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RE: sad today... - 5/25/2007 9:46:57 AM   
NakedGirlScout


Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		You know what, I have just realized that these bizarre problems are stemming from a mood disorder that he's got. Christ, that explains a LOT, probably explains everything. The paranoia, the sudden irrational switches of perspective, the lengthy inexplicable rages triggered by trivial things, and the contrasting bouts of severe self-doubt and depression following the rages.

I should say to anyone who's thought all I do is "whine" is that on the GOOD days he is an absolute pleasure to be around, and that I don't bother writing long posts about the good days since I am perfectly content. The GOOD days last for about a month or two at a time, which is just long enough to feel relieved and start to believe that the problems are over. It's just that the BAD days (which have lasted around 1 week at a stretch) are so frightening and honestly so bizarre, the personality changes in him are stunning. Now that explains why I tend to post several times in short succession about a lot of different problems, because this is in reality the way it is happening. Imagine your partner switching from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde like this through no fault of his own, and you'll know it's both hard to cope and hard to give up on the person... because you see who they are apart from the disorder and love them for it.

If any of you have been in relationships (or possibly yourself) with people who have mood disorders, you will know why I am reaching out and practically grasping at straws. Hopefully have a little compassion or just ignore me if my posting irritates you. Thank you to the lovely people who have been so supportive and held my hand through this latest descent into hell. My Master has just snapped out of it today around lunchtime and is incredibly confused, paralyzed by guilt, terrified of himself and emotionally exhausted. He needs medical help.

(in reply to stoicism99)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: sad today... - 5/25/2007 9:51:30 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Are you sure it's a mood disorder and not a personality disorder?  Some personality disorders also have paranoia has descriptors.  Has he been dx by a psychiatrist?

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: sad today... - 5/25/2007 10:40:26 AM   
NakedGirlScout


Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		Yes Katy... thank you for asking... many years ago he was dx'd with clinical depression with these same symptoms, apparently, was successfully treated with depression meds and treatment discontinued, and it seems to have returned with exactly the same symptoms. Of course I didn't know him then so this went completely over my head, I knew what he'd told me but it didn't spring to mind as it should have... and it was never an issue in the first year I knew him... as I saw him come out of that state today and the way he sort of fell on the floor gasping in emotional pain from it, seeing how he'd hurt me and wanting to die... that triggered my memory of other people I know with this same kind of "irritable" depression. That's when I had the "OH!" moment. Any kind of mood/mental disorder also has the well-known effect of making the people around that person doubt their own sanity as they try to cope with the disordered person as if they were thinking clearly, and naturally failing. Which is exactly how it has been affecting me. God I thought I would lose my mind because no matter how much I've posted shit, those were only the highlights, the actual shit that's been happening has been far more than anybody knows and made just as little sense to anyone. Anyone who's lived with this sort of disorder knows too well what I mean.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: sad today... - 5/25/2007 10:51:18 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Relapse in depression is common.  Is he agreeable to seeing a doctor for his symptoms?

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: sad today... - 5/25/2007 11:17:12 AM   
NakedGirlScout


Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		Yes I don't think either of us had any clue why this was happening... as the person "inside" the irritable depression is certain that "everybody else is upsetting them" and only realizes differently when their reaction becomes so severe that it stops making sense even to themselves... like when inanimate objects start to become enemies!

Yes he'd be only too happy to see anyone, a doctor, a shaman, a quack for that matter to stop this from  happening. It hurts him so badly too and he knows it's hurting me and it kills him inside.

The problem being that we're still in the midst of immigration proceedings which means that my health insurance refuses to cover him... as his does from where he moved also. This is going to either be very costly or very complicated, or perhaps both 

Thank you to all the people who have held out their hand and helped me even just by talking to me even if they had no advice. Something like this can make you feel so horribly cut off from everyone you know, and at certain times it feels safer to confide in total strangers than to risk telling close friends and family that your loved one is behaving badly, especially if you don't know why because someone's going to come out swinging at the person out of trying to protect you. I'm really grateful to all of you for it.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: sad today... - 5/25/2007 11:19:12 AM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline 		I'm going to attempt to post a few thoughts here, they may or may not apply... just food for thought.

quote:


...told to do whatever I want he doesn't give a shit anymore and won't be held responsible.

Sounds like he's looking for a bit of a break from the responsibilities of the D/s or M/s aspects.

TPE M/s relationships are more involved compared to many D/s PPE relationships.  The higher the level of power exchange the more responsibility is placed on the Master/Dom to make the relationship work.  Accountability.   At times people need a break from all the responsibilities of life and want to kick back and enjoy life.

This is why us guys, will go off with our buddies.. go fishing out on a boat or other things.  To take a time out and a break away from all the responsibilities.  Along with responsibility comes accountability and pressure at times.

There moments when we literally feel the weight of the world upon our shoulders, because we are ultimately/literally responsible for everything in the relationship.   At times we simply feel the need for a "vacation" or a break from it.

This is an aspect that perhaps does not get brought to light on the boards much.   About simply taking a break from the M/s aspects for a bit for say a week or so, them resuming it for a couple of months.   M/s TPE relationships are perhaps the most diffifcult to sustain over prolong periods of time.

It's obvious that he has phases he goes through, perhaps he is having issues or problems that he feels he needs to face alone.  Perhaps though he simply is longing for a break or for a bit of a "vacation".   He may or may not be having a real mental problems, other then the fact he's feeling burned out from playing Master for a couple of months on end.

I'm certain anybody who's been in a D/s or M/s with TPE or high levels of power exchanged knows what I'm talking about.  It's not uncommon for people to take a break.   You can simply lower the levels of the power exchange or Drop into a Vanilla mode for a week or two.    You might need to do this when he's going through his phases. 

If you are trying to force or expect M/s on him, when he simply wants a break or vacation from it... this could be the reason why he bit your head off with what he said to you.

Doing M/s TPE 24/7 all year long is rather difficult.   Master/Slave TPE relationship are difficult to sustain for prolonged period of times.  

Just remember the higher the level of power exchanged, the more difficult it is to sustain without breaks for prolong periods of time.

The aspect of taking breaks or vacations away from M/s or D/s, is something that gets over looked.   Domly Masters start to become resentful at sub/slaves expecting it... when we really just need a break for a bit.  To recharge.

Some people take breaks from the D/s or M/s dynamics when major life stress events happen.  Death in family, Loss of close friends, Changes in job and other things.   It's takes the pressures off the Master/Dom for a bit.   People need to be in the correct headspaces to sustain the M/s dyanamics.   Too much responsibility at times can be a bad thing...

Just because you take a break from the M/s aspects for a week or two, every couple of months does not mean your M/s or D/s relationship is weak.   Actually, it will help strengthen it in the long run.

Hope this perhaps helps,  this is my reaction to your post based on my own experience and the experiences of people I know in the lifestyle.

You've heard the phrase "Chill out" before... you might need to "Vanilla out"..  just for a small period of time.  Just reduce the power exchange levels for awhile.

It should be clear to both parties when these breaks occur.   It can be for a couple of days or a week or two.  All depends upon how much time your Dom/Master needs to recharge.
 


(in reply to NakedGirlScout)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: sad today... - 5/25/2007 2:05:15 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		I have a mood disorder (Im Bipoler) and I can be the first to tell you that you dont get cured by drugs, they only work while you are on them. So even if you are feeling great and wonderfull that doesnt mean treatment should stop in there lies the mistake he made. I do hope that he is going to seek the help he needs he will feel better and so will you, he will be safer to be around and he will feel better (and if Im not mistaken you have unmentionables around and they have to be beeing affected by these mood swings of his) So it isnt just for him but dor the people who his moods effect.

If you want to talk I know a lot on this subject and Im sure I can be of some help and support through this you can contact me on the other side.

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: sad today... - 5/25/2007 5:49:52 PM   
Faramir


Posts: 1043
Joined: 2/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKitty
Perhaps you misunderstood. Doesn't sound like the guy she's with is feminized, seems like an average guy to me who isn't interested in doing the whole "let's talk" routine.

Maybe you should freshen up your mind, reading a book won't hurt - I promise :)


Mr. Kitty, thank you for your reply.  Also, thank you for the long letter you sent me about how I am prolly oversensitive because I pump iron with other homos and effeminate pinheads like myself.  Also, thank you for the very nice photshopped picture you sent me, showing that I have a tiny penis and need to hire hookers who then laugh at me.  It looks like you spent a lot of time working on both, and that lets me know what I wrote really hit home with you.

The fact remains though that your comments about men are feminized, and women are emotional parasites for wanting to communicate reveals a deep misogyny that is rooted in fear.  Men who bitch and complain about how feminized the world has become, how men are being feminized, how feminists are runining things clearly are terrfiied of the feminine. 

Normal adult males aren't threatened by the social and political autonomy women have in the post-modern era.  We could say of your complaining about women: "The lady doth protest too much, methinks."

Again though, thanks for the long letter about how I'm just an ignorant homo who pumps iron to help my low self-esteem, and especially for the photoshopped picture.  I forwarded it to a couple folks here on the boards and we all found it humorous.

_____________________________

True masters, true subs and slaves, X many years in the lifestyle, Old Guard this and High Protocol that--it's like a convention of D&D nerds were allowed to have sex once, and they decided to make a religion out of it.

(in reply to SirKitty)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: sad today... - 5/25/2007 6:00:12 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Wow, I know it's against tos to forward email, but I'm dying to see what SirPussy sent you!

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Faramir)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: sad today... - 5/25/2007 6:48:57 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Dangit I don't want to be left out of the humor part either, a Board Famous Know it All Clique Leader needs to be in the loop on these things, you know!

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: sad today... - 5/25/2007 9:40:49 PM   
minnetar


Posts: 1272
Joined: 4/11/2007
Status: offline 		NGS,
glad that you found the root of the problem.  Now hopefully, He can start on meds to handle it.

minnetar

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: sad today... - 5/26/2007 8:40:23 AM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NakedGirlScout

You know what, I have just realized that these bizarre problems are stemming from a mood disorder that he's got. Christ, that explains a LOT, probably explains everything. The paranoia, the sudden irrational switches of perspective, the lengthy inexplicable rages triggered by trivial things, and the contrasting bouts of severe self-doubt and depression following the rages.

I should say to anyone who's thought all I do is "whine" is that on the GOOD days he is an absolute pleasure to be around, and that I don't bother writing long posts about the good days since I am perfectly content. The GOOD days last for about a month or two at a time, which is just long enough to feel relieved and start to believe that the problems are over. It's just that the BAD days (which have lasted around 1 week at a stretch) are so frightening and honestly so bizarre, the personality changes in him are stunning. Now that explains why I tend to post several times in short succession about a lot of different problems, because this is in reality the way it is happening. Imagine your partner switching from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde like this through no fault of his own, and you'll know it's both hard to cope and hard to give up on the person... because you see who they are apart from the disorder and love them for it.

If any of you have been in relationships (or possibly yourself) with people who have mood disorders, you will know why I am reaching out and practically grasping at straws. Hopefully have a little compassion or just ignore me if my posting irritates you. Thank you to the lovely people who have been so supportive and held my hand through this latest descent into hell. My Master has just snapped out of it today around lunchtime and is incredibly confused, paralyzed by guilt, terrified of himself and emotionally exhausted. He needs medical help.


This is a VERY mixed up relationship if you haven't always been acutely aware of a "mood disorder"  And aren't able to openly talk about it with him before hitting up a message board. interesting.

edited cause I wanted to edit.

< Message edited by earthycouple -- 5/26/2007 8:42:47 AM >

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: sad today... - 5/26/2007 6:39:57 PM   
Owned1


Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline 		There are some clinics in and around Toronto which cater to those who do not yet have OHIP.  That will help in the first step of getting better, the meds will be expensive, however you can ask the pharmacy to provide you with the generic meds as well do not think you have to take the entire prescription at once, you can pick up the meds week by week, however you will need to pay the dispensing cost each week.  However that may help in being able to get the meds He needs.

Owned



_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: sad today... - 5/27/2007 7:09:23 AM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		i don't know where you are from but in most areas they have clinics with a sliding scale fee.  Maybe you can see if you have one in your area.  Psych meds can be VERY expensive - depending on which one.  my daughter is off my insurance so i pay out of pocket for her meds.  She gets the generic of Prozac and its affordable.  Wellbutrin - which i am thankful shes off of was very costly - she suffers from depression he may not have depression he may be bi polar or just need a mood stabilizer. i know i have seen commercials regarding help with geting meds you cannot aford - Montel Williams has something to do with it as i see it when i watch his show - he is in the commercial if i remember correctly - Good luck to you - at least now you have a base to work from and know which direction to go for  help - don't get discouraged if the first meds tried don't work - sometimes it takes a lot of trial and error to find the corect one.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: sad today... - 5/27/2007 10:03:11 AM   
Kirata


Posts: 15477
Joined: 2/11/2006
From: USA
Status: offline 		Greetings girl,
 
Granted you now have a Dx that seems to "explain" his behavior. But on the other hand, he doesn't live in a vacuum. Your behavior is involved. I've been with females who have managed to make me wonder if I had a "mood disorder" too.
 
quote:

"I don't know what to do to please my Master anymore... nothing is working... he seems happiest if I don't interact with him, don't talk, don't do anything and am out of the way.  He refuses to tell me what he wants of me and gets angry when I ask"
Excuse me, but a girl who really wants to please a man has an endless supply of information at her fingertips. All she has to do is watch and listen.
 
A girl who wants to be controlled is another matter. Honestly, you'd think she was freaking blind and deaf. You have to tell her everything. And if you don't, she asks. And if you don't word it with legal precision, you end up getting something you didn't want with the old "you told me to" excuse. When you start to feel like you want to strangle her, she weeps that she is "only trying to please". Finally, you tell her to stop asking questions and leave you alone while you try to figure out who's nuts.
 
When he says, "he doesn't give a shit anymore and won't be held responsible," it's clear that he is somehow ending up feeling responsible for everything you do. Are you so desperate for control that you can't function without him telling you what to do even with your spare time? Are you trying to make him responsible for living your life for you?
 
It seems a legitimate question, because when he does tell you what he wants, he wants to be left alone, you could please him by doing that, but instead you complain! Isn't that what you asked for, to be told what he wants?
 
That just wasn't what you wanted to hear, that's all. I don't think you really care what he wants. I think you care about what you want, and you're making him feel guilty for not giving it to you. Instead of having a slave who happily serves his needs, it sounds to me like he's being "held responsibile" for serving yours.
 
I'm not saying he doesn't have a problem. I'm just saying maybe you're part of it, eh?

IWYW,
 
Kirata
 

< Message edited by Kirata -- 5/27/2007 10:57:32 AM >

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: sad today... - 5/27/2007 11:24:55 AM   
NakedGirlScout


Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple


This is a VERY mixed up relationship if you haven't always been acutely aware of a "mood disorder"  And aren't able to openly talk about it with him before hitting up a message board. interesting.



He had not shown symptoms of a mood disorder until recently. Mood disorders can come and go for unknown reasons and varying lengths of time. I know there's no reason for you to read every post I ever made, but that's something I already said. Honey, if a person is in the depths of a depression or any other mood or mental disorder, you cannot talk to them. You can talk at them till you turn blue, but their disorder, by its very nature, prevents them from processing the information and responding to you rationally. Just think about it for a moment and you'll see why that is. You have to get the disorder under some kind of minimal control before the afflicted person even realizes they have anything going on with them. God help you if you ever have a family member who develops one of these disorders or God forbid something worse like Alzheimers or dementia... I pray nobody tells you that you're mixed up and that you ought to have fruitless heartbreaking discussions with the patient instead of asking others for help or taking them to a doctor (not that I didn't have those heartbreaking and nonsensical-response discussions which only made everything worse). I'm answering that particular quote not to pick on you but because you happened to hit upon such a common misconception among the general population, that someone with a mental/mood disorder can be talked out of it-- I wish!


umm ok... on a totally different tangent, I am floored by the number of people who privately wrote to me expressing their feelings about their own lives with a husband, wife, parent, child or sibling with a similar problem. I didn't plan it this way on purpose, but it turned out to be helpful for lots of people that I started posting at a point before it became apparent what the real problem was, and kind of chronicled our coming to the realization and to terms with it in real-time instead of in hindsight. As a little update, Master has begun on his own to learn to recognize the early stages of one of these depressive mood swings as they begin. He is begining to cognitively recognize that a feeling of impending rage does not mean that outside forces have conspired to upset him, but that his own body chemistry is out of balance and is creating a false emotion not based on stimuli around him. I am so very proud of him... it took me years and years to recognize my own anxiety episodes in the same way! I will be following up with the extremely helpful people who have any information on free clinics and other practical advice. Again you all have been so extremely wonderful and brought tears to my eyes with your kindness. It makes me wonder how long, if ever, it would have taken me to realize the real problem if I didn't have a place to pour out my mixed-up feelings and get some feedback... even the bad, wrong, or downright mocking feedback still gave me more ideas than doing nothing would have, so I thank you even for the small number of cryptic, nasty or cutting remarks and for any response whatsoever. Things appear to be getting a lot better and I have real hope.

(in reply to earthycouple)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: sad today... - 5/31/2007 3:27:38 PM   
BeautySleeping


Posts: 14
Joined: 5/25/2007
Status: offline 		I for one applaud your courage for coming onto a forum that should be at the very least empathetic to someone who is hurting and is seeking help in the way of advice.....to the rest of those who feel a snotty or judgmental reply is somehow cute to write a smart ass comment to someone who is obviously hurting and did nothing more than come to this forum looking for advice....screw them.  The number of "posts" someone  has under their leather studded belts does not in any way grant them the title of Mistress of CM forum...dispite their visions of grandeur.

I hope everything works out for the best for you.....good luck to you both

*hugs*

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: sad today... - 6/1/2007 9:40:57 AM   
Arastella


Posts: 262
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline 		Hun this looks to me like he has some problems of his own that he isn't talking to you about.  In my case, I'd try talking with him, and if that didn't work and he refused to open up to me, then I'd say goodbye.  These relationships, much more than vanilla relationships, require communication.  He is communicating NOTHING to you, therefore he isn't holding up his end of the deal.  I'd try asking him what's bothering him and respectfully commenting that you two both need to be able to communicate in order for this to work.  If he doesn't budge, and I know this may not be what you want to hear, you may just have to end it, cause that isn't healthy.

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: sad today... - 6/1/2007 9:50:12 AM   
Arastella


Posts: 262
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

I'm sorry you're feeling sad. I didn't know what to write to this topic but then something stuck in my mind. His reaction when you said you wanted to find alterernative things to do of an evening. If he was really uninterested in you, would he react that way? If he was really uninterested it would seem to me that he would have just happily said "hey yeah great idea go for it" just to get you outa his space. Like others, i think there is more going on ..and it needs to be addressed by both of you.
Good point.  At first reading that sentence, I would've gotten seriously hurt and debated saying goodbye.  But you made a really good point.

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: sad today... - 6/1/2007 10:00:56 AM   
Arastella


Posts: 262
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKitty

Sounds like he's being a man. Not meaning to offend anyone, most men have become very feminized. Once upon a time men carried their own problems inside until they figured them out. Nowadays most men love to do the entire female excessive emotional exchange that I call the "Organ sniffing"  ritual. (i.e. sharing all sorts of intimately personal information that's realy no one's business except the people it actually effects).

Leave him alone. Stop being such an emotional parasite. Do your own time. Maybe, he's discovered that he doesn't need this master/slave crutch anymore. Maybe he's got a toothache. who knows. Don't you have a book you've been meaning to read? Must he constantly entertain you? Maybe you should get a 2nd job.



She was asking for advice, not a sarcastic, insulting response.  Though I'm sure NO ONE appreciates writing on here genuinely looking for advice, and being bashed in the head for it.  Poor thing, I feel sorry for her, you aren't the first.

NGS - Props to you.  Hope you can work out those issues, I've been in your shoes.

(in reply to SirKitty)
Profile   Post #: 60
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