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Know me! - 5/20/2007 1:27:47 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Has anyone ever wondered sometimes ,if at first, the draw to this in WIITWD was the need for someone to actually delve deep into you ,to know you ,to watch you ,to in effect pay attention?..Do you think as a submissive we all are sometimes attention hounds? That we crave the knowledge that someone out there cares enough to watch your responses to any given thing, to see what makes you tick, and to know more than just the surface stuff..to actually want to get as deep as they can to the core of you? And how far do you let them truly in? Is this freeing or frightening?.........Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau
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RE: Know me! - 5/20/2007 1:42:03 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		I would say that it isn't only submissives that crave being known, tempting. I think that's a universal desire.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
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RE: Know me! - 5/20/2007 1:56:46 PM   
stella40


Posts: 417
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: London, UK
Status: offline 		Well yes... yes and no...yes initially. As a submissive I find any attention given to me by a Dominant, whether it be a friendly few words or something more is something I find to be pleasant. However, as at the moment I'm with a Dominant, that's as far as it goes. And with my Dominant yes, I find that receiving attention is very pleasant, to be opened up, scrutinized, and to peel off the layers of my onion-like nature. I find it more freeing than frightening, well maybe not frightening, but exciting, occasionally disturbing.

I see submission as a process, an opening up, laying bare, and a voyage of discovery, not just for my Dominant but also for myself. I want her to find my 'Secret Garden', to walk through it, wander in it, and to plant flowers and shrubs and bushes and make it her own. Sometimes I want to submit, and other times I want her to push, to challenge, and with a firm hand guide. I want her to take me to where she wants to go.

But for me it also works the other way as well. Well you've heard of the painslut? Well I'm an appreciation-slut and a smile-slut. I love to give, to please, to pamper and serve. I have a Dominant and the thing which is most attractive to me about her is her mind. It fascinates me. I want to lavish attention on her, to focus my whole attention on her, sometimes to the point where I become self-less and I feel I am at one with her. I want to get inside her mind, to experience her every emotion, mood, feeling, to take a dream she has held close for so long and help her to make it reality. I want her to be able to take one look at me and for me to know what she is thinking, feeling and how I am to react.

And I want to do this so that I know her well enough to be able to reproduce her within myelf and live my life with 'the Mistress within', a life of harmony with my Dominant where we are both in tune with each other.

_____________________________

I try to take one day at a time, but several days come and attack me at once. (Jennifer Unlimited)

If you can't be a good example then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.


(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
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RE: Know me! - 5/20/2007 1:56:51 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

Has anyone ever wondered sometimes ,if at first, the draw to this in WIITWD was the need for someone to actually delve deep into you ,to know you ,to watch you ,to in effect pay attention?..Do you think as a submissive we all are sometimes attention hounds? That we crave the knowledge that someone out there cares enough to watch your responses to any given thing, to see what makes you tick, and to know more than just the surface stuff..to actually want to get as deep as they can to the core of you? And how far do you let them truly in? Is this freeing or frightening?.........Tempting


Honestly? The first thing that drew me to BDSM and d/s is that it turned me on. It wasn't any sort of wonderful, poetic "wanting people to understand me", it was "getting hit with whips makes me happy in the special places". After that, things just kinda progressed the way it felt natural to me.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: Know me! - 5/20/2007 2:00:09 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		I ditto Level and aquaticsub.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to AquaticSub)
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RE: Know me! - 5/20/2007 2:00:18 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I think thats the core behind the words "no longer two but one" and how a relationship truly becomes a relationship on the most intimate level. The lack of getting to know someone really deeply is probably why there are so many divorces and separations because the people involved have never really merged as a couple whether through choice or just the plain inability to do so for whatever reason (ie too much topical stuff playing out to really get into the core of the other). I don't think its just a submissive thing but a thing involving "relate-ionship".

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

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RE: Know me! - 5/20/2007 2:01:24 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline
quote:

I would say that it isn't only submissives that crave being known, tempting. I think that's a universal desire.


I would agree, but wonder if its universal to get off on the whole process of being known.  For me, thats the difference.  Its an actual kink.

But, yeah, the whole "being known" thing is part of what does it for me.  I've only made minor inroads into this kind of thing, so don't know how far I can truly let someone in like that.  I guess it would depend on the person and dynamic between us.  For some D's its just not their thing. 

Is it frightening?  Yeah.  Is it freeing? Yeah. 


_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


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RE: Know me! - 5/20/2007 2:01:59 PM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		I don't think that has anything to do with it for me.  I don't feel anymore understood now than I have in the past.  Being my Master doesn't give him any psychic powers, or show him more about me.  I have always been open totally with anyone I am in a relationship with....this isn't some magical thing...it's a relationship between two people.  You will know as little, or as much as you choose.

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
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RE: Know me! - 5/20/2007 2:03:37 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Has anyone ever wondered sometimes ,if at first, the draw to this in WIITWD was the need for someone to actually delve deep into you ,to know you ,to watch you ,to in effect pay attention?..

No, for me it was not.
quote:

Do you think as a submissive we all are sometimes attention hounds?  

some are; some aren't. Personally, I perfer not being noticed period. ( in real life, surrounded by others )
quote:

  That we crave the knowledge that someone out there cares enough to watch your responses to any given thing, to see what makes you tick, and to know more than just the surface stuff..to actually want to get as deep as they can to the core of you?

Once again, no. This has nothing to do with my being submissive or slave. I would crave those things even in a vanilla relationship; probably more so.
quote:

  And how far do you let them truly in?

in the past; it was as far as they were willing to go. Now...I don't at all. No one get's in. Period.
quote:

  Is this freeing or frightening?.

I used to love the feeling that it brought. Now; I just don't care one way or another.



_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Know me! - 5/20/2007 2:17:08 PM   
DementedGirl


Posts: 172
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

Honestly? The first thing that drew me to BDSM and d/s is that it turned me on. It wasn't any sort of wonderful, poetic "wanting people to understand me", it was "getting hit with whips makes me happy in the special places". After that, things just kinda progressed the way it felt natural to me.


Whips are nice, but to me it is much more. Having control, losing control, is such a rush / turn on. When I give up control, and let someone pierce me, or I do suspension on someone, the emotional bond between me and the other individual is dynamic. When I am in that zone with another person, I have their attention, and they have mine, it is energetic to me some how.  It's hard to put it into words what I feel, but it is addicting. That is what I crave. Not the being known part, but the pure energy and connection I receive from being in this lifestyle.

DementedGirl

(in reply to AquaticSub)
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RE: Know me! - 5/20/2007 2:32:22 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DementedGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

Honestly? The first thing that drew me to BDSM and d/s is that it turned me on. It wasn't any sort of wonderful, poetic "wanting people to understand me", it was "getting hit with whips makes me happy in the special places". After that, things just kinda progressed the way it felt natural to me.


Whips are nice, but to me it is much more. Having control, losing control, is such a rush / turn on. When I give up control, and let someone pierce me, or I do suspension on someone, the emotional bond between me and the other individual is dynamic. When I am in that zone with another person, I have their attention, and they have mine, it is energetic to me some how.  It's hard to put it into words what I feel, but it is addicting. That is what I crave. Not the being known part, but the pure energy and connection I receive from being in this lifestyle.

DementedGirl



I am, by no means, saying that getting turned on, whips and chains and all that is only what I seek from this lifestyle. I live a 24/7 relationship. But what drew me into this lifestyle was purely sex and arousal. I have found things here that are deeper and went past carnal desires - but what brought me here was my libido.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to DementedGirl)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Know me! - 5/20/2007 2:41:14 PM   
DementedGirl


Posts: 172
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: DementedGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

Honestly? The first thing that drew me to BDSM and d/s is that it turned me on. It wasn't any sort of wonderful, poetic "wanting people to understand me", it was "getting hit with whips makes me happy in the special places". After that, things just kinda progressed the way it felt natural to me.


Whips are nice, but to me it is much more. Having control, losing control, is such a rush / turn on. When I give up control, and let someone pierce me, or I do suspension on someone, the emotional bond between me and the other individual is dynamic. When I am in that zone with another person, I have their attention, and they have mine, it is energetic to me some how.  It's hard to put it into words what I feel, but it is addicting. That is what I crave. Not the being known part, but the pure energy and connection I receive from being in this lifestyle.

DementedGirl



I am, by no means, saying that getting turned on, whips and chains and all that is only what I seek from this lifestyle. I live a 24/7 relationship. But what drew me into this lifestyle was purely sex and arousal. I have found things here that are deeper and went past carnal desires - but what brought me here was my libido.


I agree!

I was definitely drawn to this lifestyle by sexual curiousity, and what I found was another way of life.

DementedGirl

_____________________________

DementedGirl

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. - Helen Keller

(in reply to AquaticSub)
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RE: Know me! - 5/20/2007 2:50:16 PM   
jessk


Posts: 34
Status: offline 		I became interested only as a 'side interest' to a young man that I was interested in. I knew that he had a huge interest in BDSM and D/s/M/s so, I learned what I could about it. My interest grew from there. In the time since he and I were a couple, my interest has took a different direction that his did.
 
I truly am not really interested in the belief of 'someone getting to the core of me; delving deep to find every hidden aspect" I can achieve this in a vanilla relationship.
 
What interests me are people themselves and how we interact with each other. I find it highly appealing when both my mind and my body react to a certain person automatically; as if they ( mind and body ) know something that I do not on a conscious level  The little mannerisms and nuances that make us each who and what we are ( whatever and whoever that may be ); and how two people develop them over time into something of structure and balance.
 
That is what draws me now and what keeps me here.

_____________________________

Jess

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Know me! - 5/20/2007 5:04:43 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		My first draw to WIITWD was after spending almost 2 years at the whim of a kinky Narcissist.  Hoop after hoop never quite good enough had me doing a lot of Soul searching for answers.  Possibly in a way I was looking to be ~noticed~. 

I cant really call myself an attention hound.  What I crave is Courtesy, a thank you, a good girl or what ever is more important to me then Flattery and by all rights I tend to smother with too much attention.  But I need someone to give attention to.  That feeds me and provides a balance that no other can. 

Sure I want to be understood on a deep level and can honestly say I have until recently protected letting others by building tons of reinforced walls.  I think that’s a by product of those 2 years that I can honestly now say I have over come.  I’ve not yet found it freeing.  I believe that freedom will come when it is accepted at some point.  Until that happens I‘m afraid that it will continue to be damn Frightening.  


quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

Has anyone ever wondered sometimes ,if at first, the draw to this in WIITWD was the need for someone to actually delve deep into you ,to know you ,to watch you ,to in effect pay attention?..Do you think as a submissive we all are sometimes attention hounds? That we crave the knowledge that someone out there cares enough to watch your responses to any given thing, to see what makes you tick, and to know more than just the surface stuff..to actually want to get as deep as they can to the core of you? And how far do you let them truly in? Is this freeing or frightening?.........Tempting


_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
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RE: Know me! - 5/20/2007 5:29:38 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub
Has anyone ever wondered sometimes ,if at first, the draw to this in WIITWD was the need for someone to actually delve deep into you ,to know you ,to watch you ,to in effect pay attention?

I think plenty of people get into bdsm as a way to try and find something they feel missing in their lives beforehand.

I think they rarely find it unless they are being true to themselves.

quote:

Do you think as a submissive we all are sometimes attention hounds?

I think most people are to a certain extent.  A lot of subs say they get nervous at direct attention, service is their way of getting attention and praise while not having to stand up for it directly.

quote:

 That we crave the knowledge that someone out there cares enough to watch your responses to any given thing, to see what makes you tick, and to know more than just the surface stuff..to actually want to get as deep as they can to the core of you? And how far do you let them truly in? Is this freeing or frightening?.........Tempting

How is this different from fulfilling vanilla relationships?

I find being true to ones self to be completely freeing and completely terrifying.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 5/20/2007 5:30:04 PM >

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Know me! - 5/20/2007 7:12:43 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub
Has anyone ever wondered sometimes ,if at first, the draw to this in WIITWD was the need for someone to actually delve deep into you ,to know you ,to watch you ,to in effect pay attention?

I think plenty of people get into bdsm as a way to try and find something they feel missing in their lives beforehand.

I think they rarely find it unless they are being true to themselves.

quote:

Do you think as a submissive we all are sometimes attention hounds?

I think most people are to a certain extent.  A lot of subs say they get nervous at direct attention, service is their way of getting attention and praise while not having to stand up for it directly.

quote:

 That we crave the knowledge that someone out there cares enough to watch your responses to any given thing, to see what makes you tick, and to know more than just the surface stuff..to actually want to get as deep as they can to the core of you? And how far do you let them truly in? Is this freeing or frightening?.........Tempting

How is this different from fulfilling vanilla relationships?

I find being true to ones self to be completely freeing and completely terrifying.
LA..I do not find such different from a fulfilling vanilla relationship, but never having experienced a fulfilling vanilla relationship, I now ask from a D/s standpoint. I agree being true to ones self is both freeing and terrifying..but being true to yourself and opening all to another are two different issues...Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Know me! - 5/20/2007 8:20:32 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub
but being true to yourself and opening all to another are two different issues...Tempting

*shrug* When you choose to commit yourself to someone for a long term intimate relationship, they are one and the same to me.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Know me! - 5/20/2007 8:30:14 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub
but being true to yourself and opening all to another are two different issues...Tempting

*shrug* When you choose to commit yourself to someone for a long term intimate relationship, they are one and the same to me.
~Big smile~..humm..definite food for thought..Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Know me! - 5/20/2007 9:17:27 PM   
aldompdx


Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline 		Subs are not alone. The narcissistic master has similar priorities to what you describe. Most political fascists have narcissistic personality disorder. While the combination of dependent slave and narcissistic master seems like a powerful dynamic, it too often tends to feed off the energy as a manipulative reaction, rather than true and honorable intention. Very few people have done the inner work necessary to always wield the authority of master in an altruistic manner.

< Message edited by aldompdx -- 5/20/2007 9:18:08 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Know me! - 5/20/2007 10:27:52 PM   
charismagirrl


Posts: 297
Joined: 8/30/2006
Status: offline 		This one is big for me too! Inititally my Daddy did ask me what it is a submissive or Dominant wants the most..the answer was "Attention"...but i think it he was only brushing the surface of it (which is is way).

Personally i do crave it and need it deeply...to be known, unwrapped (and i tend to be wrapped pretty tightly)...to be delved into and then stripped to my core....knowing that the me that is at the core is who is known, loved and accpeted...as well as bettered by all of that digging and stripping.


_____________________________

For today i won't say but...
For today i wont say just...
For today i will simply obey....
For today i will trust that You are right...
For always i will be your imperfect slave

http://www.mycollarspace.com

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 20
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