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RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 2:33:00 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		LOL, I am all set then.....

Ron


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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to MadRabbit)
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RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 2:34:47 PM   
SanDieganMichael


Posts: 56
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: San Diego
Status: offline 		I think there is a lot of both.
The moment a slave/submissive agrees to serve a master/dominant. The master has certain responsibilities and so does the slave.  Each is entitles to certain things and each is required of certain things.  As defined by the relationship ...

Those who see it as an all or nothing are probably more used to taking advantage of their slave than being a master to them.

Each relationship is different. 

One can only hope you can find someone who shares your peversions.

(in reply to mnottertail)
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RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 2:36:16 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		As I see it Dominants have a "need" to control and submissives have a"need" to serve. Neither is entitled to it, it is just something that the need in their lives and they can either seek it out or deny the need.

I do not view my sub as a "tool", but as a human being who has put his deepest trust in me to take control over the areas of his life that we negotiated together. He serves me fulfilling his need and I control him fulfilling my need. One hand washes the other and we are both happiest this way.

~Lashra


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“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to spankmepink11)
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RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 2:37:28 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		Warning.  I'm pissy today having spent the last 3 weeks trying to talk sence to a friend who has almost broken herself in two making ~his~ life easier while she suffers in silence with none of her needs met.  Grrrrrr 

Anyway.  I fullly believe that we do like making their life easier.  It's our job, it's what makes us, us.  BUT......  at some point if all you have done is supply and supply you run out and find nothing left to give.  Too many who call themselves Dominant forget to feed their Submissive then wonder what the fuck happened when she turns up empty.

It is that tired old line of communication, communication, communication.  That usually ends up monolog after monolog after monolog in a submissives head that never get's out in the open or worse yet is cut short for so many reasons. 









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(in reply to spankmepink11)
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RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 2:38:34 PM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline 		I can't imagine  that anyone would want a partner who doesn't enhance their life, let alone a partner who makes it harder, that was not the intended implication of the thread.   I hope i didn't give that impression.

< Message edited by spankmepink11 -- 5/19/2007 2:39:27 PM >

(in reply to MadRabbit)
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RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 2:44:00 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		Oh not really. My real answer was the first one.

The relationship, to me at least, is symbiotic.

My life is made easier by having someone who takes work off my shoulders like cleaning and laundry and such.

Threw the service, they receive my appreciation which in turn fulfills them.

It only seems like its all about me, but in actualitity, its mutual for both of us just like any other relationship.



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(in reply to spankmepink11)
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RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 2:45:25 PM   
SanDieganMichael


Posts: 56
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: San Diego
Status: offline 		Perhaps entitled is a poor use of the word.  During a relationship certain things are expected, within the bounds of that relationship.  The communication which help establish the relationships initial boundries must be maintained.

(in reply to spankmepink11)
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RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 3:37:38 PM   
moki1984


Posts: 274
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline 		to be honest....my master makes my life easier. i mean sure i have more tasks...i have to jump up on the drop of a dime if he says so etc etc.............so in essence its harder but that is wht makes it easier for me. i have a structure to follow now....i have a purpose more than what I already had

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RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 4:51:16 PM   
jessk


Posts: 34
Status: offline 		No person is entitled to anything; not the Dominant, not the submissive, not the Master, not the slave.
 
Everyone, however, should strive to give 100% to a relationship; this includes the Dominant, the submissive, the Master, and the slave.
 
edited because I can not spell tonight

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Jess

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RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 5:04:19 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		I agree putting it that way does make a relationship seem very one sided!!! it shows no give and take and I do sometimes feel the same way when it is put in those words "It is the subs job to make the Doms life easier" I have said it befor but I see it very much like a bank account. You can take and take and take if you like but if you dont make a deposit every now and then eventually there will be nothing left to take and you will be in debt. The same thing for a sub/slave you can take and take and take but if you dont make a depoist you in this case give in return the slave will be bankrupt of anything left to give and a bankrupt/ broken or taken advantage of slave is a lot harder to fix then a bank account.

Magik's slave

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If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to spanklette)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 5:24:47 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		Some doms really do want someone to make their life easier and some subs/slaves really want to supply that, too.

I have zero desire to devote my life to making someone else's life easier...as a goal or role. It's something that I'll very naturally be inspired to contribute to, for people that I care for, or love.

agirl







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RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 6:36:18 PM   
minnetar


Posts: 1272
Joined: 4/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

As I see it Dominants have a "need" to control and submissives have a"need" to serve. Neither is entitled to it, it is just something that the need in their lives and they can either seek it out or deny the need.

I do not view my sub as a "tool", but as a human being who has put his deepest trust in me to take control over the areas of his life that we negotiated together. He serves me fulfilling his need and I control him fulfilling my need. One hand washes the other and we are both happiest this way.

~Lashra



How eloquent.

To the OP i think it might help to kind of change the terminology of making a Master's life easier.  you are doing what He needs to please and serve Him.  It is more a matter of how you view what you do.  If making a Master's life easier is pleasing, then aren't you basically doing that?

minnetar

(in reply to Lashra)
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RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 7:15:34 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		The phrase a submissive exists to make my life easier is rather a turn off for me. If it was phrased, we make each other's life easier in differing ways, it would not turn me off,  but the one sidedness of the statement tends to rankle me. It is something I have never heard my Dom say to me. He is a giving person, and he does not necessarily want everything made easier by me.

I love doing things with the thought that it will make his life easier, but I do not see this as my function in this life. My function as his submissive is to allow him to shape me in such a way as to be the mate he envisions for himself. He has never been one sided with me.

Edited to add that many of my most meaningful relationships have not been ones that were easy. Part of the reward of melding one's life with another (IMO) is that it is challenging and not easy. My experience is that some of the most challenging things are the most worthwhile... so while a submissive should not make her dominants life hard, perhaps not all dominants want a submissive that is completely devoid of the challenge of growing together. I tend to value that which took work and effort on my part...we call what we have a power exchange.. if all he did was take, it would not last long as an exchange

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 5/19/2007 7:20:46 PM >

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(in reply to spankmepink11)
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RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 8:18:29 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		Someone gave me a quote that i like quite a bit:

"i do not desire to submit. i desire to be compelled to submit."
 ~author unknown~


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RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 8:41:19 PM   
stella40


Posts: 417
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: London, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressRouge

For a rewarding and successful dynamic, 50/50 exchange, a mixture of both.




I agree with this 100%. I don't think you can be too simplistic and divide people into Dominant and submissive, because when it comes down to it we're just talking about people - individuals - who prefer either the dominant or submissive role in their close personal relationships.

What it all boils down to I guess is such a relationship can only be successful when there's honesty, openness, trust and communication where the needs, wants and desires of each is met by the other and everything becomes mutual.

Someone identifying themselves as submissive and wanting to serve and someone identifying themselves as dominant and wanting to be served to me is a bit of a no brainer - it goes without saying. But just because you identify yourself as a submissive doesn't necessarily mean you are able to serve any Dominant, and vice versa. Good intentions are fine, you may want to serve, or you may wish to be served, but these intentions usually come to nothing unless you're with the right Dominant or the right submissive.

In my opinion in BDSM nobody is entitled to anything, it doesn't matter if you're a Dominant or a submissive, you don't just get yourself into a relationship by being entitled to something. Nice nicks and nice words are fine, but you only get yourself into a successful D/s relationship by backing up your words with actions, inspiring trust and confidence in the other person, and being open and honest about what you really want from the relationship. That is, unless you want a one-sided relationship.  

< Message edited by stella40 -- 5/19/2007 8:42:17 PM >

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RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 10:21:39 PM   
ownedkitten


Posts: 200
Joined: 4/2/2007
Status: offline 		Greetings spankmepink11,

I do not think that it is so much a question of "being entitled" so much as it is an agreement based on the needs of the parties involved.    I agree with MadRabbit, this kind of dymanic is symbiotic in a way - it is to the benefit of both parties. 

Grace in Service,
caitriona

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RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/20/2007 4:24:05 AM   
Lordskitten


Posts: 66
Joined: 10/12/2005
Status: offline 		My Master and i actually had a conversation along these lines last night.  He feels he is 100% responcible for me.  If he doesnt buy my food, i dont eat.  If he doesnt take me to the doctor, i dont get healthy.  If he doesnt provide me with shelter, i live on the streets or beg my family to let me move in.   So yes, because of these things, i strive to make his life happier, and less stressful.  But i dont think i could EVER make his life 'easier' because he's taken on the responcibility and pleasure of owning me.  If i were to make his life easier i would be completely responcible for myself.

(in reply to spankmepink11)
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RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/20/2007 5:01:12 AM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		To put it more in perspective, read submissive's profiles.

I NEED/WANT to be controlled
I NEED/WANT to serve someone
I NEED/WANT to make another person happy.

Everyone has needs and wants, even if the needs and wants are seemingly altruistic and selfless. Its just another relationship people are entering to fulfill a certain need or want. On the outside it might seem like its all focused on one person, but in reality, its not.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to Lordskitten)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/20/2007 6:29:13 AM   
MissHarlet


Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline 		For me relationships in this lifestyle are a partnership, I just happen to be the Senior Partner lol .....

One of the questions I ask a prospective submissive in the getting to know you stage is...." how would you enhance my life in NON sexual or NON financial ways? and I do NOT wish to read/hear 'anyway that pleases you'...

If they cant answer that they are usually not going to be a good match.  HOWEVER, I also let them know I feel my submissives are " treasured possessions" and treat them as such ..that to means makeing sure their needs are taken care of too ... On my timetable usually but taken care of none the less.

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Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

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RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/20/2007 7:00:44 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: spankmepink11

I've noted that Dominant types, on several occasions post that a submissives job is to "make the Dominants life easier". Is this based on the Dominant being entitled just because they identify as Dominants? Or is it a direct result of the submissives desire to please? Is it a combination of both?

I'm not sure why, but when a "D" type states that the main purpose of a submissive is to make the Dominants life easier, it kind of rubs me the wrong way. I don't necessarily think that submission is a "gift" but i also wouldn't like said submission to be something thats taken for granted.

I want to be much more to my partner than a tool to make their lives easier, even if my desire to please accomplishes that by default.


I actually don't say the above but I do say that for my slaves. My slave's purpose it to make my life easier and happier; I can't say that my slave's life is easier (probably not) but I do know it is happier as well.

This is my philosophy and by being up front about it I am being honest with anyone who might appraoch or who might approach me. If they can't agree with that philosophy, we aren't an appropriate match.

However I don't take on someone as a slave, I that him/her on as a trainee first so we learn together if we are a good match. I earn the right to be that person's owner (or simply friend) and they earn the right to be my property.

Also because I'm poly every person I add to the household increases our complexity and therefore in a very real way makes my life less easy in some ways. Making time for people isn't really difficult for me so if they can also pick up chores around the house and add to our collective financial well-being that is making my life easier over all.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to spankmepink11)
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