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RE: Reactive Hump - 5/15/2007 7:16:13 PM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
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Conditioned responsed to slavery? Ok. I was just focusing on the psychology that seems to behind the stuff on the web page and others like it that I've seen.

Edited to add a link on reactance theory:
http://www.as.wvu.edu/~sbb/comm221/chapters/react.htm

< Message edited by gypsygrl -- 5/15/2007 7:50:28 PM >

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RE: Reactive Hump - 5/15/2007 9:25:12 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ICGsteve
She knows her fears stopped her, and that just makes her feel worse about herself. For the record she has done extensive therapy, but she was not there honestly. She manipulated the therapist into telling her what she wanted to hear, then she gave up on therapy.

Then she hasn't had therapy, she's given herself permission to manipulate others and be a liar.

Hence my very first reply in your other thread started out exactly like this:
Going by herself or with you as a couple might be perfect for this. Make sure it's someone you feel good about.

Forget all this need to control and be all absolute and Ms- your issue here isn't who is in control. If you want to be in control, then do it. You should know her games this well into things, so stop them before they start. ANd if you don't know her games, then you're being exactly what her sucky therapist was.

Your issue is security and trust. And THAT is something that must be shared and grown simultaneously.

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RE: Reactive Hump - 5/15/2007 10:38:06 PM

szobras

Posts: 435
Joined: 9/18/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I think it's more a case of "long term relationships learn to work WITH eachother to deal with the humps that life throws at them to gain security in themselves and the relationship as a whole"

I agree with LA. It is that idea that brings us to 12 years of marriage this Sunday.Without being a fly on the wall, knowing what your daily life is like. Perhaps this may serve a a bit of food for thought. My wife and I have discussed re-introducing Ds into our daily life on a more prominant level again. I spend most of my days, and much of the evenings by myself, so I am accustom to being self sufficient to my own needs. So much to the point that when she asks to bring me something , or do something for me, my usual response was that I will get it or do it myself. She has the desire to serve me, I need to let her. I have actually had to consiously work on this.When she does, I let her know it pleases me. Doesn't sound like a big deal, but apparently bigger than is noticed at times. The point being, that sometimes it's the little humps that we glide over that can have value that are easily missed. Sometimes it is not a matter of overcoming, or finding a way. Just getting out of the way, so both of our needs are fulfilled together.

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