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so new and so confused...as a sub - 5/16/2007 1:31:45 AM

subdie

Posts: 10
Joined: 5/15/2007
Status: offline

Hi
i am totally new to this and have been seeking an outlet to discuss my current situation, I love my master to the end dearly i do & i am collared... he always tells me the truth (even things i wish i didnt know) and tells me he loves me...but i have hit a roadblock allowing me to move on emotionally tp be the best sub i could be he has always told me about his vanilla live in girlfriend all the time somuch so they own houses and run a business....he tells me he wants me to change alot about myself weight, fitness and name etc then he will leave her to be with me... however i am having trouble thinking around his vanilla girlfriend she has no idea i exist....this is my first time with a dominant , i know it is a latent need....as i havent met him yet due to his vanilla girlfriend and he lives in another city an hour away...i question am i setting myself up for failure.....and that this is only play for him....he has given me a fewgifts...but tells me only when i loose all my weight then we can and be 24/7....i am getting uncertain, communication is on his terms mostly i keep a journal to express such feelings but alwys it is turned back on me saying i knew this when he collared me...i am jsut so lost as i am so new to this if not feeling a little worthless....any ideas as i cant talk to my vanilla friends...he had other subs while being with his vanilla girlfriend...nothing ever eventuated in real time..i just worry maybe he only wants to keepit online/phone tilliam his idea of perfection.....

Post #: 1

RE: so new and so confused...as a sub - 5/16/2007 1:59:17 AM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

Your doubt is all the evidence I needed to hear, but you gave me so much more. You said your Master tells you the truth about everything. Does he give his vanilla girlfriend the same curtesy? She should know about you.

My first words are don't feel worthless. I don't like the smell of this. He wants you to change a lot of things about you and then he'll leave his vanilla girlfriend...

I take it you're only online with this loved Master? I'm going to ask you things that question your faith in your Master. If you feel like I'm trying to pull you two apart, the truth is that is your own doubt. All my questions have answers that could make your Master look very good... or very bad.

1) Have you ever met is girlfriend?
2) How long have you know him?
3) How realistic are the changes he expects?
4) Do you realize your Master has legal responsibilities to his girlfriend and business partner?
5) what makes this Master so good? Why is he worth this?
6) Why did nothing spring forth from his other online subs? (Maybe they couldn't lose the weight?)
7) How many subs does he have? How many has he had?
8) Is your relationship with him sexual?
9) Does your Master love you?

Honestly, I'd say take a good look at your life. Weigh the collar. There are lots of good people out there, real time and online. Don't fall for the "I'll leave her for you" line. Actions speak louder than words. If you're not allowed to talk to the vanilla girlfriend, he's probably not going to leave her (she also probably doesn't know you exist.)

I want you to realize for yourself that you can probably do better, but I'm not a homewrecker. Talk to your Master about these things. What's the worst that could happen? He takes off the collar? You're already on the verge of mailing it back anyways.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to subdie)

Post #: 2

RE: so new and so confused...as a sub - 5/16/2007 2:05:15 AM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

wake up dear

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to subdie)

Post #: 3

RE: so new and so confused...as a sub - 5/16/2007 2:05:24 AM

subdie

Posts: 10
Joined: 5/15/2007
Status: offline

hello as per you request

1) Have you ever met is girlfriend? no - she dosnt know i exist
2) How long have you know him? about 6 months online only
3) How realistic are the changes he expects? not really he want sme to have plasticsurgery, tone upto be a fitness model, change my first name, create a sucessful business etc the list goes on surprising
4) Do you realize your Master has legal responsibilities to his girlfriend and business partner? yes and this is reason as to why he cant move on just yet
5) what makes this Master so good? Why is he worth this? He is my first so i guess i know none other
6) Why did nothing spring forth from his other online subs? (Maybe they couldn't lose the weight?) I think distance he did once say he missed out and now dosnt want tomissout wiht me (hes 40)
7) How many subs does he have? 0 other then me How many has he had? two in the past and a few trainees
8) Is your relationship with him sexual? on only online, he has sent mea box of toys and asksmetouse themwith himonline
9) Does your Master love you? he tells me so or ditto when he cant talk

hope that helps you?

kind regards
jo

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 4

RE: so new and so confused...as a sub - 5/16/2007 2:10:00 AM

subdie

Posts: 10
Joined: 5/15/2007
Status: offline

i know guess i just needed to hear it from someone else in the lifestyle

(in reply to subdie)

Post #: 5

RE: so new and so confused...as a sub - 5/16/2007 2:14:20 AM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

Yes, those answers were all I needed.

quote:

wake up dear

I concur. This guy is leading you on. Welcome to the CollarMe family (Look at me, here 3 days and already recruiting) and I hope you can find someone better here. For online play, you certainly will.

You owe nothing special to him because he was your first Dom. There is no "I'll do the right thing and stay with him forever because he was the first to call me 'slave'."

You said it yourself. His only saving grace is that he was your first.

(in reply to subdie)

Post #: 6

RE: so new and so confused...as a sub - 5/16/2007 2:15:23 AM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subdie

i know guess i just needed to hear it from someone else in the lifestyle

Gets turned into:

quote:

FIXED: subdie

i know guess i just needed to hear it from everybody else in the lifestyle

(in reply to subdie)

Post #: 7

RE: so new and so confused...as a sub - 5/16/2007 2:19:01 AM

subdie

Posts: 10
Joined: 5/15/2007
Status: offline

FIXED:
i know guess i just needed to hear it from everybody else in the lifestyle

So very true so very true thankyou for bringing a smile to my face which i so needed today...thankyou

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 8

RE: so new and so confused...as a sub - 5/16/2007 2:24:00 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

As swt said:

1. Wake up
2. Smell coffee
3. Move on
4. Don't be too hard on yourself. As you said, this is your first time. Learn from it.

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 9

RE: so new and so confused...as a sub - 5/16/2007 2:31:45 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subdie

...he had other subs while being with his vanilla girlfriend...nothing ever eventuated in real time..i just worry maybe he only wants to keepit online/phone

This is your answer right here. It happens a LOT online, don't beat yourself up too badly.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to subdie)

Post #: 10

RE: so new and so confused...as a sub - 5/16/2007 3:54:51 AM

Valyraen

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/14/2007
Status: offline

Y'know... whenever I see the words "he/she just wants me to do so-and-so, and then s/he'll be with me forever", the robot from Lost in Space starts running through my head at a billion miles per hour. Alarm klaxons, flashing red lights, the works...

I'm 6', probably about 160 lbs. Aqua (my submissive) is 9" shorter than me and heavier than I am... and that didn't stop me for a second. We were a vanilla relationship for six months before becoming a lifestyle couple... my point is that anyone dangling the "change this about yourself and I'll love you" carrot probably isn't someone that you're going to want to be with. I had a very destructive relationship centered around that problem, and guess what? It was the first real relationship I'd ever been in.

Subdie, my 'fficial stance on the question is that he's just jerking you around. Ditch him.

_____________________________

CM's Resident Fuzzy Kitteh

There is no creature more loving than a hungry cat.

Valyraen in ValyraenandAqua

(in reply to subdie)

Post #: 11

RE: so new and so confused...as a sub - 5/16/2007 4:11:52 AM

subdie

Posts: 10
Joined: 5/15/2007
Status: offline

guess i dontknow how to ditch him.....

(in reply to Valyraen)

Post #: 12

RE: so new and so confused...as a sub - 5/16/2007 4:20:43 AM

Sinimint

Posts: 131
Joined: 1/25/2007
Status: offline

I agree with all the other replies. Personally I dont think he is a dom, it's just a kick for him by the sounds of it. And asking you to change things is just terrible. Please do yourself a favour and move on? Feel free to send me a message if you really need someone to talk to - I cant really give you advice, just my own opinion, but sometimes that helps. Take care...........

(in reply to subdie)

Post #: 13

RE: so new and so confused...as a sub - 5/16/2007 4:48:00 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subdie

guess i dontknow how to ditch him.....

Easy.... click/block

Easy, but requires a few more clicks... click/delete account.... clickety-clickety/create a new one

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to subdie)

Post #: 14

RE: so new and so confused...as a sub - 5/16/2007 5:18:12 AM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

Experience has taught me that its best to not make any kind of life altering plans until things have moved from the Internet into real time.

Personally, if I was concerned with a slave's weight, I would have her lose that weight by coming to the gym with me, not by setting conditions before the relationship begins.

See...most dominants realize that we will have to do work and adhere to our own standards before someone becomes our perfect dream slave.

I wish the concept of training was as easy as saying "Look...become everything I want you to be...then come and check back with me in three months...but until then dont bother me or make me put forth any kind of real effort or energy."

Finnally, speaking on personal opinion alone (and you know what they say about opinions), everything you have written here regarding the circumstances sounds like complete bullshit on his part.

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 5/16/2007 5:19:56 AM >

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to subdie)

Post #: 15

RE: so new and so confused...as a sub - 5/16/2007 5:42:05 AM

ExtremeOwnerIL

Posts: 197
Joined: 10/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Valyraen

Y'know... whenever I see the words "he/she just wants me to do so-and-so, and then s/he'll be with me forever", the robot from Lost in Space starts running through my head at a billion miles per hour. Alarm klaxons, flashing red lights, the works...

Quick topic hijack - I hear Star Trek "Red Alert" sounds usually...

:)

_____________________________

Some of my thoughts on Ownership:

http://extremeowner.blogspot.com/

(in reply to Valyraen)

Post #: 16

RE: so new and so confused...as a sub - 5/16/2007 5:43:43 AM

ExtremeOwnerIL

Posts: 197
Joined: 10/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subdie

guess i dontknow how to ditch him.....

Be polite. Be honest. Be decisive.

_____________________________

Some of my thoughts on Ownership:

http://extremeowner.blogspot.com/

(in reply to subdie)

Post #: 17

RE: so new and so confused...as a sub - 5/16/2007 6:03:37 AM

imthatacheyouhav

Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline

I don't mean to sound unkind, ...did none of this raise any red flags at all?...i mean you are a bit older ..(meaning not a teenager) I do know the loneliness can cause ones judgement to be impaired somewhat but OMG....i would just have to say i hope you learn to listen to yourself better in the future. Also your selfworth should come from YOU not someones opinion of YOU.

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to subdie)

Post #: 18

RE: so new and so confused...as a sub - 5/16/2007 6:14:55 AM

NControlofU

Posts: 204
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

#1) He is keeping you on the side, away and unknown to his girlfriend for the same exact reason married men keep a mistress on the side, away and unknown to their wives -- Because they don't want the gf or wife to get mad and leave them, but they still want to play on the side. You think having to call him "master" makes it any different? You think having a collar makes it any different? Ask any number of women who were having a lengthy affair with a married man & had gotten a "promise ring" from him and were told over & over again, "I'll leave her for you just as soon as ___________" (fill in the blank with any number of excuses, i.e., the kids are grown, my ailing wife finally dies, I get my finances straightened out, etc., etc.)

#2) If it wasn't your weight, fitness, etc., it would be some other reason. It's just his way of eating his cake & having it too. It's nothing new.

#3) If he's lying to his girlfriend (who he has a lot invested in, like a business & houses), guess what? Don't you think he's also lying to you, just to keep you happy so he can play with you, while still having his happy vanilla life? You think you're that special that he would lie to her but never to you? Get real. Wake up! A liar is a liar.

Men will be men, if you don't like how he's playing the game, move on, get your head & heart & cunt in the right place and meet someone who will be honest with you & his girlfriend. Unless, you like being the side dish. And, if that's the case, keep things as they are & quit expecting anything more.

(in reply to subdie)

Post #: 19

RE: so new and so confused...as a sub - 5/16/2007 6:24:24 AM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

Great work people!! To think, this girl might have actually had a relationship with someone. Fuck the fact that she may have been happy or that these are may have been changes that he saw she wanted and was willing to push her to. Fuck the fact that not everyone wants someone off the shelf and that some actually do like to mold a person into what they see they can be. Fuck all that shit. Well done, well done indeed!! Good way to hussle!!

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to subdie)

Post #: 20

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