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RE: Unconditional Love - 5/26/2007 4:26:44 PM

Sinergy

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I am sorry for your loss, ownedgirlie.

I would disagree with your post for the following reason.

I love unconditionally. I forgave my ex-wife for her two affairs. I ignored her constant verbal abuse for years. I happily went to work wihle she squandered our money and watched her career fall apart.

There is a point I can hit where I have reached my limit. Where I simply look at the person and go "Im done here" and move on.

I have never been accused of not being upfront and communicative. The usual response is "why" and I answer that one with "I have been telling you exactly what is wrong for X amount of time." You chose to not listen, which is not my problem.

Hitting the end of your rope and moving on does not mean that you did not love unconditionally while you were in the relationship. It simply means that you hit a point in your life where you were no longer willing to be hurt by the one you loved unconditionally.

Sinergy

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RE: Unconditional Love - 5/26/2007 4:34:36 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

I am sorry for your loss, ownedgirlie.

Thank you, Sinergy.

quote:

Hitting the end of your rope and moving on does not mean that you did not love unconditionally while you were in the relationship. It simply means that you hit a point in your life where you were no longer willing to be hurt by the one you loved unconditionally.

Sinergy

Well that's the thing. I did love unconditionally. But the love died, which to me meant there were conditions on it. Otherwise, we just go on loving forever, regardless. Yes, I hit the end of my rope. Yes, I still loved, even when I was no longer willing to be hurt. But the love no longer exists now, which tells me that somewhere along the line, there was a condition placed on it...no?

Just yesterday, in fact, he called to once again tell me (after a really crappy dialogue) that if I didn't return home to him, he would kill himself (this is not the first time he has upset me with this threat). I realized love was gone when I said, "Good. Goodbye then." and hung up. (Of course, now I think I'm an ugly and horrible person for that)

In your post, last sentence, you used "loved" as past tense (I bolded it for fun). If that was an intended past tense (sometimes we write quickly and say something unintentionally), then that would indicate the love is no longer there in your scenario too, right? So something ended it, hence a condition?

It's interesting to think about.

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RE: Unconditional Love - 5/26/2007 4:35:14 PM

slaveluci

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy
Hitting the end of your rope and moving on does not mean that you did not love unconditionally while you were in the relationship. It simply means that you hit a point in your life where you were no longer willing to be hurt by the one you loved unconditionally.
Sinergy
Wonderful point - never seen it stated quite so well....slave luci

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RE: Unconditional Love - 5/26/2007 5:22:17 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

I did love unconditionally. But the love died, which to me meant there were conditions on it. Otherwise, we just go on loving forever, regardless. Yes, I hit the end of my rope. Yes, I still loved, even when I was no longer willing to be hurt. But the love no longer exists now, which tells me that somewhere along the line, there was a condition placed on it...no?

If the love died I suppose you are right, and I would agree with you.

Here is my take on it. I am capable of unconditional love, although my relationships are conditional. I can love someone and not be in a relationship with them. I can keep loving them forever and ever even though we are not together.

I guess what I am saying is that although my love is unconditional, my presense in a relationship has many conditions. I will love my first husband forever, he is the father of my UM.

Personally I think that real love is unconditional. We can love people and know that we cannot have interaction with them because they are toxic. It does not mean we do not love them, it means that we love ourselves too. I think people often confuse the fact that all relationships are conditional, even though love isn't

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RE: Unconditional Love - 5/26/2007 5:40:35 PM

Arpig

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No I don't think it is possible. Love between mates is finite....it can be used up by abuse and cheating, lies, etc.
My Ex and I were very much in love at one time...but it just died, now we are civil acquaintances

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RE: Unconditional Love - 5/26/2007 5:55:15 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Personally I think that real love is unconditional.

I'll give you everything you posted except for this :)

This implies that my love for this person wasn't real, which would be an absolute untruth. But to talk anymore about my personal situation would not be appropriate for this thread or even this site.

I truly believe one can love deeply and spiritually, but "unconditional" applies only until the person does something which creates a condition. But that's only my take, and not one I ever would have believed until I experienced it myself. A friend of mine who used to believe love was unconditional changed her mind when the man in her life harmed her child. Emotions can indeed shut off when lines are crossed.

Great thread and discussion, by the way...

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RE: Unconditional Love - 5/26/2007 8:15:55 PM

velvetears

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Loving unconditionally in its simplest definition means that there are no conditions we expect before we will love that other person. i think most people have a "list" of what they want in a love partner ie: tall, handsome, good job, non smoker, no um's, never been married etc... then you date, mingle, meet people and someone comes along and something just clicks - call it chemistry if you want and that list goes right out the window. This is part of unconditional love. Now if after being with this person they change and become abusive, or cheat on you, or do anything else that would hurt you, the love you feel doesn't automatically disappear. You still love them, but because you also love yourself and value your own happiness you have to walk away from such a person. Unconditional doesn't mean we take everything they decide to dish out irregardless of whether or not it is healthy for us or destructive to us.

Your entry touched me ownedgirlie and i feel your pain as i had 4 siblings i had to completely cut out of my life because they were toxic to me. i have no contact with them. Their phone numbers are on block, i don't see them, i avoid the towns they live in - there is no communication whatsoever and won't be till the day i am in my grave. Do i still love them, absolutely, and when i allow myself to ponder about them too much the reality of what has transpired is painful and it has physical attributes to it. i keep pictures in boxes and generally focus on other people in my life. They have lied, stole from me, blackmailed me, bad mouthed me, physically abused me, tried to get my UM's taken from me with lies to social services, destroyed my property and thats just a partial list. i won't allow them to destroy me but i will always love them.

Thank you julia for a thought provoking thread.

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RE: Unconditional Love - 5/26/2007 9:12:57 PM

ownedgirlie

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It is indeed a thought provoking thread. I've been considering it off and on throughout the day. Maybe the fact is that I do still love him, but I don't want to.

But I'm not going to think about it anymore for awhile.

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RE: Unconditional Love - 5/26/2007 9:53:26 PM

jessk

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How do I define unconditional love?

A love for another with no strings attatched

quote:

Is it possible to love someone on a romantic/intimate basis unconditionally?

Absolutly

quote:

Should we even have that as a realistic goal?

I don't believe that loving someone should be placed in a category as a 'goal' at all. It either happens or it does not; it is not something that can be strived for.

I have loved another unconditionally; it was a love that was not returned though he knew of my feelings. Through it all, despite how I felt, we remained and still remain very good and close friends. As the years have gone on, the love that I felt for him has gone from romantic to that of a deep intense friendship love. It has not lessened, but it has grown in strength.

As for what it has taught me. I don't see why it should have been teaching me anything at all; if it did, I paid no attention to it.

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RE: Unconditional Love - 5/26/2007 10:11:12 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

ORIGINAL: StellaByStarlite

As a side note, I think some people tend to think of "unconditional love" as the highest pinnacle of love and relationship that can be attained.

It is not the highest pinnacle for me to attain it, it is the highest pinnacle to give it. It is something I think I am attempting to grow into. It gives me much to give love.

As far as those who think that parental love is unconditional, there is nothing, absolutely nothing my UM could do that would cause me to stop loving him.

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RE: Unconditional Love - 5/26/2007 10:17:02 PM

velvetears

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

As far as those who think that parental love is unconditional, there is nothing, absolutely nothing my UM could do that would cause me to stop loving him.

i agree wholeheartedly and add i would even give my very life up for them if the need arose without even a milisecond of hesitation on my part.

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