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RE: What do You want? - 5/21/2007 4:46:08 AM

subsnow

Posts: 152
Joined: 11/26/2006
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The problem that i'm having with this task is that my Dom has me doing it to help myself. It would benefit Him in the end as well but the task wasn't started with His benefit in mind. He heard me complaining about hitting a plateau in my weight loss so He thought He would help me by having me do this food diary. He really doesn't care whether i lose the weight or not. This task wasn't put in place because of what *HE* wanted, it was because of what *i* wanted but i don't want any help. i did talk to Him about the fact that this wasn't helping and why but He wants me to do it anyway. He probably isn't taking any further control of this because He feels guilty about not being able to control His own eating habits. He's also very busy with work and doesn't have the time or energy to take any control of this. He put the task in place and wants me to do the rest. It doesn't work that way for something as big as this though. It's a lifestyle change. i need motivation and since i don't want to do this and my Dom doesn't really care, i have no motivation. i'm still doing the task but it really is just busy work right now. i think i might talk to Him about it again. This really isn't working for me.

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

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Post #: 41

RE: What do You want? - 5/21/2007 4:51:46 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
Looks we'll just hafta agree to disagree then....

The trouble with your little story here is that it is written from your submissive's perspective. (well duhhh.... lol)

Not sure why you took the "I am going to be as condescending as I can possibly be" approach, but if you think it works for you, keep it up.

Crikey, I do love it when I get "tag-teamed".... <shrugs> I'll be a sport and answer your nonsense this one time - not that I owe *you* anything for your belated arrival here.

You say "condescending"; I say merely light-hearted banter with someone I enjoyed having this discussion with. So straight off I get the vibe you've come here on white stallion and reflective armour to get all offended over nothing.....

quote:

quote:

IE, while YOU saw it as wasteful and maybe even a nonsense etc (read "busy work"), it would appear your Dom (or Daddy) did have a specific goal in mind from the outset; thus, definitely not busy work to *him*....

And there's the difference! Losing weight is something tangible enough to actually measure progressive achievement. Your journal was "stand alone", there is no real alternative strategy to work in unison with it. Losing weight is best tackled with several strategies at once - diet or at least controlled eating, regular exercise and, ok, this food diary. And the support of a loved one doesn't hurt, either. And the OP obviously knows that, too, hence she was also concerned at merely being assigned a diary as his control "effort". And I still see it that the OP's dom only went with the simplest strategy (for him), which made it feel half-hearted to me - and the OP, too! Or to phrase it a little differently, this male Dom (yours truly) saw that male Dom as assigning "busy work", and still does....

The way I read her post was that she had a realization that what I asked her to do had a purpose, and was not just busy work I gave her to pacify her fragile, eggshell, submissive mind.

That's how I read it, too.... And your point izzzz? Nice demonstration of your own condescending abilities though - yet that's what you incorrectly accuse me of! lol

quote:

I am a bit confused by your statement "we will have to agree to disagree."

That's because it's about our respective thoughts on the *OP*. You did read the OP, right? Because this really isn't all about Julia or myself - or..... <gasp> .... you, either!

quote:

You think what I asked her to do was busy work? Or you disagree that she suddenly realized there was a purpose for this assignment? Or you disagree with my asking my submissive to do something?

Please clarify this thought.

Well, *to clarify*, the answer to all your questions is a resounding "NO!". Even though you've actually quoted the passage where I specifically acknowledged you did *NOT* assign "busy work", I'll repeat that quote just for you, so you might actually read it this time before going off half-cocked again....

Note: Edited to add names where appropriate but here tis:
Focus:
"IE, while Julia saw it as wasteful and maybe even a nonsense etc (read "busy work"), it would appear your Dom (Sinergy) did have a specific goal in mind from the outset; thus, definitely not busy work to *Sinergy*...."

Or you'll find the unedited version in *your* own post!

quote:

The condescending comments about her being a submissive were a bit disrespectful of our dynamic.

Entirely in your own easily wounded imagination.

quote:

quote:

Judging him? Sure - every single time I give an opinion on a stranger's relationship and based solely on the limited and selective information only *one* partner offers, I'm making a judgement for which I do NOT apologise. I could argue you made quite a few judgements of me when you originally cited my earlier post - I'm ok with that, too! Is what we do on public discussion boards.... lol

Dont need to apologize to me or her.

Agreed, I have absolutely nothing to apologise about *your* bruised ego and total misunderstanding of what I believed were two adults discussing a topic from different perspectives. If you get in early and pick up the general rhythm, you're less likely to post such embarrassing rubbish and accusations that you've aimed my way.

quote:

When you post here you are only giving one person's opinion, your own.

Well duhhh.... (That's still humour but this time it really does have a condescending tone attached)

Focus.

(in reply to Sinergy)

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Post #: 42

RE: What do You want? - 5/21/2007 8:06:19 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveish

You don't seem to like the answers you're getting and feel as though you must justify your lack of desire to do a task in order to garner support for its discontinuation. What it boils down to: you don't want to do this task and want others to agree.

Does he know it is causing you to eat emotionally? Does he see that it is a detriment to your success? Be sure to take a good hard look at yourself too - are you using these excuses to justify not doing something that you don't want to do? In the end, you are in control of your own self, regardless of who you call Sir. If you don't like doing it, simply stop doing it. Maybe he won't notice.

This was a task given to you by the person to whom you surrender yourself. If it's not crossing hard limits then it's something you agreed to do. Picking and choosing which orders to follow isn't exactly your duty. Do it and stop telling yourself how much you hate it. Your own self-talk is making it worse.

You're wrong here because of the fact that he's now given her a no-win situation. If she doesn't lose weight then she's failed. If she doesn't write in the food diary then she's failed. If she does write a food diary she eats from emotion and gains weight and thus she's failed again.

Sorry but setting someone up to fail, especially in a subject as emotional as weight and body image is not a good thing.

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Post #: 43

RE: What do You want? - 5/21/2007 11:06:14 AM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Is it wrong of me to ask Him to let me take control of things like that? What is Your opinion on this? If a sub said she didn't want to give up control of things that only effected her life directly, would You accept that?

I don't think my Dominant would have accepted my submission on those terms, especially if that was going to be a permanent thing.

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

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Post #: 44

RE: What do You want? - 5/21/2007 11:16:16 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

I Wanna Be Rich
by Calloway
album:

Cash, cold, that's what I need
Big bill collectors they ring my phone
They bother me when I'm not at home
Ain't go no time to be fooling round
Feet hit the floor, then I get head on down, you see

Chorus:
I want money lots and lots of money
I want the pie in the sky
I want money lots and lots of money
So don't be asking me why

I wanna be rich oh
I wanna be rich oh
I wanna be rich oh
I wanna be rich, full of love, peace and happiness

I want my cake wanna eat it too
I want the stars and the silver moon
I spend my money on lottery
My favourite number is 1 2 3, you see

Chorus:

Every way rich
Love, peace and happiness

I want all the things that lovers do
A pocket full of dreams come true
Even things you cannot find
Want you by my side to keep you satisfied and rich

Here is what we're gonna do
Say oh I say uh uh
Whoooaaa Whoaaaaa
Got to be baby
I just wanna to be rich
I just wanna be, just wanna be
Cause baby

Chorus

I wanna be rich
You know what I mean baby
I wanna be rich
Everyday and everyway
I wanna be rich, full of love, peace and happiness
Play, honey, there's lots and lots for everyone
Be rich, I wanna be richMoneyDom

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

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Post #: 45

RE: What do You want? - 5/21/2007 3:50:40 PM

slaveish

Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

You're wrong here because of the fact that he's now given her a no-win situation. If she doesn't lose weight then she's failed. If she doesn't write in the food diary then she's failed. If she does write a food diary she eats from emotion and gains weight and thus she's failed again.

Ahhhhhhhh, yes. A classic case of clusterfuck. Can be a very bad diagnosis indeed.

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You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

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Post #: 46

RE: What do You want? - 5/21/2007 6:22:26 PM

subsnow

Posts: 152
Joined: 11/26/2006
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Thank You for Your suggestions Whiplash. i really do want to please my Dom. i try to live as if W/we are in a TPE even though that's not what W/we originally agreed on. i just need motivation for this assignment and i have to learn how to provide it for myself. *sigh*

i had already lost 40 lbs before my Dom told me to start this food diary and i feel really good about myself. i just want to throw that in there again. i am SO proud of myself for that. i'm not feeling so good about my failure on this food diary though. i feel like i'm not able to focus on what i know will help me lose more weight because i'm so worried about this diary. i really need to revisit this issue with my Dom i think.

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Post #: 47

RE: What do You want? - 5/21/2007 7:58:09 PM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

Greetings ella :-)

you are a beautiful girl and from your profile, you also seem very intelligent - i think you have answered your own question here. You do need to revisit this issue with your Dom...just present it in a respectful and well-thought out approach and i feel sure that you and He will arrive at a satifactory solution~
p

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It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

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Post #: 48

RE: What do You want? - 5/22/2007 4:07:16 AM

subsnow

Posts: 152
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline

Thank you so much dawntreader. i guess i kind of did answer my own question. i like to hear how others might handle situations like my own before making a final decision. i sent my Dom a message last night about this. Hopefully He will repond today.

~ella

(in reply to dawntreader)

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Post #: 49