RE: BDSM vs Vanilla - The Real World (Full Version)

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darkinshadows -> RE: BDSM vs Vanilla - The Real World (5/30/2007 3:34:36 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Teachme59

What I am talking about is what I believe others outside the lifestyle think and how to deal with that.
Butch

Hello Butch - and welcome to CM!
What other people outside wiitwd think is only as important as you choose to let it interfere with your life.
Lets keep aside authority for one moment and talk about everyday 'people' - family, friends, those who influence our lives on a regular basis.
You mentioned parents.  I remember a few months back when I was living with mine, I was watching a documentry on BDSM - it was, for a change, a really positive programme.  My parents walked through where I was watching to go outside, and my mother stopped, caught by the woman who was talking on the TV.
 
"What is this?" she asked - Before I could even respond, my father responded "Oh you know, its all about that kinky and fetish stuff she does with her friends" as he exited the room.  My mum just nodded and followed him out.  They see I am well and healthy and mentally happy - that is all that concerns them.  Yes they worry - but they worry when I just go out shopping in the car in case something might happen.  Parents will worry anyway - that's because they love me and if they didnt worry - then I would worry!
It's normal and natural.
 
Just as BDSM is normal and natural to me.  BDSM and vanilla are the same thing to me and around me - the real me is the real world.
 
As for siblings, I do not have any.
 
As for children - they will be ridiculed for something, regardless be that something they say, having the wrong trainers or label, a bad haircut etc...  Children are fierce and unkind creatures at times with each other - its how you teach them how to respond and that as long as they are honest and true to themselves, what other people think and say is only as important as you make it - If people are taught from a young age to be responsible for their own feelings, you teach them to be responsible for their own lives - and that people will try and infect them with pain, or try to dictate how to 'be' - but ultimately, everyone has the ability to own themselves first - and if you can own yourself, you can be anything you want to anyone.
 
Peace



Masterspetbri -> RE: BDSM vs Vanilla - The Real World (5/30/2007 7:37:51 PM)

WoW!  [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m20.gif[/image]
 
Each of you have brought up very good points.  BDSM is a lifestyle and not just a fantasy….otherwise what would we do…. .[image]http://www.collarchat.com/image/s1.gif[/image]     But to balance the everyday life with protocol can be a challenge at times and W/we all have dealt with it in some way or another. 
 
I can see that communication is the “BIGGEST” part within the lifestyle and relationship.  With that working through the protocols with everyday life challenges, knowing what others have faced and worked through, will make it easier to face.  
 
Thank you,
Master’s pet
bri



Teachme59 -> RE: BDSM vs Vanilla - The Real World (5/30/2007 9:30:13 PM)

Hello Dark

Thanks for the post…many good points. But for every good story there are bad ones. In my town a few years ago a husband and wife had a scene go terribly wrong. The wife suffered in a coma and eventually died. The couple had children and a large family.
What happened was bad enough but the police refused to believe it was an accident. The case was in the news for months and eventually he pleaded to a lesser charge. The children not only lost a mother but also the father. The Mother and father’s reputation was trashed. They were described by the local media as irresponsible and  depraved.
Even the families of the couple fought in court over custody of the children. It was a total disaster for everyone involved. I did not know the couple but the incident was obviously an accident. If BDSM had not been involved and sensationalized I believe the families would still be intact today.
Then we had another incident … a series of women into the lifestyle were advertising in local papers and chat rooms for people to enjoy the lifestyle with. This man took them to his house and tortured them to death. If I remember he killed 5 girls before he was captured.
These are extreme cases for sure but they were in my town. These people were targeted only because of their lifestyle. Maybe I am being over protective but I intend to enjoy the lifestyle but be discrete.
Butch



darkinshadows -> RE: BDSM vs Vanilla - The Real World (5/31/2007 6:12:11 AM)

Hello again Butch
 
I do understand your concerns and what you wrote, but for every BDSM tragedy, there is a also a non BDSM one where people loose their children and loose their lives.  Extreme sports, even just driving the car down the street, off roading, motorcycle enthusiasts, surfing, re-enactors(sp?) cricket and other sports - the list is terribly long.
Just because a person conducts their kink in a private or discret way doesn't make it any safer.  And I know that if something did happen to me for any reason that because I am open and visually happy within wiitwd to my family and my friends and most importantly my children - that the people who do matter know that Darcy would never do anything to hurt me beyond what we already consented as adults.  No matter what authority figures may accuse.
 
Peace and Rapture



octavia -> RE: BDSM vs Vanilla - The Real World (5/31/2007 6:50:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elegant



I disagree. I don't kneel at Master's Archer's feet every evening at 6:00 when the unmentionables are here but that does not mean we are not 24/7 Master/slave. Our relationship is not based on what we wear or how many time he whips me but, rather, on the power dynamic.

I am a mom I am a slave   Those are the two most important aspects of my life and neither takes precedence over the other. Balance is the key and I have had to learn to maintain equilibrium in my life so that the two facets blend together but each remains distinct. Every once in a while I wobble but somehow manage to stay center in the balance.






Bingo!
For me at least, this speaks to my truth.  It is about the power exchange, not how the specific power exchange is expressed.  In the one and only D/s relationship I have been in, no one would have every guessed it, but everyone could clearly see that I adored, respected, and valued my mate.  I listened to him and followed his guidance.  Those things where obvious to anyone. 



NControlofU -> RE: BDSM vs Vanilla - The Real World (5/31/2007 12:36:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: octavia

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elegant
I disagree. I don't kneel at Master's Archer's feet every evening at 6:00 when the unmentionables are here but that does not mean we are not 24/7 Master/slave. Our relationship is not based on what we wear or how many time he whips me but, rather, on the power dynamic.

I am a mom I am a slave   Those are the two most important aspects of my life and neither takes precedence over the other. Balance is the key and I have had to learn to maintain equilibrium in my life so that the two facets blend together but each remains distinct. Every once in a while I wobble but somehow manage to stay center in the balance.


Bingo!
For me at least, this speaks to my truth.  It is about the power exchange, not how the specific power exchange is expressed.  In the one and only D/s relationship I have been in, no one would have every guessed it, but everyone could clearly see that I adored, respected, and valued my mate.  I listened to him and followed his guidance.  Those things where obvious to anyone. 


This also holds true for how my slave and I live, also.  It's really not difficult.  It's very natural and easy.  In fact, I can't imagine living any other way.  This is who we are and we stay true to who we are all the time.  It's our life.



MasterD4u2 -> RE: BDSM vs Vanilla - The Real World (5/31/2007 4:05:47 PM)

I believe what is needed is a broader understanding of reality(i.e. the real world). Do you not live in the real world? do you not live the BDSM lifestyle? then how can that not be part of the real world?

   Just because the Vanilla world scorns the lifestyle(usually out of misunderstanding or ignorance)does not mean that we are not in the real world. I believe many of us keep the lifestyle private because we respect the vanilla's desire not to be subjected to our lifestyle. Some of us keep the lifestyle private because it is simply easier to live with vanillas without confrontation. Whatever the reason for you to restrain what truely makes you happy only serves to keep you from being completely happy.

      Also the lifestyle, although not always, can be sexual in nature. Which in my opinion is not entirely different from vanilla lifestyles in that respect. As most vanillas i know tend to keep that side of their lifestyle private as well. I have heard many say that regardless of where they are the are still living the lifestyle in the vanilla world. Many of you just alter it a little for the general society. Like rather than kneeling at Master's side you sit next to. Or rather than punnish your submissive in public you decide to deal with the matter later in private. When all is said and done you still live in the real world. We just have to be more discreet in our behaviors in the real world that's all.



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