Do you prefer this?

Do you prefer this? (Full Version)

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hisdarlinsweetie -> Do you prefer this? (5/27/2007 1:10:29 AM)
I was having a discussion with a man who calls himself a dom. He told me, after 6 years of searching, he has finally found a sub. But, and of course there is a but or I wouldn't be asking this, he said he's not too good with monogamy and that playing the field/sowing wild oats is much preferable to him. I responded that as long as this had been discussed and she was cool with it, then that didn't seem to be a problem. To make a long post short, he ended up telling me that the majority of guys (his word, not men, but guys) "guys mentality = shes hot. i want to see it and then, after you do = i have to leave somehow..." When I responded that many men I know have grown out of that and don't find one night stand fulfilling for a variety of reasons, one of which being that one night stands just aren't that good sex. He told me "you have to actually try for it to be 'not good' for a guy. its always good and, for a guy, the best, is the ones youve never had before" (Which makes me wonder if he's actually ever had really mind-blowing, amazing sex). He told me numerous times that his view was the majority view of guys and rebutted me when I said that perhaps it was because he didn't know enough men over the age of 30. I guess my question is, do most of you think this way? And if you do, then wouldn't you just be better off having continuous one night stands because the sex would be going down hill after that initial time? He did concede, "being involved in bdsm definitely lessens that feeling that the best is over." I retorted that must make his sub feel much better that it "lessens that feeling that the best is over." (haha) I guess I'm just curious what all you men think.

MissOchistic -> RE: Do you prefer this? (5/27/2007 3:40:42 AM)
Nope. That fellow has never had the pleasure of looking into a pair of beautiful, familiar eyes while in the throes of a long, sweet mutual orgasm. And if he keeps up like that, he probably never will.

mnottertail -> RE: Do you prefer this? (5/27/2007 4:35:08 AM)
and big beautiful nipples on big beautiful breasts may provide some variation in the local landscape.

DesertRat -> RE: Do you prefer this? (5/27/2007 4:42:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissOchistic That fellow has never had the pleasure of looking into a pair of beautiful, familiar eyes while in the throes of a long, sweet mutual orgasm. Very well said. In my opinion, based on my experiences, the erotic heat in a long-term relationship is like a furnace, in contrast to the campfire of a short-term fling. Bob

celticlord2112 -> RE: Do you prefer this? (5/27/2007 5:59:32 AM)
I think that "man" needs to rewind back to Junior High and grow up.

eyesopened -> RE: Do you prefer this? (5/27/2007 6:16:16 AM)
i'm not a guy or male or even Dom but i know that most people in addiction are seeking the high of that "first time".... sexual addiction is no different.

RedheadGirlNY -> RE: Do you prefer this? (5/27/2007 7:40:47 AM)
"Not too good with monogamy." What a hoot. You didn't mention his age, but my DSBS sensor says 25-33. Just an educated guess. Yesterday I saw a 20-something (maybe early 30-something, I'm not good at ages) young man wandering his way through the produce aisle at my local market. He took a grape here, a cherry there, a strawberry in the other hand, tasting each, and wandering looking for his next bite. He didn't buy fruit, he just ate it. Cheap fruit salad, for him. His wagon was full of beer, chips, dip and sausage. Not a piece of fruit or a vegetable in there. I wonder if it's the same guy (grin). It sure seems to be the same attitude. As a general guideline, I eschew absolutes and people who use them to define relationships. Absolutes are rarely true and are often indicators of very closed minds. What's in your grocery cart? Red

gypsygrl -> RE: Do you prefer this? (5/27/2007 8:05:55 AM)
I'm not a guy either or a dom, but the first time doesn't even count in my book. Its like the sexual equivalent to an infatuation. Its pretty much always good but its not quite real.

SirDominic -> RE: Do you prefer this? (5/27/2007 8:16:05 AM)
There are men who are addicted to sexual conquest. And while I think the one you were talking to is on the extreme end of one night stands, I know men who have multiple short term relationships, sometimes several going on at the same time. No, they will never know the passionate intensity of melding that comes from making love in an ever deepening coupling that comes over time. If you were to go inside, and imagine the exquisite ecstasy of that, now with me, I think that is a rapture verging on the spiritual. But then they don't care about that. For these kind of guys, it is the thrill of the hunt that turns them on. Can they get this one into bed? They love the challenge, and some of them have become extraordinarily good at it. To my way of thinking, the sex is secondary, it is the conquest that turns them on. Are most men like that? I don't have any statistics to say, but I do know this. A lot more men would be like that if they could figure out how to do it. Why? That subconscious, primitive urge to procreate with as many women as possible. Even though in today's society getting women pregnant is not the goal, that biological drive is still there. Namaste, Sir Dominic

Sicarius -> RE: Do you prefer this? (5/27/2007 8:36:00 AM)
In a word, "no," not all men think this way. I think that all men can "understand" thinking that way to some extent due to the fact that it is a biological imperative that has been reinforced throughout thousands of years of successful ancestry, but this is not the only pervading mentality of successful reproduction. There are also a lot of men who want to possess women, and obviously possession entails (at least) a long-term relationship, if not one that would be preferably "unending." The stoneage man who successfully wooed, fed, and kept a harem of women his entire life is sure to have just as many ancestors as those who adopt the FEAR mentality (Fuck Everything And Run). Given the obvious nature of the community here, I think that the more common mentality for you to find in a "Master" in the possessive / protective one. After all, it does sort of seem to go along with the whole idea behind the thing. -Sicarius

Lordandmaster -> RE: Do you prefer this? (5/27/2007 8:48:20 AM)
Maybe he's right that most men think that way, but who cares? Most people are stupid. quote: ORIGINAL: hisdarlinsweetie To make a long post short, he ended up telling me that the majority of guys (his word, not men, but guys) "guys mentality = shes hot. i want to see it and then, after you do = i have to leave somehow..." When I responded that many men I know have grown out of that and don't find one night stand fulfilling for a variety of reasons, one of which being that one night stands just aren't that good sex. He told me "you have to actually try for it to be 'not good' for a guy. its always good and, for a guy, the best, is the ones youve never had before" (Which makes me wonder if he's actually ever had really mind-blowing, amazing sex). He told me numerous times that his view was the majority view of guys and rebutted me when I said that perhaps it was because he didn't know enough men over the age of 30.

velvetears -> RE: Do you prefer this? (5/27/2007 2:01:42 PM)
He sounds very immature and shallow to me. He is using what "the guys" say as a yard stick to measure his own life by. He's probably afraid of committment, which is why the majority of bed hoppers don't commit and settle with one woman - that would take being vulnerable, open, sharing, genuine and understanding oneself - he's probably not at that point in his life - he's too caught up in what "the guys" think and are doing - he doesn't want to miss out on something and think he's been cheated - ironically he's already cheated himself.

Faramir -> RE: Do you prefer this? (5/27/2007 3:17:39 PM)
Clearly there are men who have that sort of paradigm, and others who don't. That's the exact opposite of intimacy for may of us. In the most satisfying relationship I have had, I can remember being in the gym, resting between sets, and she impulsively kneeling and hugging my legs and kissing my knee. It shocked me, it was so intimate, in a public place, but that touch, that kiss on the knee from someone who I loved with all my heart, and all soul, and all my might, was worth more than any amount of sex or conquests.

Level -> RE: Do you prefer this? (5/27/2007 7:10:27 PM)
First, not all men (or guys) are the same. Most men are quite visual, they get turned on by seeing attractive women, hell, just by seeing certain body parts. From a purely sexual standpoint, I'd like to have sex with hundreds of thousands of women. But I'm not just sexual, I have other needs. I would not trade one good woman, for sex with a different woman every night. Even if those women were Miss Universe contestants. That doesn't mean I wouldn't like having sex with them, it's just a matter of priorities.

Redandtreasure -> RE: Do you prefer this? (5/27/2007 7:13:37 PM)
It is truely a shame that someone over the age of 18 thinks this way. One can not find a connection spirtualy or sexually unless they have been with there partner for a while. One needs to learn there body and there mind not only to dominate the person properly but to maxamize all the sensual feelings that can be shared. Some try and some succeed in a poly relationship but very few that I know of. In the case that do succeed in this type of relationship are blessed. Those of us who do not require a poly relationship find such pleasure in just one person. Savoring and suckling every kind of passion that two people can give eachother the good days and the bad can all be savored. I am sorry that there are still grown adults out there that think this way and worse of all one that thinks he is a Dom. Not saying all doms think alike but 99% of them out there will probbly agree that it takes time to learn someone. So much more then just a few hours. The pleasures that one achieves after knowing someone for a while are unparalled. But this is coming from a Dom that hasn't been in this lifestyle long just 13 years. To some that is just a drop in the hat so like all advice take it with a grain of salt.

hisdarlinsweetie -> RE: Do you prefer this? (5/27/2007 7:26:43 PM)
Thank you for the responses. I don't really care what one guy says, but I am curious if it is the majority opinion. Since I have a lot more male friends, it got me thinking that perhaps I am being told "what I want to hear" from these male friends. Or perhaps, I am friends with men who are in minority thinking. And while I am glad to hear the females comment, it is really the males' answers I am interested in. Because I am a woman, and obviously have a woman's view (which I was told numerous times last night during this conversation). I, like some of the respondents, have seldomly, if ever, had the first encounter with someone be the best. And while, I have experienced several intense, short term affairs, my most passionate (and mindblowing) ones were the ones in which I learned and grew with my partner. In these, the sex got better and better. But, as I mentioned before, that's a "woman's view."

mythi -> RE: Do you prefer this? (5/27/2007 7:29:56 PM)
I personally believe that many of the men who are like that are because they dont have the prowess or skillset to build a real relationship. So yeah, that first night really is as good as it gets for them. Fortunately most grow (literally and figuratively) out of it, but sadly not all. Sadder still is when, at any age, they cause their 'prey' lasting harm. Editing just to add that for the record I was rather a bit of a huntress myself in my wayward youth (strangers have the best candy [:D]). But having been in some good and long-term relationships since there's just no comparison between the quick adrenaline fix of a one night stand and the deep and lasting satisfaction, not just sexually, of a real relationship. Not that they cant be fun, but they're not as good in my opinion, not sexually or otherwise.

sleazybutterfly -> RE: Do you prefer this? (5/27/2007 8:21:53 PM)
I can say that sex with M has only gotten better the longer we have been together. We have come to know what the other enjoys the most and can pretty much orgasm in sync at this point. I have had it both ways, different men often and being with someone in a commited relationship. The first can be fun, but that does wear off...the second is only as exciting as the two doing it continue to make it (and that is pretty damn exciting). I can speak for M on this one, we are neither one looking and wouldn't think of ruining what we have for any one night of clumsy, awkward first time sex.

hawkwolf7 -> RE: Do you prefer this? (5/27/2007 11:07:55 PM)
Well, I'm male, and let me start by assuring you that statements that begin with "All men are..." are true about as often as statements that begin with "All women are...". I, for one, do not share this guys fetish. And that's all it is, even if he doesn't recognize it as such. And, let's face it, some people's fetishes are completely opaque to those who don't share it. Like many who have any kind of fetish, it makes them feel better to believe that "everyone" has it... less weird, less out there, more "normal". Now, as to the mindset behind the fetish? It has been my experience that the men (and women) I know who are attracted to the hunt, attracted to the conquest, are suffering from self-esteem issues. The conquest allows them to feel desireable and/or loveable... at least for a day or so. But, like eating chocolate when their body is craving salt, it never really fills the void. The significant element here is that it isn't about sex. It isn't about relationships. It's about proving to themselves that maybe they are okay after all. That's why the level of intimacy doesn't matter, and why the quality of the sex doesn't matter. All of that is beside the point. So, while I have no problem with the fetish, (as long as they are up front about it), I do see the tragedy of someone who keeps repeating the same error over and over again, missing the real point, and unable to figure out what they really need. Sincerely, HawkWolf

HeavansKeeper -> RE: Do you prefer this? (5/28/2007 2:47:45 AM)
By the time I post this I will have some 150 or so posts. In that short time, I've seen no less than 15 threads about the most... immature, juvenile, asshole men engaging in douchebaggery beyond comprehension. Every woman posting those threads deserves better, and should not have put up with it. I've never struck a woman outside of her wanting it, but sometimes I think certain people need to be shaken until they see straight. For everyone's good, call these men out on their bullshit.

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