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ALL advice appreciated - 5/31/2007 12:03:45 PM   
Arastella


Posts: 262
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline 		I know I've asked this before, but still I am in turmoil, so I'm going to ask, and try to word this a bit differently.

I am the submissive of Mistress Solerno.  I want to learn how to give up the feeling of self, to be able to stop caring about myself and be as a true submissive, worried only for Her needs.  I have always struggled with giving up what _I_ want and my needs changing to only what She needs.  I want to be as great a submissive as She deserves.  Please, can anyone help me learn how to push aside my own needs and be a submissive?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: ALL advice appreciated - 5/31/2007 12:07:43 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'm afraid in order to get where you want to be, you MUST hold tight to your needs and wants...and then be fully secure and confident in your mistress to take care of them/work with you to make sure they are taken care of.

It's not a matter of ignoring your wants and needs, it's a matter of her taking on your wants and needs to the point where you both hold eachothers in utmost priority to anything else and make sure those are secure before anything else.

I doubt your mistress wants a slave who cares nothing of herself, knows nothing of herself- that's a very sad, stupid, boring person.

So it's not something you can do on your own, you both must work together.  You must know yourself and what you want very highly, you must work with her so she can show you that she has those taken into her authority and holds them in priority which you find acceptable, and you must hold faith in that with eachother.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: ALL advice appreciated - 5/31/2007 12:08:53 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		what  need do you have to be pushed aside, now self is important even in terms of slavery, you cannot totally stop caring about yourself, because being anothers property you are not at liberty to do so.

If I have a car that says I am going to drive my tires flat all in reverence to my master, it isn't long before the car gets a talking to with a shotgun, its heart is not in the right place.....

So can you come off this emotional reverie and say what the issue is?

Ron 

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: ALL advice appreciated - 5/31/2007 12:12:12 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arastella
I am the submissive of Mistress Solerno.  I want to learn how to give up the feeling of self, to be able to stop caring about myself and be as a true submissive, worried only for Her needs.  I have always struggled with giving up what _I_ want and my needs changing to only what She needs.  I want to be as great a submissive as She deserves.  Please, can anyone help me learn how to push aside my own needs and be a submissive?
Well...if your mistress finds that desirable, perhaps she could help you.  i'm not convinced that being a submissive (let alone the "true" kind), involves having to "stop caring about" yourself or giving up all sense of "self".  i identify as a slave and my Master doesn't even expect those things.  i would also add that your needs are never going to change to "only what she needs."  You still will always have basic human needs of your own, regardless of how good you are at meeting hers.  Honestly, Arastella, if you really need guidance, i would suggest your mistress be the one to offer it.  Only she knows how you can best please her.  Sincerely, slave luci


_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: ALL advice appreciated - 5/31/2007 12:22:41 PM   
Arastella


Posts: 262
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arastella
I am the submissive of Mistress Solerno.  I want to learn how to give up the feeling of self, to be able to stop caring about myself and be as a true submissive, worried only for Her needs.  I have always struggled with giving up what _I_ want and my needs changing to only what She needs.  I want to be as great a submissive as She deserves.  Please, can anyone help me learn how to push aside my own needs and be a submissive?
Well...if your mistress finds that desirable, perhaps she could help you.  i'm not convinced that being a submissive (let alone the "true" kind), involves having to "stop caring about" yourself or giving up all sense of "self".  i identify as a slave and my Master doesn't even expect those things.  i would also add that your needs are never going to change to "only what she needs."  You still will always have basic human needs of your own, regardless of how good you are at meeting hers.  Honestly, Arastella, if you really need guidance, i would suggest your mistress be the one to offer it.  Only she knows how you can best please her.  Sincerely, slave luci

I do not want to "stop caring about" myself, persay.  But learn to push myself aside when SHE needs something.  For instance, in the car, say Mistress wants to listen to rapp but I really want to listen to soft rock.  I have trouble doing things for HER and resisting the "my way or the highway" mental attitude.

(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: ALL advice appreciated - 5/31/2007 12:30:43 PM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		It may just be me, but i am not entirely sure what you are asking OP, because what you described in your opening post bears little resemblance to this later post. Putting someone else's wants and desires ahead of your own, does NOT mean that one has stopped caring for his or herself as a person, but rather is placing a higher priority on the other person. One is very dangerous and mentally destructive the other is putting aside "selfish" desires or personal preferences on behalf of another.

Which is it you are really looking to do?

heartfelt


_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: ALL advice appreciated - 5/31/2007 12:34:22 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arastella
I do not want to "stop caring about" myself, persay.  But learn to push myself aside when SHE needs something.  For instance, in the car, say Mistress wants to listen to rapp but I really want to listen to soft rock.  I have trouble doing things for HER and resisting the "my way or the highway" mental attitude.

Well that's mostly just a matter of training, time, and security.  Nothing an online forum can give you.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: ALL advice appreciated - 5/31/2007 12:34:39 PM   
Arastella


Posts: 262
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline 		Pushing aside selfish desires.  And how long ago was my opening post?  At one point I was telling everyone everything was fine and going great, because 75% of the time, I don't like random people on here knowing my personal problems.  But I became desperate now so I needed some advice.

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: ALL advice appreciated - 5/31/2007 12:38:37 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arastella
I do not want to "stop caring about" myself, persay.  But learn to push myself aside when SHE needs something.  For instance, in the car, say Mistress wants to listen to rapp but I really want to listen to soft rock.  I have trouble doing things for HER and resisting the "my way or the highway" mental attitude.
 
i understand what you mean.  It's not always totally easy to do that.  For me, in a case like that, i just remind myself that His happiness is of utmost importance to me.  Getting to listen to (or watch) what you want when you want is not that important.  Yes, you would enjoy it more but pleasing her - if that is top priority to you - is much more enjoyable in the end. 
 
i certainly can't tell you how to push your wants into the background in order to more fully please her.  All i can offer you is how i've done that and that is by just deciding that pleasing Him in all things (big and small) is simply more important than doing what i want at any given moment.  "Needs" are different, of course, but "wants" - at least for me - can be sacrificed for His pleasure.  Thankfully, W/we have such similar tastes (and a strong interest in learning what the other likes) that these kinds of choices don't have to be made often.  When they do, i just see it as another way to bring a smile to His precious face.......slave luci 



_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: ALL advice appreciated - 5/31/2007 1:10:19 PM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arastella

For instance, in the car, say Mistress wants to listen to rapp but I really want to listen to soft rock.  I have trouble doing things for HER and resisting the "my way or the highway" mental attitude.


Oh, well my mother took care of that little dilemma years and years before I discovered this whole submissive "stuff."

Her rule: No one touches the radio except for the driver.

If you're the one driving, just make the rule to be "no one touches the radio other than the passenger" and be done with it.

*grin* It was such a GOOD rule, I've made sure my other family members were raised with exactly this same rule. The only other exceptions to this rule for us were that even if I gave them permission to play with the radio, if they turn the station or turn the radio off during such songs as anything from Bruce Springstein, they could lose their life. It seems to work well.

juliet

(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: ALL advice appreciated - 5/31/2007 2:11:27 PM   
Arastella


Posts: 262
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arastella
I do not want to "stop caring about" myself, persay.  But learn to push myself aside when SHE needs something.  For instance, in the car, say Mistress wants to listen to rapp but I really want to listen to soft rock.  I have trouble doing things for HER and resisting the "my way or the highway" mental attitude.
 
i understand what you mean.  It's not always totally easy to do that.  For me, in a case like that, i just remind myself that His happiness is of utmost importance to me.  Getting to listen to (or watch) what you want when you want is not that important.  Yes, you would enjoy it more but pleasing her - if that is top priority to you - is much more enjoyable in the end. 
 
i certainly can't tell you how to push your wants into the background in order to more fully please her.  All i can offer you is how i've done that and that is by just deciding that pleasing Him in all things (big and small) is simply more important than doing what i want at any given moment.  "Needs" are different, of course, but "wants" - at least for me - can be sacrificed for His pleasure.  Thankfully, W/we have such similar tastes (and a strong interest in learning what the other likes) that these kinds of choices don't have to be made often.  When they do, i just see it as another way to bring a smile to His precious face.......slave luci 


Thank you for that, I think that may help.

(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: ALL advice appreciated - 5/31/2007 2:50:37 PM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		What does your Mistress's smile of pleasure or pride mean to you, how does it affect you? It may be that in doing the things that she likes, that bit of selfish fulfillment in seeing that smile, hearing how pleased she is, will help you put aside your wants for her pleasure. It is also as LA said, part of it is training, retraining to be more precise, to get one's self of fulfillment from the fulfillment and pleasure of others as opposed to having your own wants fulfilled.  Relishing the pleasure and fulfillment of hearing and seeing her pleasure and pride and comparing it to how it would have felt to get what you wanted while denying her what she wanted. The latter becomes mild by comparison. Hope that helps as a start, but it will be a conscious retraining of your mind and it will take time, just like LA said.

heartfelt


_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: ALL advice appreciated - 5/31/2007 2:51:47 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arastella
I do not want to "stop caring about" myself, persay.  But learn to push myself aside when SHE needs something.  For instance, in the car, say Mistress wants to listen to rapp but I really want to listen to soft rock.  I have trouble doing things for HER and resisting the "my way or the highway" mental attitude.
 
i understand what you mean.  It's not always totally easy to do that.  For me, in a case like that, i just remind myself that His happiness is of utmost importance to me.  Getting to listen to (or watch) what you want when you want is not that important.  Yes, you would enjoy it more but pleasing her - if that is top priority to you - is much more enjoyable in the end. 
 
i certainly can't tell you how to push your wants into the background in order to more fully please her.  All i can offer you is how i've done that and that is by just deciding that pleasing Him in all things (big and small) is simply more important than doing what i want at any given moment.  "Needs" are different, of course, but "wants" - at least for me - can be sacrificed for His pleasure.  Thankfully, W/we have such similar tastes (and a strong interest in learning what the other likes) that these kinds of choices don't have to be made often.  When they do, i just see it as another way to bring a smile to His precious face.......slave luci 




I love this post, isn't this one of the reasons many come here?
To ask? To question? and to dig a little deeper?
I LOVE the fact you had the courage to ask this question!
slaveluci, gave some thoughtful advice.
The fact that you care, about becoming a better more intuitive submissive...
means you are on the path to submissive excellence.
Good luck and let us know how things are going.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: ALL advice appreciated - 5/31/2007 3:09:50 PM   
Arastella


Posts: 262
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

What does your Mistress's smile of pleasure or pride mean to you, how does it affect you? It may be that in doing the things that she likes, that bit of selfish fulfillment in seeing that smile, hearing how pleased she is, will help you put aside your wants for her pleasure. It is also as LA said, part of it is training, retraining to be more precise, to get one's self of fulfillment from the fulfillment and pleasure of others as opposed to having your own wants fulfilled.  Relishing the pleasure and fulfillment of hearing and seeing her pleasure and pride and comparing it to how it would have felt to get what you wanted while denying her what she wanted. The latter becomes mild by comparison. Hope that helps as a start, but it will be a conscious retraining of your mind and it will take time, just like LA said.

heartfelt

That made so much sense to me, thank you.  I think you just gave me the answer to my problem.  Thanks.

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: ALL advice appreciated - 5/31/2007 4:21:13 PM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		You're quite welcome.

heartfelt


_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: ALL advice appreciated - 5/31/2007 4:42:56 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arastella

I know I've asked this before, but still I am in turmoil, so I'm going to ask, and try to word this a bit differently.

I am the submissive of Mistress Solerno.  I want to learn how to give up the feeling of self, to be able to stop caring about myself and be as a true submissive, worried only for Her needs.  I have always struggled with giving up what _I_ want and my needs changing to only what She needs.  I want to be as great a submissive as She deserves.  Please, can anyone help me learn how to push aside my own needs and be a submissive?



There is no such thing as one kind of "true" submissive. The only to stop having your own needs is to die or become a robot with nothing to offer except manual service.

My suggestion is stop being caught up in yourself and the service you want to offer and ask her what service she wants.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: ALL advice appreciated - 5/31/2007 4:48:22 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arastella

I do not want to "stop caring about" myself, persay.  But learn to push myself aside when SHE needs something.  For instance, in the car, say Mistress wants to listen to rapp but I really want to listen to soft rock.  I have trouble doing things for HER and resisting the "my way or the highway" mental attitude.


That's less wanting to stop caring about your needs and more getting used to not getting your way.

Let's face it, getting to listen to the music you want isn't a need. It's a desire. But I understand where you are coming from here. Submission is often sold the way house cleaning products were in the 50s. You do this annoying frustrating task but do it with our uber-special brand of cleaner and it will make induce orgasmic sensations of joy! Except in our case, it's "don't do the things you want, do the things I want and you'll feel so uber-rewarded".

The truth of it is that some of us just don't like not getting our way. I'm one of them. And it's really hard for me give up getting things my way. But I do it because in the end, I do want the praise, the scenes and the other treats I get for giving it up. It still doesn't make it easy though.

My very serious advice is to simply own that it's hard for you. Realize it, accept it and don't punish yourself for it. You don't have to be perfect, you just have to try your best. Valyraen knows it's hard for me, and because of that he appreciates my efforts all the more. Maybe it will get easier with time, maybe it won't. But I bet your mistress will appreciate that you are trying.

Hope this helps.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: ALL advice appreciated - 5/31/2007 5:54:45 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		In order to be a good slave to your Mistress you do need to care about yourself and recognize your needs. I doubt your Mistress would want a slave that didn't care about themselves. I place Masters needs before my own but I still care about myself. You have a resistance that has nothing to do with ignoring your needs as your posted in the second post. Resistance is a training issue between your Mistress and you. That you two need to discuss and work out.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: ALL advice appreciated - 5/31/2007 6:02:10 PM   
Arastella


Posts: 262
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arastella
I do not want to "stop caring about" myself, persay.  But learn to push myself aside when SHE needs something.  For instance, in the car, say Mistress wants to listen to rapp but I really want to listen to soft rock.  I have trouble doing things for HER and resisting the "my way or the highway" mental attitude.
 
i understand what you mean.  It's not always totally easy to do that.  For me, in a case like that, i just remind myself that His happiness is of utmost importance to me.  Getting to listen to (or watch) what you want when you want is not that important.  Yes, you would enjoy it more but pleasing her - if that is top priority to you - is much more enjoyable in the end. 
 
i certainly can't tell you how to push your wants into the background in order to more fully please her.  All i can offer you is how i've done that and that is by just deciding that pleasing Him in all things (big and small) is simply more important than doing what i want at any given moment.  "Needs" are different, of course, but "wants" - at least for me - can be sacrificed for His pleasure.  Thankfully, W/we have such similar tastes (and a strong interest in learning what the other likes) that these kinds of choices don't have to be made often.  When they do, i just see it as another way to bring a smile to His precious face.......slave luci 




I love this post, isn't this one of the reasons many come here?
To ask? To question? and to dig a little deeper?
I LOVE the fact you had the courage to ask this question!
slaveluci, gave some thoughtful advice.
The fact that you care, about becoming a better more intuitive submissive...
means you are on the path to submissive excellence.
Good luck and let us know how things are going.
Wow... thank you very much.

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: ALL advice appreciated - 5/31/2007 6:03:59 PM   
Arastella


Posts: 262
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arastella

I know I've asked this before, but still I am in turmoil, so I'm going to ask, and try to word this a bit differently.

I am the submissive of Mistress Solerno.  I want to learn how to give up the feeling of self, to be able to stop caring about myself and be as a true submissive, worried only for Her needs.  I have always struggled with giving up what _I_ want and my needs changing to only what She needs.  I want to be as great a submissive as She deserves.  Please, can anyone help me learn how to push aside my own needs and be a submissive?



There is no such thing as one kind of "true" submissive. The only to stop having your own needs is to die or become a robot with nothing to offer except manual service.

My suggestion is stop being caught up in yourself and the service you want to offer and ask her what service she wants.
Yet another great suggestion.  God, gotta love the few really smart people on here.  Thanks!

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 20
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