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KeirasSecret -> RE: My last word on this subject (5/20/2007 7:34:54 PM)
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Shylahgirl:
I have learned two very important lessons since I’ve been here; the answer to “why” people are “mean”, and verbal flame control.
The first, which I find the specific answer to not so important; unless you want to know a specific persons reasons, as there are many reasons; they’re just plain grumpy, had a bad day, don’t like the person they are responding to, don’t like what the person has to say (sometimes this is simply brought on by using a word that triggers a bad response in them).
The important part to remember is, they all serve a purpose. If they are not giving you information you find useful, perhaps they are showing you what you shouldn’t be doing.
The second part is most important, once you’ve learned verbal flame control, it is pretty easy to avoid being charbroiled, by most.
Avoid touchy words, around here, some of these would include true and real.
If someone posts something that offends you, make sure you are taking what they said the way they meant it. It helps to ask instead of assuming you know and/or accusing.
If it appears you have offended someone else, and that was not you intent, make sure you know why/how you offended them, or that you even did, before you try explaining. Again, ask.
I call these practices, depriving the flame of oxygen. There are probably others, but these are all I can think of right now.
When I am trying to communicate, I try to keep in mind, as the person trying to engage others in conversation, it is my responsibility to make sure my audience understands what I am saying. If they do not, it is my responsibility to re-word in terms they can relate to. Expecting them to try to interpret is unreasonable, and pointing out, “they don’t get it”, tends to irritate.
It amazes me how many people forget, or don’t realize, once you’ve pissed off your audience, they won’t give two shits what your message is. Sometimes, not even after a full box of laxatives.
I have no idea what your approach is, just saying this is what I try to remember, and it seems to be working, so far.
I also have a protocol I follow:
I will remain courteous to the person(s) I am addressing. If I am unable to remain courteous, I will remain respectful of my Dom and myself. If I am unable to continue a conversation and remain respectful, then I will continue to be respectful by walking away.
It’s a fairly new concept for me, and a work in progress.
May the force be with you.
k
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