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Braddock -> RE: BDSM vs SWINGING (6/2/2007 7:53:58 PM)
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quote:
The reason i ask is because i keep getting e-mails from older males telling me how they want to claim me, collar me as their own, and then share me with their friends and strangers. I don't get it. Why bother claiming me and going to the trouble of collaring me if they just want to share me with any male that comes along. Are we nothing more than whores and sluts to these males? When i questioned them about this they all say the same thing, that it's considered swinging and very much a part of BDSM. I'd just like to have it clarified by more than just these males.
If the guys who are messaging you about passing you out to friends and strangers are calling that swinging, then maybe they need the help with the definitions, not you.
Swinging = couples in some way having casual sexual relations with other couples.
Open relationship = non-monogomous pairing that allows one or both partners to go outside the primary relationship for sex.
Polyamory = more than one loving partnership at a time, usually to satisfy different needs.
BDSM = Bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism - which may or may not even include sex.
The part they're talking about, that they refer to as BDSM, is humiliation and property ownership. That's more a factor of the D/s, M/s, Owner/owned IMPLIED connotations of the BDSM label. Some subs/slaves get off on knowing that power over their bodies is completely in the hands of their Dom/mes or Owners. Some get off on being humiliated and showing their dedication to said persons in charge by flashing in public, sleeping with whomever is designated, crawling around on the floor with a tray of teacups balanced on their heads...whatever. [;)] Whatever works.
They're assuming that as a sub or a slave you also like to be property, and humiliated to boot.
My sub DOES like to be shown off, humiliated some, be treated as a sex object - and be totally safe to live out her fantasies due to her absolute trust in Me. But that isn't everybody's cup of tea, and many of the scene people I know are totally monogamous. I've been labeled at various times as a swinger, a poly, and a Dom but none of the three means that my sub should feel like she HAS to be passed around like a bong at a frat party in order to be a sub at all, especially if that wasn't what she wanted. She serves as we agreed that she would serve, and that's specific to every relationship.
The guys who are messaging you are just making assumptions, and therefore making asses out of umption - and themselves. You choose under what terms you serve, and then you find a master whom you can serve in full trust under those terms. Being the party treat for his friends only happens if you want it to.
~B
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