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RE: Online Domination..what the...? - 5/23/2007 7:16:47 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
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Many people see online domination or online Ds somewhat of a lie.

However, few people see online domination and submission as a fetish - which is what it is to many people. They get sexually aroused from it. Great for them.

Suggesting that because it is online or over the telephone doesn't make it 'real' or 'as real' is denying anothers fetish. Just because they don't look into another eyes, doesn't make it any differnet from say - voyeurism. And online dominantion/submission doesn't mean that it includes spanking with a ruler. Domination isn't simply about physical acts and pain.

Peace

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to MistressAinCT)

Post #: 21

RE: Online Domination..what the...? - 5/23/2007 7:19:20 AM

imthatacheyouhav

Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
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Online only relationships are fantasy...and thats probably the lure. It prefer to have the "real" relationship. but thats just me....

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 22

RE: Online Domination..what the...? - 5/23/2007 7:26:52 AM

slaveish

Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline

I have no opinion about it. I don't believe that online is fantasy-only - it is quite possible to form attachments to someone from their thoughts and words. It wouldn't be satisfactory to me, at least not for long; but if someone can find happiness, in whatever form they find it, who am I to say it's not real?

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)

Post #: 23

RE: Online Domination..what the...? - 5/23/2007 8:41:02 AM

Viridana

Posts: 754
Status: offline

fast reply

I try to keep an open mind and not being judgemental, but I really don't see what can be done with "online servitude". How do you serve online? I've read alot of responses to that question but I'm still in the shadows. I'd love to see a message log of a online conversation that would constitute as servitude just to see how it's done....

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 24

RE: Online Domination..what the...? - 5/23/2007 10:10:27 AM

MistressAinCT

Posts: 205
Joined: 2/21/2004
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celeste..if you look closely at what I wrote, I wasn't putting ANYTHNG down in fact, I am making a concerted effort to TRY and understand what online is all about. If you feel you are being attacked, that is YOUR problem, not anyone else's.

Most people who post here both Dominant and submissive say they don't understand it and they themselves are trying to comprehend. All we asked is for some explanation. It isn't our fault you are taking this as a put down or denegration, as you refer to it.

I said it wasn't My cup of tea as did others, but I also said that if its what turns you on, then by all means, go for it and enjoy.

BTW, just for the record, I know handicappable people who are into BDSM on a realtime basis.

_____________________________

When you have them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow www.mobiusmetals.webs.com

So many toys-so little flesh...

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 25

RE: Online Domination..what the...? - 5/23/2007 10:13:46 AM

MistressAinCT

Posts: 205
Joined: 2/21/2004
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I also believe I said that BDSM was also a psychological practice so I can understand how online or phone can work that way but again, with a stranger or someone who has never met Me nor have any inclination to meet Me, I'm not sure how that works-FOR ME (I have to clarify things, apparently....)

And I used the "hitting with a ruler" as an example.

_____________________________

When you have them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow www.mobiusmetals.webs.com

So many toys-so little flesh...

(in reply to MistressAinCT)

Post #: 26

RE: Online Domination..what the...? - 5/23/2007 10:30:33 AM

subsfaith

Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
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This is a long standing debate now, and given we all know the potential power of the internet given we use it for CollarMe (LOL), I personally don't think online relationships should be discounted as being in some way unvalid.

Perhaps the OP and other posters don't get it, that doesn't mean to say it doesn't exist and is perfectly valid. Who here does not understand the dynamics of space travel, or quantum physics....? Me for one, but I don't discount it as myth or deride it any way.

With the advancement of communication techniques it is now possible to have a vey valid relationship, of any type, over continents that can appear just like real time......

In 1998 I advertised on a penpal network for email friends, a man in India responded, and for the ensuing year we avidly emailed to and fro, then we ventured on to cam and voice chats. Most Saturday mornings we would meet, online for a chat, sometimes our schedules allowed a several hours chat, sometimes it would be a mere half an hour. During the longer chats, we would invariably need breaks from the desk, at which point maybe one of my children would sit down and chatter. On several occasions my mother sat down and monopolised him for a few hours. He has watched my children grow from children into the young adults that they are today. Imagine how pleased we were all when he came to the UK to visit us. A long lost friend we had shared coffee with many times, meeting for the first time...... the scene at the beginning of the film, Love Actual.... picture perfect! He has now travelled to the UK several time, for buisness and pleasure and never fails to spend some time with us, and he rwill remain one of our family's dear friends. Admittedly it was not a D/s relationship, just a platonic relationship, however, it does go to show just how deep, caring and long lasting relationships are possible.

The OP speaks of trust and service issues. Does this mean that for a dominant to trust his submissive he must be will her all day and night? No, of course not. Over time a deep trust can be built in many different ways. Tasks can be set and checked. A written task? A research effort to aid the dominant in his work or pleasure perhaps, which could be termed as service I believe. Speaking of service, how many submissives are set tasks to do during the day, be it research or a written paper? This, to me, qualifies as service that my Lord really doesn't need to be present for. For me it can boil down to something as routine as bathing, when my Lord is away on one of his frequent business trips, I bathe as I would if he were here, considering it more of a diservice to him if I do not take care of myself. If my Master cannot trust me to tell the truth and honour him at all times, then surely he is no Master of mine.

Going back to the OP once more, she asks are people afraid of human relationships? I have met several people online who are afraid to commit, choosing married online doms who they meet infrequently to fulfill the punishment book. Of course some people shy away from intimate physical relationships for a variety of reasons, and if you look closely at your single friends you will probably be abled to spot a few for yourself. Sadly that is just the part of the world today. It is no longer frowned upon to be a singleton living alone and happy with that status. There are many men and women once bitten by marriage gone sour remain alone, or turn to serial monogamy, fearing the final act of commitment etc.

Ther are lots of things I don't get, like being a dom/me. I am a sub, am I supposed to 'get' it? Does it really matter that I don't 'get' it? If I could connect with it, maybe I would become a switch? Maybe I would become vanilla LOL. I know one thing for sure, if I show it derision through my ignorance it would be wrong!

Faith
:: smiles ::

< Message edited by subsfaith -- 5/23/2007 10:32:21 AM >

(in reply to MistressAinCT)

Post #: 27

RE: Online Domination..what the...? - 5/23/2007 10:34:53 AM

justheather

Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
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FR:

I dont "get" voting republican, yet millions of people partake in it and apparently feel pretty good about it.
Let's hear it for diversity!

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to subsfaith)

Post #: 28

RE: Online Domination..what the...? - 5/23/2007 11:11:13 AM

bliss1

Posts: 497
Joined: 3/14/2007
Status: offline

Since I am unable to have a real Dom at this point in my life, I now have an online Dom.
This man is someone i've known for many years and have a great deal of respect for.
He gives me the feeling (at least mentally that I can still be submissive) for he gives me tasks to do, we chat daily and he expects honesty from me (he knows me very well and is very intuitive), he will also correct me if he feels I need it (such as pushing myself to hard on a day I have told him is off for me.)

For me the online Dom is a mental life saver - for it helps me stay in touch with the submissive side of myself.

_____________________________

Witch before, during, and after my coffee.

(in reply to justheather)

Post #: 29

RE: Online Domination..what the...? - 5/23/2007 11:21:25 AM

viperess

Posts: 290
Joined: 11/6/2006
Status: offline

Greetings,
i had never even heard of on-line domination until i joined collarme and then had many try to offer it. i have since then met a couple people who are into it and i guess it works for them so who am i to judge. As for me though i could never see it happening unless say Master had to go out of town or i did for a few days, but otherwise i believe after so many years of being a slave i need/crave the touch of my Masters hand, the sound of His voice in my ear, and looking into His eyes when He wishes it. For me to submit to words on a computer screen just does not compute to me.
respectfully,

_____________________________

viperess slave of BlackTarnHeart
heart and chain sister to velvetvixen68

(in reply to bliss1)

Post #: 30

RE: Online Domination..what the...? - 5/23/2007 11:46:36 AM

yenlui

Posts: 51
Joined: 3/28/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav

Online only relationships are fantasy...and thats probably the lure. It prefer to have the "real" relationship. but thats just me....

Isn't really, if you're honest, everything about this lifestyle fantasy and illusions?

It's harder for me to understand why so many have this strong need to debate over and over again whether online-domiance is real or not and what those who do it get out of it, than the acctual questions.

If anyone offers you something you don't want, say no. Simple as that. As long as those who are in the relationship feels it's real, it is. And it's not like online relationships are hurtful to others either, is it?

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)

Post #: 31

RE: Online Domination..what the...? - 5/23/2007 11:52:09 AM

imthatacheyouhav

Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: yenlui

quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav

Online only relationships are fantasy...and thats probably the lure. It prefer to have the "real" relationship. but thats just me....

Isn't really, if you're honest, everything about this lifestyle fantasy and illusions?

It's harder for me to understand why so many have this strong need to debate over and over again whether online-domiance is real or not and what those who do it get out of it, than the acctual questions.

If anyone offers you something you don't want, say no. Simple as that. As long as those who are in the relationship feels it's real, it is. And it's not like online relationships are hurtful to others either, is it?

True enough....that was just my own personal take on it...different strokes for different folks....

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to yenlui)

Post #: 32

RE: Online Domination..what the...? - 5/23/2007 2:00:27 PM

CdnExplorer

Posts: 227
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline

I see it as kind of a stepping stone, but I might be different in that I didn't set out to look for online power exchange.

I've been involved in an online D/s relationship for nearly 3 months now. Neither of imagined this arrangement ahead of time, it just sort of came together naturally. I'm pretty new and was trying to understand what it is I need / want and She spent a lot of time talking with me, understanding where I'm coming from etc. Neither of us is really focused on the physical side aspects of this, though we'd like to have that if we could. We both care about eachother and want the other to find someone more local.

To be honest I have had some issues which created an emotional wall around me, though it really doesn't have much to do with my getting into an online relationship.I live in a lightly populated, deeply conservative area that is at least a 9 hour drive from a major city with a kink community that doesn't have to be completely hidden. There were also some issues surrounding whether or not this was something I wanted as part of my life. Online was a safe way to go through the self discovery process. She has issues, which I won't go into, that make it difficult to be socially active. Now that I know who / what I am, and the two of us have formed a connection? Wow. Her not being here doesn't lessen my submission in the slightest, since disobeying would defeat the whole point. Of course I'd rather bondage that I can't escape from during our scenes rather than self bondage, but it's a way for both of us to temporarily satisfy a need that would otherwise go unfulfilled in the meantime.

A high resolution web cam, skype and a good imagination can be a lot of fun heh.

Edit: Something I forgot to add which seems rather important. We spent an entire month chatting (quite frequently) before any idea of an online relationship began to take place, so we weren't really strangers. You'd be surprised how closely you can get to know someone without having actually met them. Obviously this kind of arrangement would only work between people who communicate really well and can be honest to a fault.

< Message edited by CdnExplorer -- 5/23/2007 2:06:50 PM >

(in reply to MistressAinCT)

Post #: 33

RE: Online Domination..what the...? - 5/23/2007 2:23:20 PM

OnlyHis

Posts: 137
Joined: 2/25/2004
Status: offline

subsfaith, This was all very well said faith. Thank you.
My relationship with Master began online and we got to know one another very well and built a wonderful foundation of trust . It was a year before i travelled to meet Master . That first visit was one of the most wonderful experiences of my life. Since then i have been with Master a number of times but i will never forget how we began. The trust i have in Master and the trust He has in me. He also trusts that when He tells me to do something that i am committed to doing it. That is the kind of trust we have built as i understand many who are or have been online have built also.

(in reply to subsfaith)

Post #: 34

RE: Online Domination..what the...? - 5/24/2007 3:37:09 PM

submaledavid30

Posts: 8
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline

There is a messenger called PalTalk there is on it alot of BDSM rooms , and You can meet there onnline subs collared to onlines Dommes/Doms . Of course there is nnothing better than a RT , but from a visual point of view , if a sub is very ehibitionist and the Domme enjoy to be voyeur , then it works quite good .
I personally serve from time to time on my cam for differentes Dommes , and i must admit its quite interessant , its a different way .
The web is giving us different possibilities , only very imaginative and flexible people are able to take good sides from RT and online .

(in reply to OnlyHis)

Post #: 35

RE: Online Domination..what the...? - 5/24/2007 7:02:50 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

I can't see an online ONLY relationship being fulfilling for myself, though I would have to say that of the couple of realtime ds relationships I've had, I connected with my Dominants online and I was, without a doubt, submissive to them before we met in real life. Carrying that a step further, I can see how people can and do develope submissive and or dominant inclinations to one another without meeting and how they can and do maintian online interactions only. There may be various and endless possible reasons why this would actually work better for some people.

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to submaledavid30)

Post #: 36

RE: Online Domination..what the...? - 5/24/2007 8:26:53 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

I don't have a need to understand. Would understanding the allure of online D/s change the way I view it? No. I can tell you that the answer is "no" because, I'm not here to judge what makes other people happy.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to MistressAinCT)

Post #: 37

RE: Online Domination..what the...? - 5/25/2007 3:28:20 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Hello Everyone,

I think that part of the key in the question of the OP is the part where she talks of the people invovled not ever intending to meet in real life. The end motive dictates a lot in my book. There are as many reasons as there are couples in the online stuff and most of them, I wouldn't take part in because of the 'reasons'. I have met many who have good intentions and do plan to meet... but that is a different end result. I don't think we can find a lot of answers for why people do what they do and most who have no intention of meeting seem to have the only motivation of playing games which aren't really a part of the real lifestyle. By real lifestyle, I don't mean one certain way of living it... but mean... taking it seriously.

For me, I have had to use the computer as a way of getting out of my own world and it's trappings. I am ill and I now care for a recently adult brain damaged UM. I am not able to get out much and when I do, I always have company! lol So I use the computer to have some human interaction of some sort. At first it was research and chats that pretained to the things I researched, but I took it to a more personal level some time back.

I have had numerous relationships of different types online. I was not into cyber anything, but chat and chat type play. I never thought I would ever find someone I wanted to have a relationship with. I just needed human interaction. When I found the lifestyle I got involved with lifestyle chats and met a lot of wonderful people. Then I found some that I had relationships of some sort with. These relationships had the same dynamics of a real life relationship, but of course were limited in area's. It took a lot of creativity and personal honor from both to make these relationships what they were and still are today. The emotions were the same as real life emotions and we didn't view them to be anything less than real life because we created a situation where our real lives were impacted just as surely they could have been in person. Either my voice or their own could be heard in typed messages. We spoke by phone so much that we could actually hear the other speaking when reading. When one or the other got firm... the other had no doubt about the firmness of the words.

The time we spent together was taken seriously and took a lot of time. We got to know each other very well. With the man that is my collared submissive, we are in the stages of working out meeting in person. That should happen in the next couple of months depending on when I can get away for a visit. After that, we shall know what we don't know now or shall I say, could question as far as the many senses two people can share with one another. That is the final step in what we both consider a healthy relationship as far as anyone can take things from a distance. Our relationship is not based on just a few things, but on discussion on every aspect of life, common ground, shared ethics etc. If he or I smell like a wild animal... kiss awful or have some other issue with the human senses... lol... we can work those out... it is the heart, the honor, the everything else that matters most between us... and the shared goal of finding a healthy relationship that is real life.

I think things are what you make them. I would never want to discount an online start or anything else, because I don't care much for limitations period! lol To each his/her own... what works for some might not work for others. There are limitations to online, just as there are to real life. If we are not in the presence of another 24/7, there is room for things we cannot control or know of. It is honor that makes a difference I think.

Lockit

(in reply to spanklette)

Post #: 38

RE: Online Domination..what the...? - 5/25/2007 8:41:24 PM

Arastella

Posts: 262
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline

IMO, I think its just a way for someone to get their rocks off and know there's no commitment involved if they don't want it.

(in reply to MistressAinCT)

Post #: 39

RE: Online Domination..what the...? - 5/29/2007 3:36:55 PM

reallygoodgirl

Posts: 5
Joined: 5/29/2007
Status: offline

I am in an online relationship right now and it's working for me. We do plan to meet as soon as we can, but we live pretty far apart right now so it will take some time for that to happen. If we were nearer each other, we probably would have met for real after about two weeks online. I never thought I could have real feelings for someone online, but now I know it can happen, because it has happened to me.

Of course, domination in person will be no comparison to domination online, which is awesome because even the level to which he can dominate me online is better than I could imagine. It seems to me that it would be pretty hard to punish someone online, and the only way I think he could punish me (he hasn't really had to - I'm pretty good) is by not chatting with me or emailing me.

At first, I didn't know if I could continue to have an online relationship because I just really wanted person to person contact right away, but now I feel pretty comfortable with it. I think it's a great way to get to know someone without jumping into the physical aspects of D/s. When we do finally become 3d, I think we'll know each other so well mentally that our relationship will be even stronger for it.

(in reply to Arastella)

Post #: 40

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