RE: Written assignments for ongoing education..?

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pixelslave -> RE: Written assignments for ongoing education..? (5/30/2007 7:58:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DeviantDiva This website is no longer updated, but there are quite a wealth of topics and quotes relating to D/s relationships; primarly the site was geared toward those who wished to explore and write about their submission: http://www.inhischains.com/kindlings/ Sadly, it appears the site was intended only for things written by female subs, not that male subs can't learn from their female counterparts in the lifestyle. Yet, it seems to me that male submissives perhaps have some unique issues we face as men serving women that need to be shared with ourselves & others, discussed, validated and released. [&:] - pixel

LadyHugs -> RE: Written assignments for ongoing education..? (5/30/2007 8:05:38 PM)
Dear pixelslave, Ladies and Gentlemen; I agree. There is very little written for and by Heterosexual male slaves and or submissives. True, there are some common things that can be learned regardless gender, gender preferences and or practices. However, save for a few brave men who identify as slave/submissive -- there is a loud silence. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs

DeviantDiva -> RE: Written assignments for ongoing education..? (5/30/2007 10:24:59 PM)
Yes Pixelslave and Lady Hugs, I completely agree...the Kindlings website is definitely geared toward the female submissive and I apologize for not specifiying when I presented that link. I was so excited to pass it along, I overlooked that...my bad! What I have done in the past is modify some of those prompts for the male submissive I was working with. The male sub's point of view and opportunity to express his thoughts, feelings, emotions and experiences very much do need to be explored and there should be a creative outlet for this. Hmmmm....maybe I'll look at the possibility of putting a male version of Kindlings together someday...it really would be a worthwhile project to initiate. Maybe its time for that loud silence to be broken.... Thanks for making me think more about this. =)

JpnsTigerrrlily -> RE: Written assignments for ongoing education..? (5/30/2007 10:43:26 PM)
I can't tell you how happy I was to find this discussion. :) I've also been requiring writing from potential suitors for years. I find that it quickly weeds out the dedicated from those that are looking for play. I have them research different topics, giving them a set number of articles to locate(3-5 normally), then write a summary and an opinion. Most of it is D/s related, but some of it is also focused around personal growth and simply things that they're interested in. I have them keep an online journal and everything the write is kept there, so we both have access to all the articles/entries in one easy to locate place. I also give specific topics to write about, so I can find out not only what they think about something but the WHY behind it. I love having them write in journal form because it gives a place that you can track growth and see where they were at one time and compare it to where they are now. I'm not sure how it's been for others, but I've had a difficult time finding submissives/slaves that are good at writing. Most seem to have a difficult time with it. The current person I am considering is having a really hard time and I'm trying to figure out how to get what I want from him, without him feeling stuck in a corner about it.

Calandra -> RE: Written assignments for ongoing education..? (5/31/2007 4:36:17 AM)
Whenever I get someone who's heart is in the right place, but who has difficulty writing, I suggest that they simply freewrite for a while. I order them not to consider spelling, punctuation, or form, just to practice getting their thoughts on paper. After a few weeks they are ready to begin organizing their thoughts, and you can ask them to begin writing in complete sentences. Next ask them to lump related sentences together, etc... It's sad that our educational system has failed us so badly. I have found that someone can learn to have confidence in their writing if you are patient and break down the skills into baby steps. Remember that it takes effort to overcome insecurity. Praise, praise, praise...

Politesub53 -> RE: Written assignments for ongoing education..? (5/31/2007 6:24:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JpnsTigerrrlily I'm not sure how it's been for others, but I've had a difficult time finding submissives/slaves that are good at writing. Most seem to have a difficult time with it. The current person I am considering is having a really hard time and I'm trying to figure out how to get what I want from him, without him feeling stuck in a corner about it. Maam JpnsTigerrrlily, when i was first asked to start writing i was asked to read a topic, then write my views of it, with no length given. i found this okay as it didnt phase me out, as i could just write for however long a felt. The more i started writing, the longer i was told to make the essays. So it was more of a gradual process. Maybe asking why he finds writing so difficult would help You determine a way round it ? [;)]

Politesub53 -> RE: Written assignments for ongoing education..? (5/31/2007 6:27:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DeviantDiva Yes Pixelslave and Lady Hugs, I completely agree...the Kindlings website is definitely geared toward the female submissive and I apologize for not specifiying when I presented that link. I was so excited to pass it along, I overlooked that...my bad! What I have done in the past is modify some of those prompts for the male submissive I was working with. The male sub's point of view and opportunity to express his thoughts, feelings, emotions and experiences very much do need to be explored and there should be a creative outlet for this. Hmmmm....maybe I'll look at the possibility of putting a male version of Kindlings together someday...it really would be a worthwhile project to initiate. Maybe its time for that loud silence to be broken.... Thanks for making me think more about this. =) Maam DominantDiva, i am sure there are many men who would be glad to contribute thoughts and feelings in this way. Sometimes its way easier to put thoughts on paper than to talk about them. [;)]

YesMistressIrish -> RE: Written assignments for ongoing education..? (5/31/2007 12:18:13 PM)
*Lady Hugs said "In my mind's eyes I see, there is much more than the mechanics of serving and or service. It is the magic that can be raised from within their soul, when they can gather in the many aspects of serving, to give service, to accept service and be empowered from what is past, what is present and what is future. It is beyond public consumption but, a slave's mastery of the arts of service and inspire all to partake in the experienced and be forever 'touched.' When the 'spirit' of service is manifested, a part of them imprints on the entire experience as they serve. This is where a slave inspires those they touch--even their Master. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ That is what I think/feel! Thanks Lady H for expressing that so well. Constantly learning and* teaching makes me happy. This is a link to inspire male subs re:chastity; http://beingherknight.blogspot.com/ Here is good one for a subs checklist and negotiations: http://www.frugaldomme.com/dangers/subcheck.htm This link is a good one for all kinds of tests which can be very revealing and save a lot of time and energy working to understands ourselves and a sub/slave: http://www.funeducation.com/personalitytest/intro.asp?source=google Good stuff and fun times! Miss Irish ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “The individual activity of one man with backbone will do more than a thousand men with a mere wishbone.” ~William J H Boetcker

Calandra -> RE: Written assignments for ongoing education..? (5/31/2007 12:26:20 PM)
Thanks for those links! They look like great resources.

pixelslave -> RE: Written assignments for ongoing education..? (5/31/2007 1:08:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JpnsTigerrrlily I can't tell you how happy I was to find this discussion. :) I've also been requiring writing from potential suitors for years. I find that it quickly weeds out the dedicated from those that are looking for play. I have them research different topics, giving them a set number of articles to locate(3-5 normally), then write a summary and an opinion. Most of it is D/s related, but some of it is also focused around personal growth and simply things that they're interested in. I have them keep an online journal and everything the write is kept there, so we both have access to all the articles/entries in one easy to locate place. I also give specific topics to write about, so I can find out not only what they think about something but the WHY behind it. I love having them write in journal form because it gives a place that you can track growth and see where they were at one time and compare it to where they are now. I'm not sure how it's been for others, but I've had a difficult time finding submissives/slaves that are good at writing. Most seem to have a difficult time with it. The current person I am considering is having a really hard time and I'm trying to figure out how to get what I want from him, without him feeling stuck in a corner about it. Part of the difficulty the person you are currently considering may be having is related to their thoughts being on-line and, thus having been typed. They may be more comfortable writing in a paper journal. I'd suggest you discuss this with them. They can always photocopy their entries and mail them to you (a PO Box for safety if you wish). If you're still not happy with what you're seeing, and feel the sub is not getting in touch with their feelings, a therapist once taught me to try writing with my non-dominant hand (no pun intended); in my case the left hand as I'm right-handed. Doing so, causes the person writing to focus more on their emotions rather than logic and just relating events. I don't recall the full explanation for why this works, but it does, especially with a bit of practice as it will feel very awkward at first. What is written will likely be difficult to read, but will help the person get in touch with their deeper feelings on a subject. I suggest you try it for yourself to see if it works for you and then apply it to your sub if you wish. Depending on the sub, if you're considering them in person, you may find that they're more likely to feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and emotions verbally with you in person. They may need the human connection to do so. Admitting their feelings to themselves alone in private may be more difficult or frightening/scarier for them to admit than sharing them with their Dominant or can provide aftercare and validation that they're okay for having them. Some may respond well to something akin to a mild interrrogation scene and will then tell you anything you want to know, and feel better by releasing them throught that process. Perhaps what I've just described is something akin to the "forced bi" thing where the desires are there, but the man is inhibited or has a lot of shame because of them; but his Domme telling him to act upon them gives him the freedom in his mind to do so. Please, that's just an example for illustration purposes and let's not get into the discussion/debate on the topic. [:D] Remember, we're all different and have unique ways of expressing ourselves. Society has taught men to suppress many of the things that we desire as submissives. I'm 49 and it's only recently that I've been able to express some of my most primal desires to be my new Mistress' total man slut in any way she desires (to use relatively polite terms). She has been able to help me release any guilt or shame that remained from some of what society and the legal system throughout my divorce & custody/visitation battle for my unmentionables (the psych eval was hell for me) has within the last few years imprinted within me, not to mention the affects of abuse by my former Mistress/spouse who continues to try to control my life through my unmentionables. [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m23.gif[/image] For male submissives, it is not as simple as things are for many female submissives who are treated very differently by society and the legal system. I don't want to begin to try and explain how the legal system here in Texas has viewed and treated me compared to how it would have had I been a female under the same circumstances that I'm in at this time. My apologies to the OP for getting off-track as I don't want to hijaak this thread. - pixel

pixelslave -> RE: Written assignments for ongoing education..? (5/31/2007 1:14:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DeviantDiva Yes Pixelslave and Lady Hugs, I completely agree...the Kindlings website is definitely geared toward the female submissive and I apologize for not specifiying when I presented that link. I was so excited to pass it along, I overlooked that...my bad! What I have done in the past is modify some of those prompts for the male submissive I was working with. The male sub's point of view and opportunity to express his thoughts, feelings, emotions and experiences very much do need to be explored and there should be a creative outlet for this. Hmmmm....maybe I'll look at the possibility of putting a male version of Kindlings together someday...it really would be a worthwhile project to initiate. Maybe its time for that loud silence to be broken.... Thanks for making me think more about this. =) You're welcome DeviantDiva. It would indeed be a worthy project as there does seem to be an absense of resources for the sharing of thoughts and information on the lifestyle from and between heterosexual male subs. The gay leather community seems to have more available to them than we do in the way of such resources and books. [&:] - pixel

foolishguy -> RE: Written assignments for ongoing education..? (6/1/2007 12:14:04 AM)
I have been lurking around the message board for a few weeks, but hadn’t worked up the gumption to post. Thank you for the topic Domme Calandra! You've motivated my very first post! I would love to be given writing assignments. Especially assignments that lead to self exploration or the exploration of the connection between myself and my Domme (should I ever be so lucky to have one), and assignments which help clarify and promote the Domme/sub relationship - if possible leading to a stronger, better, more complete bonding with the Domme. To be of value, though, the Domme must be interested in the answers. It's hard to sustain an honest interest in another person’s writings for long, especially if the writing is of any length. And it is just as hard to delve deeply into a subject with just a few words. That is one thing that would worry me – reading another person’s writing can get pretty boring. The Domme should always get the reward. She is doing me a favor by taking an interest in me, to begin with. She should come out on top, always. She should get more than she has given of herself from her experiences with me or any sub. It might be difficult to produce this result if she must spend lot’s of time scanning the tedious, blathering screeds I am likely to deliver to her (thinking to myself they are pure poetry of course). I love the idea. If I ever find a Domme I will try to bring the possibility of something like this into the picture. Thanks again Domme Calandra for opening the topic. FoolishGuy

MaamJay -> RE: Written assignments for ongoing education..? (6/1/2007 1:39:54 AM)
I love giving written assignments. I am also a teaching Domme. As with others here, I have set assignments discussing articles, writing thoughts and feelings about different aspects of bdsm (one of My faves is punishment), journalling, daily logs, poetry, rainy day collections etc. It can be difficult persuading males to write, and I have tried some of the hints and tips here. Asking them a series of questions often helps overcome the blank page problem. And I have had one sub draw and paint representations of his feelings which worked well for him. I agree that there is a dearth of resources for hetero male subs. I don't have the skills nor the time to set something up but would support it if someone else did! Maam Jay

MaamJay -> RE: Written assignments for ongoing education..? (6/1/2007 2:02:15 AM)
While I was posting, foolishguy posted. I would like to add that I thoroughly enjoy reading what My subs have written and use it as a basis for further verbal discussion. I don't find it tedious at all. I do find it tedious when I ask for his thoughts and feelings and I get a single line sentence! Or when I ask for his comments on an article and he simply gives his own take on the subject obviously without having read the article I directed him to. Do as I ask and I will read!! Darn, I was looking for one of the best examples I received from someone for whom English is not his first language, but I can't find it. I set up a scenario ... in which he had to imagine he was tied to a wall, blindfolded, ear plugs in though they only muted what he could hear, didn't block it entirely. After I ensured he was well secured he heard My footsteps recede and disappear, so he believed himself to be alone. he knew there were other people in the vicinity. I asked him to record how he thought he would feel and what might pass through his mind. his response was awesome, really showed Me that he had got right into the scenario, whereas a couple of other subs could only muster very superficial responses. I know I kept it at the time ... but it might have been lost along the way in one of My hard disc crashes :-( Was only seeking to encourage others with it! Maam Jay

Politesub53 -> RE: Written assignments for ongoing education..? (6/1/2007 5:06:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: foolishguy To be of value, though, the Domme must be interested in the answers. Hi foolishguy and welcome to the boards. I took me ages to actually sign up and contribute so i know what you mean. With regards to the comment above, i used to think the same. i got a shock one day when i asked Mistress what She thought and was told the following. " It matters not if i read the essay/task, What matters is that You have read and understood the topic i set you " i know She did read most of my essays, but from that day i could never be sure. Sometimes i would be told i had done well, others not. What this taught me is that while i was writing for Her pleasure, it was also as a learning tool for myself, and for Her to learn about me. [;)]

Calandra -> RE: Written assignments for ongoing education..? (6/1/2007 6:09:44 AM)
Welcome to the boards foolishguy! I, personally love love love the written word. I agree that it can get overwhelming to see a whole page of text... I tend to take each paragraph and carefully consider what the sub is relaying to Me. Once I feel comfortable that I've gleaned enough information, I move to the next. I've also found that if I originally give an assignment with a "MAXIMUM" number of words, it forces the sub to be more concise. They must make each word count. Afterwards I will ask follow up questions and draw out the lesson if appropriate. My time is valuable, and I want quality time. I've found that written assignments uncover important issues both for the sub and for Me. I treasure a sub who can write his thoughts to Me from the heart. It doesn't matter if he has a master's degree or if he didn't finish sixth grade the effort and the transparency is what's important. Great post! I look forward to getting to know you. (Pssst! We're not ogres, honest)

Calandra -> RE: Written assignments for ongoing education..? (6/1/2007 6:13:42 AM)
How interesting! I had never considered NOT reading an assignment I'd given. Your Mistress makes an awesome point though, and I can imagine assigning topics that would benefit the slave without having to read it Myself. I guess I'd always felt it was "bad manners" not to read something "I'd asked for". Thanks for an alternate view!

pixelslave -> RE: Written assignments for ongoing education..? (6/1/2007 5:32:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: foolishguy I would love to be given writing assignments. Especially assignments that lead to self exploration or the exploration of the connection between myself and my Domme (should I ever be so lucky to have one), and assignments which help clarify and promote the Domme/sub relationship - if possible leading to a stronger, better, more complete bonding with the Domme. To be of value, though, the Domme must be interested in the answers. As others have noted and already commented, I'd take issue with your statements as quoted above. There is much you can learn about yourself and your own submission from writing. Much of this is what a potential Mistress will want you to know, and YOU will need to know it in order to find *the one* who is "right for you" and just as important, to *recognize her* when you meet her! [8D] You may find some of the writing assignments in the book titled "Training with Miss Abernathy" of value to you in that regard. It's chock full of them along with references to other books and resources that may also be of interest to you if you desire to become a better and more valuable submissive to the Mistress you may eventually serve. There are other sites on the web that probably have questions for subs to complete that you may find good ones to use for self-reflection as well. You may for example want to spend some time writing about you feelings about all the various interests, both kink and vanilla, that are listed as options for selection when creating a profile here on CM. I'm positive there are many other things you could easily choose to write about (and later share them), such as "what does being submissive mean to you?" [8\|] The more you know about yourself, your thoughts and desires, the more you'll be able to share those things (note: probably best to wait until asked on many subjects) with a woman who may want to consider you for her submissive and that's the point I'm trying to make! [&:] - pixel

Laura -> RE: Written assignments for ongoing education..? (6/1/2007 7:00:59 PM)
I have done it. Actually I do this any time I begin to get to know a male submissive. It's a good way to weed them out. Some put so little effort into it or try to cheat and then you know they are not worth your time. If they can't put at least the same honest effort into their work as I did into giving it to them my time is better spent doing laundry or some other productive necessary thing.

thetammyjo -> RE: Written assignments for ongoing education..? (6/1/2007 7:03:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Calandra I am very much a "teaching Dom/me". Regardless of the intelligence, education or wisdom level of those who serve Me, I require that they always have some means of expanding their minds and keeping their brains sharp. Anyone who serves Me must enjoy the process of learning as much as I do. That said, I have given written assignments for years. Journaling is great, but I will also ask them to read articles or books, or I will give them a task and then require that they give a written report on it. I've found that this is great whether the sub/slave is in your home, part time but local, and even long distance through online training. Does anyone else do this? If so, what topics or assignments have been most useful/revealing/humorous, etc? Do you have any resources that you swear by? Inquiring minds want to know.... This is something I do throughout training and for the first year or ownership. Frankly life gets too busy to continue to do this and by then my slaves tend to know me well enough to serve well and know themselves well enough to be able to express themselves in conversation.

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