RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves

RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves (Full Version)

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Craftsman -> RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves (5/18/2007 7:00:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub Can a Dom/me really be F/friends with a subbie or slave when He's/She's interested in more and she/he is not? The one thing I haven't seen in this thread is the concept that Dominant folk are dominant, and submissive folk are submissive, and that not all Dominants expect submissiveness from all subs, nor are all subs submissive to all Dominants. My point, if there is one, agrees that we are all people first. We do not dominate all subs, nor do subs submit to everyone. If a Dom and a sub have a friendship, that is good; we all can learn from one another. If that Dom and sub have a friendship outside a relationship, that is very good. So much the better if the Dominant and the Submissive can be friends within a relationship, because I think friends can help each other express who they are much better than casual aquaintances. Friends care for and about each other. I don't see that erased just because one is Dominant and the other is submissive. C/

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves (5/18/2007 7:04:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kinkypupper No. The Dom will presumably always be a Dom, and if interested once they will continue that interest untel the relationship is ended or.. they get what they want. If a dom is so pig headed that they can't respect another persons boundaries and keeps pushing, even to the point of losing it ALL, then I don't think they'll end up with anything in the end. Perhaps some doms take those bets and win sometimes, but I'm guessing plenty take those bets and lose. A dom doesn't mean you manipulate and push to get other people interested in you when they've clearly told you they aren't. And IMO it would be really disrespectful to keep pushing once clearly told no.

shyinini -> RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves (5/18/2007 8:58:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ShadowMster quote: ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub i mustv'e missed the last memo. What on earth is wrong with "subbie"? I'll have to agree with some of the other posts as well. It might be one thing to be a pet name between master and sub, but as a collective term? No.. It's like the whole vanilla terms of my snuglly wuggly, or other such sickening pet names.. If you like Subbie, and want that as your pet name, knock yourself out. If you dom is willingto call you that, all the better. But lets not be childish here.. Signed: a non-snuggle -- crap, couldn't even bring myself to type it over again.. This kinda reminds me of wayyyyy long ago when a particular D type liked to call "subbies" bitch every now and then.... oh yes that particular one still does it.... I just had to learn to live with it and understand that is just him and his style... but to be offended now after all this time? cum on and call me that LOLOL [:D]

shyinini -> RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves (5/18/2007 9:07:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Craftsman quote: ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub Can a Dom/me really be F/friends with a subbie or slave when He's/She's interested in more and she/he is not? The one thing I haven't seen in this thread is the concept that Dominant folk are dominant, and submissive folk are submissive, and that not all Dominants expect submissiveness from all subs, nor are all subs submissive to all Dominants. My point, if there is one, agrees that we are all people first. We do not dominate all subs, nor do subs submit to everyone. If a Dom and a sub have a friendship, that is good; we all can learn from one another. If that Dom and sub have a friendship outside a relationship, that is very good. So much the better if the Dominant and the Submissive can be friends within a relationship, because I think friends can help each other express who they are much better than casual aquaintances. Friends care for and about each other. I don't see that erased just because one is Dominant and the other is submissive. C/ Very nicely said Craftsman.... I have been looking to respond here and just sort of waited...witing my turn.... I am good friends with a Domme... like I have said elsewhere here, I will never submit to her, we are friends. Altho we help her out with her "screening" of potential male subs, even then, my Sir dominates and controls the "screening" scene no matter what her request might be. I am respectful to all emails I get from the D types and I try NOT to be nasty rude crude mean vindicative on this board, and somethimes I have a tendanecy to react...but I keep my submission for Sir alone. If MsT and I couldnt be friends, without my submission to her, she would be at a loss. She knows my Sir personally and he has told me, she cannot come in between us... I am grateful for this security. But she NEVER would, she respects my Sir too much... so a submissive, a Dom and Domme are all good friends. [:)] Makes me all fuzzy inside.

szobras -> RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves (5/18/2007 9:16:18 PM)
There are a couple friends in my life that are very close and aware there is more available on even a deeper level. The value and sincerity of our friendship remains that close because we respect each others feelings, and bounderies.

sublizzie -> RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves (5/18/2007 10:52:59 PM)
Two adults can be friends if the one who is interested in the other is willing to put aside their feelings and do what is best for the relationship rather than push their own agenda.

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves (5/19/2007 5:54:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub Can a Dom/me really be F/friends with a subbie or slave when He's/She's interested in more and she/he is not? yes that's how i met Daddy and then my bf from CM.

Celeste43 -> RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves (5/19/2007 6:21:04 AM)
I don't think you can have an honest friendship as long as one is interested in a deeper relationship and the other isn't. It won't be long before the person who wants sex and play pisses off the other one by constantly pushing for something they aren't going to get. Same with vanilla relationships. If you're friends with a man but he keeps trying to get you into bed and you've made it abundantly clear that you feel no chemistry, eventually you won't want to see him anymore. Now if the one who wants more can control himself or herself and not push, then friendship can develop and in time so might the deeper relationship. But that's might, not definite.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves (5/19/2007 6:37:49 AM)
We both have friends that are female and male doms as well as subs and slaves. We don't expect anything but a friendship out of them. If someone wants more and he is not interested in that then if that person can't live with that then they can move on.

eyesopened -> RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves (5/19/2007 6:46:57 AM)
fast reply - i have a friendship with three Dominants who used to be partners. i have a friendship with one poly Dominant who is married yet we have never been partners. i have even slept over at their house and gone out with the couple but while the Dominant would like there to be more, He respects that i am not in a poly mindset and while He tugs from time to time He never pushes and we all remain friends. There are also others to whom i have offered sincere friendship but in the absence of "somthing more" they have declined. The key i suppose is the maturity level of everyone involved.

earthycouple -> RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves (5/19/2007 7:01:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kinkypupper No. The Dom will presumably always be a Dom, and if interested once they will continue that interest untel the relationship is ended or.. they get what they want. Wait, what? I have lots of sub friends that I don't dominante on a day to day basis, but have in the past....Sheesh. Just because we are no longer in a D/s relationship doesn't mean I don't love and honor who they are a person...that's why I wanted to dominate them to begin with.... You are saying dominants are so one sided that they can't find equal footing to simply enjoy a person for who they are even if they can't "have them" as a sub? Very interesting.

softness -> RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves (5/19/2007 8:38:59 AM)
of course ... as long as the motivation for the friendship is not the desire, then its not a friendship so much as a waiting game I have several very close friends who are Dominants, just because we are D/s types does not mean we have a Ds relationships. We have friendships. That isn't to say there is not an element of sexual tension in those friendships.Personally I have very similar standards for friends as for partners. Being friends therefore with mature, intelligent, postive, confident, secure, stable, communicative and world experienced Dominants is going to create issues occassionally for a single and service hungry submissive. As soon as the sexual tension became sexual intent however ...I would have to talk things out .. or back right out of there.

KatyLied -> RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves (5/19/2007 8:46:22 AM)
They can be friends if at least one of them is firm about boundaries. And I also can't stand the term "subbie".

PairOfDimes -> RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves (5/19/2007 9:04:37 AM)
Yes, people who have lopsided attraction can be friendly with one another--BDSMers or otherwise. In my experience either the sexual/romantic attraction dies down eventually, or the friendship does, or the non-attracted friend develops attraction. Firm boundaries help. And no, I don't like "subbie," because I'm not crazy about general use of cutesy terms. But I don't like "sub" either. "Submissive" isn't that hard to type out, in my view. But that's not what this thread is about.

tade -> RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves (5/19/2007 11:33:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub Well, ty. BTW if "subbie" is no use, what's the proper term? Always type out "submissive"? Thankies G/guys. I prefer the term cum catcher and when I'm really feeling frisky I call them all susan. You just can't please everybody... As for the OP we have been friends with our slave for years. She's an old high school friend of my wife's. May sound dumb and playful to the 24/7 crowd but there are times for her to be overtly submissive and times for her to not. She's always there for birthdays, celebrations and whenever friends are just hanging out. If anyone is paying attention the subtle signs are there, but it's been my experience in this world that hardly anyone pays attention anymore. When it is time for her to be reminded of her slavery, a simple look from either of us is all that is required for her to immediately drop into her role. It works for us.

Aileen68 -> RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves (5/19/2007 11:49:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub Can a Dom/me really be F/friends with a subbie or slave when He's/She's interested in more and she/he is not? Nope. I think the dom will always be trying to get into the "subbie's" panties. Can I add "Thankies" to the list?

earthycouple -> RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves (5/19/2007 11:53:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen68 quote: ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub Can a Dom/me really be F/friends with a subbie or slave when He's/She's interested in more and she/he is not? Nope. I think the dom will always be trying to get into the "subbie's" panties. Can I add "Thankies" to the list? So that means if the dominant is Femme and the sub is male it can be done? And god, yes, please add "thankies" to the list...ew

Aileen68 -> RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves (5/19/2007 11:55:10 AM)
I was going to word it so that all genders were included, but I was feeling hungover and lazy and the slashy thing is also on my list. Yeah...I think that as long as one side is interested in something more, they will always be trying to steer the relationship in that direction.

DukeofStuff -> RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves (5/19/2007 11:56:53 AM)
If you call subs subbies, by rights, one should call dom/mes "domies" -- with all the diminimutive, perjorative baggages that "a cute little domie, he thinks he knows about the scene" might carry. I think that is why its such a hated word in some circles. In one of the chatrooms today, an apparently for profit (or green card) woman entered listed as a switch and began to troll -- and the reaction from some of the people there was that her mere presence was a visceral insult, rather like a catholic might feel to discover a self described Cardinal turning tricks and using those big candles to do anal sex games for extra income. In the days o Martin Luthor, if I remember right, it was whoring out the concept of forgiveness by the Pope that moved that German to start the largest revolt in a long time in Christendom -- because he was insulted at the mockery of something he held very dear. To some of us, I think submission is hard earned and bitter fought in a world where families, churches, psycholgists are all eager to jump in and cry abuse. So that term, with its immediate dismissal, is a little like the words slut, nigger, pervert, and whore. They are only fun between friends, usually between friends who know each other so well as to not be confused with people who mean them as insults. A.

tade -> RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves (5/19/2007 12:03:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen68 Nope. I think the dom will always be trying to get into the "subbie's" panties. Isn't that the way it is with most male / female friendships? On one level or another...

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