Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Trying to ditch a fetish? how?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Trying to ditch a fetish? how? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Trying to ditch a fetish? how? - 5/19/2007 7:22:19 PM   
Bound2SteelMK


Posts: 12
Joined: 1/6/2007
Status: offline 		Well, theres a fetish or two i sometimes with i can ditch, but, im not sure how or if i really want to. Have any of you stopped a fetish cold turkey? is there a tell tale sign as to when you really do like something or really dont? sometimes i feel i need to not do it because its "wrong" to me or a lot of people, then sometimes i feel like its very common. SO, if anyones gone through the same type of thing id love to hear what to do in situations like this.

well, the first would be a diapering fetish. I just pretty much hate the fetish in general, as its mainly guys who are into it and they are really weird, and there are very few girls into it, so, i pretty much wear then for fun sometimes. i dont act like a baby or wear baby-adult clothes, just diapers and plastic pants under normal clothes. It is hard to explain or near impossible to explain why im into it, i just am, but i feel like this is one i can curb for a long time, or maybe i shouldnt? im not sure.

One of my very early fetishes was medical braces, but now, i feel ashamed to like them. I also have a fetish for orthodontic braces and appliances, but, that one i dont mind having, but the medical brace one, i do. It seems like a lot of females who wear them, are handicapped, and i dont have a fetish for the handicapped, that isnt right. I mainly came across a site called NBAK a looong time ago, and liked most of it. Now a days i sort of feel ashamed to like it, but, its almost like i wanna be with someone who is in a brace to show everyone they are just like everyone else and make them feel really pretty and good about them selfs but at the same time, i like the restriction and the immobility that a brace provides.

so, yeh, im kinda stuck in a quandary and not sure what to do!


Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Trying to ditch a fetish? how? - 5/19/2007 7:48:38 PM   
puella


Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		What?

_____________________________

We must move forward, not backward, upward, not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom...... The Simpsons

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." ...Ambrose Bierce

"Don't you oppress me!"....Stan/Loretta

(in reply to Bound2SteelMK)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Trying to ditch a fetish? how? - 5/19/2007 8:48:19 PM   
Bound2SteelMK


Posts: 12
Joined: 1/6/2007
Status: offline 		Sorry, miss worded a bit, the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs are listing the two fetishes i was refering to in the first article.

(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Trying to ditch a fetish? how? - 5/19/2007 8:49:58 PM   
puella


Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		Okay.. but are you actually asking a question or just posting a thought that rambled through your head?


_____________________________

We must move forward, not backward, upward, not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom...... The Simpsons

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." ...Ambrose Bierce

"Don't you oppress me!"....Stan/Loretta

(in reply to Bound2SteelMK)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Trying to ditch a fetish? how? - 5/19/2007 8:51:04 PM   
Trampler


Posts: 580
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline 		Well the thing is, is that most fetishes are hardwired into the system, meaning that they are hard to dislodge.  Just go with it hon, and hopefully you find an understanding person that loves you, braces and all!

(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Trying to ditch a fetish? how? - 5/19/2007 10:12:19 PM   
ownedkitten


Posts: 200
Joined: 4/2/2007
Status: offline 		Greetings Bound2SteelMK,

It is my understanding that a fetish can be a difficult thing to "get rid of."  If you're interested in overcoming that, perhaps it would do you good to speak with a kink-friendly therapist?  From what I gather, as long as the fetish does not cause/prompt illegal behavior or something along those lines, it's not generally considered a "problem" as most keep it as a mostly private thing.  Why do you desire to get rid of these fetishes?  Is it just the response you get from others that makes you feel uncomfortable with them or ashamed?

Grace in Service,
caitriona

(in reply to Trampler)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Trying to ditch a fetish? how? - 5/19/2007 10:30:29 PM   
Faramir


Posts: 1043
Joined: 2/12/2005
Status: offline 		Brother, here's the 1 minute version:

You'll never curb, get rid of, or "cure" your paraphillias, whatever the fuck they are. You can chose to accept you have these fetishes, and be at peace with yourself, or you can chose to deny who you are, at be at war with yourself.

Your choice.

(in reply to ownedkitten)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Trying to ditch a fetish? how? - 5/19/2007 10:35:22 PM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Faramir

Brother, here's the 1 minute version:

You'll never curb, get rid of, or "cure" your paraphillias, whatever the fuck they are. You can chose to accept you have these fetishes, and be at peace with yourself, or you can chose to deny who you are, at be at war with yourself.

Your choice.

Nicely put....


_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to Faramir)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Trying to ditch a fetish? how? - 5/19/2007 11:10:56 PM   
Masque66


Posts: 185
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline 		...in my experience fetishes have been something I like.  With the exception of Little Debby cakes I've never found a need to remove something I enjoy from my life.

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Trying to ditch a fetish? how? - 5/19/2007 11:49:52 PM   
cinnfulhussy


Posts: 135
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline 		From what I understand from the OP is that he does enjoy certain fetishes, but these same fetishes cause him embarassment.  While he enjoys them, he wants to perhaps rid himself of the fetish due to the conflict that he feels.    I guess it depends on if they are true fetishes, or strong preferences.  You can be conditioned, I  believe, to change strong preferences, I don't know about actual fetishes.  

(in reply to Bound2SteelMK)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Trying to ditch a fetish? how? - 5/20/2007 2:35:33 AM   
Copulo


Posts: 268
Joined: 5/3/2007
Status: offline 		Are you worried about upsetting other people like the handicapped? If so I think you are overly punishing yourself here.
Fetishes are not about guilt but about celebrating our kink and like others here have said, so long as its legal and not harming anyone then that’s cool.
You could say that someone desiring to be a slave should feel shame because of past black slavery.
You could say that people into age play are having paedophilic thoughts but of course that’s absolute tottle.  
You could say that someone who wants scene rape is romanticizing rape.

Celebrate and embrace your fetish because only then can you go on to get the most out of it.

(in reply to Bound2SteelMK)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Trying to ditch a fetish? how? - 5/20/2007 2:44:27 AM   
PrincessinLatex


Posts: 191
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bound2SteelMK

sometimes i feel i need to not do it because its "wrong" to me or a lot of people, then sometimes i feel like its very common. SO, if anyones gone through the same type of thing id love to hear what to do in situations like this.


Hey there. First of all, in my opinion, there is *nothing* wrong with your fetishes. What I have learned through the years (and it's been a tough lesson because I'm into some things people consider very taboo) is that it is highly unlikely that you are going to change people's perceptions about your kinks. Sure you may get lucky and garner some tolerance to it here and there. . .but most folks are gonna be hired wired to think that some things are "gross/yuck." So what can you do? All you can do is modify *your* attitude and feelings toward it. Be at peace with it. Accept it. Accept the fact that there will be people that won't be cool with it. There are a lot of things that are non-kink related that are hard to be. . .try being a black republican ;)


quote:


well, the first would be a diapering fetish. I just pretty much hate the fetish in general, as its mainly guys who are into it and they are really weird, and there are very few girls into it, so, i pretty much wear then for fun sometimes. i dont act like a baby or wear baby-adult clothes, just diapers and plastic pants under normal clothes. It is hard to explain or near impossible to explain why im into it, i just am, but i feel like this is one i can curb for a long time, or maybe i shouldnt? im not sure.


And who exactly is your diapering fetish hurting? I know several brilliant, attractive men that happen to be into it. They like how it feels. . . the discomfort that they get from prolonged wearing, and the sense of humiliation. I think it is kind of cute. Can I say that I'm into it? Not really. But I can see the appeal and why some are into it. I just happen to be allergic to other people's poo. . .hell, I'm almost allergic to my own.

quote:


One of my very early fetishes was medical braces, but now, i feel ashamed to like them. I also have a fetish for orthodontic braces and appliances, but, that one i dont mind having, but the medical brace one, i do. It seems like a lot of females who wear them, are handicapped, and i dont have a fetish for the handicapped, that isnt right. I mainly came across a site called NBAK a looong time ago, and liked most of it. Now a days i sort of feel ashamed to like it, but, its almost like i wanna be with someone who is in a brace to show everyone they are just like everyone else and make them feel really pretty and good about them selfs but at the same time, i like the restriction and the immobility that a brace provides.


I love medical braces too! Ain't it a bitch trying to find an affordable HALO/head brace thingy? Or a full body one? I will one day ;) I too like the restictive feeling. . .(maybe that is why I love corsetry) and I'd totally wear a brace out in public. Does that make me a freak-a-zoid? Perhaps, but I'm happy and having fun. . .and not harming anyone in the process so what more can I ask for?

I hope you are able to find like-minded people locally. It really helps to be able to put a face to all this theoretical mumbo jumbo such as. . . "you are not alone." I could site here and tell you that there are a lot of people that share your proclivities all day long til my fingers fall off. . .but then again, I'm just one of those random, anonymous internet people too.

Good luck.

_____________________________

If you are pervy and you know it, come visit me at ** Got Kink? **

(in reply to Bound2SteelMK)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Trying to ditch a fetish? how? - 5/20/2007 8:09:41 AM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Faramir

Brother, here's the 1 minute version:

You'll never curb, get rid of, or "cure" your paraphillias, whatever the fuck they are. You can chose to accept you have these fetishes, and be at peace with yourself, or you can chose to deny who you are, at be at war with yourself.

Your choice.


Ditto...and will add if your fetish is harmful to others seek therapy now to learn how to deal with the war inside.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to Faramir)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Trying to ditch a fetish? how? - 5/20/2007 8:48:53 AM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
Status: offline 		i can't argue with Faramir, but:

1. Both fetishes are a significant liability in finding a female partner, as well as being social liabilities in general.  Yes, you'd be better off without them
2. Fetishism is generally linked to sex drive. Medications that reduce sexual desire will reduce your fetishistic desires as well. That's the ONLY thing i've found that helps in the long term, and i've been fighting that fight for 20 years. Cost/benefit calculations are yours to make.

...dave

(in reply to Faramir)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Trying to ditch a fetish? how? - 5/20/2007 10:17:33 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		This sounds like you've not accepted yourself rather than having a need to eliminate a fetish. Many, many cross dressers go through a regular "purging" process to "rid" themselves of their "wrong" habits and desires. If their habits aren't infringing upon others, this is pretty much a load of crap and is all wrapped up in areas of guilt.

Why not focus on learning to love yourself instead? Look at where you dislike about the fetish is coming from...look at the fear that is attached to it, then face that fear. This is much harder, actually, than getting rid of the fetish...you may not be up to the challenge right now and that's ok.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Bound2SteelMK)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Trying to ditch a fetish? how? - 5/20/2007 10:27:50 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Does your fetish interfere with having happy fulfilling sex or sexual contact when it does NOT include the fetish?  If so, then perhaps you might want to do some work on it with therapy over time.

If not, then don't sweat it.  Trust me, your braces fetish is a lot more common than you think- there are even some yahoo groups for you.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Trying to ditch a fetish? how? - 5/20/2007 10:39:36 AM   
tatangel


Posts: 507
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave

i can't argue with Faramir, but:

1. Both fetishes are a significant liability in finding a female partner, as well as being social liabilities in general.  Yes, you'd be better off without them
2. Fetishism is generally linked to sex drive. Medications that reduce sexual desire will reduce your fetishistic desires as well. That's the ONLY thing i've found that helps in the long term, and i've been fighting that fight for 20 years. Cost/benefit calculations are yours to make.

...dave

I am not trying to start an arguement, I am just curious: Why would you recomment drugging yourself so you lose touch with who you are, not just in the kink world, but in everything? Anyone who has ever been on anti-depressants will tell you that the side effects can be worse than the problem, and taking something to kill your sex drive does'nt sound  like a very good answer to me. Also, as far as his or anyone's kinks being a ''deterrent'' to women, how can you possibly make such a generalized statement? I am sure there are plenty of women who share at least one of those kinks and would be happy to find someone else who is not too ashamed to share them. It seems to me that you may have some unresolved issues with yourself, and it just did'nt seem fair to me that one would project those personal problems onto another who is struggling for an answer. My feeling is, if it does'nt hurt anyone, go for it. If someone does'nt like you because of it, they were not the right one for you anyway. Why settle?

< Message edited by tatangel -- 5/20/2007 10:41:00 AM >

_____________________________

It used to be that being crazy meant something...now everybody's crazy.

(in reply to petdave)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Trying to ditch a fetish? how? - 5/20/2007 12:04:30 PM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tatangel

I am not trying to start an arguement, I am just curious: Why would you recomment drugging yourself so you lose touch with who you are, not just in the kink world, but in everything?


Because it gets me through the day? As i said, everyone has to make their own cost/benefit analysis, but that's the only thing i've found that actually makes fetishistic desires go AWAY for any significant period of time.

quote:


Also, as far as his or anyone's kinks being a ''deterrent'' to women, how can you possibly make such a generalized statement?


quote:

ORIGINAL: Bound2SteelMK
I just pretty much hate the fetish in general, as its mainly guys who are into it and they are really weird, and there are very few girls into it


quote:

It seems to me that you may have some unresolved issues with yourself, and it just did'nt seem fair to me that one would project those personal problems onto another who is struggling for an answer.


i won't argue that i have issues, but IMO, what i am doing is not projection but offering the advice of someone who has Been Dere Done Dat (orthopedic brace/casting fetishist, among other things).

quote:

My feeling is, if it does'nt hurt anyone, go for it. If someone does'nt like you because of it, they were not the right one for you anyway. Why settle?


No offense, but while that's a fine POV for a cute young woman in the BDSM scene, for a heterosexual single man.......... it's a different world.

Just IMO *shrug*

...dave

(in reply to tatangel)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Trying to ditch a fetish? how? - 5/20/2007 12:05:38 PM   
Crush


Posts: 1031
Status: offline 		It is only a problem if it is a problem for you or someone else.   If you eliminate it as being ' a problem for you ' and just one of life's joys, then you only have to worry about it if it is going to affect someone else.

of course, I am from the US, where my rights extend to your nose as yours extend to mine.

(in reply to tatangel)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Trying to ditch a fetish? how? - 5/20/2007 1:04:10 PM   
LightHeartedMaam


Posts: 296
Joined: 5/12/2007
Status: offline 		Bound,

I relate this "fetish" of yours to be a combination of bondage and medical play.  If you haven't already considered those, check them out.  I think you'll be able to connect the dots and feel better about it all :)

_____________________________

Now that I'm older, I thought it was great that it seems I have more patience. Turns out, that I just don't give a sh*t.

(in reply to Bound2SteelMK)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Trying to ditch a fetish? how? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.141