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RE: What to do? - 5/30/2007 6:08:17 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		ask yourself how would you wish to be treated in this circumstance if the situation was reverse?...youll have you answer.

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This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to wandersalone)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: What to do? - 5/30/2007 6:50:33 AM   
ennaozzie


Posts: 201
Joined: 5/9/2007
Status: offline 		Did you check to make sure that someone else is not using that name in a different forum?  Did it have his email address in the profile you found linking it to the id he uses in what ever chat program you are communicating with?
 
There are many things you have to be sure of first before you can confirm that it is in fact him you tracked down, and then if there are a few things in the other profile/chat forum what ever you came across, is he using it?  if he is, has he put his own picture in there?
 
I would talk to him and be up front but then how long have you been talking do you think its moving towards where if might go further than just on line?  If so then being up front is the only way to go, but I would check out that investigating you have done to make sure you have an id and picture that is actually him to start with.
 
I work in a industry where there is no room for mistakes as it can ruin a lot of peoples lives if we are wrong, so everything has to be 100% before submitting information.
 
Anyway I agree with the others if it is him and the attraction is not there don’t let it go on but then you could end up with a good friend.  If he appreciates that you are an honest person that told it how it is up front.
 
beanie

< Message edited by ennaozzie -- 5/30/2007 6:53:07 AM >

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(in reply to Timidamy)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: What to do? - 5/30/2007 7:14:11 AM   
octavia


Posts: 377
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Timidamy

Thank you all for replying.

I am 99% certain that the man on the picture is him since i found it in a personal ad of someone who lives in the same city and likes all the same things and has the same online handle as my online dominant.

and about meeting him for coffee, that would be difficult since he lives practically on the opposite side of the globe from me.


I'll think hard about your answers and hopefully come up with the right thing to do.

thanks again, amy


First off, I would have done the same.  You are only two weeks into this and personally as I get to know potential Dom's I find that some would like to start the "play" sooner than later and vise versa.  Both allow me to get to know them, so I don't mind a bit of bossiness early on BUT I also recongnize that I am still getting to know , and always maintain my right to say;  "ok.  learned enough, moving on now."  Trust takes time, and trust is what makes a delicious D/s relationship delicious.  Sounds like he checked out just fine, if all his info was the same on his profile as he told you. 
Secondly,
If he lives across the globe from you and the expectation is just an online/telly thing, does his rt attrativeness matter to you?  Or were you looking into the possiblility of one of you moving closer?  I would say, if you find him mentally attractive, and you are only looking for a mental relationship.. don't borrow roadblocks.  *wink*

jmho,
octavia

(in reply to Timidamy)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: What to do? - 5/30/2007 7:44:13 AM   
CitizenCane


Posts: 349
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

There's really only one way to verify that's really him and that is to meet him. If this is going to be more than an online thing and sexual attraction is important for you, I suggest having coffee sometime soon.

Master Fire



Absolutely. Meeting live (or possibly via webcam) is the only way to really make a solid connection between the physical person and their on-line manifestations. A quick meet in a neutral setting, before any serious emotional investments develop, is a pretty good idea.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: What to do? - 5/30/2007 8:48:17 AM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		That's how it is with some of my pics, I have one with me sitting indian style in an over sized dress, and I look about 400 pounds, and yet the same time differnt picture I look way better/.
quote:

ORIGINAL: eveningtwilight

I I've seen many pictures of people where they look dreadful, but the pics look nothing like them in real life. Sometimes it really is all about the photographer, angles, lighting and so forth.




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Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.


(in reply to eveningtwilight)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: What to do? - 5/30/2007 8:48:29 AM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

OK I wasnt saying about looking him up, getting more info is good, but she did it for the spacific reason of finding his photo. Why not just ask for it instead. I dont know not asking just doesnt sit right with me... its just my opinion.

Magik's slave


OP's origional quote:  "Heres the thing though, for some reason i thought of googling his online handle and i actually found a picture of him online....and it turns out that i don't find him very attractive.... "

This does not say I looked him up to find his picture.  It says I decided to google him and found a picture during the google process.


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Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: What to do? - 5/30/2007 10:26:32 AM   
reallygoodgirl


Posts: 5
Joined: 5/29/2007
Status: offline 		I would get your camera back and send him some photos of you, then tell him that you saw his photo and ask for more of him so you can get a better idea of what he really looks like. If the two of you haven't even seen photos of each other yet, it doesn't seem like you could be too serious about each other yet.

This makes me really glad that my online guy sent me his photo as soon as I asked what he looked like the first time we chatted. I scanned a few of me and gave them to him the next day. If he has photos available to send you, then why is he holding back on sending them to you, I wonder? It seems like he would want you to be able to have that information as soon as possible so you won't waste each others' time if there is no attraction.

(in reply to Timidamy)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: What to do? - 5/30/2007 12:20:42 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

OK I wasnt saying about looking him up, getting more info is good, but she did it for the spacific reason of finding his photo. Why not just ask for it instead. I dont know not asking just doesnt sit right with me... its just my opinion.

Magik's slave


OP's origional quote:  "Heres the thing though, for some reason i thought of googling his online handle and i actually found a picture of him online....and it turns out that i don't find him very attractive.... "

This does not say I looked him up to find his picture.  It says I decided to google him and found a picture during the google process.



Your right, I miss read.. Im wrong then! I apologise and take back what I said. 

Honestly though if you arent attracted to him and he is so far away and seeing that you only know him 2 weeks it is better your found out now.. if not beeing attracted to him isnt a problem for you then see where this leads but if it is (and it is for a lot of people if not most) then it is good you found out now so early on. Best thing to do is talk to him find out if indeed that is him. Attraction is an importent part for many if you are looking for a romantic BDSM relationship. Dont beat yourself up about it you cant really help what attracts you and what doesnt attract you.

Magik's slave

< Message edited by MagiksSlave -- 5/30/2007 12:23:07 PM >

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If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to earthycouple)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: What to do? - 5/30/2007 2:05:26 PM   
HaveRopeWillBind


Posts: 514
Joined: 7/15/2006
Status: offline 		Before you do anything you need to see more than one photo of him. Any given photo can be taken on a bad day or at an unflattering angle or in bad lighting. No one can look their best in every photo. So just ask to see some of him. You don't need to say why in particular. After all it's natural to be curious after two weeks.

If after seeing additional photos you still don't feel any attraction then ask yourself if you plan to wear blinders forever or if he is going to always wear a hood. Because if you don't care for his appearance and you are going to move half way around the world then that's what it comes down to.  Beauty IS in the eye of the beholder and if you don't feel attracted there is no reason to travel so far as it is going to fail without that essential chemistry.

I know that I am not the most handsome guy on the site by far, but if a potential submissive didn't feel some kind of attraction to begin with I am realistic enough to see that there is very little chance it would work out over time. Remember that if you get together at least some of your shared lives will be vanilla time. Ask yourself if you really want to be sitting across a breakfast table from him 10 years from now. If you can honestly say yes, then go for it. If not, just walk away.

(in reply to Timidamy)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: What to do? - 5/30/2007 3:09:11 PM   
lonlyrossInNeed


Posts: 3144
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		I havnt been on this section for a whyll but reading the threads today and looking at the others postes on here about this i agree with LA  100%
 
ross.g

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Timidamy
So heres my question: Do i tell him that i've seen his picture?

Yes, you need to confirm if that's really him or not

quote:

and if i do what do i do if he asks if i find him attractive? lie?

No, you mull it over for a few days to see how your feelings even out, and if you still don't find him attractive, just be honest and say "I'm not really feeling that attracted to you"
quote:


I don't care too much about his looks but maybe he does, and i so don't want to hurt him, but honesty is the most important part of our relationship.

please help...
thanks in advance, amy

Don't be guilty, your feelings are what they are, own them.  It might hurt him to be rejected, but it will hurt him a lot less than your pity would.


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To know what pain is hurts the most
pain is not just a wound in your flesh
pain is a dagger in your heart

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 30
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