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What to do? - 5/29/2007 10:15:24 AM

Timidamy

Posts: 2
Joined: 5/29/2007
Status: offline

Hello

I've been talking to a dominant man online for about 2 weeks now, following his orders and such , its been very fun and i like him alot

Neither of us had seen the others face, he hasn't seen mine because my camera is broken (still in the shop, i'll get it back soon) and i hadn't seen his face because it never came up. i figure he'll show me when he's ready, no big deal.

Heres the thing though, for some reason i thought of googling his online handle and i actually found a picture of him online....and it turns out that i don't find him very attractive....

That said i do not want to end the relationship because of such a shallow thing when he seems so compatible with me in every other way.

I do feel bad about this though, knowing what he looks like without him knowing what i look like feels to me like i have a sort of power over him, and i don't want that at all!
Also i feel guilty for not being attracted to him

So heres my question: Do i tell him that i've seen his picture? and if i do what do i do if he asks if i find him attractive? lie?
I don't care too much about his looks but maybe he does, and i so don't want to hurt him, but honesty is the most important part of our relationship.

please help...

thanks in advance, amy

Post #: 1

RE: What to do? - 5/29/2007 10:21:56 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Timidamy
So heres my question: Do i tell him that i've seen his picture?

Yes, you need to confirm if that's really him or not

quote:

and if i do what do i do if he asks if i find him attractive? lie?

No, you mull it over for a few days to see how your feelings even out, and if you still don't find him attractive, just be honest and say "I'm not really feeling that attracted to you"

quote:

I don't care too much about his looks but maybe he does, and i so don't want to hurt him, but honesty is the most important part of our relationship.

please help...
thanks in advance, amy

Don't be guilty, your feelings are what they are, own them. It might hurt him to be rejected, but it will hurt him a lot less than your pity would.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Timidamy)

Post #: 2

RE: What to do? - 5/29/2007 10:22:22 AM

drawntothedark

Posts: 572
Joined: 10/19/2006
From: Arkansas
Status: offline

If you are not attracted to him do not feel guilty. It's a prefrence.

(in reply to Timidamy)

Post #: 3

RE: What to do? - 5/29/2007 10:22:27 AM

shyinini

Posts: 550
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Timidamy

Heres the thing though, for some reason i thought of googling his online handle and i actually found a picture of him online....and it turns out that i don't find him very attractive....

mmmmmmmmmmmm is this possible? lemme try it out......

back
oh my !! it is possible

Sir's fried red tomatoe

< Message edited by shyinini -- 5/29/2007 10:26:11 AM >

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.

(in reply to Timidamy)

Post #: 4

RE: What to do? - 5/29/2007 10:27:03 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

I'll also add that online and/or phone chemistry does not equal chemistry in real life. There have been people that I have chatted with that I felt a great connection with only to find out when we met face to face.....it wasn't there.

Master isn't my "type". He's pretty much the antithesis of who I used to date. But, in the end, he's the guy that makes my heart beat faster.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to shyinini)

Post #: 5

RE: What to do? - 5/29/2007 10:38:07 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

There's really only one way to verify that's really him and that is to meet him. If this is going to be more than an online thing and sexual attraction is important for you, I suggest having coffee sometime soon.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Timidamy)

Post #: 6

RE: What to do? - 5/29/2007 10:45:48 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Timidamy

Hello

I've been talking to a dominant man online for about 2 weeks now, following his orders and such , its been very fun and i like him alot

Neither of us had seen the others face, he hasn't seen mine because my camera is broken (still in the shop, i'll get it back soon) and i hadn't seen his face because it never came up. i figure he'll show me when he's ready, no big deal.

Heres the thing though, for some reason i thought of googling his online handle and i actually found a picture of him online....and it turns out that i don't find him very attractive....

That said i do not want to end the relationship because of such a shallow thing when he seems so compatible with me in every other way.

I do feel bad about this though, knowing what he looks like without him knowing what i look like feels to me like i have a sort of power over him, and i don't want that at all!
Also i feel guilty for not being attracted to him

So heres my question: Do i tell him that i've seen his picture? and if i do what do i do if he asks if i find him attractive? lie?
I don't care too much about his looks but maybe he does, and i so don't want to hurt him, but honesty is the most important part of our relationship.

please help...

thanks in advance, amy

this slave would encourage you to be honest, especially with someone you consider to be having a relationship with you.

(in reply to Timidamy)

Post #: 7

RE: What to do? - 5/29/2007 10:49:20 AM

Timidamy

Posts: 2
Joined: 5/29/2007
Status: offline

Thank you all for replying.

I am 99% certain that the man on the picture is him since i found it in a personal ad of someone who lives in the same city and likes all the same things and has the same online handle as my online dominant.

and about meeting him for coffee, that would be difficult since he lives practically on the opposite side of the globe from me.

I'll think hard about your answers and hopefully come up with the right thing to do.

thanks again, amy

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 8

RE: What to do? - 5/29/2007 11:06:45 AM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

I think that more importently is what you did is a little sneeky and deseptive you went behind his back took away the controll he had over his own photo...
why didnt you just ask him?? becasue he may say no? isnt that his right aspecially since you havent even given him one yet. And what if is answer was no then this would be going against what he as the Dom wants.. I dont know that is that part that stuck out at me

Magik's slave

< Message edited by MagiksSlave -- 5/29/2007 11:22:36 AM >

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to Timidamy)

Post #: 9

RE: What to do? - 5/29/2007 11:35:29 AM

Khorush

Posts: 1
Joined: 5/22/2007
Status: offline

...

< Message edited by Khorush -- 5/29/2007 11:38:34 AM >

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 10

RE: What to do? - 5/29/2007 11:37:24 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave
I think that more importently is what you did is a little sneeky and deseptive you went behind his back took away the controll he had over his own photo...

When you post a picture online, you relinquish all control you have in terms of who views it.

The deception would be in not telling him she'd done it.

quote:

why didnt you just ask him?? becasue he may say no? isnt that his right aspecially since you havent even given him one yet. And what if is answer was no then this would be going against what he as the Dom wants.. I dont know that is that part that stuck out at me

Magik's slave

I got the feeling they hadn't asked about it because her camera was broken and she just got the idea one night to see what she could find. And it's ok to go against what a dom wants when he isn't your dom :)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 11

RE: What to do? - 5/29/2007 12:10:15 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

Well you have only known him two weeks and online. So now is the time to say something before things get serious. You yourself described it as "very fun". Tell him now and its ok, everyone has preferences. It would not be ok to lead someone on knowing how you feel.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to Timidamy)

Post #: 12

RE: What to do? - 5/29/2007 12:21:13 PM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

I think that more importently is what you did is a little sneeky and deseptive you went behind his back took away the controll he had over his own photo...
why didnt you just ask him?? becasue he may say no? isnt that his right aspecially since you havent even given him one yet. And what if is answer was no then this would be going against what he as the Dom wants.. I dont know that is that part that stuck out at me

Magik's slave

Googling a name and checking out any information linked to said name is not sneaky. He put it out there it's free reign now. If she is deceptive about having seen it or what she feels about his looks then she has a bigger problem.

If this guy doesn't want people to see his picture he should not have posted it under the same name on some random website. Once he puts a picture out on the web he has lost all rights to keeping his face private.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 13

RE: What to do? - 5/29/2007 12:24:17 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Timidamy

I've been talking to a dominant man online for about 2 weeks now, following his orders and such , its been very fun and i like him alot

Neither of us had seen the others face, he hasn't seen mine because my camera is broken (still in the shop, i'll get it back soon) and i hadn't seen his face because it never came up. i figure he'll show me when he's ready, no big deal.

Heres the thing though, for some reason i thought of googling his online handle and i actually found a picture of him online....and it turns out that i don't find him very attractive....

That said i do not want to end the relationship because of such a shallow thing when he seems so compatible with me in every other way.

I do feel bad about this though, knowing what he looks like without him knowing what i look like feels to me like i have a sort of power over him, and i don't want that at all!
Also i feel guilty for not being attracted to him

So heres my question: Do i tell him that i've seen his picture? and if i do what do i do if he asks if i find him attractive? lie?
I don't care too much about his looks but maybe he does, and i so don't want to hurt him, but honesty is the most important part of our relationship.

please help...

thanks in advance, amy

I think you should have a lot more questions that you actually have. You have been talking online for TWO WEEKS. That is a significantly short period of time.

Was it wrong of you to do a little "detective" work and google him? Absolutely not. Depends on why you did it to a point. I have googled someone that I speak with because I was curious (not suspicious) about what they told me they did for a living. Did you google him because you had some kind of suspicions or distrust or were you just looking to learn more?

Either way, you say how he is on the other side of the globe from you. Certainly after a mere 2 weeks, it would be foolish to consider such types of relocation. Have such things even been discussed anyway is such a short period of time? It sounds as though this would be more of an "online" relationship moving forward. You say you didn't find him "very attractive". That means a lot of things. Is he just average looking, or did the picture make you want to barf? Pictures are not always accurate either. I remember several years ago, meeting a man who I had met through another online dating site. Wow, did he look good in his picture. We went out to dinner. I could tell that it was indeed the same man as the one in the picture, but a professional photographer can work wonders. In other words, the complete opposite, attractive in photo, no so much in person.

Anyway, being he is halfway around the world, and it would seem that since that is the case, your relationship is likely to remain of an "online" nature, what difference does it make how he looks?

You might also question the issue of feeling guilty for not being attracted to physically to someone.

(in reply to Timidamy)

Post #: 14

RE: What to do? - 5/29/2007 12:30:13 PM

farieanne

Posts: 65
Joined: 2/24/2007
From: Las Vegas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Timidamy

honesty is the most important part of our relationship.

Enough said

_____________________________

Master Peter's

"A woman will always sacrifice herself if you give her the opportunity. It is her favourite form of self-indulgence.” - William Somerset Maugham

(in reply to Timidamy)

Post #: 15

RE: What to do? - 5/29/2007 2:02:31 PM

eveningtwilight

Posts: 48
Joined: 5/22/2007
Status: offline

I wouldn't feel bad about looking him up. It's normal and uninvasive.

If it were me, I'd let him know that you saw his picture (he might be flattered that you were interested enough to do the detective work) and ask him if he has other photos he can send you. He may have drastically changed since that other photo was taken. He may have gained or lost weight, shaved or grown a beard, had tatoos removed or so forth. I've seen many pictures of people where they look dreadful, but the pics look nothing like them in real life. Sometimes it really is all about the photographer, angles, lighting and so forth.

Also, remember that looks aren't everything. I knew a guy once who wasn't hardly anything to look at, but his voice...oh my god his voice...it made me wet everytime I heard it and I was ready to follow him around like a puppy dog just because of the way his voice resinated. Also, the best of looking guys can smell or have dreadfully gross habbits.

2 weeks is nothing. Give it more time and keep an open mind until you can get things fully resolved.

(in reply to Timidamy)

Post #: 16

RE: What to do? - 5/29/2007 2:10:05 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

OK I wasnt saying about looking him up, getting more info is good, but she did it for the spacific reason of finding his photo. Why not just ask for it instead. I dont know not asking just doesnt sit right with me... its just my opinion.

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to eveningtwilight)

Post #: 17

RE: What to do? - 5/29/2007 2:20:51 PM

TomWilson105

Posts: 9
Joined: 9/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

for some reason i thought of googling his online handle and i actually found a picture of him online....and it turns out that i don't find him very attractive....

*Gulp* I didn't know you could do that either. So I tried, but could not find myself anywhere. Does this mean I don't exist anymore? And if I did find my photo and if I didn't find it attractive.... boggles the mind.

< Message edited by TomWilson105 -- 5/29/2007 2:21:51 PM >

(in reply to eveningtwilight)

Post #: 18

RE: What to do? - 5/29/2007 2:38:59 PM

OnlyHis

Posts: 137
Joined: 2/25/2004
Status: offline

I have found , more than once , and not just with myself, that sometimes pictures just don't really show what the person looks like. Some people just dont' take a great picture. Others the camera loves.
Just my 2 cents worth .

(in reply to Timidamy)

Post #: 19

RE: What to do? - 5/30/2007 5:08:23 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

If honesty is one of the most important parts of your relationship then I definitely would tell him that you saw a photo of someone who lives in his area and shares the same id. Ask if that is him. Given that your contact so far is online, I am sure that you could type that you are following his orders however if you are not feeling that dom/sub connection with him now that you have seen his photo you are being dishonest to him and yourself. It isn't shallow to have personal preferences however it would be mean to let him continue to think that you are interested in him if this is not the case.

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
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(in reply to Timidamy)

Post #: 20

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