Post-War PTSD and the lifestyle

Post-War PTSD and the lifestyle (Full Version)

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CRSN -> Post-War PTSD and the lifestyle (5/16/2007 7:44:59 AM)
I was just curious... I just got out of the army back in march. I was discharged with PTSD and because of it I feel like I am letting my boys down. Its a ego blow to say the least. Im a Domme and I was just curious should I perhaps take a break and heal? Admit I might be possibly broken? Or perhaps keep truckin it and realize my boys can help me get through it and admit I need the support? Its a hard thing to deal with, and the fact I feel I have all this pressure to be the big bad provider and the fact I have to admit I have this problem kills me. Any advice?

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Post-War PTSD and the lifestyle (5/16/2007 7:46:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CRSN I was just curious... I just got out of the army back in march. I was discharged with PTSD and because of it I feel like I am letting my boys down. Its a ego blow to say the least. Im a Domme and I was just curious should I perhaps take a break and heal? Admit I might be possibly broken? Or perhaps keep truckin it and realize my boys can help me get through it and admit I need the support? Its a hard thing to deal with, and the fact I feel I have all this pressure to be the big bad provider and the fact I have to admit I have this problem kills me. Any advice? Get into therapy. denying what's going on will simply destroy you all and the relationship. Good subs don't expect perfection, they don't even expect greatness all the time. While it's understandable for them to be distressed- well what long term partner isn't distressed to see their other in such trauma? I don't see any particular reason to end the relationships to heal, unless there's more to this. But you should actively work on healing and allow the relationship to help support you.

CRSN -> RE: Post-War PTSD and the lifestyle (5/16/2007 7:51:25 AM)
well they all seem to want to "come to my aide" like Ive been wounded in battle and cant help myself. (Ie Hold me, make sure I take medication, make sure I sleep through the night without problems which I rarely DONT get a full nights sleep etc)Ill admit it is very comforting but I wasnt sure if I should feel this way or not. If I should show them my belly so to speak.

HellsMichelle -> RE: Post-War PTSD and the lifestyle (5/16/2007 7:52:51 AM)
Good golly. You've been to hell and back. Strength is seeing you need help. Weakness is avoiding getting it. Why should you seeking a professional to work this out keep you from also getting support from your boys? If you have the resources to get to see a shrink and you have boys at home who can tend to you, why not? We can only gain from the insights therapy provide. Having boys at home to help you with the stresses hopefully means that you will have a healthy support network to deal with those moments between therapy sessions. Maybe you can talk to the shrink to make your mind feel better and use the boys to heal your body? [I know when i am stressed out beating on someone helps me focus on them and takes my mind off myself/my problems] GETTING HELP DOES NOT MAKE YOU WEAK! FACING YOUR PROBLEMS IS ADMIRABLE! Thank you for sharing this. I have often wondered what our troops will be going through when they are returned home. Peace be with you~ Lv M

juliaoceania -> RE: Post-War PTSD and the lifestyle (5/16/2007 7:53:00 AM)
I have dealt with PTSD in mild forms. I would suggest that you follow your instinct about whether these relationships will help you heal or if they will cause you guilt and anxiety. Our relationships with others can be the most healing thing in our lives, or they can be damaging. It depends on what the people involved in them want them to be. As a submissive, I want to help the Man in my life overcome difficulties, and I consider it an honor when he allows me to do so. Perhaps you can include them in your healing process. I do not know how overwhelming your PTSD is. Without knowing that it is rather hard to give any sort of input. I had phobia, guilt, anxiety, sudden loud noises would shock me, and I had problems with my temper developing before I addressed it. I did not have realistic flashbacks or trouble sleeping though. The worst forms of PTSD can be debilitating.

CRSN -> RE: Post-War PTSD and the lifestyle (5/16/2007 7:57:21 AM)
Right now it is suicidal actions and thoughts, feelings of EXCESSIVE guilt, anxiety, anger, hatred, betrayal, loud noises especially booms and blasts make me hit the deck, I have VIVID flashbacks, Im upset with men, my government, my life choice to go in. I dont sleep but maybe 1/2 hours a night. Perhaps Im just tired?

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Post-War PTSD and the lifestyle (5/16/2007 7:58:22 AM)
LOL yeah feeling good about having people care for you and make sure you're doing right as their positions dictate- how wrong! ;)

juliaoceania -> RE: Post-War PTSD and the lifestyle (5/16/2007 8:06:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CRSN Right now it is suicidal actions and thoughts, feelings of EXCESSIVE guilt, anxiety, anger, hatred, betrayal, loud noises especially booms and blasts make me hit the deck, I have VIVID flashbacks, Im upset with men, my government, my life choice to go in. I dont sleep but maybe 1/2 hours a night. Perhaps Im just tired? I would show this description to your boys, and I would think long and hard about continuing to dominate people that depend on you to be fair minded with them. I do not think I would want to be responsible for someone else's welfare under these circumstances. I think you need to ask yourself if perhaps it might be best to take a hiatus from domination. My best friend's first dominant was a Vietnam war vet with long term unaddressed PTSD that he medicated with alcohol. It was an extremely abusive situation for her. He was unwilling to address it though. It is going to take a lot of hard work for you to address it and put all the pieces back together again. Your adrenaline response is screwed up Edited to add: I taking a break from being the "dominant" does not mean ending your relationships.. it means just acknowledging that you need to take care of you

CRSN -> RE: Post-War PTSD and the lifestyle (5/16/2007 8:10:29 AM)
Trust me, they all realized this when I came back. I showed them my medical records and discharge papers I didnt hide a thing from them. Hell I suppose when they arent my boys, they're my Husband and BF(Might as well be my 2nd husband LOL) Plus the fact we arent as "active" when it comes to beatings and such as we once were, although Id like to do it and god knows Im a HUGE sadist, my therapist advised against it until I am no longer depressed or angry to the point of dying. He also said the "abuse" would just add more guilt because I'd feel that I harmed them, even though they wanted it. I feel like I have more baggage than the titanic LOL.....

NControlofU -> RE: Post-War PTSD and the lifestyle (5/16/2007 8:13:51 AM)
Well, since you were "discharged with PTSD", then I assume that you were seen by Mental Health before leaving the army and you were getting some treatment there. Hopefully, now that you're a veteran, you are still getting treatment. If you haven't already done so, I would highly recommend going to your nearest Veteran's Administration (V. A.) hospital or health clinic to get treated. The V. A., due to numerous years of experience with combat veterans, has excellent programs to treat a variety of mental health issues, especially PTSD. If your activities with your boys is interfering with you getting the care you need, then, I would say you might need to take a break from those activities for the time being. Just be honest with them and let them know what's going on and I would give them the option to keep things open for future activities with you or move on, but that's just me. What you decide to do is up to you but, just remember, what good are you to your boys or anyone else, if you aren't being good to yourself and getting yourself cared for?

juliaoceania -> RE: Post-War PTSD and the lifestyle (5/16/2007 8:14:11 AM)
I remember at my worst I would walk down the street and think it would be easier just to step out in front of a moving truck. I never seriously considered doing that mind you, but the thoughts would enter my head because of the pain I was suffering inside was so intense that those thoughts would come in unbidden. You CAN get better. I did. But it is a process.

NControlofU -> RE: Post-War PTSD and the lifestyle (5/16/2007 8:22:58 AM)
Perhaps you're just tired? What are you, crazy? VIVID flashbacks? HELLO in THERE, ANYONE HOME?: suicidal actions and thoughts? What are you waiting for? Get therapy! Make the call today! Don't let it go another day. Get off the computer & get on the phone with the V.A. Health Care Benefits: 1-877-222-8387. Don't wait until the shit gets so bad, you do something really stupid. quote: ORIGINAL: CRSN Right now it is suicidal actions and thoughts, feelings of EXCESSIVE guilt, anxiety, anger, hatred, betrayal, loud noises especially booms and blasts make me hit the deck, I have VIVID flashbacks, Im upset with men, my government, my life choice to go in. I dont sleep but maybe 1/2 hours a night. Perhaps Im just tired?

CRSN -> RE: Post-War PTSD and the lifestyle (5/16/2007 8:24:56 AM)
I have way better benefits than the VA lol, and I am getting help with a therapist and Psychiatrist. Its just I havent been home long enough to really break ground yet. But Thank you!

thetammyjo -> RE: Post-War PTSD and the lifestyle (5/16/2007 10:10:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CRSN well they all seem to want to "come to my aide" like Ive been wounded in battle and cant help myself. (Ie Hold me, make sure I take medication, make sure I sleep through the night without problems which I rarely DONT get a full nights sleep etc)Ill admit it is very comforting but I wasnt sure if I should feel this way or not. If I should show them my belly so to speak. I think this can be a common fear for tops from time to time regardless of our experiences and our jobs. What helped me when this fear reared itself in my life was having some rituals and rules that I could use and rely on. It was a way to ground myself. Plus, as LuckyAlbatross suggested, I went to therapy where I was out about my Ds and my relationships (as well as my past). I had a safe objective person to help me ground myself and grow.

pauliestl -> RE: Post-War PTSD and the lifestyle (5/16/2007 11:07:30 AM)
take the time off, or if you cannot leave it behind, switch roles a bit, go more for dominance then sadism. Let them serve you. Command them to serve you. If you don't fel like washing your hair that day, make one of your boys do it for you. Don't feel like gettign up and walking to the kitchen for a soda, ring a bell and make your boys bring you the glass, individual ice cubes and then the soda. But most of all don't neglect yourself. I was in Desert Storm and talking helped to make the bad dreams go away, and once I was getting good sleep things started to fall back into place.

CRSN -> RE: Post-War PTSD and the lifestyle (5/16/2007 1:37:57 PM)
thanks alot y'all!!!!!!!!! =)

littlesarbonn -> RE: Post-War PTSD and the lifestyle (5/16/2007 2:54:34 PM)
People deal with it in different ways. When I got out of the service, I traveled across the country for two years before I finally felt comfortable enough to rejoin society. When I went back to college, they roomed me with a guy that was suffering from post traumatic stress, and his way of compensating for it was to pick fights with the football team. The entire football team. Again, people deal with such things in vastly different ways. Some never do. I used to jump practically every time I heard a loud noise. Now, I don't even react, as I somehow learned to turn off the jerking response, which sometimes pisses off people when they like to sneak up behind you and scare you, and it doesn't work anymore on me.

LadyIce -> RE: Post-War PTSD and the lifestyle (5/16/2007 2:56:44 PM)
I think you might want to get some serious therapy before you begin playing. After you start feeling better about yourself, then get back into the lifestyle fully. Good luck on your recovery.

robertolapiedra -> RE: Post-War PTSD and the lifestyle (5/18/2007 8:03:09 PM)
Hello CRSN. What experience I have with PTSD relates to events that happen in a prison environment and with some of my coworkers on sickleave. I think you have done very well up to now, but you will have to treat that sleep disorder before it causes serious trouble with your recovery. It is normal to have nightmares, wake up often, sweats even, but half an hour's sleep? That's serious sleep deprivation! I would make it a priority. As for your lifesytle? Let the LOVE do it's work! When you feel like it, you can still kick ass! For the moment let your loveones do their 'jobs' and 'submit' to your present condition. Good luck. RL.

marinetibby -> RE: Post-War PTSD and the lifestyle (5/18/2007 10:57:56 PM)
CRSN, As a Marine Corps Recon Sniper, I can say that i feel all of your pains. I have extremely bad PTSD. It just keeps getting worst, and I think the guilt phase is the worst one. I am just getting past it myself. After pulling 3 tours overseas I think i have seen a little bit of everything they have to offer over there. I wish you the best of luck with figuring out who you are now that you have this horible burdun on your soulders. I don't think you sohuld give up this lifestyle if it is what keeps you happy. If it is nothing more than just a perk then take a brake just to see if you still enjoy it or if you are happier with out it. If you ever need someone to shoot the shit with I am always open to talk about it, I, myself, have also had thought of suicide, so I am really here for you in any way.

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