Hardness - is it optional (Full Version)

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PoeticPrincess -> Hardness - is it optional (5/24/2007 5:28:01 AM)

I quitted a four year affair with a married man who had phenomenal powers in bed, but who lied and let me down. I sacked him, regretfully cos honesty was part of the deal. I have now met a Dom who to all intents and purposes is the ideal man for me. Witty, clever, single, together. We talked for six months before we met, and when we did we clicked. We have slept together three times, and so far he has been unable to obtain an erection, and when he finally did, it felt oddly soft even inside me. Am I being shallow? I faked it but it didnt really feel good. He tried to make up for it, but the scene was spoiled when he told me I was frigid because I wanted to draw my legs together as I came... and he wanted them open.  I miss my hardman - we would have sex for four to five hours and he was hard for most of that time...sob. Any views would be welcome!



mistoferin -> RE: Hardness - is it optional (5/24/2007 5:50:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PoeticPrincess

I quitted a four year affair with a married man who had phenomenal powers in bed, but who lied and let me down. I sacked him, regretfully cos honesty was part of the deal. I have now met a Dom who to all intents and purposes is the ideal man for me. Witty, clever, single, together. We talked for six months before we met, and when we did we clicked. We have slept together three times, and so far he has been unable to obtain an erection, and when he finally did, it felt oddly soft even inside me. Am I being shallow? I faked it but it didnt really feel good. He tried to make up for it, but the scene was spoiled when he told me I was frigid because I wanted to draw my legs together as I came... and he wanted them open.  I miss my hardman - we would have sex for four to five hours and he was hard for most of that time...sob. Any views would be welcome!


Let me see, you had an affair with a married man, which would mean that by definition he is a liar and a cheat....but honesty was a part of the deal?

You faked it....but it didn't really feel good? Are fake orgasms supposed to feel good?

You wanted to draw your legs together as you came? I thought you were faking it?

Are you being shallow?.....I'd have to say it's probably incurable.



imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Hardness - is it optional (5/24/2007 5:54:09 AM)

There is a cornucopia of fodder here but i'll be kind....Its good you got out of a dishonest relationship...its natural that you would miss great sex (who wouldn't) and are you fridged?....probably not...does he need to get over being embarrassed and blaming you?...yes....



BOUNTYHUNTER -> RE: Hardness - is it optional (5/24/2007 5:59:05 AM)

I can see your point girl for some it all about sex and for others its about control.AS men become older some times its an accruing problem he could have had health problems ,any how you both started it with a lie and it ended as so but who am I to judge smiles..as always just this ol'master views



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Hardness - is it optional (5/24/2007 7:34:40 AM)

No there's two guys- the affair guy who she dumped and now the new guy who can't stay hard and told her she was frigid because she puts her legs together to cum.

I don't get the faking it and then him making it up to her part either. 



KatyLied -> RE: Hardness - is it optional (5/24/2007 7:37:31 AM)

quote:

we would have sex for four to five hours and he was hard for most of that time...


Were you having an affair with Sting?



subfever -> RE: Hardness - is it optional (5/24/2007 7:50:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

we would have sex for four to five hours and he was hard for most of that time...


Were you having an affair with Sting?



He may just have be taking an antidepressant, like Zoloft. It allows prolonged erections/intercourse, but makes it very difficult to cum.



Tuomas -> RE: Hardness - is it optional (5/24/2007 8:05:11 AM)

Aside from mistoferin's comments,

Accusing the girl of being frigid when you can't get it up is characteristic of older people. So, maybe his problem is age. Maybe his problem is steroids. Maybe his problem is cancer or a disease... It's not like we are doctors and can make a diagnosis on what you wrote [:-]



PoeticPrincess -> RE: Hardness - is it optional (5/24/2007 9:09:20 AM)

Hey Mistoferin I appreciate your honesty but it was not all black and white. My ex was a sex-god who was married to a woman who never wanted sex - what was he supposed to do? And my marriage was similar, no sex.
The lies were about his ex-mistress who seemed to draw him back in from time to time, and I found out...thats what the honesty betrayed was all about.

The new guy is older than me by far 58, but the ex was 64. So age might not be relevant. He couldnt have been taking the blue pills cos he had Glaucoma...a contraindication.

Well I guess Im shallow cos I believe  a hard man is good to find....lol



mistoferin -> RE: Hardness - is it optional (5/24/2007 9:21:04 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PoeticPrincess
Hey Mistoferin I appreciate your honesty but it was not all black and white. My ex was a sex-god who was married to a woman who never wanted sex - what was he supposed to do?


Ummmm....get a divorce? I'm sure there were "reasons" why he couldn't do that, thereby "justifying" his infidelities. Regardless, his actions made him a liar and a cheat....and I don't expect honesty from liars and cheaters.



MistressNoName -> RE: Hardness - is it optional (5/24/2007 9:23:43 AM)

I'm usually a lot more diplomatic on these boards, but diplomacy is failing me today. OP, why don't you just talk to this new guy? You've told us what the problem is...why not just tell him? That is, if you want to keep seeing him. If it's just a sex thing and he's not doin' it for you, then move on...but if there is an emotional attachment, why not try to work it out with him? There are several things you can try. Different types of play/scening/foreplay..longer scenes, different types of toys, prosthetic devices, other medical solutions. Someone suggested that he may be taking anti-depressants...that IS a possibility. Do you even know what meds he takes? What's his overall health situation, his diet and exercise level? All of these are factors worth exploring, if you care to spend the time. If not, for goodness sake, just move on.

MNN


Edited to add: And btw, just a little FYI, in case you did not know - the past tense of "quit" is "quit," not "quitted." Yes, English is a weird language, isn't it?



Tuomas -> RE: Hardness - is it optional (5/24/2007 9:30:27 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: PoeticPrincess
The new guy is older than me by far 58, but the ex was 64. So age might not be relevant. He couldnt have been taking the blue pills cos he had Glaucoma...a contraindication.

Not everyone is the same. Beyond fifty, "hard" is generally not the apropriate adjective :p Of course people that age can still have sex. Another aspect is that you mentioned he had glaucoma, which is associated with high-blood pressure. "Hardness" is directly related to blood pressure; guys that have any kind of depression, or heart problems -particularly at that age- will most likely have erictile issues. Another important factor is weight: men with high lipid contents in their blood also have serious issues in regards to hardness. Alcohol could be another factor; if he had a glass of white wine or whisky beforehand. Pain-killers, like acetaminophren (Tylenol (R) ) or ibuprofine (Advil (R) ) or other NASDs could affect his performance.

The bottom line is that the human body is not designed to live beyond fourty, so at that age, thing that "normally" won't affect people, will have a much more noticeble manifestation.



darchChylde -> RE: Hardness - is it optional (5/24/2007 9:33:43 AM)

you mean women fake it too? wow, please tell me this isn't common



LaTigresse -> RE: Hardness - is it optional (5/24/2007 9:34:21 AM)

Odd how we lesbians just never seem to have this sorta problem................[:D]



Tuomas -> RE: Hardness - is it optional (5/24/2007 9:39:43 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Odd how we lesbians just never seem to have this sorta problem................[:D]

Lesbians never get headaches[:-]



PoeticPrincess -> RE: Hardness - is it optional (5/24/2007 9:42:09 AM)

Mistoferin - I dont know how old you are but I find it hard to understand why you have such a high degree of anger - the ex's wife was on dialysis for kidney failure. Caused by alcoholism. Yes he could have divorced her, but he chose to stay and I respected that. I have friends who know her and she is a sweet woman who had a lot of mental problems. She has a very short life expectancy, but I did all I could to promote her health from a distance obviously.

The ex-mistress was the fly in the ointment from my point of view. When I met him he said he no longer slept with her, as she had gone through menopause and no longer wanted sex either. He seems to have no luck with women, and I include myself in that one.

Tuomas and others who have given sound advice, thank you! I will talk to my new man and check out medical stuff. He does seem to drink a lot, and he is overweight. Though he goes to the gym every day, so has a degree of fitness. I think hes a great guy, and I guess the answer is that I want to try to find a way to get what we both want - he has a very horny mind, which is a good start! Thanks to all!



lovewithoutfear -> RE: Hardness - is it optional (5/24/2007 10:05:20 AM)

"he told me I was frigid because I wanted to draw my legs together as I came... and he wanted them open."

WTF is up with that??? I would say he is not as "together' as you thought.  Do you really want to be sub to someone who levels **shame and blame** at his partner when there is a discrepancy in what feels good for them sexually?  Ick!



mistoferin -> RE: Hardness - is it optional (5/24/2007 10:19:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PoeticPrincess
Mistoferin - I dont know how old you are but I find it hard to understand why you have such a high degree of anger


Well I am no spring chicken by any stretch of the means but I am not sure why you see my comments to you as an expression of anger. I believe that you are misinterpreting. I simply have a disdain for liars and cheats....I put them on about the same level as thieves. No anger involved. I can have distaste for something without having to be pissed off. 

Every cheater has a "rationalization" that makes their cheating "justified". You came up with a whole bunch of them yourself. As far as I am concerned, none of them hold water and all of them are selfish. For instance....how exactly does one come to the conclusion that they are "promoting the health" of the unknowing wife by boinking their husband?  Responsible adults that possess half an ounce of honesty, integrity and self respect don't cheat. You may see that as "too black & white"....I simply see it as the way it is.




proudsub -> RE: Hardness - is it optional (5/24/2007 11:37:27 AM)

quote:

I want to try to find a way to get what we both want - he has a very horny mind, which is a good start!


Toys can do wonders. Hubby and i haven't had intercourse in years because of joint problems for both of us, but love my toys!![:)]



adoracat -> RE: Hardness - is it optional (5/24/2007 11:44:18 AM)

is hardness optional.....

i was with james for 4 years before he died.  he NEVER was able to achieve erection in all those 4 years.  he was also a good man and a Dominant who suited me excellently.

i never worried about whether we could have "traditional" intercourse.  he was inventive in both how to torture me and get me off.  and i served him in other ways, as well.

kitten, who knows age has nothing to do with impotence



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