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There Are Some Good Men Left. - 6/1/2007 8:57:45 PM   
JerseyKrissi72


Posts: 10238
Joined: 8/21/2006
From: Reed City, Michigan
Status: offline 		I had a wonderful date this evening...After a stressful work day I wasn't sure that I wanted to go out but I decided to take a chance....we sat in his car drinking coffee and chatting- it was wonderful....we went back to my apartment and spent some time laying in one another's arms (no sex) but I have to say I really needed to feel that closeness (friendship)...I don't feel he's the "one" for a good number of reasons but I believe it's the beginning of a wonderful friendship...I was wondering what your opinion is on "friends with benefits">...do you believe good friends can have sex and still remain only friends? Just wondering....

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RE: There Are Some Good Men Left. - 6/1/2007 9:18:05 PM   
lilsubl


Posts: 4595
Joined: 2/6/2006
Status: offline 		oh yes...but it does depend on the two people...they both have to want the same thing from the relationship...i have a couple of lovely friends with benefits currently & we have been in that type of relationship for over a year...i adore them both & we always have a good time together...but this is exactly the relationship that we want, so that's probably why it works so well...

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RE: There Are Some Good Men Left. - 6/1/2007 9:22:14 PM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		I've tried it twice neither with great results. Emotions came into play from my partners that shifted the dynamic to friends with bennies to what they saw as friends turning into something deeper.
Dang who woulda thunk casual sex could be complicated
I'm sure it can work, it just did not work for me.

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RE: There Are Some Good Men Left. - 6/1/2007 10:36:58 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		Friends with benefits is fun!  I can say I've enjoyed the pleasure before and it can work if everyone is adult about feelings and needs.  Good for you Krissi!

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Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

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RE: There Are Some Good Men Left. - 6/1/2007 10:42:25 PM   
ready4srvce4all


Posts: 767
Joined: 3/9/2007
Status: offline 		If you think it can work for you, have fun with it.  Just keep in mind that if he isn't the one, how will he be about you still looking for the one?  Other than that, if it's making you happy, go for it.

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RE: There Are Some Good Men Left. - 6/1/2007 10:48:41 PM   
MsPoetress


Posts: 1066
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JerseyKrissi72

I had a wonderful date this evening...After a stressful work day I wasn't sure that I wanted to go out but I decided to take a chance....we sat in his car drinking coffee and chatting- it was wonderful....we went back to my apartment and spent some time laying in one another's arms (no sex) but I have to say I really needed to feel that closeness (friendship)...I don't feel he's the "one" for a good number of reasons but I believe it's the beginning of a wonderful friendship...I was wondering what your opinion is on "friends with benefits">...do you believe good friends can have sex and still remain only friends? Just wondering....


I have had mixed results.

I tried it with one individual who started having feelings for me, and so I felt the friendship had to end as well. Then again, I had a roommate and that worked out just fine when we both were horny, and we still talk to this day!

So I guess it depends on the individual.

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I'm mad, you're mad, we're all mad here, it's the fad for many a year, if you think we're crazy my dear, you're right cause I'M mad, YOU'RE mad, we're ALL mad here! - Mad Hatter

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RE: There Are Some Good Men Left. - 6/2/2007 12:05:32 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I've done it on both sides of the fence.  Friends with benefits for vanilla and casual play partner for BDSM.  I have to say I've had good experiences with it, but that may be due to the type of screening process I use.  I've met people from some of the 'finder' sites that have worked out really well.  Just have to be sure that everyone has the same intentions going in and that it stays on that level.

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RE: There Are Some Good Men Left. - 6/2/2007 2:55:40 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		It can work, but just make sure you tell him up front and do not lead him on. I think honesty is always the best route to take in these things.

~Lashra


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“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






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RE: There Are Some Good Men Left. - 6/2/2007 6:05:04 AM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		Just me.  Just a guy, but an un-guy-like response.

I'm not a big fan of the 'f' word.  And SURELY not to mix that kind of pleasure in.

I'm a relationship kind of person.  That or nothing.  Nothing has the ability to suit me just fine.

Jeff

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RE: There Are Some Good Men Left. - 6/2/2007 6:59:35 AM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		From personal experience, friends with "benefits" can work and does work without ruining the friendship. Currently, I'm involved with 2 such relationships. With one, he's aleardy in a relationship with another, we built a good freindship before adding the sex to the mix. We both know exactly where we stand in this and are quite happy with how the dynamic is and don't want to fix what isn't broken.
  The other is with an ex lover who we remained friends yet the sexual attraction is still quite strong and we respect each other as friends. It may happen sometime in the future where we may reach a point to become more serious but in the meantime, we are enjoying the friendship with the addition of getting together when we can.
  In both cases we know exactly where we stand in our dynamic and we have no expectations or plans to rush anything. We're allowing events to unfold as it is meant to be and not rush anything or put any undo pressure to give more then we are able to give of ourselves to the dynamic. With both, we keep a balance betwen the vanilla and the kink and it has been working for us.

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RE: There Are Some Good Men Left. - 6/2/2007 7:13:48 AM   
peepeegirl5


Posts: 214
Joined: 3/12/2007
Status: offline 		I can understand 'friends,' what are the 'benefits' from such a relationship ..?

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RE: There Are Some Good Men Left. - 6/2/2007 7:23:54 AM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: peepeegirl5

I can understand 'friends,' what are the 'benefits' from such a relationship ..?


For me, the "benefits", outside of the sex part, is adding that extra spice to a friendship which in turn adds a greater depth to the friendship. Having the intimacy aspect seems to strengthen the bond of freindship and we are able to be fully honest with each other on a deeper level.

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Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

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RE: There Are Some Good Men Left. - 6/2/2007 7:41:30 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		i've tried it before however found it's not right for me. i would rather have a meaningful and committed relationship than casual play pals.

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RE: There Are Some Good Men Left. - 6/2/2007 7:57:25 AM   
stockingluvr54


Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline 		Just speaking for myself but if it goes to the bedroom it has gone beyond friends.  I develope feelings if I become intimate with another.

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RE: There Are Some Good Men Left. - 6/2/2007 8:02:09 AM   
subinside


Posts: 233
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Toronto, ON
Status: offline 		i too get nothing out of the friends with benefits routine.  When i share my body with someone it means something to me.. and i prefer it means something to Him as well.  i only do benefits within a long-term relationship.

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RE: There Are Some Good Men Left. - 6/2/2007 9:10:59 PM   
mythi


Posts: 257
Joined: 2/25/2007
From: Naples, FL
Status: offline 		The fact that I'm currently in a relationship aside, I don't think I would want to do it now, certainly not long-term  But in the past I've had them work and had them not work.  You always have to be willing to risk losing the friendship in the end if one or the other of you developes romantic feelings and the other does not, and so do they.  But as bear said, when it does work it seems to enrich the friendship, at least for me as well.

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RE: There Are Some Good Men Left. - 6/3/2007 8:45:01 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

I was wondering what your opinion is on "friends with benefits">...do you believe good friends can have sex and still remain only friends? Just wondering....



I think it is possible, but it would not suit my needs and I cannot imagine myself engaging in such a friendship at this point in my life. I suppose because I want a life with the person I am banging at this point I just cannot picture myself enjoying that. If I was a widow or older or not in love with the person I am with now, I might view it differently.

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RE: There Are Some Good Men Left. - 6/3/2007 8:48:17 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JerseyKrissi72
I was wondering what your opinion is on "friends with benefits">...do you believe good friends can have sex and still remain only friends? Just wondering....


Definately, dependong on the people.  My friend Rob back in NY, he and I were friends with benefits for about 6 years. When we were both single, if we were in the mood, we were together sexually. We were incredible friends and did tons of things together, with or without the sexual aspect of the friendship.  When either of us met someone and were involved in a monogamous partnership elsewhere, he and I were just friends, no sex.  AS long as you remember the friends part comes before the benefits part, then it should be great.
Have fun :)

DV

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I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

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RE: There Are Some Good Men Left. - 6/3/2007 8:58:51 AM   
JerseyKrissi72


Posts: 10238
Joined: 8/21/2006
From: Reed City, Michigan
Status: offline 		What I like bout' friends with benefits is the fact that you can hang out, have good times together both in the bed and outside of the bed and not have to go through all the drama of a relationship (bills, fights, etc)..there is less stress and more good times...I perfer this honestly..

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Our greatest glory is not in never falling-but in rising every time we fall ( Confucius )

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RE: There Are Some Good Men Left. - 6/3/2007 9:10:49 AM   
SubmissiveLinda


Posts: 42
Joined: 4/7/2007
Status: offline 		sounds good in theory but in acuality it doesn't work for me cuz  the emotional part kicks in

great if it works for you tho
good luck


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