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RE: Asking for release.... - 5/22/2007 12:49:51 PM   
NakedGirlScout


Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		If it's really just casual then a casual goodbye should be all that's needed. Say that you had fun but that you need to move on to something different. That sounds pretty casual and straightforward.

(in reply to drawntothedark)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Asking for release.... - 5/22/2007 2:08:28 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetstorm

It's been fun but I can't deal with His temper and I want out. It was a casual arrangement and all in fun. So what's the best way to.... um... break up with your Dom?


Depending on his temper, the best way may involve local law enforcement. Other than that, it's just like breaking up in a vanilla relationship. It always sucks, there isn't really a nice way to do it, and you've got a chance of them bad-mouthing you no matter how much you try to spare their feelings.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to sweetstorm)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Asking for release.... - 5/22/2007 2:10:36 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shyinini

I dont totally disagree....but sometimes things DO need closure for your own personal GROWTH !


Yes. However, nobody is responsible for your closure but you. Sometimes you just don't get closure from other people and you can't demand it. You have to find it for yourself.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to shyinini)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Asking for release.... - 5/22/2007 2:12:13 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: drawntothedark

perhaps, however it's not the responsiblity of anyone to provide you with it. If she leaves it's up to him to find his closure.

I personally have never had to have it. To me closure is a crutch someone uses to hang on to the past when they refuse to let it go.

I do believe in forgivness, and forgiving yourself and the other person for wrongs done in the relationship. But closure to me something totally different.

Damn. Sorry guys - I'm trying to stop smoking today and I have had some other wild stuff make me a bit snippy. If you need closure then by all means get it. And if you don't agree with what I said then ignore me. :)


Funny - that sounds a lot like closure to me!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to drawntothedark)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Asking for release.... - 5/22/2007 2:28:53 PM   
drawntothedark


Posts: 572
Joined: 10/19/2006
From: Arkansas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: drawntothedark

perhaps, however it's not the responsiblity of anyone to provide you with it. If she leaves it's up to him to find his closure.

I personally have never had to have it. To me closure is a crutch someone uses to hang on to the past when they refuse to let it go.

I do believe in forgivness, and forgiving yourself and the other person for wrongs done in the relationship. But closure to me something totally different.

Damn. Sorry guys - I'm trying to stop smoking today and I have had some other wild stuff make me a bit snippy. If you need closure then by all means get it. And if you don't agree with what I said then ignore me. :)


Funny - that sounds a lot like closure to me!


Nah - to me closure is needing to understand what happened. Needing to cut apart every thing and examine it until the relationship that failed makes sense.

What happened was Miss A and Mr. B did not get along or someone wanted to move on. Miss A for example can't deal with that so she seeks closure (which I have seen more than a few times in "stalking" behavor under the banner of closure)

Finding Forgivness in yourself and the other person to me is something totally diffent. Of course like I said it's only how I see it. And I guess a certain amount of healthy "closure" would come from forgivness. However, I was mainly referring to the depressing, sad unhealthy, inhibiting kind of "needing closure"

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Asking for release.... - 5/22/2007 2:32:13 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: drawntothedark

However, I was mainly referring to the depressing, sad unhealthy, inhibiting kind of "needing closure"


See... to me, that's not needing closure. It's clinging to a dying relationship while saying you need closure. To me, getting closure is about examining the relationship to see where both parties went wrong, learning something from it, and moving on.

Interesting, all the different takes people can have on the same thing, huh?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to drawntothedark)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Asking for release.... - 5/22/2007 2:38:49 PM   
drawntothedark


Posts: 572
Joined: 10/19/2006
From: Arkansas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: drawntothedark

However, I was mainly referring to the depressing, sad unhealthy, inhibiting kind of "needing closure"


See... to me, that's not needing closure. It's clinging to a dying relationship while saying you need closure. To me, getting closure is about examining the relationship to see where both parties went wrong, learning something from it, and moving on.

Interesting, all the different takes people can have on the same thing, huh?


:) I totally see what your saying.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Asking for release.... - 5/22/2007 4:05:45 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I would say look we had some fun but this is not working for me anymore bye.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to drawntothedark)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Asking for release.... - 5/22/2007 4:13:20 PM   
somethndif


Posts: 136
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetstorm

It's been fun but I can't deal with His temper and I want out. It was a casual arrangement and all in fun. So what's the best way to.... um... break up with your Dom?


There is no rule book, and you don't have to "ask for release."  So, just say, "Its been fun but I can't deal with your temper, and I'm leaving."  You don't have to ask, just tell him. 

If you are worried about his temper, do it by telephone, email, snail mail, smoke signals, etc.  Whatever works!

Dan

(in reply to sweetstorm)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Asking for release.... - 5/22/2007 4:22:56 PM   
pinksugarsub


Posts: 1224
Status: offline
quote:

perhaps, however it's not the responsiblity of anyone to provide you with it. If she leaves it's up to him to find his closure.

I personally have never had to have it. To me closure is a crutch someone uses to hang on to the past when they refuse to let it go.

I do believe in forgivness, and forgiving yourself and the other person for wrongs done in the relationship. But closure to me something totally different.

Damn. Sorry guys - I'm trying to stop smoking today and I have had some other wild stuff make me a bit snippy. If you need closure then by all means get it. And if you don't agree with what I said then ignore me. :)

drawntodark


Congrats on the quitting smoking thing.  My turn's coming up soon and i know what yr going through.  Hang in there and email me on the other side if i can be of help at all.
 
BTW, i didn't find what you wrote snippy, just direct and to the point.

_____________________________





(in reply to somethndif)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Asking for release.... - 5/22/2007 5:30:07 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Nah - to me closure is needing to understand what happened. Needing to cut apart every thing and examine it until the relationship that failed makes sense.


Okay, I understand that, I used to be the same way.  And I always thought I was to blame, just how I look at things.  If I were more ____ (fill in the blank, prettier, smarter, thinner, richer, etc) then he would want me.  Then I realized that to think and obsess about the other person was to allow him authority over my thoughts and entry into my life.  Giving authority to someone who didn't choose me or whom I didn't choose to be with, that seems silly to me.  Another plan -- make a ritual to say goodbye that doesn't include the other person directly.  Toss letters or pictures, write something in your journal, delete his phone number, etc.  Then promise yourself that you are now moving on.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to drawntothedark)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Asking for release.... - 5/22/2007 6:54:35 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Just tell him " I want to be released'. Honesty is always the best way to go. I am not one to beat around the bush.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to sweetstorm)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Asking for release.... - 5/22/2007 6:59:16 PM   
Sirandlittle1


Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		I find in life, where emotions are involved, people do the strangest things, so its possible.
But does it matter?
Good luck with editing your selection criteria, and learning from this experience.
little1
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetstorm

Okay..... total change of subject.

Is it really odd if your Dom gets on His knees and begs you to stay? 

(in reply to sweetstorm)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Asking for release.... - 5/22/2007 7:00:33 PM   
szobras


Posts: 435
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetstorm

Okay..... total change of subject.

Is it really odd if your Dom gets on His knees and begs you to stay? 

Depends on the wording and if he holds out a ring while he's down there.

< Message edited by szobras -- 5/22/2007 7:01:12 PM >

(in reply to sweetstorm)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Asking for release.... - 5/22/2007 7:02:18 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Send him pictures of you serving someone else.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetstorm

So what's the best way to.... um... break up with your Dom?

(in reply to sweetstorm)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Asking for release.... - 5/22/2007 7:04:25 PM   
kittensmailbox


Posts: 744
Joined: 1/7/2005
From: Youngstown, Ohio
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW

Just tell him " I want to be released'. Honesty is always the best way to go. I am not one to beat around the bush.


i agree

_____________________________

~softly smiles

~lowers her eyes in respect~

~kitten

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Asking for release.... - 5/22/2007 8:29:53 PM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Send him pictures of you serving someone else.



ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!! That might work!

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Asking for release.... - 5/22/2007 11:43:13 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Don't laugh.  I know a guy who killed himself over that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Send him pictures of you serving someone else.



ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!! That might work!

(in reply to dawntreader)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Asking for release.... - 5/23/2007 6:52:38 AM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline 		How about...."You'er fat...ugly...and your breath stinks!!!...Now get lost before i vomit!"....is that too much?.....it was wasn't it?

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Asking for release.... - 5/23/2007 2:47:21 PM   
sweetstorm


Posts: 227
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline 		I'm  actually very stunned, it turned out quite well.

I really suck at breaking up a vanilla relationship so I figured this would be just as awkward, painful and tail-spinning. I stated that I was asking for release and why. I can't just say "see ya". The problem is that when you've been serving someone for a good while, they aren't just your Dom, they become a very good friend. And you can't take away the friendship and keep the Ds and its awkward to drop the Ds and keep the friendship.

I honestly didn't realize what GOOD friends we had become as this has gone along. I was keeping this in Ds terms in my head for so long that when He began telling me all the reasons He wished I would stay, it really kind of shocked me that He really cared about our FRIENDSHIP so much, the vanilla things we have in common and how much we get along. I had no idea how much He really appreciated me.

He said some very sweet things and tentatively asked me if I would please keep His collar and said that if we were to part ways, He would rather it be done as a celebration of an amazing journey than in anger or misunderstanding.

Awwwwwwwww....... 


and He offered me chocolate. I can't turn that down.

_____________________________

You don't need a parachute to skydive.

You need a parachute to skydive twice.

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)
Profile   Post #: 40
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