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What do You want? - 5/17/2007 5:23:07 PM

subsnow

Posts: 152
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline

When You go into a D/s relationship, do You want complete 100% submission? Are You willing and able to compromise on how much the sub wants to submit? In Your opinion, is a sub allowed to be pick and choose what she wants to submit?

i am a submissive and i love being controlled physically. i also love being given tasks that effect my Dom directly. i get a lot of pleasure out of making my Dom's life easier. i've learned that i HATE doing activitites that only effect ME though. For example, my Dom knows that i want to lose weight so He has me filling out a food diary but i'm finding it very difficult to do. i want to be able to control things like that on my own. i know that it will effect my Dom indirectly in the end so i should be more than happy to do it but i don't think about that at the time. All i can think about is how much i hate doing it. i also know that it isn't about what i want but i end up doing a poor job because i have no motivation to do it. Some people might say that i'm not a "true" submissive because i only want to do what i LIKE to do but i don't feel that way. i get very stressed out and sometimes depressed because of this. i want to please Him but i really can't stand doing these tasks that only effect me. i hate to say this but i wonder if these activities would be easier for me if He punished me for doing poorly on them. Oh, i don't know.

Is it wrong of me to ask Him to let me take control of things like that? What is Your opinion on this? If a sub said she didn't want to give up control of things that only effected her life directly, would You accept that?

Post #: 1

RE: What do You want? - 5/17/2007 5:32:22 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Being a sub isn't always easy work. The hardest work can be the most rewarding. Try to frame the food diary in a different manner. Every time you open it, remind yourself that you are serving him. Remind yourself of why he has you doing this -- so his property will be healthy and in good condition. Your motivation is to provide pleasing service to your owner.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to subsnow)

Post #: 2

RE: What do You want? - 5/17/2007 5:43:06 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

When You go into a D/s relationship, do You want complete 100% submission?

I think that you are going to get many many differing answers to this. I am a submissive, but I am in a relationship with a Dom that did not expect 100% submission from me right from the start. It is something that we are building up to, and it is a journey more than a destination. Not all dominants desire this.

quote:

Are You willing and able to compromise on how much the sub wants to submit?

Some will, some will not. Some will feel that they should not control anything they do not want to because they are the dom and they decide what they feel like controlling. To be otherwise for some dominants would be asking them to be service tops (in service to the submissive). Others are turned off by a girl that requires too much management....

quote:

In Your opinion, is a sub allowed to be pick and choose what she wants to submit?

I was at first, but as our relationship has progressed he controls me at his whim according to the limits that I have... and to be honest I cannot think of anything he wants of me that is a limit. I have a list of limits on my profile that are there to remind me of how I have released my limits to him.

He gets what he wants of me.

quote:

I am a submissive and i love being controlled physically. i also love being given tasks that effect my Dom directly. i get a lot of pleasure out of making my Dom's life easier. i've learned that i HATE doing activitites that only effect ME though. For example, my Dom knows that i want to lose weight so He has me filling out a food diary but i'm finding it very difficult to do. i

I understand how hard it is having had a similiar experience with a certain task that was hard for me to do. It is part of my submission to him. I know that being submissive is not always easy, but I trust him to do what he thinks is right for me. Which leads me to this question....

quote:

Is it wrong of me to ask Him to let me take control of things like that? What is Your opinion on this? If a sub said she didn't want to give up control of things that only effected her life directly, would You accept that?

In my relationship I can ask all I want for whatever I want, but his answer is his answer. I can debate it with him, I can try to change his mind to some extent, but his answer is still his answer. Now my relationship is not yours, and your dominant maybe completely different from mine. I know if I told my Daddy what you have related, well he would not accept that, because everything dealing with me impacts him directly. I belong to him. If I am overweight and unhealthy, that impacts him. If I do not get enough rest, it impacts him. If I dress in a way that makes me look tacky, it impacts him. He does not take control over these things, because I have control over most of them myself. But I am bad at managing my time, I procrastinate, and he has me write everything I do down so I can see where my time goes (like posting on CM

). It is technically no skin off his nose how I wile away my days, but he wants me to be the way he wants me to be... which is using my talents and skills more productively to serve him... he has that right, I gave it to him.

I think the two of you really need to talk about what rights he has over you openly. I do not know if you have negotiated with him what is expected of you, but perhaps that would help? We have kinda evolved where we are by mutual consent, perhaps you need to talk about what is expected of you in your submission.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to subsnow)

Post #: 3

RE: What do You want? - 5/17/2007 5:46:48 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

Being a sub isn't always easy work. The hardest work can be the most rewarding.

Amen sister!

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 4

RE: What do You want? - 5/17/2007 6:30:41 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

I'm going to be picky-choosy with what parts of this I respond to. Hopefully it'll all make sense.

Not every person who is submissive can submit 100%, for various reasons. 'Surrender' is not possible for everyone.

In my mind, the more a submissive 'submits' (or cedes) to me, the more responsibility I have to accept for that person. (The converse of the above statement is that not all Dom(me)s have the ability or interest to accept that much responsibility from another. (It's probably true that some people don't even 'think' that way, but that's their problem, in my opinion.)) To me, dominance is living up to those responsibilities.

Perhaps it is the nature of the partnerships that I've formed over the years. In nearly every one, we have lived together. If not, we saw each other several times a week and probably spoke every day. I don't form relationships that are more casual than that. So it's fair for me to say about me that I am always interested in knowing as much about a partner as possible.

The reason why I say these things is to take exception to the OP's assertion that there are things in her life that have no bearing on her partner. Certainly there are things that I don't have much experience in not being a woman (pros and cons of different ways of handling one's period, for example), but if I'm included in a situation where my view is important, I need to understand to be able to give an informed decision. Is this a silly example? I don't know, to what extent does one's owner/protector/whomever get involved in one's life?

How much 'do' you want that person involved in your life?

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to subsnow)

Post #: 5

RE: What do You want? - 5/17/2007 10:02:46 PM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

If it helps, as a Dom, the most rewarding things to me are done purely of My Pet's accord. When she told me she was keeping a journal of our adventures, my heart was set on fire. My soul was warmed, my eyes were brightened, my life was made.

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 6

RE: What do You want? - 5/18/2007 3:16:10 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

The trouble with the theory of "total submission" is that it's all about the sub and doesn't require the "dominant" to dominate - he can passively kick back and enjoy the service like any lazy nilla. As one who does have his own individual need to dominate and control my girl, I appreciate committment such as yours but I'm still gonna push you anyway.

I'm generally not one for assigning tasks in the name of "busy work". If I've really got nothing for her to do, I'll truss her up for a few hours for us both to enjoy doing "nothing". However, if I do want something done, I want it done properly and I'll make sure it is no matter how competent the submissive is in her own right.

I'm not exactly sure what this "food diary" is but it feels like it's a token gesture on his part (read "busy work") and I think you're responding to it as such. IE, he's humouring you rather than assigning something that he actually wants done and will genuinely please him for you to succeed at. If either I or my girl wanted her to lose weight, I'd make it a task subject to punishment and reward. I'd encourage her to join a gym, she'd hafta join me on my regular mega-walks, undoubtedly some dietry changes and there'd be weekly weigh-ins.... In other words, I'd be taking charge of it - and her in the process. That makes it a D/s *dynamic* and I think that's what you're mostly missing here, hence it's a chore rather than "labour of love"....

On the wider scale, I don't mind if a sub has certain limits and restrictions but I do need broad control over my girl - and esp NOT just if it suits her. It's part of us being compatible or not - if her limits hobble my own needs and requirements, we're not compatible.

Focus.

(in reply to subsnow)

Post #: 7

RE: What do You want? - 5/18/2007 3:25:45 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

This may not be the answer that you're looking for, but everybody has things they don't like to do. Doesn't make you less submissive...makes you human. Now, some people "need" to feel everything they do has some meaning. And I'm not dismissing that. I don't happen to be one of them. There's a lot of things I do or would do if my dom told me to, but I may not enjoy them and I don't feel badly about that...as long as I still do them and keep the grumbling down. Once they are done, I might feel a sense of satisfaction that I got them done despite my dislike, but again, I don't feel badly about that.

Geez, kiddo, you're 20 years old. Give yourself a break!

< Message edited by bandit25 -- 5/18/2007 3:27:05 AM >

(in reply to subsnow)

Post #: 8

RE: What do You want? - 5/18/2007 4:24:55 AM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

I am answering these soley from an authority based relationship point of view and not from the aspect of play or sceneing

quote:

ORIGINAL: subsnow

When You go into a D/s relationship, do You want complete 100% submission?

Well...I am not sure exactly what you mean by 100% submission.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subsnow
Are You willing and able to compromise on how much the sub wants to submit?

Nope. Dominance and submission rests on the scale of one person who decides what way it is going to be done and the other person who conforms to this way.

Compromise and negotation level the playing field and essentially make the relationship eglatarian.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subsnow
In Your opinion, is a sub allowed to be pick and choose what she wants to submit?

Read the above.

If the slave got to pick and choose what she wanted to submit to, then how am I really being dominant or having any authority?

There is always circumstances or reasons that can make me change my way and these facts and her opinions on the subject should always be presented to me, but ultimately, the choice is mine because I am the one with the authority.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subsnow
Is it wrong of me to ask Him to let me take control of things like that?

If it were me, its never wrong to ASK me anything. Its only wrong if I make a decision and you willfully disobey that decision because you dont like it or want to do it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subsnow
If a sub said she didn't want to give up control of things that only effected her life directly, would You accept that?

I wont have a problem with it if it were things I didnt want to take control of. This simply means we are a compatible match.

In my relationships, I decided awhile ago that there was going to be things I would not make decisions on...prime examples are work and certain important family issues. I beleive these things are things that a slave should make their own decisions about, because they are important part of being a functioning, mature adult. The authority, in my eyes, rests mainly within the scope of our individual relationship.

This is my way. My way isnt going to change. If we came to an issue that I wanted to have authority over, the choice is simply Serve/Obey or Leave. If she cant conform and submit to my way, then she needs to find another partner who she is more compatible with.

But at no point does my way get compromised UNLESS I decide I want to change my way. Allowing a submissive to change my way on her own accord would level the playing field and make it no different then any other vanilla relationship.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to subsnow)

Post #: 9

RE: What do You want? - 5/18/2007 4:38:39 AM

subsnow

Posts: 152
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline

J and i are very much in love.

i think juliaoceania and Focus50 got it right. Like juliaoceania said, i can ask my Dom for whatever i want but He holds the final decision. i asked Him if i could not do this task and He said no, i have to do it. i know that in the end, if i work at this, i will look better for Him. The problem is that i am just marking down what i'm eating. i'm not changing my eating habits or anything so this really isn't doing anything. It feels like busy work and i can't stand busy work. i feel like it's a waste of time. He has trouble with His own eating habits too which is probably why He doesn't punish me for going over in my calories. i guess i'm the type of person who needs rewards and punishments for motivation. Right now, there's nothing.

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 10

RE: What do You want? - 5/18/2007 5:22:27 AM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

The trouble with the theory of "total submission" is that it's all about the sub and doesn't require the "dominant" to dominate - he can passively kick back and enjoy the service like any lazy nilla. As one who does have his own individual need to dominate and control my girl, I appreciate committment such as yours but I'm still gonna push you anyway.

I'm generally not one for assigning tasks in the name of "busy work". If I've really got nothing for her to do, I'll truss her up for a few hours for us both to enjoy doing "nothing". However, if I do want something done, I want it done properly and I'll make sure it is no matter how competent the submissive is in her own right.

I'm not exactly sure what this "food diary" is but it feels like it's a token gesture on his part (read "busy work") and I think you're responding to it as such. IE, he's humouring you rather than assigning something that he actually wants done and will genuinely please him for you to succeed at. If either I or my girl wanted her to lose weight, I'd make it a task subject to punishment and reward. I'd encourage her to join a gym, she'd hafta join me on my regular mega-walks, undoubtedly some dietry changes and there'd be weekly weigh-ins.... In other words, I'd be taking charge of it - and her in the process. That makes it a D/s *dynamic* and I think that's what you're mostly missing here, hence it's a chore rather than "labour of love"....

On the wider scale, I don't mind if a sub has certain limits and restrictions but I do need broad control over my girl - and esp NOT just if it suits her. It's part of us being compatible or not - if her limits hobble my own needs and requirements, we're not compatible.

Focus.

Just an FYI for you, since you didn't know *S*

A food diary is not busy work for someone trying to lose weight. It is a way to reflect up what choice one is making, what time of the day they are making said choices and putting things like emotion to the food choices. People who want to lose weight often keep a diary of this type to help them process how to go about losing weight or making healthier, better food choices. It can be KEY to success for some.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 11

RE: What do You want? - 5/18/2007 5:34:00 AM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subsnow

J and i are very much in love.

i think juliaoceania and Focus50 got it right. Like juliaoceania said, i can ask my Dom for whatever i want but He holds the final decision. i asked Him if i could not do this task and He said no, i have to do it. i know that in the end, if i work at this, i will look better for Him. The problem is that i am just marking down what i'm eating. i'm not changing my eating habits or anything so this really isn't doing anything. It feels like busy work and i can't stand busy work. i feel like it's a waste of time. He has trouble with His own eating habits too which is probably why He doesn't punish me for going over in my calories. i guess i'm the type of person who needs rewards and punishments for motivation. Right now, there's nothing.

If you are not going over your food diary with your owner on a daily basis and trying to discern the information, it is a waste of time. You can't just write stuff down, you have to evalute what you've written on an ongoing basis to determine areas needed for improvement.

For example my food diary for this past week would clearly show I like to snack while I watch tv at night. That's something I don't think about as I do it, but if I were writing everything down, and then charting the information clear patterns we never knew about would show. With new information in hand I could work on not snacking after dinner thus improving my health.

Your owner has the right idea, but it would appear further follow through is needed for it to really work.

now as to the actual question you asked....I have what I consider to be 100% submission from my slave. I could ask him to do ANYTHING and he would do it...why? because he knows that I will never ask anything harmful or wrong. Everything he does he does to please me and he sees the "slant" on everything to show how it could be pleasing to me.

An example: He told his current employer he would work one extra day for her before coming home to me in Illinois. He did this without asking me first. He did this knowing I would be pleased as his gesture to help this lovely lady out when she needs him. He knew I would be pleased that he was being selfless. This act will mean he is put out because he's arriving to me 8 hours later (meaning night).

Could this have irritated me? I suppose so...someone is probably saying "but that means she's more important than you, to him"...on the contrary. I am secure and I know his motives for agreeing to work the extra day without my input first. This by no means makes me feel he's not 100% submitting to me. I also know, if I had said "tell her no, you can't do it" he would have done exactly that even after he'd already agreed. He's 100% mine and I know every choice he makes is with me in thought.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to subsnow)

Post #: 12

RE: What do You want? - 5/18/2007 6:13:32 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

The trouble with the theory of "total submission" is that it's all about the sub and doesn't require the "dominant" to dominate - he can passively kick back and enjoy the service like any lazy nilla. As one who does have his own individual need to dominate and control my girl, I appreciate committment such as yours but I'm still gonna push you anyway.

I'm generally not one for assigning tasks in the name of "busy work". If I've really got nothing for her to do, I'll truss her up for a few hours for us both to enjoy doing "nothing". However, if I do want something done, I want it done properly and I'll make sure it is no matter how competent the submissive is in her own right.

I'm not exactly sure what this "food diary" is but it feels like it's a token gesture on his part (read "busy work") and I think you're responding to it as such. IE, he's humouring you rather than assigning something that he actually wants done and will genuinely please him for you to succeed at. If either I or my girl wanted her to lose weight, I'd make it a task subject to punishment and reward. I'd encourage her to join a gym, she'd hafta join me on my regular mega-walks, undoubtedly some dietry changes and there'd be weekly weigh-ins.... In other words, I'd be taking charge of it - and her in the process. That makes it a D/s *dynamic* and I think that's what you're mostly missing here, hence it's a chore rather than "labour of love"....

On the wider scale, I don't mind if a sub has certain limits and restrictions but I do need broad control over my girl - and esp NOT just if it suits her. It's part of us being compatible or not - if her limits hobble my own needs and requirements, we're not compatible.

Focus.

Just an FYI for you, since you didn't know *S*

A food diary is not busy work for someone trying to lose weight. It is a way to reflect up what choice one is making, what time of the day they are making said choices and putting things like emotion to the food choices. People who want to lose weight often keep a diary of this type to help them process how to go about losing weight or making healthier, better food choices. It can be KEY to success for some.

Thanks for that.... :-)

But I think in the context of their D/s relationship, it does amount to busy work if this is the sum total of his contribution.

I don't believe in diets on their own because losing weight involves a major lifestyle choice. I think the better method is to mostly eat what you normally enjoy but in moderation, cut out or at least cut down on the sweets and "inbetweens", other than some fruit if you're really hungry, and burn off some calories with regular exercise. Now this can be hard enough on your own but I've gotta think a Dom actively taking charge of it would make it a lot easier for the sub. Plus you can actually measure the results with a regular weigh-in.

To subsnow, bear in mind a week of even strict dieting and over-exercising may not actually measure different on a scale; you may actually gain a pound or two! Trying to lose weight can really suck like that! What you're looking for is an overall picture - that if you keep at it over many weeks, the weight will come off. (two steps forward, one back... lol) So if I were your Dom, even though I'd weigh you every week, I wouldn't necessarily expect your weight to come down each time.... But two or three consecutive weeks of no loss would get me seriously on your case...! Perhaps even an interrogation of what you may have been doing when I wasn't around would be in order.... lol

Focus.

(in reply to earthycouple)

Post #: 13

RE: What do You want? - 5/18/2007 8:09:52 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

I don't believe in diets on their own because losing weight involves a major lifestyle choice. I think the better method is to mostly eat what you normally enjoy but in moderation, cut out or at least cut down on the sweets and "inbetweens", other than some fruit if you're really hungry, and burn off some calories with regular exercise. Now this can be hard enough on your own but I've gotta think a Dom actively taking charge of it would make it a lot easier for the sub. Plus you can actually measure the results with a regular weigh-in.

The issue is whether or not a submissive should trust her dominant to make choices for them based upon their developing dynamic. Your response that a food diary is just "busy work" is not true, it is not "just busy work". It is a tool that many people employ to understand their own eating habits, and where they get into trouble with their eating habits. Even for your recommended weight loss program (which would not work for me, I had to change my lifestyle) requires that one be conscious of what they put into their pie hole, a food diary helps with that. It is also something that weight loss specialists recommend.

The issue is that her dominant may have a big picture of why he wants her to do whatever he wants her to do, you do not know that "big picture", so basically your advice is kinda undermining to that IMO. The issue is that either she trusts him to control aspects of her life, or she doesn't. And if she doesn't that is not necessarily his issue, but perhaps hers. Only they can talk it out in person and figure it out.

quote:

To subsnow, bear in mind a week of even strict dieting and over-exercising may not actually measure different on a scale; you may actually gain a pound or two! Trying to lose weight can really suck like that! What you're looking for is an overall picture - that if you keep at it over many weeks, the weight will come off. (two steps forward, one back... lol) So if I were your Dom, even though I'd weigh you every week, I wouldn't necessarily expect your weight to come down each time.... But two or three consecutive weeks of no loss would get me seriously on your case...! Perhaps even an interrogation of what you may have been doing when I wasn't around would be in order.... lol

Her dom has his ideas of what he thinks are useful techniques, and it seems to me he has the right idea. I have been on South Beach as a way of life for months now, and intend to keep up with it because diabetes runs in my family, perhaps he knows things about her medical condition, etc. that you do not. Nothing is a one size fits all solution when it comes to weight loss.

I would also say the times I have been most resistant to changing things were the times I most needed to change. Perhaps this reticence on her part is due to the fact that change is hard. Even positive change can be heart wrenching for some people. In my opinion I think some self introspection would be helpful in determining if her own lack of willingness to follow through on his orders is about not being committed to losing weight because of how hard change is, it is even harder when we do not have an inner commitment to that change.

For some people their submission is a good catalyst for change, for others it is not. It depends on what motivates them. If their submission is not a motivation then it will not work... it comes up about 50/50 for me, but in the end my submissiveness to Daddy spurs me into action, even if I do not like that action.

If I really thought a dom was giving me busy work they would not be my dom. It may feel like that, but that does not mean it is a reality that it is. I think it is best to either trust a dominant in this, or find a new one. Not that one cannot talk to their dominant about how it feels.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 5/18/2007 8:12:15 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 14

RE: What do You want? - 5/18/2007 8:17:42 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subsnow

J and i are very much in love.

i think juliaoceania and Focus50 got it right. Like juliaoceania said, i can ask my Dom for whatever i want but He holds the final decision. i asked Him if i could not do this task and He said no, i have to do it. i know that in the end, if i work at this, i will look better for Him. The problem is that i am just marking down what i'm eating. i'm not changing my eating habits or anything so this really isn't doing anything. It feels like busy work and i can't stand busy work. i feel like it's a waste of time. He has trouble with His own eating habits too which is probably why He doesn't punish me for going over in my calories. i guess i'm the type of person who needs rewards and punishments for motivation. Right now, there's nothing.

I know that when I write down what I do with my day he may "judge" it, so there is a little of that going on too? Do you worry about all the things that he sees that you actually eat?

That is part of the process of showing it to him.. it makes us hyper aware of our behavior... and awareness breeds change. He will let you know when the next step comes. It sounds as if he wants it to be a lifelong permanently stable life change. It takes effort to help someone see these things, he must think you are worth it

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to subsnow)

Post #: 15

RE: What do You want? - 5/18/2007 8:39:12 AM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subsnow

When You go into a D/s relationship, do You want complete 100% submission?

Yes.

quote:

Are You willing and able to compromise on how much the sub wants to submit?

No.

quote:

In Your opinion, is a sub allowed to be pick and choose what she wants to submit?

No.

quote:

Is it wrong of me to ask Him to let me take control of things like that? What is Your opinion on this?

Yes, It's wrong.

quote:

If a sub said she didn't want to give up control of things that only effected her life directly, would You accept that?

No.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to subsnow)

Post #: 16

RE: What do You want? - 5/18/2007 8:48:10 AM

subsnow

Posts: 152
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline

i think that a little background here might help straighten things out. i have already lost about 40lbs on my own and i look pretty good. my Dom thinks so too. W/we both know that i can lose more weight and look even better. i hit a plateau in my weight loss and was talking about it one day. That is when my Dom told me to write everything down in a food diary. It's for my own benefit. There really isn't any big picture. i am happy with the 40lbs lost and i'm not in a hurry to lose any more weight right now. If it happens, it happens. If not, i'm ok with that. i'm pretty sure my Dom is too because He told me that He likes me the way i am. i know that a food diary can be very helpful to some people but not me. i've lost weight before so i know how to do it. This isn't helping. It's just making it worse really. i look at all the calories i've eaten, know that my Dom will be disappointed, beat myself up, and then eat more because i'm an emotional eater. It's a downward spiral. i trust my Dom and i know that He means well but i know for a fact that this worked for Him but won't for me because i've tried it before. i submit to Him 100%. i'm doing this as much as i don't want to. It's not helping me in any way but i'm doing it.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 17

RE: What do You want? - 5/18/2007 10:30:42 AM

shyinini

Posts: 550
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

quote:

ORIGINAL: subsnow

When You go into a D/s relationship, do You want complete 100% submission?
Yes.
quote:

Are You willing and able to compromise on how much the sub wants to submit?
No.
quote:

In Your opinion, is a sub allowed to be pick and choose what she wants to submit?
No.

quote:

Is it wrong of me to ask Him to let me take control of things like that? What is Your opinion on this?
Yes, It's wrong.
quote:

If a sub said she didn't want to give up control of things that only effected her life directly, would You accept that?
No.

My Sir seconds this.

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

Post #: 18

RE: What do You want? - 5/18/2007 11:57:19 AM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

quote:

Is it wrong of me to ask Him to let me take control of things like that? What is Your opinion on this?
Yes, It's wrong

So lets say...the slave asked you if she can take control of the microwave so she can warm up some leftovers from the night before? Just asking this would be wrong since she is wanting to take control of something?

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

Post #: 19

RE: What do You want? - 5/18/2007 12:07:25 PM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

quote:

When You go into a D/s relationship, do You want complete 100% submission?

Yes but how I define it which may differ from others.

quote:

Are You willing and able to compromise on how much the sub wants to submit?

Yes, I can compromise on particular acts. I discuss the relationship dynamics and my expectations. I will listen to their opinions. I can choose to compromise on particular items or not get into the relationship at all. That being said, there is not a lot of room for negotiation. I know what I like and what I am looking for.

quote:

In Your opinion, is a sub allowed to be pick and choose what she wants to submit?

The time for that discussion was before we got into the relationship. I don't have a menu of things the sub can pick and choose from at a whim. I will discuss the validity of orders or discuss better ways of doing them but ultimately it is my decision and what I say goes.

Your direct questions being answered, I will throw on my .03 on the matter you relayed. A food diary is a useful tool if it is used as intended. Just writing it down is busy work. If however, it is used to change your lifestly and eating habits it can be very useful. Some people respond differently than others to diets and the method of weight loss that works best for you should be discovered and implemented.

Instead of such broad questions, I would instead ask your dom specific questions about the issues in which you are particularly concerned.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 20

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