Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Ability to consent


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Ability to consent Page: <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4] 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Ability to consent - 6/1/2007 12:47:39 AM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BeingChewsie

You can't. Frankly you can't be sure of that even if someone says they don't need anyone(in fact those are the people you need to watch out for, they may be utterly clueless and not at all self-aware). The person saying "Hey I need someone to make decisions for me BETTER than I can" is at least cognizant of their issues. Just because someone says they can make good decisions for themselves doesn't mean they are not a few cookies short of a dozen anyway.


Best post so far. ~claps~

In tests, those who did worst, usually had the highest ideas of how things went. One would assume that similar things are the case for making decisions.

Realizing one's own limitations is the first step along the path to making a well reasoned-about choice. There may be other ways to go about things, sure, but that one is the straight path. In fact, absent that knowledge, one is without complete grounds upon which to give informed consent, as such.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do.
" -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


(in reply to BeingChewsie)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Ability to consent - 6/1/2007 12:50:39 AM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

Images from "The Exorcist" come to mind! LOL!


Bwah.. Nephandi has drilled that one into my head; I thought I'd gotten it out, then you had to summon the image again.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do.
" -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


(in reply to dawntreader)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Ability to consent - 6/1/2007 12:53:18 AM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

To me, this would beg the question, "What is consideration?"

Would one have "considered" the consquences of going through a door if he didn't know there  were spikes at the bottom?
Would one have "considered" the consquences of getting a loan at 25%, compounded monthly, if one was inept at Math?
Would one have "considered" the consquences of going to war against another nation, either through office or voting for such, if one was unable to anticipate the scope or magntidue of severity of such?
Would one have "considered" the consquences of sex if one didn't know how it'd make her feel a year later?

In the end, to me, it seems that "consideration" is the general concesus of what others believe they could have/should have done in similar shoes.  This method strikes me a silly convention, at best.



Sorry kiddo, all of your questions above are tensually in the past.  Therfore, they are no longer "consideration" but rather regret or even contemplation.  To consider after the fact is more like hindsight.  To consider prior to is to give thought about likely/possible outcomes produced by the act. 


Note it's modified by "would".  This is not the past; this is the state-of-being hypothetical reflecting the contextual contemporary.  And, seriously, none of this "kiddo" stuff.  Let's not get into that posturing stuff.

More simply stated- it's asking what they did, in the hypothetical situation, not asking about their personal reflection.  I'd ask you simply answer the questions; I can't help but feel you're avoiding it by pretending to misunderstand them.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Ability to consent - 6/1/2007 1:03:50 AM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

That is a really good question so I'm going to take a stab at it and offer my interpretation, though I'm quite sure it won't be perfect.


Such things rarely are. The premise that there is such a thing is usually unsound, or the question is asked in the wrong way. A more useful one would perhaps "be able to achieve contentedness/fulfillment/happiness under their own guidance" or somesuch; that one has some seriously interesting implications, though. But exploring those might be ToS iffy.

quote:

For me, functioning as an adult in the real world would be having the ability to earn an income that allows one to survive and being able to keep oneself out of unnecessary danger and have a reasonable sense of self-protection.


Would you include disability under "earn an income"? Perhaps specify mental and physical health disability seperately, if the answers differ?

How about "survive"? Does that constitute sustaining vital bodily functions, or does it go beyond that?

What is "unnecessary danger"? Smoking is certainly unneccessary, and a danger, but the third of the population that does it are considered able to function as adults, so I'm thinking you have a more precise meaning in mind.

And what is "self-protection"? Would it require using a condom, shooting intruders, avoiding dark alleyways and parking garages when scantily clad at night, not drinking too much, and other precautionary measures? One presumes it would includes judging intent; so, how well would one have to do with that? I'm pretty sure we're still excluding a large bulk of the population here, but with some refinement, it may yet get there.

Lastly, as a matter of personal opinion, I do not consider the drive toward survival necessary to function, as such. One of the defining aspects of being human is the ability to supress this instinct for other reasons than protecting family/pack/herd, and some human lifestyles/worldviews do not espouse, or sometimes even allow, any form of non-passive self-preservation, survival and self-protection. That is, you're supposed to "go with it", and if you die from that, such is just the way it's supposed to be.

I'm not one to sing in the death-cult choir, but I respect the fact that many approaches to life start with death and work their way backwards from there.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do.
" -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Ability to consent - 6/1/2007 1:09:03 AM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hereyesruponyou

Sexual consent in Maryland begins at 16. [...] It's like a "magic number". Seems pretty arbitrary to me though.


It is arbitrary. The point is to set something that complies with local cultural traditions, doesn't offend the locals, and (in a distant third) protects a majority of the population; the size of that majority, in turn is also arbitrarily chosen.

In some areas, it's 21. In some rural districts of Japan, it's 14. In some third-world countries and some parts of the middle east, there isn't any.

The idea, or so the more reasonable of the arguments I've heard go, is to set a figure where most of them will be able to do a half-decent job of thinking it through. IMO, that point would be somewhere in the 21-35 range for most people, but that's just the cynic in me making a half-joke.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do.
" -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


(in reply to hereyesruponyou)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Ability to consent - 6/1/2007 1:09:21 AM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
A premise of our society continually strikes me as misstated, at best.  "All men are created equal".  What does this actually mean?

Does this equality mean opinions should be considered with equal weight?  The democratic notion would seem to imply this.  Still, when it comes down to setting a high social instutition, would it be best if a group of educated did it or the population as a whole had an equal input on all parts?  I fear the latter option would yield an entirely irresponsible institution.  I certainly don't want votes being counted on how to go about space exploration!  Poor astronaughts would become kamikazee, perhaps gaining distinction from such in only a lack of practical targets.

Does this mean humans have equal value of lives?  That a doctor, who is about to invent the cure to cancer, has the same value of life as a child rapist/murderer?  How could two lives even begin to compare in value?

Still, despite being undefined and lacking in reason outside of a grasp at romantic notions (though perhaps not without their reasons in the contemporary of such a statement), much of our social structure and order is based off such a thing.  While I would credit this school with preventing the exploitation by those misjudging, this causes flaws despite its purpose in preventing others.

(in reply to Aswad)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Ability to consent - 6/1/2007 1:36:16 AM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

A premise of our society continually strikes me as misstated, at best.  "All men are created equal".  What does this actually mean?


Not being an American, I'd have even less grounds to say so than you do, but it strikes me as prose, and "self-evidently" false.

The gist of it might be that society should not target any group to hinder them. If so, it's certainly time to spin up the CD player for a requiem. I can't come up with a decent substitute for the declaration of independence that I would be happy with using in any nation I founded in a few minutes of posting, though, so I probably shouldn't try to come up with one for a nation that's already founded that I don't even live in.

'course, if I ever did found a nation, it'd probably be nuked out of the waters in about five seconds flat, but, hey...

quote:

Does this equality mean opinions should be considered with equal weight? The democratic notion would seem to imply this.


It was considered democratic when women weren't allowed to vote. Of course, it did say "men", and might not have meant "man" in the sense of "human". And opinions haven't been given equal weight in a long time. Votes never have.

quote:

Still, when it comes down to setting a high social instutition, would it be best if a group of educated did it or the population as a whole had an equal input on all parts?


Depends on what your goal is. That's part of what I meant when I commented that there is a lot of stuff that underpins "consensual reality" that doesn't have any analogue in objective reality. You could of course go for a plutocracy, theocracy, a "beneficial dictator for life", a constitutional dictatorship, or any other model, but they have their respective drawbacks and don't serve the same goals.

In a sense, in modern society, media is an intrinsic part of government, and the propaganda model of the media formulated by Chomsky et al is interesting in that context. Guess you could call that version of democracy something like a mediocricy.

My analysis is that the main purpose, and main benefit, of democracy as practiced in the modern world, is to limit the amount of damage any one government can do in a given timeframe. It also serves as a low-Q filter on societal impulses, damping overshoot and ringing while adding transmission delay, to use signal processing terms (they're quite appropriate).

quote:

I fear the latter option would yield an entirely irresponsible institution.


Such is presumably the case, yes. Of course, it would also lead to there never having been any USA, given that 2/3 of the population were opposed to independence at the time. Apropos the being equal bits.

quote:

I certainly don't want votes being counted on how to go about space exploration!


That's more a question of doing a job than of building the foundations of a society.

IMO, a reasonable approach if we ever colonize other planets would be to have an approach where any group of 3+ (smalles true plural) individuals can forward a model, and then have people choose the one that fits them, and draw up the territories according to population. In effect, engineered societies.

Of course, on the world we have, that would uproot billions, and wouldn't be practically doable, even if every other concern were addressed. And nobody will be asking me when it is time to start the colonization process, wisely enough.

quote:

Poor astronaughts would become kamikazee, perhaps gaining distinction from such in only a lack of practical targets.


Indeed. But, as noted, there's a difference between building a society and doing a job.

Basically, engineering a society, or the underpinnings of one, is a job for experts, which excludes politicians; but such experts will, if suited to the job, admit that the goals will have to be selected by someone else.

By analogy, the Gov't tells NASA where they can go etc., and NASA builds the rockets, etc.

quote:

Does this mean humans have equal value of lives? That a doctor, who is about to invent the cure to cancer, has the same value of life as a child rapist/murderer?


In my opinion, yes. And it is a plausible interpretation, although I doubt the founding fathers would approve of "taking it that far".

quote:

How could two lives even begin to compare in value?


By making each life an immeasurable quantity, for instance.

quote:

Still, despite being undefined and lacking in reason outside of a grasp at romantic notions (though perhaps not without their reasons in the contemporary of such a statement), much of our social structure and order is based off such a thing.  While I would credit this school with preventing the exploitation by those misjudging, this causes flaws despite its purpose in preventing others.


As noted, all present societies are constructed with roots in consensual reality, which emerges from a vaguely defined majority vote among prejudices, preconceptions and other traditions. The net result cannot be coherent or self-consistent; hence, there must be flaws by any measurement and according to any goal.

But that's kind of starting to stray from the topic, even if it covers the underpinnings for consent, so perhaps PM would be better?

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do.
" -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


(in reply to CuriousLord)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Ability to consent - 6/1/2007 2:54:11 AM   
maledave7


Posts: 142
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline
I do not think they are capable of giving 100% consent. They need to be able to make good decisions on their own. They need to be able to assume responsibilities for themselves. I feel they need to go to their family and friends to work through these problems. People should be able to care for themselves.

I do think that there is a different between not being able and willing turning your life over to someone else.  If you are able to care for yourself then allowing a person to dominate you is not a problem.  I do feel that there is no problem wanting someone to control your life. I think giving 100% consent and submitting is a wonderful thing.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Ability to consent - 6/1/2007 5:00:33 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jauntyone
I am not really sure where you are actually heading with this.

As has been already addressed, my thoughts on this subject are not about people such as yourself, who have the ability yet make choices. It is about those who do not have such abilities.

quote:

somethndif
There is a false assumption in your question, that is, that one can only give consent, or valid, meaningful consent to something that is good, or leads to a good outcome.  That's simply not true.  Consent and the outcome, good or bad, are two entirely separate things.  People consent to do stupid, harmful or self-destructive things all the time. 

The fact that the outcomes are bad, has nothing to do with the question of whether or not the person consented.

I think you are misunderstanding. I have no assumption that one can only consent to good. We are all capable of making mistakes. We are all capable of consenting to things that in hindsight we regret. I am speaking more of consistency though.....people who are stating that they consistently have a history of making poor choices who do not seem to have the ability to do otherwise.

quote:

MasterD4u2
You also mentioned that because a submissive knows that they need a certain domaneering person to guide them that they must be incapable of making descisions.   

I never said anything even remotely like that. First, I have a full understanding of the differences between domineering and Dominant...and domineering people don't guide anyone, they bulldoze over them. Secondly, I never said they must be incapable, I am referring to people who are themselves saying that they are incapable.
quote:

 MasterD4u2
as a submissive chooses their D/D's, and trusts their decision making abilities will be in their best interest. If this is not the case i would hope the submissive would run and find a new D/D who does.

But how does a submissive who can not trust their own decision making abilities trust their own judgement in their choice of "D"? And how would they decide if that "D" was not making decisions in their best interest? And how would they decide to run and find a new "D"?
quote:

MasterD4u2
One must not assume that simply because they are submissive to equate with incapable.

I have never assumed or implied such.
quote:

MasterD4u2
Having said that, I do however believe slaves on the otherhand might actually "need" (that is have an actual necessity for someone to make their decisions for them) their Dom/Domme to make their decisions. Of the slaves i have met it appeared to me that most lacked the desire/ability to make their decisions.

Now this sounds like you are saying that slaves categorically "need" such a dynamic because they are incapable ("lack the desire/ability"), not because it is simply the choice they make. If that is what you are saying I disagree. I don't think slaves are any less capable of making decisions than submissives.

quote:

slaverosebeauty
Having a mentor does NOT mean that one is not capable of giving concent, having a mentor means just that, having a mentor, a good friend who you can turn to for advice, who can give advice on things that you may not know about. Experience is NOT something we are all born with, we learn, a mentor can help you gain experience and help you figure out what works for YOU, etc. Heinsight is 20/20, and a mentor can help that heinsight if you have not expereicnes xyz before an they have.

I am MORE than capable of giving concent or not; having a mentor does not change that; she is a good friend. She has also told me about others who are predators that at first glance do NOT appear to be predators, its called friendship and networking.

Having a menor has NOTHING to do with being capable, it has to do with experience.

You are right, having a mentor is not a reflection of one's own capabilities. But I didn't say it did. If that is what your interpretation of my words is then you have misunderstood. I am not talking about those who look to mentors because they wish to learn something from another. I view all people that I come in contact with as possible mentors, for I believe that we can learn things from our interactions with most people. What I am talking about is people who say they can NOT function in life without someone else making the decisions for them.
quote:

slaverosebeauty
She has also told me about others who are predators that at first glance do NOT appear to be predators, its called friendship and networking.

We all come across people in life who are predators who don't outwardly appear to be predators. We need to learn how to identify those people for ourselves and not rely upon the word of another to make that determination.
quote:

slaverosebeauty
Having a menor has NOTHING to do with being capable, it has to do with experience.

Once again, I disagree. Having a mentor has to do with a desire to have such a person in your life. People of all experience levels can make a choice to have such. Lack of experience does not necessitate having one as most people are quite capable of learning without.





< Message edited by mistoferin -- 6/1/2007 5:09:41 AM >


_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to jauntyone)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Ability to consent - 6/1/2007 5:08:25 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ennaozzie

quote:

On another thread (and on many threads) someone states that this lifestyle must be based at the most basic level on 100% consent. On that point I agree.


Must be? - isent this the Dom's choice?  And who he gets together with?  Taking into account they have accept what he wants? or do Doms go along with what everyone says with out any thought of his own?  well if he does not think for himself then to me he is not a Dom.

No, consent is not solely a Dom's choice. A D/s or M/s relationship involves two people....and they BOTH have to be in consent.



_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to ennaozzie)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Ability to consent - 6/1/2007 5:18:31 AM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cjenny

The below is what I posted in 'collar of protection, in my mind they are very close together. I personally do have problems with day-to-day things due to both the lupus crap and the medication. It goes along too, with the thread a while back on 'micro managing' and how yes it can be repugnant to some yet valuable to others. Of course I haven't any problems with knowing whether or not I can/ought to consent but it is really easy for me to imagine a situation or mindset that calls for it.


i've been considering answering in JUST the same manner.  7 or 8 years ago, i worked outside the home, i could budget, take care of things without having to think twice, and it was all effortless.

now, trying to decide what nail color to chose can bring me to tears.  illness has changed me that much.  i can no longer think clearly, i dont work outside the home any longer, some days i can barely walk from one end of the house to the other.  sometimes, yes, i have to be micromanaged.  sometimes my husband literally tells me what to do as i write it down or i WILL forget.  (this works in the yardape's favor, as i forget when he is grounded....dammit.)

when Sir met me....i was looking, being discouraged, and yep, probably did need protection from my own errors in judgement.  he never took advantage of that.  he gave me a lot of things to think about, respected my viewpoint, and was a good friend from the begining.  he never gave me a collar of protection, yet i knew i could ask him about anything, and i would get a straight answer from him.  i still can, even though he now Owns me.  that in itself is HUGELY comforting, because i know where i stand with him.

i can see where a sub who was new to all of this would perhaps need a more experienced friend to help tone down the "subbie fever" and inject some common sense into the carbonated hormonal activity.  collar of protection?  depends on the person.

kitten, who knows she knows just enough to know how little she actually knows.  ;)

(in reply to cjenny)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Ability to consent - 6/1/2007 6:47:07 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Now I have to ask, if someone admittedly can not care for themselves or be trusted to make good decisions for themselves regarding their own safety or even who they should or shouldn't date....how then can we assume that they are capable of giving 100% consent?


I agree.

I don't think it is so much they can't give 100% consent.... but it is a question of that decision being a good one.

I also wonder if these individuals are only inflating the facts to shed a different light from the truth.  So many apparent submissive individuals have this idea that to be submissive you need to give up decision making to the Dominant.  Which in of itself, I support.  However, these apparent submissive seek to inflate their own submissive pedestals by expressing how needy they are to give power of decisions to others to decide for themselves.  I generally find these types of statements to be rather silly and reflects poorly on the character of the person.

In general.. it should be understood.. that a person that is encapable of making good decisions or trusting themselves to make them...doesn't make them submissive.  It just makes them a person that lacks decision making ability for whatever reason.  The question is to consider why they lack decision making ability?


_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Ability to consent - 6/1/2007 7:05:07 AM   
MasterD4u2


Posts: 4
Joined: 5/24/2007
Status: offline
quote:



quote:

MasterD4u2
You also mentioned that because a submissive knows that they need a certain domaneering person to guide them that they must be incapable of making descisions.   


I never said anything even remotely like that. First, I have a full understanding of the differences between domineering and Dominant...and domineering people don't guide anyone, they bulldoze over them. Secondly, I never said they must be incapable, I am referring to people who are themselves saying that they are incapable.
so you meant that people you referred to actually said they cannot make decisions?? if so, i think they are making decisions, they just believe they cannot make decisions. Point in case they made the decision to post a topic to state that they cannot make decisions, which of itself is a decision. So in that case i guess they have a poor opinion of themselves which is something wholly different.. lol...

quote:

MasterD4u2
as a submissive chooses their D/D's, and trusts their decision making abilities will be in their best interest. If this is not the case i would hope the submissive would run and find a new D/D who does.


But how does a submissive who can not trust their own decision making abilities trust their own judgement in their choice of "D"? And how would they decide if that "D" was not making decisions in their best interest? And how would they decide to run and find a new "D"?
I believe the key in that is trust , and i think even if it is a poor choice if the submissive is comfortable with their choice then they can trust their Dom/Domme to make those decisions. If a submissive's Dom/Domme does not make the decision in the submissives best interest the submissive should find a new Dom/Domme..

quote:

MasterD4u2
One must not assume that simply because they are submissive to equate with incapable.


I have never assumed or implied such.
this was not directed at you personally, rather a generalization that people shouldn't equate submissive behavior with being incapable of making decisions

quote:

MasterD4u2
Having said that, I do however believe slaves on the otherhand might actually "need" (that is have an actual necessity for someone to make their decisions for them) their Dom/Domme to make their decisions. Of the slaves i have met it appeared to me that most lacked the desire/ability to make their decisions.


Now this sounds like you are saying that slaves categorically "need" such a dynamic because they are incapable ("lack the desire/ability"), not because it is simply the choice they make. If that is what you are saying I disagree. I don't think slaves are any less capable of making decisions than submissives.

No, what i said was that of the slaves i have met, it appeared to me personally ,that they seemed to "need" (as in the appearance of) for their Dom/Domme's to make their decisions. This does not mean that they actually need others to make their decisions, just that they seem most comfortable and less stressed when their Dom/Dommes making their decisions. Then again I also said I have had limited exposure to the Dom/slave aspect of the lifestyle. So understand that my opinions of that matter are from limited interaction, and are only opinions..

Also, when quoting me it would be nice if you quoted the whole of my statements/opinions rather than half quoting as it tends to be a mis-quotation of what i have said...
 
I was simply trying to help with your question. You are welcome to take from what i have said, or not, the decision is yours. My opinions were not focused at you directly, but rather my reply was an "in general" response. Friend, these are only my opinions or what i have percieved and i would take them lightly as such. If i can be of help i will, and if i can clarify what i say i will.  If i am ill informed then educate me better

(in reply to adoracat)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Ability to consent - 6/1/2007 7:10:56 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
Thank you for your responses. I would also like to say that quoting only part of what you said was not an attempt to misconstrue misquote you. I simply only quoted the parts that I needed further clarification on.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to MasterD4u2)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Ability to consent - 6/1/2007 7:41:17 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jauntyone

On the contrary, one of mistoferins defining statements was
quote:

  Then there are a countless threads(that one included) where submissives will admit that they need to have Dominants, Dommes, Masters, Mentors or Protectors because they lack the ability to make good decisions for themselves. They need someone to assume responsibility for their safety and care.


I need Master to care for me because quite simply, I really like not having that responsiblity. I am fully, fuctioning adult, with all my mental capabilities in place; yet I WANT and NEED Master to assume responsibility for me.
 
There are quite a few people in all walks of life who are capable of caring for themselves; yet they choose not to; and it has nothing to do with a lack of capability.
 
My original comment was geared towards this; obviously I was not clear enough in what I said and for that I apologize.
 
I wish you well
 
melissa


Exactly. Some of them need dominants, owners, and protectors because they "because they lack the ability to make good decisions for themselves.". She did not say "everyone who wants a protector can not run their own life", but is merely questioning the validity of consent of the type of person who feels they are incapable of making good decisions for themselves.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to jauntyone)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Ability to consent - 6/1/2007 7:55:18 AM   
BeingChewsie


Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: jauntyone

On the contrary, one of mistoferins defining statements was
quote:

  Then there are a countless threads(that one included) where submissives will admit that they need to have Dominants, Dommes, Masters, Mentors or Protectors because they lack the ability to make good decisions for themselves. They need someone to assume responsibility for their safety and care.


I need Master to care for me because quite simply, I really like not having that responsiblity. I am fully, fuctioning adult, with all my mental capabilities in place; yet I WANT and NEED Master to assume responsibility for me.
 
There are quite a few people in all walks of life who are capable of caring for themselves; yet they choose not to; and it has nothing to do with a lack of capability.
 
My original comment was geared towards this; obviously I was not clear enough in what I said and for that I apologize.
 
I wish you well
 
melissa


Exactly. Some of them need dominants, owners, and protectors because they "because they lack the ability to make good decisions for themselves.". She did not say "everyone who wants a protector can not run their own life", but is merely questioning the validity of consent of the type of person who feels they are incapable of making good decisions for themselves.



Ahhh OK. I was with Melissa, I thought she was grouping those of us who don't want to make decisions and don't want much responsbility in that category. I can make decisions, but making decisions, defining the rules of engagement, setting the paramters of my life is something I just simply did not want to do anymore, it was stressful. So yes I needed an owner to set the parameters for me, not because I can't but because I don't want too. I wanted a peaceful life, I set out to create that, it took me a good number of years to find someone who shared that vision but given the level of increasing satisfaction we both still feel 7 years later it was worth the wait and work to get here.

< Message edited by BeingChewsie -- 6/1/2007 7:56:17 AM >


_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Ability to consent - 6/1/2007 7:59:05 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BeingChewsie
Ahhh OK. I was with Melissa, I thought she was grouping those of us who don't want to make decisions and don't want much responsbility in that category. I can make decisions, but making decisions, defining the rules of engagement, setting the paramters of my life is something I just simply did not want to do anymore, it was stressful. So yes I needed an owner to set the parameters for me, not because I can't but because I don't want too. I wanted a peaceful life, I set out to create that, it took me a good number of years to find someone who shared that vision but given the level of increasing satisfaction we both still feel 7 years later it was worth the wait and work to get here.


For me, the key is that you able to care for yourself on your own. I'm very fond of saying that yes, I can take care of myself on my own. I don't need a partner, be it man or woman, to help. While I do seem to function better with a partner, I am by no means incapable of functioning without one.

But damn it, it's just not as fun!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to BeingChewsie)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Ability to consent - 6/1/2007 8:08:50 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin 

Now I have to ask, if someone admittedly can not care for themselves or be trusted to make good decisions for themselves regarding their own safety or even who they should or shouldn't date....how then can we assume that they are capable of giving 100% consent?


Lets just assume we are not talikng about someone who is completely incompetent and has deferred all decision making to another....So of course this person is capable of consent....However, knowing the past history of this person as well as how there decision making has worked out for them in the past, it is likely that they might be extremely dissapointed or possibly devastated by the results of making such a decision.

If someone requires knowledge in a specific field such as a hobby most people take a class or have enough patience and common sense to get ahold of materials, read up on the subject and practice, practice, practice. Others might take a class, and allow someone to give them some hands on experience and then when they have acquired enough knowledge people tend to go on their own way.

When it comes to not being to handle daily interactions with people along with the inablity to make wise decisions on the everyday matters of life....This is where I would begin to have serious reservations about wanting to be with someone of this ilk and in reality they would probably have little value as even a friend.

Thank God there is a lid for every pot....I can't imagine the emotional, mental and physical drain of being around someone incapable of making the most routine of daily decisions and even worse would to be around someone who is capable of making sound judgements but chooses not to.

I know people who have this arrangement...If it works for them then hopefully they are happy....I just see two people who cling to each other in lieu of dealing with the actual issues that require them both to be so needy.


_____________________________



(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Ability to consent - 6/1/2007 8:09:51 AM   
Calandra


Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
So, getting that out of the way, yes, it is fairly odd for people to say "I'm not responsible enough for myself to be trusted in handling normal adult situations, but I am responsible enough to be trusting in choosing the person who WILL decide for me how to handle normal adult situations."


I see it differently perhaps. I do not assume that a person who wants help with certain aspects of their life cannot be capable of informed consent.
 
I may need heart surgery. I don't have the knowledge, training, or equipment to perform it on Myself. Even a cardiologist is incapable of operating on themselves. It is not irresponsible for Me to seek out a qualified person to perform the surgery I need.
 
Maybe a sub isn't very organized - I am so I can supply what that sub lacks. Maybe a sub isn't good with finances - once again, I am, so why not accept that sub, and begin teaching them how to do it themselves?
 
I think that sometimes it takes a strong person to acknowledge that they have an area of weakness. If someone observes that I am talented in an area where they are not, I am more than happy to accept that and not invalidate them.
 
(I quoted you, LA, but that was to hilight where I had a conflict in thinking... not taking issue with YOU per se)

_____________________________

Lady Kathryn
Athens, Ga.
House of Phoenix

"Nothing is ever final until you're dead - and even then I'm sure God negotiates" Anjelica Huston in Everafter

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Ability to consent - 6/1/2007 9:12:36 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
So, getting that out of the way, yes, it is fairly odd for people to say "I'm not responsible enough for myself to be trusted in handling normal adult situations, but I am responsible enough to be trusting in choosing the person who WILL decide for me how to handle normal adult situations."


I see it differently perhaps. I do not assume that a person who wants help with certain aspects of their life cannot be capable of informed consent.
 
I may need heart surgery. I don't have the knowledge, training, or equipment to perform it on Myself. Even a cardiologist is incapable of operating on themselves. It is not irresponsible for Me to seek out a qualified person to perform the surgery I need.
 
Maybe a sub isn't very organized - I am so I can supply what that sub lacks. Maybe a sub isn't good with finances - once again, I am, so why not accept that sub, and begin teaching them how to do it themselves?
 
I think that sometimes it takes a strong person to acknowledge that they have an area of weakness. If someone observes that I am talented in an area where they are not, I am more than happy to accept that and not invalidate them.
 
(I quoted you, LA, but that was to hilight where I had a conflict in thinking... not taking issue with YOU per se)


I think you missed the point entirely that LA was making.....What she is saying is that if someone is so inept in their decision making process what would lead anyone to believe they have suddenly found wisdom in choosing you as their partner?

_____________________________



(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 80
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4] 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Ability to consent Page: <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4] 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094