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eewwww... I so did NOT need to see that!!! - 5/30/2007 11:52:06 AM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		Last night, I was showing my Mom how to download stuff (songs and the like). She gets the brilliant idea to download old Disney classics (we own them already, but they're on VHS and atm we only have a DVD player). Now, I'm very familiar with the 'net and the gobledygook you can get. So I set the filters. Mom, in her infinite wisdom, decides to remove the filters (figure's she'll get more results.  ). She doesn't tell me. That's fine, 'cause, y'know, she's my Mom.

HOWEVER... she goes looking for Fantasia. With no filters on whatsoever. See the problem???

She finds Fantasia. It's tagged as being by Disney. It downloads really really fast. So, she calls me over to watch it with her (she has problems getting stuff to play... she doesn't quite get that song clips are different from movie clips, and that not all movie compressions are the same... so I have to get new codecs to read the stuff she's downloaded. Plus, she lacks some common sense in that she'll download questionable material and crash the computer with viruses, trojans, worms, etc.).

Anyway... I come over to watch. First thing to appear? Black screen. Ok. Then deep breathing. You'd have thought I'd clue in at this point that Disney wasn't it. But noooooooooooooo! Then....  BOOMB!  Big red, heavily veined & bumpy weenie shows up, boinking some womans fuzzy man-hole. Just what I want to see. With my Mom. She spits her tea all over the computer (it's a laptop), and starts laughing (I don't think she's ever seen porn before. She is very very VERY religious).

I'm frozen in shock.

Other pictures come on... multiple men ejaculating on one womans ass while anotherwoman licks the cum off... rear entery scenes... the whole time, Ma dearest is chortling, and asking me if I can believe what I'm seeing?

I can, but I'm not gonna tell HER that! And I just want the floor to open up and drop me, killing me on impact. 'Cause now, she's asking ME questions... "Is she/he doing what I think they're doing?!?!?"... "What is he doing?" (in reference to the back door luv'n)... etc.

I'm trying to shut it off. She smacks me, and keeps asking questions. I keep wanting to leave, but can't. I mean, it's rude to just walk away, especially when someone is talking to you. But.... ... WHY ME?????

Finally, Mom got over the initial shock and whatnot, determined it was all smut, and shut it down.

THEN... she turns to me.... and says: "I need you to stay up 'till your Dad gets in (he gets in around midnight)... I want him to see this, but you'll probably have to explain some of it to him".

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS???????

I figure she's got to be kidding... but noooooooooooooooooooooooo. She isn't.

Now, I get to explain sexual preferences to the other half that made me. The homophobe. The guy who thinks that Pride goers should be jailed for indecency. The joy. The bliss. Fukn-A.

The end result? I'm scarred. Irrevocably. And I now know that neither of them knows jack-diddley about sex. Including safe sex. They didn't completely believe all the stuff I was telling them. Oh, and then they wanted to know how I knew! Freaky murow, I swear, if one of them ever cheats, I'm beating them bloody. Then getting every living thing in the house tested for STD/I's. Oh, and they both agreed that what they saw is simply a product of the "culture of death" that we now live in, how the End is coming, yadda yadda yadda. And then go listen to whatever preacher it is that they listen to.

Anyone else have any parent-related horror sex story?


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RE: eewwww... I so did NOT need to see that!!! - 5/30/2007 11:55:15 AM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		Hahahaha ohwow! I don't think I could ever come up with anything that could remotely compare to that! Sorry for the emotional scarring  but that is going to be making me laugh for a long time to come.
Dang. Hahahaha.

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(in reply to Mikal)
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RE: eewwww... I so did NOT need to see that!!! - 5/30/2007 12:04:45 PM   
empresschaos


Posts: 84
Joined: 10/23/2005
Status: offline 		Yep. My mom--a southern Baptist, dontcha know--found my Myspace. And asked if BDSM means what she thinks. Oy vey. She was horrified. HORRIFIED. And I just had to keep saying, "If you don't want to know, then why did you look?" Ooooooh. Yep. She was concerned about my losing custody of my extremely happy children for it. Cuz, y'know, God and the courts hate people who have amazing orgasms. Good grief. If everyone in the world knew how to have halfway decent sex, we'd be a long way toward world peace. :)

(in reply to cjenny)
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RE: eewwww... I so did NOT need to see that!!! - 5/30/2007 12:06:38 PM   
KyttynTheMynx


Posts: 4880
Joined: 5/10/2006
From: Moosecrotch, Va
Status: offline 		*gives Mikal a hug, 2 cookies, and a glass of milk*  it will all be ok...

ugh.  long story short, woke up late for school on my 15th bday, walked to mom and dads room to make sure they were awake and getting ready for work, only to find them commemorating ( i guess ) the day i popped into the world.  *twitches*  yick...

edited cuz the typo fairy got me...

< Message edited by KyttynTheMynx -- 5/30/2007 12:09:49 PM >

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The next time you think I give a fuck, remember the 3 F's... Unless you are Feeding me, Financing me, or Fucking me, I don't give a fuck!!

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10 Miles of Hot Chocolate Lovin'.

(in reply to Mikal)
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RE: eewwww... I so did NOT need to see that!!! - 5/30/2007 12:08:01 PM   
jayded34


Posts: 293
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mikal


Anyone else have any parent-related horror sex story?



Sweetie I believe you have this won.......Hands Down!
roflmao!

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You don't love a woman because she's beautiful,
She is beautiful because you love her.
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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,
While loving someone deeply gives you courage.
~ by Lao Tzu ~

(in reply to Mikal)
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RE: eewwww... I so did NOT need to see that!!! - 5/30/2007 12:12:36 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mikal
Last night...<snip>


Now THAT was funny...I don't care who ya are....THAT was some funny shit!


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Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Mikal)
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RE: eewwww... I so did NOT need to see that!!! - 5/30/2007 12:15:21 PM   
LadyTeazer


Posts: 225
Joined: 4/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: empresschaos

Yep. My mom--a southern Baptist, dontcha know--found my Myspace. And asked if BDSM means what she thinks. Oy vey. She was horrified. HORRIFIED. And I just had to keep saying, "If you don't want to know, then why did you look?" Ooooooh. Yep. She was concerned about my losing custody of my extremely happy children for it. Cuz, y'know, God and the courts hate people who have amazing orgasms. Good grief. If everyone in the world knew how to have halfway decent sex, we'd be a long way toward world peace. :)




Ummmmmm.......  don't you mean world "piece"??  *snickers*

I've never had anything like that happen to me.  My mother was  **very** straight-laced.  But if you listen closely, that "whirring" sound you hear?  That's her spinning in her grave, now that kink and BDSM are a part of My life.




LadyTeazer ---- definitely a WOW - Wonderful Older Woman 

(in reply to empresschaos)
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RE: eewwww... I so did NOT need to see that!!! - 5/30/2007 12:16:14 PM   
tatangel


Posts: 507
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: empresschaos

Yep. My mom--a southern Baptist, dontcha know--found my Myspace. And asked if BDSM means what she thinks. Oy vey. She was horrified. HORRIFIED. And I just had to keep saying, "If you don't want to know, then why did you look?" Ooooooh. Yep. She was concerned about my losing custody of my extremely happy children for it. Cuz, y'know, God and the courts hate people who have amazing orgasms. Good grief. If everyone in the world knew how to have halfway decent sex, we'd be a long way toward world peace. :)
  I have a theory that if everyone in the world got head every morning, there would be no wars.

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RE: eewwww... I so did NOT need to see that!!! - 5/30/2007 12:28:44 PM   
nyrisa


Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline 		I can remember my dad, in his elderly days, gruffly remarking about the many differences between the "older generation" and the younger. "Hell, you kids think you know so much about sex! Y'all don't know a damn thing. Hell, y'all think its something you EAT!""

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(in reply to Mikal)
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RE: eewwww... I so did NOT need to see that!!! - 5/30/2007 12:32:30 PM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		Actually, Mikal, it sounds like your mother knew EXACTLY what she was doing.  Its called "fucking with the UM's mind" and its a time honored tradition -- nay, RIGHT -- of every parent.  As wife and I fondly tell our (now 19) UM "Don't worry honey, it will give you something to tell your psychiatrist."

E.

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"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to Mikal)
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RE: eewwww... I so did NOT need to see that!!! - 5/30/2007 12:43:04 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		lmao...too funny.  I grew up in a house where sex was something funny to talk about.  At age 15 I was kidding my mother about doing it on the kitchen table when we chillin's weren't home. 

I was about 28 when my mom and I were talking and she said "Hell, I've seen and heard it all by now".  My response?  "oh yeah, Mom?  I'm into BDSM"  She says "What's that?"   I looked at her like she was crazy because how could she NOT know???  I just defined out the letter...."uh...bondage, discipline, dominance, submission...."

not at all what I had expected, but heck, at least the family knows now and I don't worry about being outed to them.



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Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

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RE: eewwww... I so did NOT need to see that!!! - 5/30/2007 12:55:31 PM   
xxxWENCHxxx


Posts: 45
Joined: 12/10/2006
Status: offline 		LOL .... that is the best story of the century thus far ..... this slave has empathy for your situation and notes the thread of humor in your slight mortification towards mother's behavior ....

this one is full of gratitude at being raised a bit more openly .... while sex was not a topic of discussion, is was never hidden from my siblings or myself .... father's magazines were always readily available for "borrowing" as well as his pornographic books he liked to read ... there was always the middle of the night trip to the bathroom that stirred up quizical minds upon hearing "undistinguishable sounds" eminating from "their" room and of course this slave had to check it out only to find them in whatever position at the time ... and never able to tear myself away from the visions .... how else is one to learn say i ?!?!?! .... and so much for childhood .... LOL

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RE: eewwww... I so did NOT need to see that!!! - 5/30/2007 1:23:24 PM   
lilsubl


Posts: 4595
Joined: 2/6/2006
Status: offline 		nowhere near to your story in comparison, but after my Mom died, i came out to my Father about being a Lesbian...he remarried & came to me one day asking what Lesbians do for each other sexually, since he wanted to give his wife pleasure, but he was too old to do the things he had when he was younger...ok, eeeeeeeewwwwww, you're my Father!!  i don't want to have this discussion with you!!  i just told him to buy a book & recommended The Joy of Lesbian Sex...i have no idea what happened from there, but they had a very happy 16 years together.......

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RE: eewwww... I so did NOT need to see that!!! - 5/30/2007 2:10:24 PM   
RosaB


Posts: 852
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline 		OMG!  That was too funny.

Btw, do you have a link to that site.    

Um, I want the link for research purposes only. 

Rosa

< Message edited by RosaB -- 5/30/2007 2:11:56 PM >

(in reply to Mikal)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: eewwww... I so did NOT need to see that!!! - 5/30/2007 2:45:11 PM   
CruelMistrezz


Posts: 26
Joined: 11/28/2006
Status: offline 		Mikal, you do definately take the prize. 

Both of my parents are gone now but still the idea of them having sex just is not something I want to think about. They had 9 children together so it is obvious they had sex but it is something I don't believe most want to know about their parents. I think the most rememberable is when my Mother felt the need to discuss her thoughts on oral sex after accidently stopping on a R rated movie which consisted of  "your Father asked for oral sex one time but I said no you pee from there" that still lingers to this day. Within our very straight laced Christian home, sex was not discussed at all so her making this statement came out of left field.

MsPatty

(in reply to Mikal)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: eewwww... I so did NOT need to see that!!! - 5/30/2007 3:05:26 PM   
pianogirl


Posts: 1329
Joined: 10/13/2006
From: Alberta Canada
Status: offline 		your story is just rich Mikal!!! in a way I envy you - I'm an only child and I'm pretty sure my parents had sex .... once .

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RE: eewwww... I so did NOT need to see that!!! - 5/30/2007 3:09:48 PM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline 		My mother found my copy of 'Screw The Roses...' {it was under some books I had been reading} she wanted the magaine at the VERY bottom of this stack, when I got home their was a note that said, 'I know its late, I want to talk to you in the morning after you drop off 'little man' at daycare.' After I got back home the next morning I saw the book {with ALL my colour coded flags and highted passages} next to her. She just looked at me and said, 'this explains the bruises. Anything you want to tell me?' I just smiled, what was I gonna say. She turned red when I asked her if SHE had any questions. Since then, we have a 'don't ask don't tell rule.' She tells me to be safe when I go on a date, she wants to make sure that at leats my bestfriend has the normal info, etc, if I am gone overnight, she wants phone numbers. She also stays away from me while I am on the comp, she saw some of the pics I was 'going over' last night with someone {we were looking at pics I had sent him and discussing wat we liked about each pic, etc, you know for ideas, etc}

I was raised Free Will Southern Baptist [Convention], extreame right wing, Ronald Reagan fantatics, etc.

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RE: eewwww... I so did NOT need to see that!!! - 5/30/2007 3:43:46 PM   
LadyDominaX


Posts: 173
Joined: 5/17/2007
Status: offline 		I can remember thinking my parents must have had a very boring sex life after my mom having a rant about how terrible homosexuals were and how she didn't understand what lesbians could possibly do for each other.  

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RE: eewwww... I so did NOT need to see that!!! - 5/30/2007 4:14:19 PM   
GoddessKai


Posts: 119
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Hazel Park, Michigan
Status: offline 		So, here I am, freshly eighteen, and this guy that had been hanging out with our usual group of friends seemed to be digging on me. The group would spend all night talking and we'd fall asleep in a big puppy pile on my waterbed and I'd wake up with his arms around me. Everything's great, we're getting close. Then, one night, after my mom got home from the bar, myself and my adopted brother were sent up to the coney island with a wad of ones and fives to get some grub. Everyone's downstairs in the basement (as far as I knew) except for my mom, who was upstairs in her bedroom. An hour later, I walk in the door and deliver everyone's food to them. But this boy is missing, he's not with the rest of the group.
 
I didn't figure anything was out of the ordinary, people on occassion went upstairs to see my mom or smoke a joint with her or whatever the case may have been. So I take my mom's food upstairs. I'm halfway up the stairs when I hear the sound of impending doom -- my mother moaning and squealing. Oh god, please don't tell me... yep. They're boinking. And she KNEW I liked this boy. (My mom is a great person MOST of the time)
 
Anyway, I walked in and there she is, her legs spreadeagle in the air, with this BOY that was 19 years old (she had just turned 40), and they're screwing like jackrabbits. It is an image that is forever scarred into my brain and probably half the reason I'm nuts.
 
So what do I do? Well, since she wanted to relive her teenage years, I acted like the adult. I placed her food on the night table, crossed my arms over my chest, and said "Well, I certainly hope you're using protection. I'm very disappointed in you." And then I walked out, went downstairs and went on about my business. Said boy comes downstairs half an hour later and I am STEAMING mad, but not gonna show it. So he tries to get all smoochy with me. "But I still like you yanno.." Yeah, right. I kicked his ass out and never talked to him again. How rude!
 
My mom apologized profusely after that, and hasn't made a move on one of my friends since then. At least I hope not.

(in reply to LadyDominaX)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: eewwww... I so did NOT need to see that!!! - 5/30/2007 8:14:07 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		To all whom have offered their condolences, thank you . The scars will scab over, and I'm certain, that with proper therapy and support, I'll be able to enjoy and indulge in my sexual gratifications once more. But, later. Much, much later.

To those who say it's the best story ever... please add the cookie trophies to the brownie pile that I'm currently indulging in

KyttyntheMynx - *hugs back* thank you for the cookies and milk. Amazing how emotionally stabalizing cookies are eh? lololol

To everyone who has share their stories... my heart goes out to you too. Perhaps we should start a group for ourselves? How about: Bedroom Dysfunction from Seriously creepy Memories?

pianogirl - I am an only child. So, don't envy me.. I get blamed for everything (and believe me, there is A LOT!), and get to explain everything (more on that later). Now, sex was 'open' in my house, but... my folks didn't really know a lot. And some stuff you just don't watch/talk/whatever with your parents... *sigh* ... this is going to be with me for a long time...

GoddessKai - I don't know what to say... great for your Mom to be able and comfortable, but... meah. Nothing to say. Want a cookie? I have oatmeal chocolate chip. But you have to get your own milk.


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