or contracts ... or discussions ... or ...    grins .. oh cripes I am so getting off the subject line .. sorry.   Everything is cool .. (thats a Fonzy saying .. <<grins again>> .. )   So when I say I do not relate or respect vanilla men I also do not have vanilla female friends .. I think it is just a different way of thinking.    I wonder is anyone else on the board was raised this way? .. Hmmmmmmmm ... a new thread??   I don't think I am cooler than anyone else .. you guys are the lucky ones .. you had the choice ~~Hugs all around friends !   


No offense but just doing something because you were "raised" in it doesn't sound particularly strong to me.

You have a choice to try vanilla, BDSM isn't like a drug and once you have it you are hooked. It may feel that way because when people who are wired for that way get their first taste they never want to go back but it's not. I know people who tried and said "What's the big deal?"

As far as not respecting men because they aren't into BDSM... well, I just hope when you realize that they don't respect you either, you have the grace to not be offended.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to MsCara)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Vanilla = Weak?! - 5/16/2007 7:49:59 AM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCara

Thank you everyone for the feedback and thoughts.  Thats what I like about the message boards .. we can disagree and still chat.   I didn't choose this way of living .. it just was and is.   To me D/s isn't about sex .. it isn't about getting "turned on" .. it's about control. The turn-on is the control.    I am not saying my life is sexless .. heavens no!   But D/s is a structured way of living in which one person is Dominant and one or more submissive. (no crap huh?)  I also do not believe in so called safe words ... or contracts ... or discussions ... or ...    grins .. oh cripes I am so getting off the subject line .. sorry.   Everything is cool .. (thats a Fonzy saying .. <<grins again>> .. )   So when I say I do not relate or respect vanilla men I also do not have vanilla female friends .. I think it is just a different way of thinking.    I wonder is anyone else on the board was raised this way? .. Hmmmmmmmm ... a new thread??   I don't think I am cooler than anyone else .. you guys are the lucky ones .. you had the choice ~~Hugs all around friends !   

Huh?...don't we ALL have a choice?......

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to MsCara)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Vanilla = Weak?! - 5/16/2007 9:02:02 AM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav
Wouldn't you be compeled to stop dating him if he were not "vanilla" anymore?


I date the person, not the lifestyle; it just happened that lifestyle men because a BIG turn-off {few exclusions, those men know who they are}. I wanted compatability, and vanilla men seemed to have more comaptabilty with me than lifestyle men, it also helps that vanilla men don't know my repution, lol.

If things 'change' then so be it, if not, so. Is he completly 'vanilla' {rofl} nope, yet, when he saw something with a tagline from bondage.com I could here a bit of 'something' I'm not sure what in his voice. He may enjoy a bit of 'non conformity' on occassion. He has told me over and over, "I love that you are open-minded.' If he only knew. Guess, my [livejournal] blog on Monday will tell the tale.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Vanilla = Weak?! - 5/16/2007 9:05:48 AM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCara

.......I don't think I am cooler than anyone else .. you guys are the lucky ones .. you had the choice ~~Hugs all around friends !   

Huh?...don't we ALL have a choice?......


NOT having a choice IS a choice.

ie.. We can be born into a given culture or religion, yet, we CHOOSE to stay or to leave.

MsCara, you may not be cooler, you just see things differently and were born into a different way of life than the rest of us, and thats cool by me.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Vanilla = Weak?! - 5/16/2007 9:15:52 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Elorin

Choosing an alternate lifestyle takes strength.
I disagree with this. There are a large number in this lifestyle because they can't deal with the issues in their lives in a vanilla setting. There are Dominants that have control issues to the point of it being a problem. Dominants that view their SOs as less than them (There's a lot of misogony among the straight male Doms and I've seen a lot of angry Fem Doms). There are submissives that can't run their own lives and need someone else to do it for them. So, much easier to find a Dom that will praise them rather than learning to be a adult.

In those cases, being in the lifestyle is actually the weak way out. It's easier for those things to exist and not have to be addressed.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Elorin)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Vanilla = Weak?! - 5/16/2007 9:49:29 AM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaverosebeauty

I didn't want to hyjack a different thread, but the comment was made that 'vanillas are weak.'

Weren't we ALL vanilla at one point? We are born vanilla and then in time we discover this side or not, through whatever means.





actually this is not true. we weren't all "vanilla" at some point. for some of us, although we may have had no knowledge of the terms Dominant, submissive, Master and slave, no awareness of the lifestyle, we were born with a nature that made us different from most. i was born submissive, therefore all my life i have lived as a submissive person...constantly catering to others, pleasing others even to my own detriment, being vulnerable, easily used and abused, etc. so even though i lived in a vanilla world, i was never vanilla. and many here can say the same.

of course this depends on how one defines "vanilla." i define it as being mainstream, fitting the status quo, being "normal" according to society's standards. if you define it by lack of kinkiness, than many in the lifestyle, myself included, could be called vanilla.

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Vanilla = Weak?! - 5/16/2007 10:11:11 AM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247
actually this is not true. we weren't all "vanilla" at some point.


Vanilla just means 'non-kink' as a general denifition.

You were NOT born kinky, you were born innocent and vanilla, you were innocent. As for being a top-type or a bottom-type as part of your make up, thats different.

How did we get so far OT?!

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to daddysprop247)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Vanilla = Weak?! - 5/16/2007 10:16:52 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		You know what is "weak"? Anyone who has to point to anyone else to make a comparative statement of being "better".

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Vanilla = Weak?! - 5/16/2007 10:22:19 AM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaverosebeauty

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247
actually this is not true. we weren't all "vanilla" at some point.


Vanilla just means 'non-kink' as a general denifition.

You were NOT born kinky, you were born innocent and vanilla, you were innocent. As for being a top-type or a bottom-type as part of your make up, thats different.

How did we get so far OT?!


sorry for the sidetrack of your thread, but mis-statements are a pet peeve of mine. also, what i said had nothing whatever to do with top or bottom types.  but you're right that i wasn't born kinky (no one is), but i'm not kinky now either so...*exasperated shrug*

as for the vanilla=weak, i disagree with this because i simply define vanilla as normal. however i do tend to view non-Dominant (whether in the lifestyle or not) men as weak, so if one defined vanilla as not being Dominant, i can certainly understand such a statement.


(in reply to slaverosebeauty)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Vanilla = Weak?! - 5/16/2007 11:19:44 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

You know what is "weak"? Anyone who has to point to anyone else to make a comparative statement of being "better".


Even though I have been guilty of this.........I aspire to not do it. Thank you for reminding me Merc.

And as a note to the idea that one would not have a choice. If someone is a mature, reasonably intelligent, adult, human......they always have a choice.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 5/16/2007 11:20:46 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Vanilla = Weak?! - 5/16/2007 2:54:39 PM   
LadyIce


Posts: 406
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elorin

Choosing an alternate lifestyle takes strength.
I disagree with this. There are a large number in this lifestyle because they can't deal with the issues in their lives in a vanilla setting. There are Dominants that have control issues to the point of it being a problem. Dominants that view their SOs as less than them (There's a lot of misogony among the straight male Doms and I've seen a lot of angry Fem Doms). There are submissives that can't run their own lives and need someone else to do it for them. So, much easier to find a Dom that will praise them rather than learning to be a adult.

In those cases, being in the lifestyle is actually the weak way out. It's easier for those things to exist and not have to be addressed.


This is what I was thinking as I read this thread.  Many Dominants in this lifestyle are on a power trip.
I always look at how much power a person has outside of this lifestyle and try to make the connection.
I have noticed that some of the harsher Dominants and submissives seem to be very powerLESS in real life.
In fact, as is so obvious on CM, many in this lifestyle can be very mean and act like bullies.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Vanilla = Weak?! - 5/17/2007 4:54:34 AM   
asubmissiveheart


Posts: 462
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline 		I agree with this, I date the person not the lifestyle even with a Dominant woman.

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Vanilla = Weak?! - 5/17/2007 7:42:47 AM   
MsCara


Posts: 31
Joined: 6/26/2004
Status: offline 		I hope everyone finds what they are looking for ... <waves goodbye>.

(in reply to asubmissiveheart)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Vanilla = Weak?! - 5/18/2007 10:22:54 AM   
MasterMagnus321


Posts: 86
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline 		I think firing judgemental proclomations as to the relative "weakness" or "strength/power" of the personal choices of someone else is indicative of a person with confidence, self-knowledge, and esteem issues; the only person who I feel comfortable assessing "weakness" or "strength" in is myself.  The only other person in whom I look for "opportunities for improvement" is my sub, as we mutually consent to that dynamic; I want to do it, she wants to have it... it is a symbiotic relationship.

_____________________________

Nothing lasts, and yet nothing passes, either.
And nothing passes just because nothing lasts.
-Philip Roth

~MASTERMAGNUS

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Vanilla = Weak?! - 5/18/2007 1:35:02 PM   
pinksugarsub


Posts: 1224
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaverosebeauty

I didn't want to hyjack a different thread, but the comment was made that 'vanillas are weak.'

Weren't we ALL vanilla at one point? We are born vanilla and then in time we discover this side or not, through whatever means. That doesn't make a vanilla person weak. Like I have said over and over, I am ONLY dating vanilla men, and I have seen very few signs of weakness among them; the man I am currently with is ANYTHING but, weak, if anything, he is one of the strongest men I know, inside or outside of this lifestyle; he is very strong and powerfull and a true gentleman, heck, give me a few days alone with him an I may have a new convert to this lifestyle, lol.

And sence, vanilla just means 'non kink' how does that translate into 'weak'??

I'm a bit perplexed, maybe a few members can help enlighten me; no flames or rudness please. Thanks.


i find the statement "vanillas are weak" ridiculous on its face.  i have been vanilla most of my life, and accomplished some things for which only personal power could have been used.
 
My vanilla F/friends are likewise endowed with personal power.  i'm not known to form close bonds with weak P/pl, kinky or vanilla.

_____________________________





(in reply to slaverosebeauty)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Vanilla = Weak?! - 5/18/2007 1:40:43 PM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		Yeah, I usually ignore the vanilla=weak argument that I hear in the hallowed halls of the leather community, for much the same reason I tend to ignore the christian=deluded rant that echoes among neo-paganoids. I simply chalk it up to insecurity on the part of the speaker. The easiest way to fit in with a new clique and to establish your place within the social hierarchy is to attack whatever clique once held your allegiance. If you want to sit at the same table as the jocks, your best way to get in is to give your nerdy little friend a public wedgie. It's the same basic dynamic here. Most human beings are one step down the road of good intentions to entering the domain of "Lord of the Flies".

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)
Profile   Post #: 60
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Vanilla = Weak?! Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094