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concerns...... - 5/24/2007 6:08:16 PM   
Trampler


Posts: 580
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline 		I know this will sound alittle ranty, and it is kinda preaching to the choir............but something I have noticed and have become alittle concerned about:  Is that some subs are in such a rush to be collared to a dominant, that they will agree to anything,  even by passing the get to know each other period.  Now mind you, I can understand this frustration, on both ends, searching for a Mistress myself. However it just astounds me, that people disregard their safety in this way, (this is actually geared toward newbie subs, as for more seasoned subs you know what your getting into, and take whatever precautions (or not.) that you deem necessary. I guess the crux of my complaint, is the lack of research that alot of newbies do.  When I have a new interest, i research the hell out of it, looking up stuff online, talking about it in chatrooms and forums.  Going to r/l discussion groups.  And I know not everybody is inclined to do research, would rather jump right in. I'm sorry if this post seems jumbled.  lol. looking for any thoughts,opinions, stories on this subject.  Thank you.

Oh and yes I know there are some Doms who have jumped right in, without doing any sort of research,  I'm afraid I don't really have alot of respect for them. Unless of course that was yourself 10-20 yrs ago, and you have learned from your mistakes.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: concerns...... - 5/24/2007 6:32:17 PM   
GoddessKai


Posts: 119
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Hazel Park, Michigan
Status: offline 		It seems to Me that the majority of submissives that jump in with both feet, so to speak, are those that have misconceptions about serving r/t. Many times they think it's going to be all peaches and gravy with daily spankings and clamped nipples by a Woman in black vinyl or leather. Many of them don't realize that 99% of the time, We aren't "SuperDomme". Most of us have hugely vanilla lives. I find that these submissives that are so eager for a collar, really don't realize what it's like to be in a real, in-the-flesh D/s relationship.

(in reply to Trampler)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: concerns...... - 5/24/2007 6:38:25 PM   
VeryMercurial


Posts: 620
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline 		Hello Trampler, it is very common online.

(in reply to Trampler)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: concerns...... - 5/24/2007 6:53:24 PM   
mantis65


Posts: 456
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline 		I don’t want to rush into anything I want to get to know the Domme see if we would even get along.  I have had a few Dommes want me to rush into things meet them somewhere right away or go buy a plane ticket etc. so its not just a sub thing

(in reply to VeryMercurial)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: concerns...... - 5/24/2007 7:12:38 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		There are idiots offline also. Lots of people who don't ask about std scans, just go out drinking and go home with some stranger. Hell, some people go to Vegas on vacation, meet someone and then get married. To be shortly followed with an annulment or uncontested divorce.

(in reply to mantis65)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: concerns...... - 5/24/2007 7:28:01 PM   
Aimtoplease101


Posts: 319
Joined: 2/8/2006
From: San Diego, California
Status: offline 		I think it springs from the numerical imbalance between submissive men (more) and available dominant woman (fewer).  I think a lot of the guys figure they should jump in as quickly as possible so as to not miss a potential opportunity, and then worry about finding a way to get out later if it turns out not to be the right situation.

Regards, ATP

_____________________________

Pleasing you pleases me.

(in reply to Trampler)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: concerns...... - 5/24/2007 7:41:07 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		That70sDomme: The thinner strap gave us problems
NewSub has entered the room
NewSub: Hi everyone! Male sub, 22, McAllen Texas.
RegDomme: Hello NewSub. Welcome to the room.
NewSub: Hello RegDomme! Will you collar me?
RegDomme: ?
NewSub: I am the perfect slave. I can do this. And I can do that. And you would love me.
That70sDomme: And I was saying, it's better to use the thicker strap.
NewSub: Hello That70sDomme! Will you collar me?
That70sDomme: The thicker strap has more surface area, which helps.
NewDomme has entered the room
NewSub: Hello NewDomme! Welcome!
NewDomme: Hello NewSub. Thanks for the welcome.
NewSub: Will you collar me?
NewDomme: Umm. Ok. You are now my slave. You must do everything I say.
NewSub: Hey everyone, I am now collared to my Mistress. If you have any problem with my behavior, please speak to her.
NewDomme: Did I say you could speak to others? Take off your belt and hit yourself on the kidney a few times. Harder!

I agree that one should not rush into being collared, or collaring...or relocating....or having a name branded onto them....or castration....  ;-)

In general I agree with your idea about not rushing into a technique without learning about it and think you describe the responsible approach. I think the pace of entry depends on the activity itself (fortunately, service and foot rubs allow more latitude ;-) ) and overall experience of a person. That is, someone who has intensive experience with various beating implements will find it easier to expand to a new beating implement than one who is just beginning. Personal attributes (intuition, ability to learn quickly) are also relevant.

I attend BDSM conventions regularly. I have attended classes primarily intended to teach techniques to tops so as to get basic knowledge about safety issues. I think it is in a sub's interest to also be informed about safety matters.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: concerns...... - 5/24/2007 8:03:14 PM   
Trampler


Posts: 580
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline 		heh. the sub males should try being a fem bi poly switch looking for a Mistress.  Not any easier, I am thinking it's alittle harder.  Alot of the Mistresses I have seen on here, are ethier straight, or they are looking to co-dom with their Master. (nothing wrong with that, just not into the idea.)

sea, I always enjoy your responses, thank you. 

< Message edited by Trampler -- 5/24/2007 8:04:26 PM >

(in reply to undergroundsea)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: concerns...... - 5/24/2007 8:11:15 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessKai

It seems to Me that the majority of submissives that jump in with both feet, so to speak, are those that have misconceptions about serving r/t. Many times they think it's going to be all peaches and gravy with daily spankings and clamped nipples by a Woman in black vinyl or leather. Many of them don't realize that 99% of the time, We aren't "SuperDomme". Most of us have hugely vanilla lives. I find that these submissives that are so eager for a collar, really don't realize what it's like to be in a real, in-the-flesh D/s relationship.



*S* peaches and gravy??? ewww HARD limit *S*

I agree...these guys have this idylic fantasy and don't really get it.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to GoddessKai)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: concerns...... - 5/24/2007 8:15:38 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: trampler


Thank you for your comment about my posts :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple
*S* peaches and gravy??? ewww HARD limit *S*


I had a submissive relationship with a lesbian couple where each was an avid Iron Chef fan. One day they decided to play Iron Chef and have me be the judge. The secret ingredient was grits!

And so they went off with their creativity, being sure to include unappetizing takes using the secret ingredient. I don't know which was the bigger challenge--eating the imaginative concoctions or figuring out how to award the points without incurring the wrath of either ;-)

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 5/24/2007 8:16:41 PM >

(in reply to earthycouple)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: concerns...... - 5/24/2007 8:42:11 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I have always wondered if this rush to get a dominant is due to sub frenzy. I mean I've seen so many subs do some really crazy unsafe things just to win a dominant that it makes me wonder what their motivation is? I can understand their need to serve, but to want it so bad to maybe get yourself killed in the process is hardly worth it.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to Trampler)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: concerns...... - 5/24/2007 8:48:11 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		Well Lashra, MOST are in a frenzy to enjoy all the little fetish activities they enjoy.
I have not seen that many that are sincere, and have the driving desire to come over
to your home and clean it from top to bottom, cook and serve you dinner, give you a foot rub
and go home.
LOL

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: concerns...... - 5/25/2007 4:31:32 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		I can't speak for others but I don't have an issue with this "rush to be collared" scenario.

They don't get one until I offer it & I will explain the basics I use to when deciding this offer.

If they incessantly ask for one it will show me that they do not respect my judgment thus meaning I am not the dominant for them.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: concerns...... - 5/25/2007 10:25:46 AM   
stacydahling


Posts: 26
Joined: 5/17/2006
Status: offline 		Collars are a symbol.  In a large part, online and people who don't give collars the respect that they should be given have largely destroyed the collar for us.  We believe the important part of our bond is not found in a collar.  It's found in the relationship we have.  The lack of respect the community in general has shown for collaring have made us determine that we will not use a collar as a symbol for our relationship. 

The online community is filled with fakes and wannabes.  Don't act suprised when you see someone being stupid.  Just try to help them find resources which will help them better understand what this is all about.  We find our own version of this lifestyle.  We enjoy the version we have found.  We hope everyone else finds something in this lifestyle that makes them happy. 

(in reply to MstrssPassion)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: concerns...... - 5/25/2007 10:37:32 AM   
Trampler


Posts: 580
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline 		Well I think part of the rush is, is because they want to realize their fantasies. They want/crave that rush of ecxtasy that they heard about. 

(in reply to stacydahling)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: concerns...... - 5/25/2007 10:57:03 AM   
MistressMikala


Posts: 1
Joined: 7/23/2004
Status: offline 		I noticed this problem alot to. that and the "oh my god I love you" and never even spoke to Me once
realy you should take your time and cherish a bond in a D/s relation
Any Domme that will just except you like that is no true Domme
a good D/s relationship is based on trust and the willingness to learn eachother always and good ass BEATINGS  when you find your true Mistress/Master you will know it but not before you have got to know that Person hell I could be any psycho how would you know ...
subbies USE your heads 

(in reply to Trampler)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: concerns...... - 5/25/2007 1:36:14 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I don't find it a huge concern.  As MzMia said, most of those that would be in the sub frenzy catagory really aren't all that sincere.  They don't really expect to do anything more than sit in front of their screen and live out the little fantasy that they have.  I doubt many have any real life expectations of meeting at all.  The world behind the screen is safe and fills their need for adventure.

(in reply to MistressMikala)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: concerns...... - 5/25/2007 3:06:50 PM   
maledave7


Posts: 142
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline 		I would agree with Lashra. I think that it is unsafe to jump in with both feet. Maybe they think because they are a man they would be safe. A man can be hurt just as easily, when a weapon is in a woman‘s hand. I realize in most areas that the majority of people on CM are men. Being new myself and looking for a dominant woman to serve, I can understand them wanting to jump the gun.
I do realize that building a relationship with a dominant woman takes time and effort. The D/s is only part of the relationship. I feel that the majority of it is vanilla in nature.

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: concerns...... - 5/25/2007 3:46:31 PM   
maledave7


Posts: 142
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline 		I do agree with ATP that many of the guys just want to rush into a relationship. I do agree that they are afraid of missing an opportunity.
Just my opinion, I have read some profiles and message boards replies. It seems to me that many dominant women are in no hurry to rush into a relationship. They want time to get to know him, first.

(in reply to Aimtoplease101)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: concerns...... - 5/25/2007 4:14:26 PM   
GoddessKai


Posts: 119
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Hazel Park, Michigan
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple

*S* peaches and gravy??? ewww HARD limit *S*




What if it's.. peach flavored gravy? Or gravy made with peaches? Or berry gravy infused with the essence of peachiness? Nevermind, I'm confusing Myself.

(in reply to earthycouple)
Profile   Post #: 20
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