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The typical Dom - 5/17/2007 7:37:21 AM

stella40

Posts: 417
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: London, UK
Status: offline

This is part of my rearch for a fictional character, so please don't flame me.

In your experience how closely does the profile outlined in the link below resemble the profile of a typical Dom?

http://www.hss.caltech.edu/~mcafee/Bin/sb.html

_____________________________

I try to take one day at a time, but several days come and attack me at once. (Jennifer Unlimited)

If you can't be a good example then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

Post #: 1

RE: The typical Dom - 5/17/2007 7:46:31 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Nope, only about 10%. Really most doms are as stupid, romantic and pedestrian as anyone else.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to stella40)

Post #: 2

RE: The typical Dom - 5/17/2007 7:55:55 AM

Copulo

Posts: 268
Joined: 5/3/2007
Status: offline

There are dominants out there like that but there are also plenty of vanilla people out there like that too.
You would have to be pretty unlucky to find one with all those attributes!!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 3

RE: The typical Dom - 5/17/2007 7:57:19 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I do not know how typical this is for doms... I can take each component and compare it to the two I have been involved with

quote:

Glibness and Superficial Charm

Not my Daddy

Yes for my former dominant at times

quote:

Manipulative and Conning
They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims

Not my Daddy

Sometimes my former dominant

quote:

Grandiose Sense of Self
Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."

Not either my former dominant nor my Daddy

Although my Daddy feels more and more entitled to use me the way he likes and it is his right. He does not abuse that right.

quote:

Pathological Lying
Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.

Neither one

quote:

Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.

Nope

quote:

Shallow Emotions
When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.

Nope

quote:

Incapacity for Love

Nope

quote:

Need for Stimulation
Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.

former dominant yes, Daddy no

quote:

Callousness/Lack of Empathy
Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.

Nope

quote:

Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.

Nope

quote:

Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency
Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.

Nope

quote:

Irresponsibility/Unreliability
Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.

nope

quote:

Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts

My former dominant was a swinger at one point

Daddy nope

quote:

Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.

Nope

quote:

Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility
Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.

no

The other listed qualities do not seem relevent to consensual Ds. There are sociopaths everywhere. Some submissives are sociopaths I am sure. I would not recommend modeling a dominant after one, it seems like a stereotype with no irony. I would make a fictional submissive into one, because it would be unexpected...but that is just how I write things

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to stella40)

Post #: 4

RE: The typical Dom - 5/17/2007 8:01:34 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

The page wouldn't open for me. But in reading Julia's quotes of the article, I can only say I'm sure glad my Master is nothing like this "typical dom."

(in reply to stella40)

Post #: 5

RE: The typical Dom - 5/17/2007 8:01:40 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

~fr~
Sociopaths can be found in all walks of life. There are certainly some doms of that nature.
Just as there are subs who are codependent.
I would guess that these are found in the same percentages as in the general public, like any other dysfunction. Although I do admit at times I wonder if there are more of them in the lifestyle, part of this comes from trying to fit people whom I see as dysfunctional (on the message board) into a dsm category. It's sort of like a hobby.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 6

RE: The typical Dom - 5/17/2007 8:09:55 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

As someone with a very low opinion of most in the scene and the scene itself, few would match that. Incompetence yes, but malice is far less prevelent.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 7

RE: The typical Dom - 5/17/2007 8:20:35 AM

MistressNoName

Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella40

This is part of my rearch for a fictional character, so please don't flame me.

In your experience how closely does the profile outlined in the link below resemble the profile of a typical Dom?

http://www.hss.caltech.edu/~mcafee/Bin/sb.html

stella40,

Sorry if this comes off like a flame, but as both a lifestyler and clinical social worker I will simply state I take offense to what I see as constant attempts to equate kink with pathological disorders. So, does this look like the profile of the typical Dom...not at all. And not anymore that it profiles the typical vanilla man anyone of us might be dating, be married to, best friends with...etc. If you are trying to create a character that is sociopathic and just happens to have a fetish or two, have at it...I'm sure someone will make a great slasher film out of it one day. But if you ever want to create a character that's just your average kinky person, your story won't be about psychopathology...It'll be about average everyday people who simply order their lives a little differently than the vanillas.

(Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go let the boy out of his cage...)

MNN

(in reply to stella40)

Post #: 8

RE: The typical Dom - 5/17/2007 8:24:15 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

nope, sorry, not a typical or accurate description of Daddy. some i can see my formers under a couple of categories.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 9

RE: The typical Dom - 5/17/2007 8:25:03 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Actually this doesn't look like me at all in profile, I am far shallower than that, nor do I possess the gumption to be a sociopath. I just ain't that into the thing, yanno?

iRon: interTubelian Master of the interGallactic interStellar Nebulae

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to stella40)

Post #: 10

RE: The typical Dom - 5/17/2007 8:45:17 AM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

In total, this fits my abusive ex-husband not any Dominants that I know. I know Dominants who have some of those characteristics but I also know some submissives who do as well.

Just my thoughts....

(in reply to stella40)

Post #: 11

RE: The typical Dom - 5/17/2007 9:08:55 AM

Faramir

Posts: 1043
Joined: 2/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella40

This is part of my rearch for a fictional character, so please don't flame me.

In your experience how closely does the profile outlined in the link below resemble the profile of a typical Dom?

http://www.hss.caltech.edu/~mcafee/Bin/sb.html

Uh-huh. So in researching a "fictional" character, you are asking us how do doms compare with sociopaths. Sounds likes a passive-agressive and dishonest way to suggests doms are sociopaths. Even if you are construcing a character in fiction, you picked the comparison, and that shows what your agenda is.

(in reply to stella40)

Post #: 12

RE: The typical Dom - 5/17/2007 9:21:56 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Faramir

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella40

This is part of my rearch for a fictional character, so please don't flame me.

In your experience how closely does the profile outlined in the link below resemble the profile of a typical Dom?

http://www.hss.caltech.edu/~mcafee/Bin/sb.html

Uh-huh. So in researching a "fictional" character, you are asking us how do doms compare with sociopaths. Sounds likes a passive-agressive and dishonest way to suggests doms are sociopaths. Even if you are construcing a character in fiction, you picked the comparison, and that shows what your agenda is.

I do not think that this is fair. You have no idea what her plotline is. She could be looking for material to paint the antagonist and her protagonist. which both could be dominants for all you know. Research for character development is a time consuming endeavor for many of us that write... from finding meaning in names, to researching the darker side of humanity to make sure that we find a dark character that rings true with the darkness inherent in ALL people.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 5/17/2007 9:22:19 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Faramir)

Post #: 13

RE: The typical Dom - 5/17/2007 9:25:18 AM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

If your asking does this list of qualities compare to the average "FANTASY" Dom profile (profile not in the collarme.com sense, but in a workup of an individuals psyche), then yes, I would agree, since many D types in fantasy stories are almost murderers, rapists, and criminals.

If your asking does this list of qualities compare to the average Collarme.com profile of a Dominant, then I would say your way off base and I fail to make the connection.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to stella40)

Post #: 14

RE: The typical Dom - 5/17/2007 9:35:57 AM

NakedGirlScout

Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline

It's the profile of a sociopath. A sociopath is, by definition, incapable of being a (genuine, successful) dominant. Any venue is going to have a proportion of sociopaths mixed in with regular people. Yes, I've met sociopaths in collarme and elsewhere, but I don't think they are typical. They usually end up in a lot of trouble with the law, which removes them from society.

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 15

RE: The typical Dom - 5/17/2007 12:04:03 PM

losttreasure

Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella40

This is part of my rearch for a fictional character, so please don't flame me.

In your experience how closely does the profile outlined in the link below resemble the profile of a typical Dom?

http://www.hss.caltech.edu/~mcafee/Bin/sb.html

lol... Honestly... and some people here think I don't have a sense of humor.

It's kinda scary, but I've actually talked to one or two "dominants" that might have possessed the majority of these traits. Then again, I didn't consider them dominants... more like sociopaths.

Stella, while I don't believe there is any one behavior model for a "typical" dom, I do think this list identifies several characteristics that a number of dominants proudly boast.

Looking at the list, here is what I do recognize :

They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming ... seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.

Who here has never seen the statements such as "slaves have no rights" or "slaves are for their owner's use"? And the idea that dominants dominate and some occasionally humiliate their submissives is fairly common and well accepted.

The big difference is sociopaths tend to treat all others from this view, where most dominants limit their domination to those few they have entered into a consensual relationship with.

Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."

lol... Does anyone know a dominant who doesn't feel they are entitled to certain things as "their right"? Any person, for that matter?

Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities.

I can't go along with the pathological lying thing, but this sentence struck me as applicable to some dominants I've seen. I've frequently heard boasts of some truly extraordinary abilities to train and control.

Incapacity for Love.

It's not necessarily "incapacity", and a bit of a stretch, but there are dominants who are adament about not being emotionally invested in their submissive. It is neither their desire or preference.

Living on the edge ... physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.

I don't know about the gambling, but I've seen plenty of dominants who express an active interest in maintaining their freedom to associate with as many sexual partners as they desire. There is also an oft proclaimed desire to push boundaries and a readiness to physically punish for undesired behavior.

Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish....

I'm not sure that they believe it themselves so much as wanting their submissives to believe that they are all-powerful and all-knowing. These are often the ones who will claim they know you better than you know yourself and who will assure you that they know what is best for you.

Of course, who hasn't seen post after post of advice here in the forums where an OP has been advised that whatever the Dom wants or desires should be what rules. It's not surprising that some "dominants" develop a feeling of entitlement for their every wish.

Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future...

This statement brought to mind those dominants who move from one submissive to the next, promising each that it is "forever".

Authoritarian

Name a dominant who doesn't favor complete obedience or subjection.

Okay, I'm sure there will be those who are quick to state they don't. My statement is a bit of hyperbole.

...seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired

I'm not agreeing with the "tyrannical behavior" part, but aren't these some of the reasons for belonging to sites like CM and joining local communities?

Goal of enslavement of their victim(s)

And how many dominants here are looking for a slave?

Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim's life

Again, a harsh and judgmental adjective, but aside from that it's not unusual for dominants to claim a desire to control everything about their submissive from what they wear to when they are allowed to use the restroom.

Has an emotional need to justify their crimes and therefore needs their victim's affirmation (respect, gratitude and love)

And how often do we hear that some dominants desire for their submissive to be enamored with them, regardless of their own feelings toward the sub?

Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim

lol... What would WIIWD be without consent?

I'm going to reitterate here that I'm not saying all dominants possess these traits, or that these characteristics are unique to dominants. The fact of the matter is, it makes no difference if a dominant possesses one, two or a handful of these individual characteristics. It does not make them wrong, nor does it mean they are a sociopath.

I just think it's rather amusing, but more from a bad stereotype of view... like those who think of all submissives as being emotionally needy, insecure and otherwise damaged goods.

_____________________________

Just because it isn't "all about me", doesn't make it "all about you".

(in reply to stella40)

Post #: 16

RE: The typical Dom - 5/17/2007 12:39:50 PM

greeneyes1962

Posts: 117
Joined: 9/7/2005
Status: offline

I can't access the webpage for some reason, but got the gist of things from Julia's post.

90% of this describes my ex-husbant to a T. None of it describes Master at all.

(in reply to stella40)

Post #: 17

RE: The typical Dom - 5/17/2007 1:24:33 PM

Halley

Posts: 51
Joined: 1/20/2007
Status: offline

I'm ashamed of you! You have known your share of Dommes, do you feel you were not able to judge for yourself if this was typical Domme behavior? If this is what you think a Domme is you should probably stay away.

this was not in rely to greeneyes, sorry, this was in reply to stella

< Message edited by Halley -- 5/17/2007 1:26:20 PM >

(in reply to greeneyes1962)

Post #: 18

RE: The typical Dom - 5/17/2007 2:37:57 PM

stella40

Posts: 417
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: London, UK
Status: offline

I think I need to come back into this and make clear a few basic points.

1. I am asking other people 'in your experience' how closely the material I have given resembles the typical Dom. There are a number of possibilities, it either does or it doesn't. This will be indicated in the responses my question generates.

2. I did state very clearly that I am researching for a fictional character (i.e. not real) and wish to add that this is just one of a number of sources I am using.

3. If anyone bothers to check out my profile and read what is written in my profile they will probably realise that my opinion about Doms is quite different to what my question here would appear to suggest.

4. If I really did believe that the typical Dom is a sociopath don't you think I would just go ahead and base my character on the material I already have? What would be the point of me posting the material on this forum and asking further questions from other people?

5. The reason why I phrased my original question as such was to elicit either agreement or disagreement. I am looking to establish to what degree such a person might exist in a community, and whether certain elements of this material would be credible in whatever character I create. Being a fictional character it's someone who doesn't exist in reality but is part of a scene or story.

6. I have outlined my reasons for posting such a question in 5. There is no hidden agenda. If I want to express my opinion I will do so openly and honestly, but I am looking for information, not looking to express an opinion.

7. Many people who have responded have given an indication to what degree and in which situation sociopathic behaviour may have been expressed by someone. I thank you, this is very helpful and I am truly grateful.

8. Those who are accusing me of surreptitiously trying to promote a hidden agenda or my own opinion through the question I posed and the material I presented are perhaps reading too much into this.

I sincerely apologise to anyone who feels offended by the material I have presented, I have no intention or desire to offend anyone on this forum.I am merely looking for information, nothing more.

_____________________________

I try to take one day at a time, but several days come and attack me at once. (Jennifer Unlimited)

If you can't be a good example then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

(in reply to Halley)

Post #: 19

RE: The typical Dom - 5/17/2007 2:51:11 PM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella40

This is part of my rearch for a fictional character, so please don't flame me.

In your experience how closely does the profile outlined in the link below resemble the profile of a typical Dom?

http://www.hss.caltech.edu/~mcafee/Bin/sb.html

stella40,

Sorry if this comes off like a flame, but as both a lifestyler and clinical social worker I will simply state I take offense to what I see as constant attempts to equate kink with pathological disorders. So, does this look like the profile of the typical Dom...not at all. And not anymore that it profiles the typical vanilla man anyone of us might be dating, be married to, best friends with...etc. If you are trying to create a character that is sociopathic and just happens to have a fetish or two, have at it...I'm sure someone will make a great slasher film out of it one day. But if you ever want to create a character that's just your average kinky person, your story won't be about psychopathology...It'll be about average everyday people who simply order their lives a little differently than the vanillas.

(Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go let the boy out of his cage...)

MNN

WOO HOO sister!

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to MistressNoName)

Post #: 20

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