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Training - 5/30/2007 4:40:46 PM

gringuita

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I'm curious what the goals are of training a new submissive, what the priorities are, and how detailed training gets.

I'm not really looking for specific personal details, just wandering how others go about it.

thanks

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RE: Training - 5/30/2007 4:52:44 PM

SubmitToMyVices

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Hi Gringuita!

In general training is about learning how to please your Master/Mistress. Not just doing a task or following a command but doing it in a way that is not your natual inclination but the will of your Master/Mistress.

One of the first things my slave had to learn was a serious of positions that he was to assume..the catch was that he had to know them by number. There were 10 total. The ones that he does correctly, he receives a reward. The ones he does incorrectly, he gets repremanded.

Each postion serves a purpose #1 is for my inspection of him.....and on and on.

Punishments and rewards are layed out before training begins.

Another goal is the total release of your ownership of self. There is something refered to by experienced subs as "subspace".
It is where they have no sense of self outside of following the direction of and pleasing thier Master/Mistress.

It can become about pushing your limits. Seeing how far into subspace you can go. When you get into that space are you willing to do things you wouldn't normally consider or even think of doing?

The caveat I will add here is that being a sub/slave to someone is not an instant relationship. Like any other relationship there is a need to know each other. How can you serve if you don't know what pleases your Mistress/Master? How can they train you if they don't know what motivates you?

Keep safe and have fun.

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RE: Training - 5/30/2007 4:57:10 PM

MadRabbit

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All that is entirely subjective to the persons involved in the relationship.

In the domestic sense, there is always an individual aspect. Where certain things are in the house, where certain things go, how you want clothes folded, what drawers to put them in, how much sugar and cream I want in my coffee, what standards of "clean" I expect, etc, etc.

Then there is the skill level aspect. For example, if I want someone to cook for me at the level I am capable of cooking to provide me with the food I am used to, I am going to have invest a lot of time and energy into someone who doesnt know how to cook. I am not too interested in this because I particularly enjoy cooking so I focus on teaching them how to peel potatoes and do all the trivial preparation tasks that I hate.

The current person I am working towards a relationship with is going to need quite a lot of work in the domestic area =). I've had to make some time to teach myself all the things I want to teach her.

Sexually, its really just purely individualistic and how I like certain little things that increase my pleasure.

Right now, I am slowly working towards forming the habit of using "Sir" in acknowledgement. This is something I prefer as its just one of those ways of helping maintain the headspace and a reminder that I am not a boyfriend.

In this, its mostly repitition, correction and most of all, PATIENCE to instill a new behavior habit. The hardest part is staying disciplined and not letting it slip, but at the same time, not being so persistant that it causes annoyance or irritibality.

Generally, I've found positive reinforcement to be the general all round best method with someone who is actively trying to please you and conform. Negative reinforcement is usually for when I feal someone is getting lazy or just not taking my protocol or what I want seriosuly.

This is just me and the methods that have worked best for me so far.

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RE: Training - 5/30/2007 5:03:36 PM

slaveluci

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SubmitToMyVices
One of the first things my slave had to learn was a serious of positions that he was to assume..the catch was that he had to know them by number. There were 10 total. The ones that he does correctly, he receives a reward. The ones he does incorrectly, he gets repremanded.
Each postion serves a purpose #1 is for my inspection of him.....and on and on.
Punishments and rewards are layed out before training begins.
Another goal is the total release of your ownership of self. There is something refered to by experienced subs as "subspace".
It is where they have no sense of self outside of following the direction of and pleasing thier Master/Mistress.
It can become about pushing your limits. Seeing how far into subspace you can go. When you get into that space are you willing to do things you wouldn't normally consider or even think of doing?
Or.....it can involve none of the above. Master's training of me didn't and doesn't involve numbered positions to be memorized or punishments being determined before any violation is ever committed. This goes to show how very different training is for each and every D/s or M/s.

As you indicated, Submit, the goals and priorities of each Dom/me or Master is what is important. All the "training" in the world as far as protocol, speech, and exactly what to do and how to do it mean NOTHING if it's not pleasing to YOUR particular Dom/me or Master......slave luci

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RE: Training - 5/30/2007 5:10:01 PM

Kinkypupper

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I agree with the previous posts. it is a VERY indivdualistic thing. A lot depends on the discussions between the two and where they feel change or education is needed.

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RE: Training - 5/30/2007 5:27:10 PM

MasterFireMaam

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Honestly, what the goals are will differ depending an what is the desired outcome. If I'm training someone to suit me, well, that's the goal. If I'm mentor training, then I'm going to focus more on general service things and self-development. Also, sometimes the submissive has goals in a mentoring-type relationship, too.

Master Fire

< Message edited by MasterFireMaam -- 5/30/2007 5:29:49 PM >

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RE: Training - 5/30/2007 7:20:52 PM

gringuita

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thank you all for your feedback, styles, opinions, and preferences.

it's good to know there are training methods at both ends of the scale (as i suppose is the case for most everything in the 'lifestyle')

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RE: Training - 5/30/2007 8:28:11 PM

robertolapiedra

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quote:

ORIGINAL: gringuita

I'm curious what the goals are of training a new submissive, what the priorities are, and how detailed training gets.

I'm not really looking for specific personal details, just wandering how others go about it.

thanks

Hello gringuita. Priority is deference and obedience. In that order. The rest is just an evolution of style (can be intricate, can be simple, whatever works for you). RL.

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RE: Training - 5/31/2007 6:28:40 AM

ExtremeOwnerIL

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MadRabbit,

You and I have similar approaches, but one thing I wanted to add was mindset. In all of these things, I'm looking to encourage and develop a service-oriented, submissive mindset in my property. All of these things are good "doing" things, but her mindset is key to her "being" these things. I would give up perfected coffee service for awhile in exchange for my property to dive deep into a service/submissive mindset.

Positive reinforcement goes a long way, as does quick, concise, corrective punishments that address the situation and are done when they are done.

Kindest Regards,
EO

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RE: Training - 5/31/2007 7:04:58 AM

SimplyMichael

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quote:

Another goal is the total release of your ownership of self. There is something refered to by experienced subs as "subspace".
It is where they have no sense of self outside of following the direction of and pleasing thier Master/Mistress.

It can become about pushing your limits. Seeing how far into subspace you can go. When you get into that space are you willing to do things you wouldn't normally consider or even think of doing?

The above is horseshit. Pushing limits is often (although certainly not always) something idiots do, especially ones who equate subspace with some loss of self and that that has something to do with following orders. These two paragraphs are just red flags to me.

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RE: Training - 5/31/2007 7:14:07 AM

SimplyMichael

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Training to me is, as others have said, about shaping someone to be pleasing to ME in often very unique ways that would be meaningless or even irritating to another.

I have a few positions, partly because they are useful, partly because they are hot. Much of it has to do with how to pleasure me, from giving head to scratching my back. Also, it has a great deal to do with whom I am training and how I might wish to shape them. Taking some poor white trash chick and turning her into a classy sophisticated women can be fun, taking a classy sophisticated woman and turning her into a cum sucking whore who loves being gangbanged in all three holes has its charms as well. I recently did that and she loved it.

One of the joys for me is nurturing, finding things someone has always wanted to do and providing the support and structure for them to achieve those goals is deeply satisfying to me. We all have our insecurities, I certainly have mine, but to me one of the glorious things about S&M is that together in a relationship we can often repair them and make each other stronger, happier, and healthier.

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RE: Training - 5/31/2007 8:37:03 AM

Wyrd

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Pushing limits can also be a growth opportunity for the submissive, just as facing fears can be, and there is a difference between pushing and breaking a limit.

If you are happy to have a submissive who is stagnant, that is your choice, I prefer to have mine grow and learn always, training is begun, never fully ended.

Even I am still learning, and the day I quit learning is the day the pronounce me dead, I expect no less of my slaves.

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RE: Training - 5/31/2007 8:40:07 AM

SimplyMichael

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Wyrd,

Find someone who has pushed their reading limit past junior high and can grasp subtlety and complexity and have them explain to you what an ass you just made of yourself.

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RE: Training - 5/31/2007 8:40:28 AM

gringuita

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Thank you SimplyMichael, your answer made a lot of sense to me, very much to the point. I like hearing that there's a balance of kink and character building, and I'm hoping that's what's going to happen in my training with Daddy.

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RE: Training - 5/31/2007 11:30:49 AM

SimplyMichael

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gringuita

I wasn't clear enough in my answer. I find the concept of training laughable, especially outside of a relationship. You asked what I do, not what I think most people who speak of training do. Most "training" consists of working on your gag reflect and your tolerance for idiocy.

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RE: Training - 5/31/2007 12:26:11 PM

Wyrd

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Ah, you stopped learning in junior high, that does explain a lot.

Have fun with it, I will just add one more to the clueless pile.

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RE: Training - 5/31/2007 3:23:52 PM

ExtremeOwnerIL

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

gringuita

I wasn't clear enough in my answer. I find the concept of training laughable, especially outside of a relationship. You asked what I do, not what I think most people who speak of training do. Most "training" consists of working on your gag reflect and your tolerance for idiocy.

Side note... it has to be the picture, but everytime I read your posts, I "hear" Charlie Sheen reading the words.

Non-con Sheening. You are a cruel Man. ;)

Regards,
EO

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RE: Training - 5/31/2007 3:33:52 PM

MadRabbit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExtremeOwnerIL

MadRabbit,

You and I have similar approaches, but one thing I wanted to add was mindset. In all of these things, I'm looking to encourage and develop a service-oriented, submissive mindset in my property. All of these things are good "doing" things, but her mindset is key to her "being" these things. I would give up perfected coffee service for awhile in exchange for my property to dive deep into a service/submissive mindset.

Positive reinforcement goes a long way, as does quick, concise, corrective punishments that address the situation and are done when they are done.

Kindest Regards,
EO

Now...see...this is actually an issue I am struggling to get some footing on. When it comes to the issue of helping someone to develop the mindset threw guidance, I really have no idea where to begin with lessons. I have a general idea and understanding, but having a hard time putting things into words...seems I am lost somewhere in the cloud of pre mature enlightment.

I would appreciate some suggestions.

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RE: Training - 5/31/2007 3:43:15 PM

MadRabbit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExtremeOwnerIL

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

gringuita

I wasn't clear enough in my answer. I find the concept of training laughable, especially outside of a relationship. You asked what I do, not what I think most people who speak of training do. Most "training" consists of working on your gag reflect and your tolerance for idiocy.

Side note... it has to be the picture, but everytime I read your posts, I "hear" Charlie Sheen reading the words.

Non-con Sheening. You are a cruel Man. ;)

Regards,
EO

Ditto

But...I wont want a Collarme.com without him =).

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Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

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RE: Training - 5/31/2007 3:50:16 PM

bandit25

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As far as I'm concerned, I don't even like the word "training". I don't have to be "trained" to be submissive. I may have to be "shown" or "taught" what my Dom wants or likes or the kind of behavior he expects, but "trained"...not so much.

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