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Explaining submissiveness to your partner - 5/18/2005 2:06:01 PM

lapdog41

Posts: 2
Joined: 2/6/2004
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Hello All,

Hope i'm not posting this in the wrong place but have you any suggestions as to how I can explain to my partner that i want to live the lifestyle not 'role play' - my partner is very turned on by being the Domme but only in the bedroom as it were...

I'd dearly love her to understand that it would be a dream come true if She would make it 24/7

Grateful for any advice.

lapdog

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RE: Explaining submissiveness to your partner - 5/18/2005 6:31:38 PM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
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By your words you say that you have been experimenting with role playing the fantasy of D/s... it would seem that you both have good communication established at this time.

It would be best to keep that up. Communicate to your partner that this is more than role play for you & express to your partner that the intensity is there for you to pursue it on a deeper level.

Communication is the key to any type of relationship being successful & it is essential for a D/s relationship. Fantasy, imagination & creativity is a bonus, but in all reality it is trust, respect, communication & unconditional love & acceptance that will make it a success.

I would be happy to discuss this in greater detail on or off board to help suggest tactful ways to introduce subtle introductions of a TPE outside of the bedroom as well as in public (without drawing attention).

MstrssPassion

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RE: Explaining submissiveness to your partner - 5/18/2005 7:10:31 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lapdog41

Hello All,

Hope i'm not posting this in the wrong place but have you any suggestions as to how I can explain to my partner that i want to live the lifestyle not 'role play' - my partner is very turned on by being the Domme but only in the bedroom as it were...

I'd dearly love her to understand that it would be a dream come true if She would make it 24/7

Grateful for any advice.

lapdog

I have to say that this is quite a flip-flop from what We normally see! Usually the boys want advice on how to manipulate their spouses/girlfriends into domming them in the bedroom, but they have no interest in anything 24/7.
That said, either way, in or out of the bedroom, it isn't very submissive if you are trying to control or manipulate the dynamic. Right now this is your fantasy. Your wife is probably not even aware that this can extend to a 24/7 way of life, and you can bet she doesn't have the slightest idea of how to begin. It is important to keep her comfort level in mind.
I looked at your profile, and you seem to be seeking a Mistress for training outside of your marriage. And you list a few specific interests. I also note that you do not list a few specific interests, such as "no strings housecleaning" or "foot worship". So what is it that your wife objects to or isn't doing outside of the bedroom? Maybe she is not yet comfortable with dress-up games in the kitchen or living room.
Do you do things for her outside of the bedroom? Or do you just wish she would demand and command the things that will make you happy and feel like you are being submissive and you are getting your fantasy fulfilled?
I guess I would need some specific examples of what is leaving you less than satisfied?
Hopefully, Aakasha may have something to say on this. This is an area of expertise for Her!

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

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RE: Explaining submissiveness to your partner - 5/18/2005 10:39:56 PM

GentleLady

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I second what GoddessDustyGold posted. What type of interaction are you looking for?

Gentle Lady

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RE: Explaining submissiveness to your partner - 5/19/2005 11:03:06 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lapdog41

Hello All,

Hope i'm not posting this in the wrong place but have you any suggestions as to how I can explain to my partner that i want to live the lifestyle not 'role play' - my partner is very turned on by being the Domme but only in the bedroom as it were...

I'd dearly love her to understand that it would be a dream come true if She would make it 24/7

Grateful for any advice.

lapdog

You have to clarify what "lifestyle" means for you, and also understand that what you are asking for is a tall order.

Dominance takes emotional, mental and physical energy. You might only be seeing the physical energy. But it is a mindset and it isn't easy to maintain at levels that some submissives want. If you have managed to get your wife interested in play in the bedroom (ie, you initiated it and she did not) and she is flourishing, I don't think you want to risk losing that by asking for more. That's one thing vanilla women fear a lot about getting into bdsm with their partners -- "what if he starts to want it all the time? what if our relationship becomes lost in this? what if the kink is more important than me?"

You risk burnout and resentment if you move her in a direction that does not allow her to feel playful and in control. So much of the success and harmony of a femdom relationship relies on the woman feeling comfortable and confident.

So, you first need to clarify what your expectations are exactly. Keep in mind that if you want her to just keep you under her thumb 24/7, you are STILL expecting her to be in the femdom *mindset* and that's a lot to ask, unless she's game for it.

And, be extra careful especially if you were the one that got her into femdom. She might like it in the bedroom, but the idea of doing it all the time may come across as you being ungrateful or demanding. Communicate honestly and sincerely.

Akasha

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