In the real world

In the real world (Full Version)

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Dominic2007 -> In the real world (5/19/2007 3:40:09 PM)
Hi! Interested in how the sub/Dom relationship is taken out into the real world This is something that interests me and something Id love to explore with a sub. Secenarios like reataurants, cinemas, out shopping. How obvious is it that one is in control? How is this shown? Is it discreet, or less so? Tell me all!

SirMIkeSD -> RE: In the real world (5/19/2007 5:06:19 PM)
For me, I call boy boy unless we are around family or work folks. he address me following the same lines as I address him In kink public I generaly keep a dog shock collar around his balls so I can call him, guide him if needed. boy is a sub, so he is allowed more freedom, but he knows the rules and know that I will punish him no matter where we are, unless work/family for not following. The punishment may need to be very low key, but will occur. It's no differnet really then being home, once it's routine. boy is generaly a good boy and there have only been 1 or 2 times that providing direction in "I am the Dom" tone has not worked and really that's not been needed much eaither. Am I blantant in your face about it to the general population no, it's done low key enough for boy to hear and no one else unless they are focused on listening to us. Mike

Littlepita -> RE: In the real world (5/19/2007 5:08:54 PM)
It's discreet for us. We don't push our kink on others who haven't consented to be included. He even managed to abduct me once in a mall and no one knew what we were doing. His hand on the small of my back guiding me as we shop. I call him Sir or Daddy and no one seems to notice it. I don't wear panties and there is this spot on right above my knee that has been trained to his touch. That is lots of fun when out for dinner and people all around and no one knowing how much in control of me he is. [;)]

SimplyMichael -> RE: In the real world (5/19/2007 5:18:35 PM)
I open doors and seat her. I normally order for them although that depends on how well I know them and the food we are eating. One step behind and to my right. I tend to play the gentleman in public but am not above having her kneel to pick something up, pause and look up at me or find some other way to play in public as that is very hot for me. My level of control varies with how much time we have together, my mood, and when was the last time I came. I think one can do an amazing amount without anyone being the least bit wiser.

earthycouple -> RE: In the real world (5/19/2007 5:37:23 PM)
I agree that covert playing is hot. I love it. I enjoy going little things like a quick grab of the collar. I stand at doors until they are opened for me. I may command in a voice a bit louder than necessary but not over the top. I have taken boys who like to dress shopping for bras and panties and held them up to him and make mention, quietly but not too quietly, how good they will look on him. Robert calls me Mistress when it's not overtly crowded and Donna when appropriate. Robert is very good and offers to handle (or simply does handle) most issues for me....I don't have to request or make him pick up a big bag of dog food in the grocery store...he just does it. If I'm asked outright about something, I answer. I have several Shibaricon Tshirts I wear and I've been asked "is that what I think it is?" I don't mince words. If someone makes a joke or comment about my slave's collar, I don't mince words. His collar is fairly covert and I believe it to look no different than one we see "goths" wearing. So if they ask, I tell. I think overall one can see that I'm in charge when I'm out with my slave but I'm not leading him on a leash to prove it.

wandersalone -> RE: In the real world (5/20/2007 3:01:01 AM)
My dom would order food for me when we were out, his hand was always guiding me when we were walking, I would wait for him to open doors for me and rather than verbally asking for permission to enter (which was a rule we had when at home) I would wait until he gave me permission with his eyes if that makes sense. If at a pub I would regularly ask him if he wanted me to go and get him another drink even if I hadn't finished mine. I would sometimes call him Sir or Master when in public but for the most part always asking rather than assuming helped remind me of my place as his submissive. I would never forget that he was the one in control when we were out however I doubt that others would have noticed our dynamic.

spanklette -> RE: In the real world (5/20/2007 3:46:18 AM)
It's very obvious to us, but it wouldn't be at all obvious to anyone looking on. On that note, it's not at all that obvious what's going on in other people's relationships when in public, unless they're arguing or something like that. We all think that everybody is looking at us, but I'm pretty sure that most people couldn't care less about our relationship dynamics.

salilus -> RE: In the real world (5/20/2007 6:00:58 AM)
Daddy orders for me in restaurants and I have to have him with me, most times, when something needs to be purchased because i don't buy things myself unless I got out alone or with friends. Hmm... I don't (or I try really hard not to) wander away from him when we're out together. I make his coffee up (cream and sugar it) when we're out together. He has swatted my bum in public, though no one has seen. He has me walk on the inside when we're on a sidewalk. Sometimes, he doesn't allow me to speak. I'm sure there is more... this is what I can think of, however.

motoki -> RE: In the real world (5/20/2007 6:28:14 AM)
The M/s dynamic is always there when Master and i are "out and about" (actually, it's always there no matter where we are). The degree to which it is expressed externally varies, but it's always there. In various situations, the dynamic may be more apparent to the surrounding public, but kinky/sexual aspects of it are never flagrantly pushed into the public's personal space (which we consider nonconsensual involvement of others). At times i'm bound (under my clothes), or given orders to follow Him in a certain way (shadowing), or He'll order food for me at restaurants (almost always). When going through doorways or similar entryways, i'm not permitted to open the door or lead through the doorway unless He instructs me to do so. i am never permitted to go to the toilet without permission, nor to sit when in His presence without permission, and so when we are in public, seeking His permission for these things can be .... interesting at times [:)], but it's always possible in some way. In public, i address Him as Sir or Master depending on the circumstances, and He addresses me using any number of terms, including slave, girl, and so on, again, depending on the circumstances. There have been occasions when, while at a bigger store, He's told me to "stay" in a certain spot, then gone off on His own for awhile. Other times, He's assigned me one section where i'm allowed to browse, but only in that section, then He goes off and does His thing. At all times, whether He's been watching me from afar or not, i am acutely aware that i am His, i am slave, and regardless of the fact that others in that store don't know that i'm not physically leashed to Him at that moment, there is a long, solid, invisible chain going from Him to me that is securing me to Him very securely. And that chain feels very real to me; i sometimes think to myself jokingly that its surprising that others don't notice the chain and trip over it when Master and i are out shopping and separated by a short (or longer) distance (!!), that's how real it feels to me - LOL. Without doubt, i enjoy the public aspects of the expression of our M/s dynamic. It adds creativity to it, and it's affirming to me (and, i believe, also to Master). It also adds a certain "richness" or "extra element" to whatever it is we are doing in a public venue. For example, we recently went to see a theatrical reenactment of "Crime and Punishment" by Dostoyevsky, and Master had me bound in a rope harness with a new "toy" inserted in one of my openings. Without going into details, suffice it to say that my attention was distracted from the actors during the play (and while walking to the play, and in the lobby amongst the crowd of people, etc, etc) more than a few times as Master kept nudging the rope harness through my skirt, thereby indirectly nudging His new toy as it did its deed within me. LOL - i do remember that it was a good play, though, and did enjoy it ... and wearing Master's toy and feeling Him constantly reminding me of its presence throughout the evening only added to the whole experience of watching the play, rather than taking away from it!!). [:D] Mmmmmm ... that was a delicious memory .... -motoki-

MstrJOHN -> RE: In the real world (5/20/2007 6:39:55 AM)
I had a boy for 3 yrs and when we were out in public I am sure people tried to figure out what was up. I should note the boy is a wheelchair user due to spina bifida, he would open doors for me, get Me refills of drinks, and once we met up with my brother and sister in law ( I knew they are both kink friendly, but boy didn't know just yet) I had boy collared. My sister in law did a double take in the car then smiled. A rather fun outing happen at a steak house. boy had been ordered not to speak to anyone, our server was this young twink in his 20's, it didn't take long for him to catch on, so thru out dinner, the server stop even trying to ask boy, and would ask me " would he like more tea". This kid was so curious he kept inventing reasons to come back to our table, boy said to me ( he was allowed to speak only to Me when no one was near) " You know Sir, You are missing with that kid's head" I just answered back with an evil grin" I know". The real fun came when it was time for the check, our server first started to hand the check to Me, but must have thought, why should Master have to pay, then started to hand it to boy, but stopped, probally because boy hadn't been allowed to do anything all night, then started back towards Me, then finally put the check down exactly between us. Our server watched us leave and I saw a bit of a smile as he looked at Me, I'm sure he enjoyed replaying the night in his bedroom later that night. As for punishment, if I needed to be discreet, I had developed a look that as my boy put it, put the fear of god into him, it was my, we will discuss this later look, he knew he was in for it and I wouldn't even have to say a word.

daddysliloneds -> RE: In the real world (5/20/2007 7:16:04 AM)
there has never been anyone i've ever been with, in my entire life, except for a couple of weirdo's that i met from this site(and it was the first meeting, mind you), that has tried and/or suggested exercising control in a public setting; why? because one who is truly in control doesn't need that kind of re-affirmation 100% of the time... and some of the examples given in this thread, such as ordering their food for them, is not exercising control, it's doing the gentlemanly thing by my standards.

SimplyMichael -> RE: In the real world (5/20/2007 7:29:17 AM)
quote: He has me walk on the inside when we're on a sidewalk. So few know this...VERY old standard.

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: In the real world (5/20/2007 8:11:01 AM)
in the real world, he's Doctor insert Daddy's last name here and i'm "SouthSide" of Fearless Radio. we don't bring our Daddy-daughter dynamic into the public eye for a very good reason. when i'm with my secondary Dom, my bf, it's the same way - our dynamic is confined to the bedroom only since i have 2 UMs and they don't need to be witnesses to that. in public, we're just an ordinary couple out on a date. no one needs to know that i'm his submissive and he's my Dom.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: In the real world (5/20/2007 8:18:36 AM)
We are very discreet. Angel and I cant really afford for anyone to know what we are into, since it would not be even slightly accepted in his real world. Since he and I are not dating, it really isnt much of a problem. How things wil be handled for my other and I may be different. Most of his closer friends understand how he is, so we might be a bit freer in our relationship outside. He is also a rocker, so a collar on a regular basis isnt going to be seen as odd. Personally, I dont care for a lot of publicizing. I dont need anyone knowing what goes on in my private life, as long as my boys remember their place. DV

petdave -> RE: In the real world (5/20/2007 8:19:50 AM)
quote: sidewalk quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael quote: He has me walk on the inside when we're on a sidewalk. So few know this...VERY old standard. That's more gentlemanly than Dominant, though... as i understand, that was adopted in the days before sewer systems so that any ick kicked up by passing carriages would strike the man rather than the woman... but what good is a slave who doesn't "take one for the team"? [:D] Amusing corrolary... when my wife was little, her mother always made her and her brother keep one hand on the side of the shopping cart when they were out at the store, to keep them from running off... she still does it to this day. Looking through some of the other responses, that strikes me as a rule that could apply very nicely to D/s couples as well. ...dave

kyraofMists -> RE: In the real world (5/20/2007 8:40:36 AM)
By the term "real world" it appears that you are referring to being out in public.... My experience is that most people are pretty oblivious to the things that go on around them as long as it has no direct impact on them so a great many protocols can still be followed with no one else either noticing or thinking anything odd is going on. The M/s structure of our poly family stays in place all the time no matter where we are. The specific protocols that we follow will vary depending on the situations but the majority of the time we are in standard protocol. In standard protocol we address him as my Lord, ask permission to speak, ask permission to be excused, walk/sit/stand on specific sides of him, let him enter a door first and many others that would be too numerous to mention. About the only thing that changes when people who do not know our relationship structure are listening is addressing him as my Lord. Then he is called my love. Everything else pretty much stays the same. Even around people who are aware of our relationship structure, the flow of communication between the three of us is not often noticed. One of the things that we hear most often is that alandra and I appear to be mind readers in that we know what he wants without him having to say anything. What they don't notice are the hand signals that we use to communicate with each other and the other small gestures that demonstate who has the authority in the relationship. So even out in public venues the majority of our communication and interactions are still very private since it is rare for people to take notice and even if they did for them to have any idea of what is actually ocurring. Knight's kyra

lighthearted -> RE: In the real world (5/20/2007 8:53:51 AM)
we employ a lot of what's been mentioned above; he's very gentlemanly to begin with, so opening doors etc. is very 2nd nature to him. he orders for me in restaurants, and if there's ever a moment when we're disagreeing over something minor and he wants to be very firm, he whips out the "codeword" - "darling" - and then that is my cue to cease and desist, immediately.

YesMistressIrish -> RE: In the real world (5/20/2007 9:02:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael quote: He has me walk on the inside when we're on a sidewalk. So few know this...VERY old standard. It surprises me that you would say so few 'know this'. It is how men have treated me my whole life, even in all things vanilla. If a man does not do this right off the bat, it is a red flag in my book.

goodpet -> RE: In the real world (5/20/2007 9:24:09 AM)
Hi, We can easily take our M/s relationship into the vanilla world. We are M/s 24/7. For addressing each other He is “Captain” so that works anywhere we go. And i use "Sir" all the time so no one notices that as kinky. He calls me “girl” but that does not seem to cause any stir. If around co-workers or family it is "Ann" when referring to me, but still often calls me girl even there. I walk to the right side (the dog heels on the left), a half step behind (good hand holding position). If the dog is not with us, i walk on the inside of the sidewalk and still a half step behind. He opens doors for me, i tell him thank you each time. If i am in chauffeur mode i wear a hat and sometimes coat, so i open doors, drive, and stand to the side. Since we live in the DC area chauffeurs are not that unusual and once i have even had a 'real' chauffeur come over to chat when i was waiting. This is one of my favorite kink play in public. We use hand signals such as sign language for ‘restroom’ if I need to go and He gives me the ‘yes’ sign to go. He signals ‘sit’ or ‘hurry’ or ‘go get tea, what ever he wants.. it is subtle and keeps me in service mode to Him. I fix His ice tea for Him, and He might order for me, sometime asking what i want, sometimes not. He always feeds me my first bite of food (our ritual of my receiving what i need from Him). At a restaurant He might say "Here try this.. ", and give me a taste.. it looks very vanilla. Our Master/slave relationship does not change in public, but we do find ways to disguise the behaviors. ~ann

junecleaver -> RE: In the real world (5/20/2007 9:29:26 AM)
He likes to call himself a 'southern gentleman.' He opens the doors for me. I walk on the inside of the sidewalk. He either leads me by the hand or by the small of the back, sometimes he'll put his hand on the back of my neck and steer that way. He always orders for me. This seems to frustrate the waiters. He'll order water for me. They'll ask me if I want lemon. He'll order a salad for me. They will ask me what kind of dressing I'd like. It's amusing. I've learned to just look at him and they will take that as cue. He's also really bossy and loud. My best friend noticed something was up with our relationship but strangers I think could care less.

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