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"Us" against "Them"...strength in n... - 5/29/2007 7:10:40 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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By no means is this an "across the board" type phenomenon but I was wondering if anyone else has ever noticed this. I have noticed on message boards that sometimes people seem to stick together and defend each other based upon orientation. There is some kind of "subbie sisterhood" where if one submissive is taken to task by a Dominant, a line of her "subbie sisters/brothers" will step up in her defense. If it is a Domme....other Dommes will defend. I don't see it happen nearly as often with male Doms.

Has anyone else ever made this observation?

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Post #: 1

RE: "Us" against "Them"...strength ... - 5/29/2007 7:14:20 AM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

Hmmm I have witnessed it with others, but I've rarely benefited from it in a personal way. My experience is that submissive women tend NOT to be very friendly with me. But for sure, yes, there's definitely a herd solidarity going on.

Particularly with insecure dominant men, strangely enough: they have a tendency to jump at the chance to belong to a boys' network and stick together.

God knows why

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Post #: 2

RE: "Us" against "Them"...strength ... - 5/29/2007 7:17:22 AM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
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I see something slightly different, but I'm probably not thinking along the same lines as you.

I see most people, myself included to a greater or lesser extent, to be equal-opportunity haters. Groupthink is definitely at work here.

If someone is being a troll, that gets pointed out. If someone makes an error in personal judgement, that's a reason to light up the Christmas tree of 'told you so' as well.

Every once in a while someone might step in with a cooler head and make a comment to the effect of 'but what if this were YOUR situation', but it doesn't happen as often as it should, and those types of remarks are often looked over so the rest can get back to the cyber-beating at hand.

I'm personally notorious for male-bashing, so I'm not trying to take a holier-than-thou approach by any means.

It would be lovely, sweet, swell, if we could just get along, but that wouldn't be quite as much fun, would it?

Jeff

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(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 3

RE: "Us" against "Them"...strength ... - 5/29/2007 7:19:37 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

By no means is this an "across the board" type phenomenon but I was wondering if anyone else has ever noticed this. I have noticed on message boards that sometimes people seem to stick together and defend each other based upon orientation. There is some kind of "subbie sisterhood" where if one submissive is taken to task by a Dominant, a line of her "subbie sisters/brothers" will step up in her defense. If it is a Domme....other Dommes will defend. I don't see it happen nearly as often with male Doms.

Has anyone else ever made this observation?

Not really. I've seen subs and slaves come together to tell a dominant to piss off when they were trying to exert their domlyness over a sub or slave that they didn't own. Asides from that, I can't say I've noticed it.

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(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 4

RE: "Us" against "Them"...strength ... - 5/29/2007 7:22:18 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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To a certain extent yes, but it's a fairly weak bond- the chicks will swarm to protect the dom if they find him attractive and desireable. Much more common is the chick vs chick group.

And much more often it's one person in the relationship defending the other person in the relationship, or coming in to defend against all the infidels who dare speak against them.

Which usually only proves that there are two dorks who find such behavior desireable rather than just the one.

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Post #: 5

RE: "Us" against "Them"...strength ... - 5/29/2007 7:22:31 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
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one's gender, role or orientation has nothing to do with whether I "back them up" or "run them over".... it is purely about the thread/topic.

In fact there are people in here who I have been in full support of on one occasion & on another, I've told them they were full of shit. It's nothing personal & hopefully they are adult enough to realize that disagreements/differences of opinion are simply that & they are not lines on a battle field.

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Post #: 6

RE: "Us" against "Them"...strength ... - 5/29/2007 7:23:27 AM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
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I don't see this occuring at all, but I don't watch for such things. I read the thread, often times all or most of the posts to said thread then chime in where I want to chime. I couldn't care less (and seldom know unless stated) what orientation the OP is. If it is relevant to my post I have to go look sometimes. I will not defend another dominant simply because I am dominant if that dominant is being a jackass. I have no alliances or allegiences to anyone but my slave and myself.

For the record...if Robert acted in a way I felt inappropriate on these forums or in life...he'd be the first to know...not everyone or anyone else.

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Post #: 7

RE: "Us" against "Them"...strength ... - 5/29/2007 7:46:26 AM

Copulo

Posts: 268
Joined: 5/3/2007
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I have noticed it but then I have noticed that certain Dommes do this too. It’s a female thing, pack instinct or whatever one wants to call it but online I think it comes from needing that sense of belonging.
You often see the same groups doing it time and time again and to be honest it gets very boring after a while.

One definitely sees leadership in certain groups and that’s not necessarily a positive leadership. More often its some loud mouth that spills out sarcasms and has all her online buddies follow suit!

(in reply to earthycouple)

Post #: 8

RE: "Us" against "Them"...strength ... - 5/29/2007 7:46:30 AM

hereyesruponyou

Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
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I have observed this at times, especially when someone if being flamed for what seems little reason, but it certainly isn't always by D/s or sexual orientation. I think people in general tend to defend people with like views.

And there are several idiots on here to are just plain nasty to everyone

For the record i wanna be a Them whenever possible....

(in reply to earthycouple)

Post #: 9

RE: "Us" against "Them"...strength ... - 5/29/2007 7:54:09 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

By no means is this an "across the board" type phenomenon but I was wondering if anyone else has ever noticed this. I have noticed on message boards that sometimes people seem to stick together and defend each other based upon orientation. There is some kind of "subbie sisterhood" where if one submissive is taken to task by a Dominant, a line of her "subbie sisters/brothers" will step up in her defense. If it is a Domme....other Dommes will defend. I don't see it happen nearly as often with male Doms.

Has anyone else ever made this observation?

I am an equal opportunity basher

to answer the question though...yes, but that happens everywhere, in all walks of life

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Post #: 10

RE: "Us" against "Them"...strength ... - 5/29/2007 7:58:14 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

erin,
I would have referred to this as "us against us".

quote:

I personally can't stand it when anyone does it. It serves to show me a lack of intelligence...

This is not a rare or random quote specific to only one topic. Pick any subject or type of play and something similar will be posted by someone. It's not a question of why in an attempt of understanding. It doesn't reference or answer the OP question; usually asking why. It is a matter of needing credibility and trying to obtain it by denigrating. It is the same as the use of curse words or name calling; needed when the argument is weak, experience is lacking, there is no confidence, or the skill and ability to do anything else just doesn't exist.

The same holds in the contrary. Lacking the same confidence traits you need to log in and add a "ME TOO!" proclamation of either agreement or disagreement. I imagine such an insightful post is accompanied by a deep sigh of relieve and a feeling of validation as they continue on their journey of one handed web surfing. If you need validation, especially from the "real world" of internet personalities, you'll take it.

However look at it this way, without the "ME TOO!" or the converse "NOT ME!" most threads would be less than 10 posts long and, speaking for ourselves, we wouldn't get to laugh as much.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 11

RE: "Us" against "Them"...strength ... - 5/29/2007 8:08:13 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx
I see most people, myself included to a greater or lesser extent, to be equal-opportunity haters. Groupthink is definitely at work here.

If someone is being a troll, that gets pointed out. If someone makes an error in personal judgement, that's a reason to light up the Christmas tree of 'told you so' as well.

I see this type of cliquish behavior more than I see the sub-bonding or dom/me-bonding.

There are trends that exist which are predictably followed with few exceptions. Like the examples Jeff used above, although he left out the other big one, if someone uses vocabulary that is unaccepted by the masses, that gets pointed out by all the usual suspects, too.

Then there are also the fat-bashers and the married-bashers, and the acceptable ways of submitting and unacceptable ways of dominating...etc.

Mostly there are just trends in "how we do what we do" and those concepts on the fringe are considered lunacy.

I watched with interest recently as someone posted a thread asking how he might find a submissive suitable to his own uniqueness. It was immediately met with a couple of "troll bashing" posts, which were immediately followed by many posts bashing the basher, because unbeknownst to the basher the OP was actually known by people here, and therefore deemed a legitimate non-troll. I found that an interesting criteria - if you are known, you are not a troll, but if you are unknown, you are a troll until proven otherwise. I'm sure that can be confusing to the usual trend-followers, lol.

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 12

RE: "Us" against "Them"...strength ... - 5/29/2007 8:08:47 AM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
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I think the issue here is being approached the wrong way. It isn't that subs or doms or whoever are defending their 'brethren.' No one can ignore the proximity of opinions between two people who are similar in nature. Of course not all subs or doms are the same, but there is one uniting thread for them. Basically, the people don't defend their group, they defend their position. In this case, the two roads are often one.

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Post #: 13

RE: "Us" against "Them"...strength ... - 5/29/2007 8:36:18 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

There is value in group dynamics. A sisterhood, a brotherhood, a subhood, a Domhood....these things can be powerful. If they weren't Faternal organizations wouldn't exist. What IS a problem, in my eyes, is blind loyalty. I find that it IS possible to dissagree and let people know that they're wrong, even as you support them fixing the problem.

Master Fire

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Post #: 14

RE: "Us" against "Them"...strength ... - 5/29/2007 3:00:09 PM

Rafters

Posts: 266
Joined: 3/9/2006
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It could also be that CM is just the visible tip of an iceberg and a lot of the actual communication is occurring out of sight on IM, on the phone, at munchs etc.

Sometimes it's open. You'll be chatting to someone and they'll mention how you should read a forum post they have made, with the implied expectation you'll endorse it.

Othertimes statistcally unlikely things happen, like when you'll be swapping CM email with someone from a certain area. After a bit of back and forth, you say the right thing, and three other people from the same area, sex and age range will spontanously, out of the blue, notice your profile for the first time and email very friendly introductions.

Othertimes people just cycle through so many accounts names, so quickly, it just look like there are many people posting to a thread. (Hint: Check their account ID and forum history. Remember size is important)

CM is not an isolated bubble in the sea of BDSM. It's a meeting place for people who want to know new people and exchange tips.
There will never be a successfull battle of the cliques at CM, due to the amount of fratenizing with the enemy that goes on.

< Message edited by Rafters -- 5/29/2007 3:17:04 PM >

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 15

RE: "Us" against "Them"...strength ... - 5/29/2007 3:21:02 PM

MadRabbit

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Joined: 8/9/2006
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Typically, I defend the opinion of the person, not the person itself. Hence, if I am not in agreement with them, I am not on their side. Some people have the same opinions as me on a regular basis so I tend to defend them more often.

I've noticed also that the same people who are defending me and supporting me in one thread will turn right around and bash me down in the next thread for saying something not poorly thought out.

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Post #: 16

RE: "Us" against "Them"...strength ... - 5/29/2007 6:08:45 PM

junecleaver

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I have never really gotten that vibe.

It has always seemed more like a 'people who hold this certain idea' against 'people who hold a different idea.' If one person flames, more and more follow regardless of whether the person deserves it or not.

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Post #: 17

RE: "Us" against "Them"...strength ... - 5/29/2007 6:18:51 PM

petdave

Posts: 2479
Status: offline

i'll try to explain/justify the actions of other submissive men when it comes to D/s stuff just because i'm tired of seeing "us" put down all the time...

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 18

RE: "Us" against "Them"...strength ... - 5/29/2007 6:36:20 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
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I have seen some, as LA stated where a group of submissives will defend a Dominant of the attractive quality. I have also seen, in my eyes ,a grouping of the new collarme members attacking the more established ones and visa versa..Tempting

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Post #: 19

RE: "Us" against "Them"...strength ... - 5/29/2007 7:12:31 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
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I see cliques of people that stick together. Always seems no matter what one says. no matter how opinionated or stupid the rest defend them. To each their own I guess.

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Post #: 20

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