stella40
Posts: 417
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: London, UK
Status: offline
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I can see how certain aspects of feminization can appear to be insulting to women, and be very sure - because I'm a transgendered female myself - I find it just as insulting. Feminization when it comes to removing or restricting a man's masculinity is okay, but not when it involves humiliation and engenders the misogynistic view that being feminine or female is anything less than being male.
But quite often this often isn't a case - the being female is an alterego, a role, and for the transgendered male such as the transvestite and crossdresser or sissy it also provides a way of stepping outside oneself, a form of escape.
But it's when women generalise and assume that all the transgendered are one and the same that it starts also becoming insulting, especially when they assume that CD/TV/TS are all the same and NOT female. And yes, I have been accused by women who have had the temerity to accuse me of being offensive to women in general.
I'm not seeking feminization, I AM female, I'm merely seeking acceptance for who I really am. I didn't choose to be a transgendered female, I didn't choose to have my genetic defect, to be born into this male body, and I didn't choose to spend a childhood and much of my life in confusion and misery, I don't choose to be rejected, abused, or to be misunderstood.
I am a woman, just like any other, I have the same thoughts, feelings, emotions, moods, fears, insecurities. But my life has been, is and always will be a compromise. I cannot remember what it was like to experience puberty, teenage years, falling in love. All I can remember is fear, confusion, hiding, lying, not trusting people, and pretending to be who other people wanted me to be. What is it like to give birth to your own child? To be pregnant? This is impossible for me. I will never know what it's like to menstruate. I'm 40 and I still don't know what it's like to experience sexual fulfilment, to be able to masturbate and have a body which matches my soul,or even to experience intimacy or love for who I really am ... things my naturally born sisters take for granted.
I value being female just as much as any woman, in fact slightly more so in some cases because of what it is costing me - I am aware that my femininity is fragile and cannot be taken for granted. But I have also been taught something many women cannot fathom - the male perspective. Yes I can play the victim and go round feeling deprived, but everyone on this planet has been deprived of something in their lives. I'm no different. I prefer to try to be positive and look at the advantages.
I have made the only choice I could, which was to accept me for who I am and my life for what it is, to face up to my issues and confront them, and to live my life as much as possible as who I really am. I want to be loved and I want to love and I want to be loved and to love as the whole, complete and happy Stella being 100% herself and not remembered by those who know me buried in the wrong gender with the wrong name and a pathologist's verdict of suicide.
I identify myself as a lesbian... and I have a wonderful Domme across the Atlantic waiting for me who wants the complete me. But to be myself I have to go through hormone therapy and gender reassignment. But this isn't anything like the contraceptive pill or even HRT, these are powerful hormones and I run the very real risk of permanent liver damage, blood clots and death to become who I really am inside and out. I have already had one failed attempt on hormones which was suddenly stopped, I have cheated death and seen my weight balloon to over 450lbs as my body and metabolism struggled to deal with the shock of female hormones one day and male hormones returning the next.
I am now back under 300lbs, happy, settled and established in my true female gender and about to start hormone therapy again. I have been to hell and back and I have survived. I am not afraid to die and fully accept that I may not survive to complete my transition. I have got used to having to live my life within the extremely strict confines of a gender reassignment program, of having to observe a tightly controlled diet and convince sceptical and unsympathetic doctors time after time that I am female. I have to go through with this to get myself across the Atlantic to be with my Domme - the only person on this planet to ever have a relationship with me as I truly am. Believe me, it's worth it. I may never completely eradicate all signs of physical masculinity, but so what? Are there not some women with a little more than a trace of masculinity in their make up? I was never destined to be a supermodel and nothing can beat the knowledge of knowing myself and what I am about.
My life will have the happy ending that I dreamed of and wanted all along, and I won't have the loneliness and isolation that many of my transgendered sisters have to look forward to because many non-transgendered people simply refuse to overlook their prejudices.
This is my life, my story, my words and my opinion. It is but one example that feminization isn't just about wearing female panties or a skirt, but usually conceals a much deeper issue be it acceptance, escape or a mere role play. Being transgendered covers the whole range of gender and its many different permutations, including both male and female.
I'm writing this posting not to elicit sympathy but to provide a possible answer for whoever seeks it. Ignorance is not necessarily wrong or bad, it's simply another opportunity to learn, but only if you choose to take it.
< Message edited by stella40 -- 6/1/2007 9:01:39 PM >
_____________________________
I try to take one day at a time, but several days come and attack me at once. (Jennifer Unlimited)
If you can't be a good example then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
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feminization - 
But please, feel free to comment. 
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