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RE: What Would YOU Do? - 5/28/2007 1:02:09 AM

MstrssScarlet

Posts: 633
Joined: 6/3/2005
From: Indianapolis, Indiana
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Just wondering--honest question here--does he come to you for protection? Most male subs that I've noticed are attracted to dommes for the physical stimulation. But I've seen a few posts where a domme or a male sub say that it's the domme's responsibility to protect the male sub. Are there many male subs who seek that?

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssScarlet

When I talked to him, it was not a domme to sub conversation IMO. It was more like one friend to another with a lot of concern on my part that he was ok. I have protected him from people in the past that I knew he was leary of, but with this domme being a long time friend, it put a new spin on things.

I attempted to answer this question in another post, but looking back I don't think I gave you the answer you were looking for.
My personal submissive is very independent and does not really look to me for protection. He's not the least bit hesitant to speak up for himself if there's a problem with someone. I can't tell you if this is the most common scenario, but that's the way it is with us. He's not rude or disrespectful - he just doesn't feel the need to come to me for protection.
Also, I think I was just a smidge off when I said he is protective of me. I was looking for the right words and they just weren't coming to me. I would say that he is very service oriented. A MUCH more fitting description.
Mistress Scarlet

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"Say, that hurts a little bit" "And you don't like to be hurt do ya?" "I don't know...kinda fun sometimes if it's done in the right spirit."
Jean Harlow in The Beast of the City

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RE: What Would YOU Do? - 5/28/2007 1:29:06 AM

MstrssScarlet

Posts: 633
Joined: 6/3/2005
From: Indianapolis, Indiana
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quote:

ORIGINAL: EvilGeoff

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssScarlet
Probably because I don't feel it's anyone's business except for those involved in the scenario. I stated what happened and clarified the situation at least twice already.

Good evening Mistress Scarlett,

Unfortunately, when someone asks "What would YOU do?" I like to have complete information regarding the scenario before giving more indepth speculation about what exactly else I might do. You may feel you've "clarified" the situation as much as you are comfortable with in a public forum, and there's nothing wrong with that. But you haven't answered those questions to my satisfaction, so i'm reserving further judgement/advice/speculation.

No more, no less. You opened the door by asking what we would do in the given situation, I would like more information before going any further in pondering the question. Again, I didn't see anything bad or wrong in how you said you dealt with it. It's not what I would have done. No biggie.

Safe journeys, wherever they may take you and yours,
- Geoff

I understand what you're saying, but I'm starting to feel like we're beating a dead horse here. I will tell you that I always let everyone know that I never break the skin with my toys - floggers, single tail, etc. I'm from the school of thought that once you do this, the toy can no longer be used on anyone else. I do, however, break the skin with needle play. I guess that you could say the other domme found a 'loophole' of sorts in that she broke the skin, but didn't use any of the toys to do it. It could have been a miscommunication because of the fact that I do needle play. It's too hard to tell just exactly what she was thinking. Also, keep in mind that there was no actual bleeding. She did break the skin, but just barely.
Now then.......I talked at great length with my sub tonight and I read him many of the posts that were sent. HIS own personal feeling is that this has been blown waaaaay out of proportion. He does not hold me responsible and feels he still has a wonderful domme. He has been in the lifestyle many, many years and I am the first one to succeed in collaring him. We just 'clicked' from the very beginning. He still has total and complete trust in me and my abilities as a domme. He has also told his domme friend that he wishes to remain friends, but he will no longer play with her. His only frustration at this point is that his friend has not contacted me as he told her to. If he wishes to remain friends with her, I am not going to order him not to. In MY mind, as long as she has sufficiently apologized to HIM, that's what's most important. Maybe not 'proper protocol', but everyone handles things differently and this is how we both choose to handle this. I really hope this wraps things up.
Mistress Scarlet

< Message edited by MstrssScarlet -- 5/28/2007 1:36:49 AM >

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"Say, that hurts a little bit" "And you don't like to be hurt do ya?" "I don't know...kinda fun sometimes if it's done in the right spirit."
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RE: What Would YOU Do? - 5/28/2007 2:14:40 AM

azzmaster

Posts: 864
Joined: 2/15/2007
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this kinda shit happens all the time... doms challenging doms to do something about them gettin outa bounds... u gotta put em n check however is appropriate to ur style

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RE: What Would YOU Do? - 5/28/2007 9:58:48 AM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssScarlet
He has also told his domme friend that he wishes to remain friends, but he will no longer play with her. His only frustration at this point is that his friend has not contacted me as he told her to. If he wishes to remain friends with her, I am not going to order him not to. In MY mind, as long as she has sufficiently apologized to HIM, that's what's most important. Maybe not 'proper protocol', but everyone handles things differently and this is how we both choose to handle this. I really hope this wraps things up.
Mistress Scarlet

The fact that your sub has asked this other domme to call you and she hasn't doesn't speak well of her overall character. She doesn't seem to want to take responsibility for her actions or to help resolve a tense situation for the betterment of all three of you.

You have shown you are a lady of class and dignity in how you have handled things and are even gracious enough to allow your sub to still have friendship contact with her. This shows you value your sub and truly want the situation resolved so that the outcome doesn't have any lasting effects in the long run - i admire you for that.

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RE: What Would YOU Do? - 5/29/2007 9:35:06 AM

ericalericmorgan

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Joined: 5/16/2007
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Mistress Scarlet, I agree with most of the people here that you did the right thing when the scene went beyond the allowed parameters. I didn't get the impression that that was the issue you wanted addressed.

When two doms play with the same sub, the situation can be complicated. It's like two cooks in a kitchen. In the end somone has to be in charge. That is the trick.

Since it was your submissive you should be the cook in effect. When I play with another dom's submissive, I usually allow him to begin, and start by observing the level and preference. Only after that first observation do I ask questions, make suggestions and become more involved.

I would expect the same behaviour from a dom playing with my sub (and I would first make certain that my sub was comfortable with the scenario. Subs are valuable and should not be spoiled.)

I would suggest that in a similar situation in the future, you begin by being very very clear to the other Dom that they are the sous chef, and should follow your lead in the play.

Sometimes it is better to set the rules/limits up front. Rules should be explicit, simple and clearly stated.

As for the past. Learn from it and let is fade away.

Master Eric_aleric_morgan

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RE: What Would YOU Do? - 5/29/2007 10:30:29 AM

eveningtwilight

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Joined: 5/22/2007
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Well, I'm more outspoken that I ought to be sometimes...but, I would have quickly said playfully (to my sub) something like, "Woe, hey now. I didn't think that was soemthing you wanted to try, you ok with it?". Then I'd let him set the limit. His tone of voice or eye gesture may have said everything. If I knew for certain he wasn't into it then I might have playfully said to the other woman, "Well, now that has to stop because you're missing out on his reaction and I guarantee it's not what you're going for." (then I would have given her the evil eye)

My thoughts

1) Maybe your sub and the other Domme had previously discussed what his limits where...perhaps he wanted you to see that he could take more/was curious about taking more than you currently offer. Some subs have a way of not speaking up, and maybe that was his way of communicating with you. I suggest this because if he is comfortable with her and did not use his code word, he just may have wanted it, even if it might embarrass him. What is frightening here is that IF that is the case, the fact that he spoke to her about his new limits, but not you, means they are closer than you realize.

2) He was simply nervous about offending his friend and was willing to take more than he wanted all in the name of "keeping the peace". But what gets me here is that he is still in contact with her, but you are not. I take Lord and Master's perspective on this one...it is out of place.

I would be babying his wounds every day until they healed as one of the ways to show remourse for not protecting him, but what would be more important to me is why he didn't use his code word. Get the answer to that and you'll know just how much remourse you should have.

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RE: What Would YOU Do? - 5/29/2007 4:10:32 PM

slaverosebeauty

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From: Cali
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I think you did the right thing considering. I do beleive that the other mistress does owe you an apology as well, since she hasn't, thats on her; she is not the kind of person I would associate with any longer if you can't or won't step up and apologize to all those concerned.

This is just one more reason why 'sharing' is a hard limit and the other stories, {shutters} are reasons why I have panic attacks when I get invited to lifestyle events, and people wonder why I am not very trusting, even people you know can be nuts and cross lines.

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RE: What Would YOU Do? - 5/29/2007 5:00:37 PM

puella

Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
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Honestly....

This would be a far more interesting question if it were... WHO would you do?

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