MrKite
Posts: 94
Joined: 3/11/2005
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I’ve seen and heard a number of stories about first meetings that haven’t turned out well. Then there is the perpetual question about trust when first meeting. Ronald Reagan summed it up when he said, “Trust but verify”. So here, I’m going to tell you specifically, with step-by-step instructions how to do that.
The “Silent Alarm” is targeted towards the safety of women but guys and Dom\mes , I suggest that all parties use this method. Going into a first or even second meeting with a certain degree of safety makes the whole process a lot easier. I will write this to its intended target audience but like I said, everyone should use this method.
Setting up a Silent Alarm.
So you’ve been chatting with a Dom online for a few weeks and maybe even talking on the phone. He’s been suggesting getting together to meet face to face and while you’ve been hesitant, maybe apprehensive, you’re also a bit excited at the prospect of advancing a relationship. Persuasive and charming, he finally convinces you to give in and meet him.
This is the first best chance to find out if he’s as trust worthy as he says he is.
1. Tell him you want to setup a silent alarm. If he knows what this is he should agree to it right away. That’s a good sign that he can be trusted. If he doesn’t know what it is, go to step 2.
2. You tell him that you agree to meet in a public and at least somewhat crowded environment. This could be a busy coffee house, restaurant, or mall. It should be fairly well lit. Stay away from dark steamy bars. As a matter of fact it’s best to leave alcohol out of the picture entirely.
3. You agree on a time limit for the meeting. That could be any thing from 15 minutes to a few hours. Not much longer than that.
4. You call a friend. Tell that friend that you are meeting a stranger and you are setting up this safety net. Tell him or her that on the appointed day and time, that you will call them and give them the name of the person with whom you are meeting along with license number and SS # and the location where you will be. If you do not call you friend back at the at the end of you meeting (the time limit) to say that you are home safe, then you friend is instructed to call the police and explain the situation.
5. Upon first meting and making introductions he is to present his drivers license to you, where upon you will copy all the pertinent information including license number and social security number.
6. You will make a call to you friend in waiting and pass all that information along so that he or she will have it at hand.
7. You stay in the location that you agreed to meet at until the designated time limit is up then you go home.
8. You call you friend and tell them that you are home safe.
This is all part of safe meeting negotiations and you should tell the person you are about to meet with all about your silent alarm. Don’t keep it as a secret or a surprise. Be honest and up front about the whole deal. Stick to the plan. Wait, you didn’t hear me. STICK TO THE PLAN. If you move from the original meeting place, you friend won’t know where to look for you. If you linger past the end time the police might come looking for you. Did I say stick to the plan?
WHAT IF?
What if, he asks you to stay a while longer. Go home at the appointed time. Hey you might hit it off right away, and want the meeting to go on and on. Look, you can always meet again and probably will.
What if, He balks at this idea and says you don’t need to go through all that trouble. RED FLAG. You should be asking yourself, what’s he hiding? Stay home, stay online and find out.
What if, You get there say hello and he refuses to show you his ID. Turn around and walk away. Make sure that somebody sees you leave. Say goodnight to a waiter, Say to the host at the door “ My name is Jane Doe its 7:30 and I’m leaving, what ever it takes let somebody know. These days you probably have a cell phone, call your friend.
What if, He suggests you go someplace else, some thing quiet, secluded? Sounds romantic but stay put.
What if, the worst happens and he starts to drag you away. Drop that paper that you copied his information on, so somebody can find it. Scream and kick, and scratch. Odds are if he agreed to all this in the first place, this won’t happen.
It doesn’t seem romantic at all and its not supposed to be but it only takes a few minutes to get business out of the way and start enjoying your date. You will be more relaxed and enjoy your time more know that you have a safety mechanism in place.
TIPS:
A short appointment give you a quick out your date turns out to be a jerk. Don’t plan more than a few hours at the most.
Go to the bathroom half way through you meeting and call you friend to give them an update. They will worry less and you’ll feel better.
No drugs or alcohol. Make it a soft drink night. Keep your wits about you.
If you feel uncomfortable about anything at any time, go home. Trust you feelings. If there is a problem you can talk about it online from the safety of you own home at a later time.
If you don’t have a friend that you can use, (maybe they don’t understand BDSM) contact a local group in you area. There will always be somebody there that will be willing to do this for you. If for some reason you can’t do that I’m willing to bet that some of us here on Collarme would be willing to act as your silent alarm.
Oh and by the way, if I haven’t said this already. Stick to the plan.
Have fun, be safe.
_____________________________
If it feels good, do it.
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How to have a safe 1st meeting - 
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