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What is it with people? - 5/28/2007 9:27:04 PM

LadyAlzara

Posts: 38
Joined: 3/31/2005
Status: offline

I'm venting, so bear with Me. I meet a boy...put him through hoops to see if there is more there than a craving for kinky sex..introduce him to the local community, such as it is...and then....they drop off the planet as it were. The occassional...hope You're well, Ma'am type of message...and disappears...or better yet, deletes his profile.

Q:Why do P/people do this kinda thing?

Part of Me honestly believes that the one sure thing W/we take from relationship to relationship is O/ourselves. So, after much self-reflection, in all honesty, I have to wonder what baggage I'm taking along.....and just where in the hell I left the hacksaw.

_____________________________

~We lead our lives like water flowing down a hill, going more or less in one direction until we splash into something that forces us to find a new course~ Memoirs of a Geisha

Post #: 1

RE: What is it with people? - 5/28/2007 9:32:39 PM

Red82

Posts: 79
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline

I think alot relize that their fantasy's are better than the reality of it. My personal opinion? I know its frustrating, but look at it this way, your feeling through the tomatoes for the ripest one, not the ones that are only good for stew.

Your better off with someone who wont scare easy, just will take time to find that someone who knows who and what they are, and honestly, there are alot who dont.

(in reply to LadyAlzara)

Post #: 2

RE: What is it with people? - 5/28/2007 9:46:39 PM

LadyAlzara

Posts: 38
Joined: 3/31/2005
Status: offline

You know, I thought O/one when through the crisis of Self in the 20s....I understand W/we all change over time...make adjustments to O/ourselves.
I am as upfront about what I am as I know how to be. I an honest that there will be pain and humilation involved.
Too often, they claim experience where this is none.
Z

(in reply to Red82)

Post #: 3

RE: What is it with people? - 5/28/2007 10:11:50 PM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAlzara

You know, I thought O/one when through the crisis of Self in the 20s....I understand W/we all change over time...make adjustments to O/ourselves.
I am as upfront about what I am as I know how to be. I an honest that there will be pain and humilation involved.
Too often, they claim experience where this is none.
Z

By now, hopefully you've also learned that actions speak louder than words. It takes time to get to know another and there really are no shortcuts. Perhaps there may be an explanation forthcoming and all may not be lost. Otherwise, once you the time you need to mourn the loss of the dreams you thought might come to be, it's going to be time to gather yourself up and begin to regroup. At that point, lighten your load and move on so you're ready to recognize the next one that suddently appears at your doorstep. You'll want to be open to the opportunity and prepared for it when it occurs.

Best wishes to you in your search!

- pixel

< Message edited by pixelslave -- 5/28/2007 10:20:59 PM >

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to LadyAlzara)

Post #: 4

RE: What is it with people? - 5/28/2007 10:32:23 PM

MsHoney2you

Posts: 42
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

I see this as "kissing frogs". It takes many frogs to find the Prince. If the Prince is only for a short time, then that is what it is. I can only be as upfront as I can possibly be, if the subs I meet do not know themselves enough to know what makes them complete, then their path is to move on. Not a fault, simply a fact and one I agree is very frustrating. My suggestion is for your profile (which I have NOT read BTW) to be as complete as possible, as specific as possible, explaining what you seek, describing the 'relationship' as fully as possible so there is no misunderstanding right up front. Then, don't beat yourself up because the subs hit and run.... like a previous post, they don't know how to differentiate from reality and fantasy yet... and you don't want those anyway.

All the best,
Ms Honey

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 5

RE: What is it with people? - 5/28/2007 10:38:23 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Whenever you deal with a newcomer, you assume there is a good possibility hat the reality of it wont match their fantasies and they will bolt. Anytime you invest yourself in someone else, you run the risk. Sometimes, they stay and things go well, sometimes they leave quickly.
Such is life, and its never easy when you think you have a good thing going and it turns out to g south. But, better it fall apart sooner than before you invest even more into it. Think of it as cutting your losses and try not to get as attached until farther along in the future.
I say it, but I still do it on occasion. And I am still crushed when it doesnt work the way I want it to. But at least I can get over it relatively quickly now, since I dont take it personally anymore.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to MsHoney2you)

Post #: 6

RE: What is it with people? - 5/29/2007 12:09:23 AM

LadyHeart

Posts: 561
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I once watched a very interesting documentary on the psychology of the male submissive. The Mistress/psychologist who fronted it said that there were three types of subs. Type One: They do it once to fulfill a fantasy, then disappear, never to try it again. Type Two: It's something they crave a fix of from time to time, but it's not a permanent need. They get their fix, then disappear till next time. Type Three: the full time submissive, who has submission deeply embedded in their psyche. I tend to think that this is a very perceptive analysis, and have since worked on the assumption that as Types One and Two far out number Type Three, I'm going to get about a 1 in 20 "strike rate" so to speak, wicked chuckle.
:))
LadyHeart

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 7

RE: What is it with people? - 5/29/2007 12:47:05 AM

Wickad

Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline

(fast reply)

I call these types 'poof boys'. By this I mean that you chat with them, you talk on the phone, you meet in person, you start to play ... and then suddenly they just disappear *poof*. This type of action can also happen at any of the commas in the previous sentence as well - lol. They are just as flakey as they sound and worth about that much of my time as well.

To try and get around it (but really it doesn't work all the time) by being as specific as possible and sneaky as possible. I rarely, if ever, give out any information on what I am interested in or what I am seeking. I do ask for a lot of that information from the boy in question however. I've found that it's amazing how many boys are suddenly very much into all the same things I am, once I tell them what those things are - lol.

Good luck in your weeding out process.

Wickad

(in reply to LadyHeart)

Post #: 8

RE: What is it with people? - 5/29/2007 2:37:34 AM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

Many men, myself included, fear commitment. They fear it because they are worried that they won't be happy forever with the person they choose. I know you weren't slapping a collar (the heavy metaphoric one) on this guy a few nights in, but many men think in advance. "If this continues, will this make me happy?" Instead of being mature and facing facts, many men prefer to slowly disappear into the night, never to be seen or heard from again. It's certainly easier than a long heartfelt chat about what they do/don't like.

I am lucky enough to see this, and even luckier to have someone who keeps up a sustainable happiness. It's a wonderous thing. The point is, "It's not you, it's me" and disappearing slowly mean the same thing. "I don't see this going as I wanted too."

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to Wickad)

Post #: 9

RE: What is it with people? - 5/29/2007 7:56:30 AM

LadyAlzara

Posts: 38
Joined: 3/31/2005
Status: offline

pixel.....

Moving on isn't part of the problem....hell, at this point I've got "moving on" down to a science. I don't think I take shortcuts when speaking with potential subs...hell I make em jump through hoops, just to have My IM to speak to Me. I call it shucking. Anyway, by the time they reach the meeting the group stage, I feel they have a bit of value. So I hate getting disappointed.....
Z

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 10

RE: What is it with people? - 5/29/2007 8:10:53 AM

LadyAlzara

Posts: 38
Joined: 3/31/2005
Status: offline

Thanks for the comforting words A/all.
I know that fantasy and reality are separate things that O/one hopes to blend as well as can be done. My profile is fairly detailed....and littered with helpful comments. All in all, I've had many positve results...met new friend....and cannon fodder too. Being in this for so long, I tend to want to help educate the unwashed masses, as it were. But I'm ready to cut My losses in a real way. I too have come across the "pleasers" who change their likes to suit Me. The problem is...My interests vary, depending on My mood it maybe a spanking or a medical nightmare....(sutures are soo much fun). I suppose I should be used to "poof boys",.....We all get Our share I suppose. But I'd still like a note with a bit of soul seaching to say in all honesty that they can't handle X,Y, or Z. Something so that the memory is plesant and not a total waste of My time. I mean, geez, once You have the skill...."practice" isn't necessary....well okay in somethings...but You know what I mean. A fear of commitment is understandable...on both sides...Why settle for one when You can have 5? But, I have that vision in My head of contentment.....an idealistic dream I suppose...
Z

(in reply to LadyAlzara)

Post #: 11

RE: What is it with people? - 5/29/2007 10:29:43 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I don't know people can be wierd. I got a message from a guy this morning saying how much he wanted to serve me, how real he was etc etc and at the top was a system message that said I couldnt reply because his profile had been deleted. lol Why send a message and then delete your profile? It makes no sense to me other than people can live with the fantasy but IRL may not work for them and they are frightened to try.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to LadyAlzara)

Post #: 12

RE: What is it with people? - 5/29/2007 12:38:41 PM

stockingluvr54

Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

It goes both ways Ladies.......

I just recently got the silent treatment and have no idea wtf happened? I sent her an apology note for whatever it was I may have said(?) and said I wouldn't bother her anymore.

She also may have given me just enough rope to hang myself also? Somewhere along the exchange I screwed up? I still don't know what happened and probably never will.....

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 13

RE: What is it with people? - 5/29/2007 1:45:26 PM

SDFemDom4cuck

Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline

Who really knows why anyone does anything? I don't have an answer as to why.

I look at it this way...Every one that comes into my life does so for a reason. Some lesson is there to be learned from each one and that works in the opposite way as well. I hope that, in turn, they have learned something from me. The ones that "poof" are simply doing me a favor in showing themselves to not be the right one for me in the end. Which only brings me closer to finding my ideal. Yes, it's frustrating. Try to look at it as a positive thing, a lesson learned and believe that you'll find the one you're looking for regardless of how many toads you have to kiss in the interim.

Thoughts become things...think positive ones.

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to LadyAlzara)

Post #: 14

RE: What is it with people? - 5/29/2007 1:58:30 PM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

I have gone through the same thing.
The only thing I can come up with is, that for most its a fantasy...
Until the reality of it sets in.

I have this problem more with people new to the "lifestyle" than
with those already involved.
Another pro to the experienced submissive side.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to LadyAlzara)

Post #: 15

RE: What is it with people? - 5/30/2007 7:19:03 PM

LadyAlzara

Posts: 38
Joined: 3/31/2005
Status: offline

I'm all for experienced submissives....and yes, I agree that W/we come into each O/others lives for a reason...thanks be. I've found a few gems in the mountain...but damn it takes alot of digging to get there. Whoever said a Domme doesn't have to work at it, never spent 45 minutes swinging a flogger.
I suppose W/we all have met O/our share of "poof" people...and those annoying brats who think that pushing buttons is a way to get attention. My questions is: I'm a self proclaimed sadist...why give Me a reason to thrash your ass? Like it won't be painful enough without encouraging Me to be really devious...
Z

(in reply to MistressSassy66)

Post #: 16

RE: What is it with people? - 5/30/2007 7:23:01 PM

joyinslavery

Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAlzara

I meet a boy...put him through hoops

I'm going with the hoops.

Personally, I hate 'em.

Whatever works for You though.

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to LadyAlzara)

Post #: 17

RE: What is it with people? - 5/30/2007 7:42:10 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear LadyAlzara, LadyHeart, HeavansKeeper, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I will have to agree with LadyHeart's post, in which there are three or more types of "submissive" men.

I also have to agree with HeavansKeeper as well--commitment is something men do not easily come to unless its their idea. And, men and women have different expectations and ideas of what commitment is, the rules and the goals of the commitment.

There are those who I would put into the #4 submissive types -- And, those are the men who make a 'sport' out of harassing those who are into BDSM. The "hit and run" sort that draw people out, as to publicly humiliate and or upset people. It is creating the tempest in a tea cup and enjoy the aftermath response.

Unfortunately, there are no answers to why, unless I was able to read minds like the famous Sylvia Brown.

That said, I will say that those who fit all four generalized criterias for adult behavior; can be said for those who identify with Dominant and or Switch. In my personal opinion--it is more of a people problem and that is a society problem and or problems of civilization.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to LadyAlzara)

Post #: 18

RE: What is it with people? - 5/30/2007 7:46:27 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsHoney2you
I see this as "kissing frogs". It takes many frogs to find the Prince.

Yes, but was not it a domme who responded a bit unconventionally when a frog said to her that if she kisses him he shall turn into a prince? If I recall correctly, she instead imprisoned him in a glass jar. She then said, "I can find a prince rather easily, but a talking frog, now that's kinda cool!"

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to MsHoney2you)

Post #: 19

RE: What is it with people? - 5/30/2007 7:49:39 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs
I also have to agree with HeavansKeeper as well--commitment is something men do not easily come to unless its their idea.

In 1990, I bought a wallet. And that wallet stayed with me until 2000! That's ten years folks! Whenever someone says I cannot commit or I have no staying power, I tell them about my wallet.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 20

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