RE: Abusive Master or stubborn pet?

RE: Abusive Master or stubborn pet? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master

Message

Masque66 -> RE: Abusive Master or stubborn pet? (5/24/2007 6:44:16 PM)
I'm wondering what online fiction he read where behavior like that was considered acceptable for a new sub. I'd like to know exactly what ropes he planned to show you. Also, Faramir I agree that the natures of Doms are as complex as people. But it's not hard to lump bad dom into one corner. They all seem to have common threads.

soultoshare -> RE: Abusive Master or stubborn pet? (5/25/2007 4:57:34 AM)
[sm=hair.gif] RUN!!! RUN!!! RUN!!!! I was given this advice earlier.....i'm just passing it on......works here also! m

MistressNoName -> RE: Abusive Master or stubborn pet? (5/25/2007 5:11:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: straponwings That's exactly what he keeps talking about! He doesn't even care who! He just... wants to grab somebody! I tried to talk about it with him today and he said that he was a "training" dom and that it was my place to do as he told me, whether I want to or not. How do I politely tell him that I don't want to continue this? I think... we're expecting two different things. I want to explore the lifestyle and he wants to "teach" me the sex. I don't think you have to worry about being polite. I don't think he is expending that much energy on your sensitivities. Not that you should be purposely rude or aggressive, just don't worry about how he perceives your behavior. I like LA's line. It's brief and to the point. I do hope, though, that you haven't given this fellow your address. Be safe, not sorry. MNN

slaveish -> RE: Abusive Master or stubborn pet? (5/25/2007 5:33:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin quote: ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion Do you honestly think this guy was interested in tea service? LOL....well he probably did want to see if she could soak his bag. Omg. HeheheheheHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Perhaps he wanted her to serve him tea at the Y. Now, to the OP, you did the proper thing. You recognized a possible problem and handled it as a mature thinking adult. Good job.

slaveish -> RE: Abusive Master or stubborn pet? (5/25/2007 5:39:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: straponwings he said that he was a "training" dom and that it was my place to do as he told me, whether I want to or not. How do I politely tell him that I don't want to continue this? After "learning the ropes" from you, I have discoverd that I am a Domme. My most favorite activity is CBT. Would you come over and help me practice?

LadyCatie -> RE: Abusive Master or stubborn pet? (5/25/2007 6:58:20 AM)
When I discovered the Lifestyle, I immediately identified with the Dominant side of things. However, my Mentor (who was also My trainer in almost all things) insisted that I do a turn as a submissive. I have been a sub and a slave and and thankful I had the experience. It has allowed Me to understand the needs of those I own or contract better. I am the third type of Dominant described by Raven. I definitely have needs and desires, but so does My property. I think, straponwings, that slaveish nailed it on the head - duuuuude needs a turn as the submissive. And a little cbt. Maybe then he'd have a better respect for your position and needs. Ultimately communication is the best thing. If he's not willing to do that, then he's not the right material for a Dom. But I also agree that the dog needs kicked in the hind end right out through your door. If he starts to display stalker behaviour, call the police. Immediately. Just My two cents. Lady Catie

WhiplashSmile -> RE: Abusive Master or stubborn pet? (5/25/2007 12:03:25 PM)
Sounds likes sharing and threesomes were not talked about ahead of time. Any good Dom worth their salt should have taken time to find out what your limits were a head of time. Does not sound like this was ever talked about between you two. I get the impression he talked to his buddy about this before talking to you. It should have been the other way around first. There is a difference between being abusive and being stupid or ignorant. I can't cast a judgement call on this one. I don't know the dude. However, it's clear he's not in reality in WTF he's doing. It's not realistic to expect a submissive you have been playing with to jump up and do any damn thing one expects. There's a difference between having a play partner and being involved in a 24/7 relationship. In either case a Dom/Master should know what the limits of the sub/slave ahead of time. I have no idea if being shared or if threesomes are a hard or soft limit in your mindset. In either case, just a month of time together it's not realistic to attempt to test/push any limits. Again, I don't think his mindset is in reality for whatever reasons. You and him should be playing with activities that both you guys are comfortable with right now. Working on building trust and communication and understanding.. Blah.... what an idiot if you ask me..

MellowSir -> RE: Abusive Master or stubborn pet? (5/25/2007 12:36:24 PM)
That was failure to communicate on his part, some are poly some are not. His friends aren't yours yet when you've hardly known him that long. At a guess I'd say he's a swinger not a lifestyle dom, perhaps thinking he can command better than persuade a woman to swing with him? You were in the right to refuse. Let's not confuse sex with dominance.....

OsideGirl -> RE: Abusive Master or stubborn pet? (5/25/2007 3:13:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: straponwings How do I politely tell him that I don't want to continue this? "This isn't working for me and I've decided to end this. I'd appreciate it if you didn't contact me again. Goodbye <click>"

celticlord2112 -> RE: Abusive Master or stubborn pet? (5/25/2007 4:34:06 PM)
You were not wrong...there is no disrespect in the submissive articulating that she is uncomfortable with a particular scene...especially a shared sex scene. If you were not ready for such a scene, you were not ready. "No" remains the ultimate safe word, and there are times when its use is appropriate. Anyone who cannot grasp the concept of "No" is most assuredly no dominant. quote: ORIGINAL: straponwings I'm new to the scene and have recently found a dom that's offered to show me the "ropes" as it were. In the beginning, I thought it was awesome, but the more I'm learning, the less I realize that he knows. Today, he was suppose to come visit and said that he wanted to bring a friend for me to "entertain". I've only even known -him- for about a month and I told him I really wasn't comfortable with "favoring" strangers, even if they are his friends at this point. His response was that it wasn't a matter of my comfort and so I told him no and I think he changed his mind about coming over because of my response. Who, if anyone, was in the wrong here? I accept criticism, but please don't be rude if you think I am.

DominaSmartass -> RE: Abusive Master or stubborn pet? (5/25/2007 9:24:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit You are new to the lifestyle and this person knew that. Showing you the ropes... yes he did... he showed you what a jerk some people can be in the lifestyle (or anywhere else). He was not acting like a man with your best interest at heart. I don't care what he was doing... right or wrong... in my book he was wrong to take a new lifestyler, act as if he was being kind to show her the ropes and abused the power of the Dom nic (in his case) and then subject her to exactly what he should have been protecting her from! Lockit Hmm...is it any wonder they go around slapping collars of protection on people? I sure wish it were easier to tell which collars of protection are authentic vs. the ones where they are only giving you the collar of protection in order to take advantage of you. Why does it all have to be so complicated?

ennaozzie -> RE: Abusive Master or stubborn pet? (5/26/2007 1:58:16 AM)
I am so proud of the girls/boys answers on this thread, could not have said better what needed to be said than the answers here. Straponwings - I hope you got a better understanding of things with the answers here, and i wish you all the best in your journey. beanie

straponwings -> RE: Abusive Master or stubborn pet? (5/26/2007 2:50:05 AM)
Yes, I really wanted to thank everyone for all the advice they've given me! If it weren't for it, I probably would have continued letting the "Dom" do as he wanted, assuming that it was alright, when it really isn't. I'm grateful that I found this site when I did, or else I might have been in a lot of trouble!

WillowRain -> RE: Abusive Master or stubborn pet? (5/27/2007 10:05:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion Do you honestly think this guy was interested in tea service? No, from what she said it sounded like sexual service, but the post was me playing devil's advocate and asking for clarification. :)

azzmaster -> RE: Abusive Master or stubborn pet? (5/28/2007 2:38:33 AM)
to some extent he's right and its not about ur comfort. thats if u accept hom as ur master. it sounds like he is taking advantage of ur newness, plenty of doms will show u the ropes. make sure u trust him or there is no joy in submitting

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Abusive Master or stubborn pet? (5/28/2007 7:20:20 AM)
had a similar situation with one of my formers who thought it was fun to "entertain" his friends for the evening but he wasn't going to be in the room with me. i didn't like the idea of him not being there to make sure i was safe and immediately cancelled. you did the right thing. who knows what that dom and/or his friend had planned for you especially (from what i gather in your opening post) since it was going to happen at your place. it is about your comfort as well as safety.

angelic -> RE: Abusive Master or stubborn pet? (5/28/2007 7:45:41 AM)
Maybe it is my age, but frankly i say screw the politeness and simply say "fuck off wanker"... then walk and never look back.

Kinkypupper -> RE: Abusive Master or stubborn pet? (5/29/2007 6:49:44 PM)
Most of that answer really depends on the relationship the two of you have.

MzMia -> RE: Abusive Master or stubborn pet? (5/29/2007 9:23:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion Do you honestly think this guy was interested in tea service? ROFL, of course Passion. He wanted her to serve tea and sandwiches. She would be in the sandwich.

meticulousgirl -> RE: Abusive Master or stubborn pet? (5/30/2007 6:52:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire After only a month, it is definately within your right to tel him something isnt comfortable. If he cannot accept that, then you are better off without his visit. Honestly, when you are stil working out the dynamic in the relationship, assuming that everything you want wil be just fine with your new partner is absurd. If you cant be an adult about being told no, then you shouldnt be a Dom. Not every activity goes oever well with ever sub. Cookie cuttermolds of what you MUST have with a sub just sets you up for disappointment when someone doesnt fit your mold. You were not wrong. If it dosnt make you comfortable, especialy early on, the it just doesnt happen. In a good relationship, even later on if something doesnt sit well it should still be within someones rights to say so. But thats just my opinion. DV I have to agree with DV and what she said. Your not going to be comfortable with everything that happens. Limits are suppose to be pushed within reason of course but asking that of you when he knew before hand that it was a hard limit doesn't really say much for this guy in my opinion. There are things that still freak me out after being with the same Dom for four years now. There are still times when I will say no to something, or stop to something and pray at the same time He doesn't find it disrespectful but mine is typically very understanding if the stop or no is within reason. Those who have said it is a two way street are right, dead on infact and you especially being new and only being with this guy for a short time have reason to say no or stop. If you want to take it slow, if there are things you just dont want to do you are more than entitled to those feelings. To me serving someone else sexually is a bit extreme in the beginning. Four years after I first began I may fantasize about it but I'm not sure how I would react if it ever actually happened. My advice to you is to take some time out and figure out what your hard limits are, write them down as they come to you, and along with that on a seperate piece of paper write down what you are willing to have pushed a little at a time. Submission isn't easy for everyone and finding the right One for you will take some time. My advice is to write those two lists out and respectfully give them to Him and see what He does or says. If he cant accept it, then he's not respecting you and you need to walk away before you get hurt maybe not physically but emotionally. If he wants to sit down and discuss the limits with you that is more than normal. If I had a sub bring a list to me like that I would want to know the reasoning behind the limits so that I could better understand however I would not push them unless I later on found out that those things or something similar had become an interest which can eventually happen trust me on that one. I wish you the best, good luck but dont accept something that you are just not comfortable with at all at this stage it could damage you emotionally and the effects will take a long time to get past, if He cant respect you, then you need to respectfully get out because it's not worth the hurt it will eventually cause.

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125